“Well, he’s hurting really badly, but he’s trying to honor your wishes and move on. I felt bad for him and invited him to go out with a bunch of friends and me.”
“Like on a date?” I couldn’t help the way my eyes widened, feeling like I’d just been punched in the stomach.
“No!” she almost shouted in her rush to explain. “No, it’s just a group of friends, no pairing off or dates. They’re just a bunch of friends I hang out with occasionally—both guys and girls. I thought it might do him some good to get out and meet some new people. You know, to help take his mind off things.”
I loved Misty. She was so sweet and caring. I also wanted to strangle her. I wasn’t sure why. Obviously I didn’t expect Russ to pine for me for the rest of his life, but I thought maybe he’d wallow a little longer than this. My heart hurt.
“Is that okay with you?” Misty continued. “I know it’s awkward, since we work together. And I certainly didn’t plan to run into him, but I did. I couldn’t just leave him suffering that way. It was so sad.”
The knife in my chest turned painfully, again, at her unspoken implication. He was hurting because of me; and because she knew me, she felt responsible to see to his wellbeing. It made total sense to my head, but my heart was having none of it. It wanted to shout at her and tell her to back off, that he belonged to me.
“I think you’re very kind to introduce him to other people. I’m sure it would be very helpful for him to get out and socialize with others.” I was totally lying—well, not totally. It would be good for him to get out. I just wished it could be with me. Then I thought of Kory and felt even worse. I made a commitment to him. I was his fiancée, and I owed him my loyalty.
“Have you told Kory about him, yet?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No, but I plan to this weekend. He’s been through so much since he got home—hearing about Paul’s death, trying to readjust to life, getting his appointments set up for his therapist, and trying to find a new job. It’s all been thrown at him at once.” I stared seriously at her. “He’s struggling, too. His nightmares are horrendous. He won’t even sleep in the same bed as me for fear he’ll hurt me somehow.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling her all of this, but I couldn’t seem to stop. The words were bubbling out of me before I could even consider them. “We haven’t even slept together. I’m not sure why. I think he wants to, but he seems scared.”
“It’s been six years since he’s been with you. Neither of you are the same people you were when he left for his tour.”
“I know. So much has happened. But that’s all the more reason for me to stick by him. He’s been through hell for all those years. He almost gave his life for my brother and his unit members. Now he’s lost my brother, his best friend, along with all those years of his life. For me to leave him now would be the most horrible, awful thing anyone could do to him.”
“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” Misty asked, and my breath caught.
“I’m not trying to convince anyone,” I replied indignantly. “I’ve made my choice.”
“That’s all I needed to know,” she replied, rising. “Please know I’m so sorry you’ve been placed in the middle of this. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes right now. I just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t harm our relationship if I invite Russ to do things with my friends and me.”
“You have my blessing.” It was all I could do to force the words out. “I want him to be happy, too.” That, at least, was the truth.
“Me, too. He’s such a nice guy.”
That was the understatement of the century. “I agree. He’s wonderful.” I caught myself staring at the door long after she’d exited the room and gone home for the night. My phone buzzed, interrupting my musings and I glanced down at it.
Finished for the night? The text from Kory made me smile. I’d just helped him get a new phone, but texting was a fairly new concept for him, seeing that he wasn’t doing much chatting with anyone while he was a prisoner.
On my way now, I typed back. Can’t wait 2 C U.
Same here, he replied. Hurry. I miss you.
***
“Hey, you,” I said, entering the condo and tossing my keys and briefcase onto the stand near the door. “What are these delicious smells I’m smelling? Are you cooking for me?”
Kory laughed lightly, not looking away from the pot he was stirring, and it made my heart soar. He rarely laughed these days. “I would hardly call macaroni and cheese out of a box cooking, but I wanted to do something nice for you. I know things have been rough, and I’ve been pretty moody since I got back.” Finally, he glanced up, making eye contact. “I just wanted you to know it doesn’t have anything to do with you. I’m simply trying to sort things out in my head.”
“I haven’t thought that at all,” I said, kicking off my heels and moving beside him. I placed a quick kiss against his cheek before going to the cupboard to get some dishes. Right now, in this moment, things between us almost felt normal, like the old days. This was definitely the most relaxed I’d seen him since he came home.
I hadn’t pressed him too much after his initial arrival. Knowing that thinking about what he had been through was painful for him, I was trying to patiently wait for him to talk to me when he was ready. Mostly we’d discussed obvious things like Paul, and how much he’d missed me while he was gone. He spent most of the daylight hours at his parents’ house, while I worked, and we’d had dinner a couple of times with my parents—but he hadn’t breathed a word about what had been done to him. Not to any of us that I was aware of.
Hopefully the military was doing a good job of taking care of that. Apparently, he’d been through two weeks of therapy here in the states before he reappeared in my life.
“I was too messed up to come home right then.” He’d told me when I asked him why the military hadn’t notified his parents or me about him. “I needed some time before you found out, so I asked them to let me wait until after treatment. I figured it would be easier to keep you in the dark than have to wait, anxiously, until you could see me.”
His words troubled me, but I left them alone, wanting him to continue to work through his issues in his own manner. He’d faithfully met with an Army psychiatrist every day, continuing his therapy. I did think it was helping, since he was starting to seem much more relaxed than when he first arrived. Whatever was going on with him couldn’t be rushed. He’d lived through six years of who knew what? It could very well take him six years, or more, to work through everything. All I knew was I wanted him to find peace.
“How was your day?” he asked, pulling me back into the conversation.
“Long,” I replied truthfully. “I’m glad it’s over.”
“I’m glad your home. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
Attempting to mask my physical reaction to his words, I smiled, trying not to stiffen. His words both pleased and scared me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear the things he had to tell me.
“Well, I’m here. Feel free to talk away.”
“After dinner,” he said. “I want to enjoy a nice meal with you first.”
That sounded foreboding. “Okay.” I seriously felt like I spent my days walking on eggshells around him. I was terrified of doing something that might trigger an awful memory or make him uncomfortable somehow.
Carrying the pot to the table, he set it on a hot pad and began dishing food for both of us. I went to the wine rack and got a bottle, grabbing a couple of glasses, too.
Kory snorted. “Wine with Mac-n-Cheese?” he asked, smiling slightly.
“Only the best for my guy,” I replied with a grin.
“You’re too good to me,” he said, sitting down and watching me as I poured our drinks. A wistful look passed over his face. “There were days I would’ve sold my soul to have a bottle of wine—or anything for that matter—drugs, alcohol, something to slit my own throat with.”
Dropping to my seat, I stared at him,
hoping abject horror wasn’t written all over my face. I’d never heard him talk this way—ever. Kory was one of the most upbeat, positive people I knew. I didn’t like hearing him sound so—broken. Yes, he had moments were the light really touched his eyes and he seemed happy he was home. However, most of the time he was quiet and sullen, following me with his stare as he sat lost in his own thoughts—thoughts I was terrified to ask him about, so I said nothing.
“I can’t imagine what you must’ve gone through,” I said, softly, not wanting to scare him away from talking.
“No, you can’t imagine, and I don’t ever want to tell you about it. I don’t want to relive it and I don’t want you to know.” Capturing my gaze, he gave a wry smile. “I’d like you to keep the innocence that still shines in your eyes.”
My heart clenched like it was in a vise. Just hearing these words from him led my mind to horrific places. If he was unwilling to share with me, then it was really bad. In the past, he’d shared everything with me.
“I simply want you to know that you are safe now—here in our home, and here with me. I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I will always be here for you. I give you my word. We’ll get through this, both of us, together.”
“Thank you.” He made no move to eat, simply staring at me as if I were a mirage that might disappear. “That means a lot.”
“I’d do anything for you.”
“I know.” He paused, still not eating. “Every day I wake up thinking I’ll be back in that hole. Then I realize I’m here with you. I keep waiting to find out I’m hallucinating, that they’ve given me some drug that’s made me go mad. If I really am crazy, and this is all some dream, then I hope I never wake up.”
“What can I do to help you, Kory? Anything. Name it. I want to help you, but I don’t know how.”
“You’re already doing it,” he replied. “Just having you here with me is the best medicine I could ever receive. Don’t give up on me. Not yet. I just need more time.”
“I’d never give up on you,” I replied, meaning every word.
Chapter Twenty-One
Russ
Sadly, I was starting to believe in all that love-at-first-sight bullshit Cami and Dylan had been spouting off about for years. If I hadn’t seen their love story in action, I would’ve never believed it. There was no denying the heat that radiated between the two of them from the moment Dylan laid eyes on her. He wanted her.
The same could be said for me. I’d seen Evie after I rescued her and something just clicked inside me. I wanted her and no one else, to the point of it constantly consuming my thoughts. However, unlike Cami and Dylan, I seemed to have made a royal botch job of my romantic scenario. Things were definitely not working out in my favor.
That mess had now led to me being included in a barbeque at the lake with Misty and all her friends. Misty was the only person I knew there; and while everyone was completely nice and welcoming, I noticed that I was following her around like a lost puppy, feeling a bit out of my element.
Grabbing a beer, I walked away from the barbeque pavilion and stood at the edge of the lake, watching the water ripple in soft gentle splashes against the shore. Slowly, my eyes drifted out to the place Evie had gone under—the place where both my life and hers had changed courses.
Well, at least my life had. Hers seemed to be trucking along just fine back on her original course. I didn’t fault her. I would’ve made the exact same decision she did, if the situation were reversed. How could I walk away from someone I’d been crazy in love with all those years for someone I’d known for a few weeks? It didn’t make any sense. She had totally done the right thing. Totally.
I intended to keep telling myself this until I believed it.
“Hey you.” Misty’s voice broke into my musings. “You doing okay?”
Glancing at her, I gave a half snort. “Just giving myself pep talks until I believe them. How about you?” My eyes never left her as I took a swallow of my beer. Damn she was pretty; and that bikini she was wearing, with the wrap around sarong, totally highlighted her rockin’ body.
“I’m good.” She smiled at me. “I’m really happy you came. Everyone seems to like you.”
Briefly looking over at where the others were gathered around tables at the ramada, I grinned. “They all seem like pretty great people. You hang with a good crowd.”
“I do,” she agreed. “And I’d love it if you became one of those people, too.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” I winked, sliding my arm around her shoulders and giving a light squeeze. “And while I appreciate the invite, I don’t want you to think it’s your job to cheer me up or babysit me. I’ll work through all of this, I promise.”
“You should know this wasn’t a charity invite. I’ve liked you from the moment I met you. I invited you here because I thought you might enjoy the company. I mean, it seemed only fair, since I have slept with you already.”
Laughter erupted from me and I squeezed her tighter. “I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who was doing any sleeping on that couch.”
“True, I spent most of the time trying to figure out how to safely escape. You had me tucked up pretty tightly against you.”
“Well, it worked,” I replied. “It stopped the nightmares at least.” Dammit. I’d said too much. It just slipped out.
“Nightmares?” she asked, looking at me curiously and I grimaced.
“Initially, when I first came to your office, it was for treatment of PTSD. Before I moved here with Cami and Dylan, we were all involved in a pretty gruesome hostage situation. I’ve still had some lingering effects from it that Evie, uh, Dr. McKnight, was trying to help me work through.”
“So, are you doing any better now?” she asked, concerned.
“Not really. We didn’t get too far into the therapy part before we decided to ditch it for a relationship thing.”
“That, right there, is what surprises me,” Misty said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Dr. McKnight and men . . . once Mr. Presley died, or was rumored to be dead, Dr. McKnight never showed any interest in anyone again—ever. I haven’t known her the whole time, but her secretary prior to me filled me in on a lot. All I know is that it doesn’t matter how hard guys pursued her, it was like she didn’t even notice there were other men on the planet—until you came along. So something about you caught her eye, big time.”
Kory Presley. I couldn’t remember if Evie had told me his last name or if I’d read it in the paper, but even his names sounded more deserving than mine. “Either that, or she was finally lonely enough to let someone else take advantage of her.”
Misty snorted. “No one takes advantage of Dr. McKnight. She’d sooner kick a guy in the balls than let him screw her over. She’s one tough cookie. Just the fact that she let you in tells me exactly how she felt about you. I’m positive she’s hurting just as badly as you are.”
“Except she has him.” I couldn’t let that go. Images of the two of them wrapped up together in her bed, doing things she’d recently done with me, constantly flooded my mind, filling me with jealousy.
“There is that,” she agreed, not sugar coating for my benefit. “But now you have me.” She gave me a sidelong glance. “If you want me, that is.”
I stared at her, slightly overcome with the desire to kiss her, but not wanting to make a mess of things either. That didn’t stop me from leaning in closer though.
“I mean, no strings attached, right?” She continued to ramble on. “I know you’re just coming out of a relationship, well, sort of a relationship and you need time to grieve and all. I’m not trying to push you into another one or anything. I just want you to know if you ever need a friend, or whatever, I’m here for you.”
“Misty.”
“Yes?” Her wide eyes looked up at me and she swallowed hard.
“Shut up,” I said with a laugh. Leaning closer, I placed a light kiss on the top of her head. “I appreciate everything you’r
e trying to do and I’m thrilled to have you as ‘a friend, or whatever,’ okay? Take a breath. It’s all good.” The “whatever” was not lost on me. I’d been around plenty of girls to know that the “whatever” had been the most important word of the conversation. She was telling me she liked me and was open to more of a relationship with me, if I was ready.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever really be ready for another relationship. But now that Evie had made her feelings clear, there was no reason for me not to jump back on the dating bandwagon. Yes, my heart was hurting, but maybe the best way to get over that would be for my heart to turn attention to another heart.
I liked Misty a lot; and aside from the fact she worked for Evie, she was exactly my type. The idea of dating her right away filled me with hesitation, though. I didn’t want her to be a rebound relationship or a mercy date, or anything like that. If I dated her, I wanted it to be purely based on the fact that I wanted to date her, not because I was trying to get over Evie.
“Would you like to go for a little walk with me around the lake?” Misty asked.
“Sure,” I replied, my arm still draped around her shoulder. She didn’t make any attempt to remove it, so I left it there. It felt good.
Sounds of nature filled the air around us, birds tweeting, the soft breeze rustling through the leaves, the sound of the lake water lapping gently against the shore, our shoes crunching against the gravelly path. Everything about today felt good—better than I’d felt in the last few days anyway. That, right there, should be a big sign. I was having fun and I wasn’t plastered drunk. I’d been drunk pretty much every minute of the week that I wasn’t on call.
Halting, I dropped my hand from her shoulder, grabbing her hand instead, and lacing our fingers together. “Go out with me next weekend.” It wasn’t really a question. I wanted more of what I was feeling right now—more living—less sorrow.
“Are you sure?” She hesitated. And if I hadn’t been able to read her eyes, I would’ve thought she was playing around, protesting in order to look good, so to speak. But she wasn’t. There was genuine concern and worry there.