“And here I thought you were doing it so you didn’t have to hear the baby crying.”
“Nope. It’s so I don’t have to hear those two screaming each other’s name.”
“And the truth comes out.” I snickered against the pillow. “But good for them. It’s nice to know that they found love like that with each other.”
“They’re perfect together. I’ve never seen two people who were made for each other as much as those two.” Trailing a finger over my nose, he continued to smile. “Except for maybe you and me.”
My heart jumped at his words, but I had no idea how to respond to that comment, so I simply leaned forward and kissed him. Groaning, he dragged my body against his, deepening it. In a matter of moments, I was on my back and he was leaning over the top of me, the sound of the squeaking springs matching his rhythm.
Staring up at him, my eyes traveled over the strong, masculine planes of his face before traveling down his sculpted body to where it disappeared beneath the tangled sheet. Trailing my fingers up and down his back, I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the sensations he was causing inside me.
“Open your eyes, Evie. I want to see you,” he said, and I immediately looked at him, and he groaned. “You’re so beautiful. I swear I could stare at you for days, doing nothing else but watching you, and I’d never get tired.”
His words made me melt inside. “Do you think so? You could stare at me and do nothing else?” I teased.
“Uh, yeah. I may need to rephrase that a little.” Bending, he captured my lips, never breaking his tempo. I wrapped my legs around him and was rewarded with another groan. “Let’s both quit our jobs,” he added suddenly and I laughed.
“What brought that on?” I managed to spit out unevenly as my breathing increased, matching his.
“I want to just stay home and do this all day.”
I couldn’t help the smile. “That does sound fun—though I doubt having sex all day will pay the bills or feed us.”
“Details,” he replied, grinning.
“I have one request if we decide to stay home and do this all day,” I panted out.
“New bed?”
“Definitely,” I agreed. “This thing is loud.”
“Shut up and kiss me again,” he said. And from that moment on, he had my complete and undivided attention.
***
The week that followed was a blur. Russ monopolized every spare second I had—taking me out every night he was off or inviting me to eat with him at the fire station. He consumed even the moments I didn’t spend with him, because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t count the times people had to call me back to reality because I was staring off into space, daydreaming about the time we’d spent together.
Giving a slight snort, I stared at myself in the mirror, running my hands over my casual, yet flirty, outfit. Yes, it was true. I, the woman who was determined to remain celibate the rest of her life as she clung to the memories of her broken heart, was in love. Not only was I in love, but the celibacy thing was definitely long gone. Russ dropped me in the sack at every possible opportunity. The two of us should have bedsores by this point; we’d spent so much time in bed. Of course, there were the times when a bed wasn’t around, either. Blushing, I remembered our encounter at the fire station, locked in one of the bathrooms. I was as red as the truck by the time I left there.
Russ made me do things I would’ve never considered doing before, too. I didn’t even think about them twice either. I simply loved his carefree approach to life and experiencing it with him. He made me feel like a girl . . . a young, carefree girl. I didn’t realize, until now, that I’d skipped all of that. In my rush to push through my education, I’d never taken the time to smell the roses along the way.
I liked smelling roses. I liked smelling roses with Russ—and tonight was the night I was going to tell him I loved him.
Yes, I was a little nervous, but he hadn’t been shy about showing his feelings for me, even though he’d never spoken the words. That, along with a few minutes of visiting with Dylan one night at the station, boosted my confidence. Dylan said he’d never seen Russ so happy before, and he was glad I was hanging around more.
I was there more often because Russ told me he liked it when I spent the night with him, because he didn’t have nightmares while I was there. Naturally, I had to do my best to spend every night with him after that. But there was no way I could fill Dylan in on that.
There was one place we’d never been though; and that was here, at my house. I’d hesitated about bringing him home. Kory’s stuff was here, and his pictures were still set out. My memories of him were like ghosts, cluttering every surface I looked at.
All of that changed today. I called Russ and asked him if I could make dinner for him tonight, and he readily agreed. After I hung up, I went into my closet and carefully, and lovingly, began removing Kory’s belongings and packing them.
It was so hard. I still loved him. I would always love him, but it was time to put this part of my life away and bring my new life home with me. When it was all said and done, I placed my pictures of Kory in a special album, so he would always be there if I ever needed to look at him and just smile and remember.
Kory wasn’t as spontaneous or carefree as Russ. He was definitely more methodical and liked to weigh things out before committing to anything, but we still had lots of fun together.
A sharp pang filled my heart as I closed the photo album, hiding his smiling face. It was extremely hard for me to do this—to officially let him go. He’d been my world.
Placing the photo album on the bookshelf, I glanced around my condo. Everything seemed so bare now. Half of my closet and dresser were empty. There were empty drawers in my bathroom. Blank spaces stared back at me from where his pictures used to be.
Honestly, it was a little unsettling. It made me feel—alone.
“Suck it up, Evie,” I said out loud. “It’s just stuff. You will survive this.”
Returning to the kitchen, I checked the pot of boiling water I’d put on and saw it was ready for the spaghetti noodles to go in. As soon as I did that, I stirred the meat sauce that was simmering and checked the garlic bread in the oven. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was getting close to time for Russ to arrive, so I quickly began setting the table, placing out my best dishes and a couple of taper candles. I wanted the first night we spent together in my house to be perfect.
As soon as the table was arranged, I turned on some of the music Russ had given me, sighing at the nice peaceful touch it added to the ambience of my space. This was perfect—everything set just right for an amazing dinner, some cuddling, and hopefully some hot sex in a bed that didn’t creak.
I couldn’t help laughing at that memory. Dylan and Cami had both been awake and taking care of the baby when I made the walk of shame from Russ’ front door and down the stairs to the driveway.
“Hey, Evie!” Dylan poked his head through the screen. “It’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it?”
“The best,” I replied, keeping my eyes glued to the stairs as I self-consciously ran a hand through my bed-tangled hair.
“Can I get you to do me a favor,” he asked, not allowing me to ignore him.
“What’s that?” Lifting my gaze to meet his, I briefly saw the humor in his eyes before he spoke.
“Can you please convince Russ to get a different bed?”
My humiliation was complete. “Don’t worry! He’s already working on it.”
“Awesome. I’m so glad to hear it . . . or not hear it, in this case.” A fevered blush had continued to spread across my face. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I practically raced toward my car. “Glad you both had fun last night!” He hollered after me, and I waved before slipping inside my car and leaving as fast as I could.
Yes, that was truly mortifying. Glancing around my apartment, I was happy that sound had never really been an issue here. My bedroom was in the middle of an exterior wall that had tw
o separate rooms on either side, so I never heard the neighbors when I was in my room. Plus, there were a lot of older, retired people living in this community, so it was rarely rowdy.
The loud doorbell sounded, causing me to jump a mile. Glancing at the clock, I saw that Russ was almost thirty minutes earlier than he said he would be. Smiling, I went to the door, knowing this most likely meant he was super excited for tonight, as well.
Once again, I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror, pinching my cheeks and pressing my lips together to plump them and redistribute my lip-gloss.
Grabbing the doorknob, I turned it, smiling as I opened it—only to have the smile slip from my face, a shriek replacing it.
“Hey, Evie,” Kory said, looking quite the worse for wear. “I finally made it home, baby.”
Springing forward, I threw my arms around his neck, sobbing hysterically. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist and he squeezed me, burying his face into my hair.
“Man, I’ve missed you so bad, Evie,” he whispered, his voice choked. “You have no idea how many times you’ve saved my life during the last six years. Thinking of you, and about coming home, where the only things that kept me going.”
“Where were you?” I asked, pulling back slightly and shaking him. I could tell he’d lost a lot of weight. “Where have you been? We were told you were killed in action.”
“Almost. I was almost killed in action. My wounds were serious, but the insurgents nursed me back to health so they could torture me. I’ve been in a prison camp all this time. I’m so happy the rest of my team escaped. How’s Paul?”
My hand went to my throat as I realized this miracle had just thrown my entire life into a complete tailspin. I had no idea which direction was up and which direction was the right way to go. Having Kory here brought all my feelings flooding back, as strong as they’d ever been. But I loved Russ, too.
“Paul,” I repeated, trying to push past the onslaught of equal parts joy and horror at Kory’s return. “Paul . . . died.”
Kory staggered backward as if struck by a heavy blow. Immediately, I took his arm, guiding him into the house and closing the door. Leading him to the couch, I encouraged him to sit. “When? What? How?” He finally managed to get out.
I toyed restlessly with my fingers, not wanting to tell him the truth. Not right now. He’d just barely come home. Lifting my head, I stared sympathetically at him. “It wasn’t long after he returned, only about two months. He never got over seeing you die and not being able to save you,” I said. Pain flooded his features. “I found him in my parents’ bathroom with a gun beside him. He left a note.”
“No, no, no!” Kory said, running his hands over his short hair as he rocked back and forth. “This can’t be happening. It can’t be. I shot at those men so Paul could escape and come back to you.”
“Apparently he couldn’t get past it. I take the blame. I should’ve seen the signs, but I didn’t.”
Kory didn’t speak, continuing to hold his head and rock with his grief.
The doorbell rang again, and I immediately knew it was Russ. “Wait here. I’ll be right back,” I said, dread filling me as I made my way to the door.
Quickly, I stepped outside and Russ immediately noticed my distress.
“What is it?” he asked, moving closer; but I stepped way, raising my hand.
“I’m going to need some time, please,” I asked, wishing my voice wouldn’t shake so badly.
“Time for what?”
“To think.” Staring at him, I wondered if he could see the battle waging inside me. “Kory is alive, Russ! He’s alive! He’s been held prisoner this whole time we thought he was dead.”
Russ’s face blanched and he ran a hand through his hair. “When did you find out? Are they sure it’s him? There can be mix-ups, you know. When is he supposed to come back?”
“It’s him, I’m certain. He’s sitting on my couch right now. I just broke the news about Paul to him. I don’t think he can handle hearing about us tonight, too. You need to leave.”
He nodded, his jaw clenching as he shuffled his feet. “Where does this leave us, Evie?” I could hear the tension in his voice as he tried to hold it together.
Lowering my eyes, I couldn’t meet his. “I’m not sure there even is an ‘us’ anymore, Russ.”
“Damn it, Evie. I know you care about me. Doesn’t that count for something?” He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
“It does. I love you, Russ.” I snorted. “I intended to tell you that tonight. I guess I just did.”
Instantly, I was in his embrace. “I love you, too, Evie. Please don’t . . . I know it’s hard . . . but don’t. Don’t leave me.”
“I . . . I . . . .” I fumbled for my words, not knowing what to say. Finally, I stared up at him. “I need time, Russ. Lots of it. To try and sort things out—both in my heart and my head.” Tears streamed down my face, but I couldn’t stop. “This is his home. He lived here with me. We were getting married. I owe it to him to see if any of this will still work. He put his life on the line to save my brother. I owe him, Russ. I owe him so much. Please try to understand.”
“But do you still love him, Evie?” he asked, lifting both hands to the sides of my face.
“I never stopped loving him.” Russ’s hands dropped away from me. “Now I just need to know if things are the same between us.”
“A lot can happen in six years. You have no idea what he’s gone through over there.”
“On the contrary, given my line of work I know a lot more about what has gone on over there than most other people do. I may be just the person to help him.”
Russ was silent, staring at me for several long hard moments. “All I can say is I love you, Evie. When you’re ready—if you ever are—you know where to find me.”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I simply stood there and watched him walk right out of my life.
Chapter Seventeen
Russ
I couldn’t stop shaking. Climbing into my vehicle, I stared at my hands, noticing the slight vibrations as I gripped the steering wheel, my emotions a total mix of horror and self-loathing. I should be happy that Kory was alive and able to come home. Sure, I didn’t know the guy, but I knew enough about him. He was a real hero, the kind who stood up in the middle of battle to save his companions. I didn’t need to know anything else about his character. That spoke volumes.
The gut kicker was this super, amazing, hero happened to hold the heart of my girlfriend. Yes, everything was new with us, but I’d easily begun thinking of her as mine, my heart laying claim to her. If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t be alive. That formed a connection. That meant something. Didn’t it?
Casting a glance toward the window of her condo, it killed me to know she was in there with another man—another man she loved with all her heart. There was no way I could even compete. All that was left to do was to stay busy and let her come to terms with things on her own.
Reaching for the key with my shaky hand, I grabbed it and started my truck, slowly pulling out of the parking lot. I wasn’t whole, though. My heart had been left back there with her.
Numbly, I made my way home, avoiding Dylan and Cami as I entered my apartment from the outside of the house. Everything was quiet. I tossed my keys on the coffee table and went straight to the fridge, pulling out not one, but two beers. Slouching into one of the leather chairs in my living room, I stared out the window at the night sky, trying to drink enough to fill the hollow section of my chest.
“This is ridiculous,” I said softly, swallowing another large swig.
A knock sounded at the interior door between my apartment and the floors below. “Can I come in?” Dylan’s muffled voice came through the wood.
“It’s open,” I said, which he probably knew anyway. I rarely locked that door, trusting Cami and him implicitly.
“What’s going on?” he asked, his face a mask of concern as he stepped inside, coming to sit in
the matching leather chair across from me. “I thought you were having dinner at Evie’s house? We weren’t expecting you home.”
I stared at him, a knot forming in my throat. “Six years he’s been missing. Six years she waited for him. I finally find her and get her to come around, and he comes home.” I snorted, wry laughter escaping me. “What are the odds?”
Dylan looked horrified, at least what I could see of his face in the dim light from the windows. “You’re shittin’ me?”
“Oh, how I wish I were,” I said, sighing deeply.
“When did all this happen?”
“Just now. Apparently he arrived at her place right before I did, I guess.” I snorted, again. “Except it’s his place, too. He lived there with her before he deployed. It’s a good thing he arrived when he did or he may have walked in on something he never wanted to see.”
“Is she going to tell him about the two of you?” Dylan asked.
“I have no friggin’ idea. All she said was she needed time to think and to find out if he still loved her like she loved him. But she did manage to throw an ‘I love you, too’ at me before I left.”
“I can’t even imagine what this must be like for her right now.” Dylan ran a hand through his hair. “But what about you? What can I do to help you?”
“Just take me out back and shoot me.” I knew I was being melodramatic at the moment, but it was truthfully how I felt.
“It probably wouldn’t hurt you any worse,” Dylan said, understanding my feelings completely.
“How do I even ask her to consider me?” I asked Dylan. “She’s been pining for him—pining—for six years. She practically took a vow of celibacy to remain true to him. I’m the one who talked her into more. I’m the one who messed up her plans. How can I ask her to forget the man she’s been dying to have all this time in the hope that I can have a chance, too? He’s had her heart for years. I’ve merely been given a sliver of it for a few weeks, and I had to fight for that sliver.”
Pausing, I stared at him, misery filling my chest because I knew—I knew—there was no way I could ask for her to stay with me. Yes, I loved her. And the only way I could prove that I loved her was to let her go.