“Yeah, and now look were that got you,” I said out loud, dropping my visor and looking in the mirror, attempting to wipe away the dark smudges beneath my eyes. Well, at least I had some time still before I started showing. Maybe I could come up with a good solution in the next couple of weeks.
Sliding my keys into the ignition, I couldn’t help resting my free hand lightly on my stomach. Regardless of the incredibly bad timing of this event, a tiny part of my heart was thrilled to know that a piece of Russ was growing inside me.
Our relationship might have been short, but it was definitely intense. Our feelings for each other had been real—and now that “real” had taken on a life of its own. Under any other circumstances, I would’ve been thrilled to receive this news. Unfortunately, this baby could possibly derail everything instead.
Carefully pulling out of the parking space, I turned my car toward home—and Kory.
***
“What’s the matter?” Kory asked, his eyes full of concern the second I stepped into the apartment.
Sending him a half attempt at a smile, I shook my head. “It’s just been a long day, with a few unexpected curveballs.” I kicked my shoes off, not able to stand being in heels for another minute, and I tossed my keys and briefcase on the stand by the door.
“Let me grab you a glass of wine. That will help you unwind.”
“No!” I practically shouted, holding a hand up in the air as I warned him to stop. “My stomach is a bit on the queasy side today. Alcohol will definitely not help.”
“Are you still feeling sick? You’ve been through a lot lately. Maybe we need to get you in to the doctor and see what’s going on. Of course, like I said before, you’ve been through a lot. It could just be stress.”
“Kory, I’m pregnant.” I just blurted it out there, seeing the immediate shock on his face, but at least it shut him up. Going over to the couch I plopped down with a sigh, happy to get off my feet.
“Are . . . are you sure?” he asked, not moving from the same place he’d been standing.
“I came straight from the doctor’s office, so unless their blood work and urinalysis is wrong, then yep. I’m having a baby.” Tears welled in my eyes as I continued to stare at him, knowing my next words were probably going to make him feel like he’d been shot all over again.
“Oh.” He sank down into the chair opposite the couch. Quiet for several long moments, I gave him his space to absorb the news. “I don’t understand. We’ve been really careful to use protection.”
“Um, about that.” Tears flooded over the rim of my eyes and a giant knot appeared in my throat. “If the timing is accurate, which I’m pretty certain it is, this baby isn’t yours.”
Silence. He simply stared at me, shock obviously getting the better of him. I couldn’t even imagine what he must feel like.
“And it really sucks, too,” I continued on, trying to fill the emptiness. “I mourned for you all those years. I swore I’d never move on. Then, the second I changed my mind, fate gave you back to me. And now this.”
“Didn’t you use protection?” he asked, his voice soft, but the pain extremely visible in his eyes.
“We did, mostly. But there was this one time—the first time—it was sort of spontaneous. Neither of us expected anything like that to happen. We weren’t prepared for it.”
“The jerk can’t keep a damn condom in his wallet?” Kory spit out angrily.
“I don’t know. If he does, we didn’t think about using it.”
“Come on, Evie. As long as I’ve known you you’ve been on the pill. You’re telling me that didn’t work either?”
Sighing heavily, I tried not to allow his angry words to affect me and drag me into an argument. “I’d lost the man of my dreams. I wasn’t planning on ever being with anyone ever again. There was no reason to be on the pill.”
“Obviously there was,” he replied, gesturing toward my stomach.
I picked up one of the throw pillows on the couch, covering my belly. Suddenly I felt the need to shield the little life in there from the words being said out here.
“I’m really sorry about this, Kory. It certainly wasn’t intentional.”
“Are you going to keep it?” he asked, fidgeting restlessly in his seat.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I answered honestly.
“Wow. Just wow.” Standing, he paced across the room. “I can’t believe you’d disrespect me in this manner.”
“Ouch. That stings. What in heaven’s name have I done to disrespect you? This happened when I thought you were dead.”
“I’m talking about now. You said you hadn’t decided whether or not to keep it.”
“Yeah. So?”
“Do you really expect me to raise some other guy’s kid?”
“Well, I figured we could tell Russ together, and see what role he would like to play in the child’s life. But yeah, I thought you’d be a great father figure for him or her. Am I wrong to think that?”
“Yes!” he shouted, still sounding extremely frustrated. “I mean, look at me, Evie. I’m barely functioning from day to day. I spend my life going to therapy and hoping I won’t explode from all the crap I’m carrying inside me. I have no idea how long it’s going to take me to get back to some semblance of normal. I’m not a good fit to be around kids.”
“But look how much you’ve improved just since you came home! It’s going to keep getting better. Maybe having a family will help you through your therapy and give you a new place to redirect your attention. Love can conquer many things.”
“Not this, Evie. Not this.”
“What are you saying?” My lower lip trembled as I spoke, despite my trying to remain calm.
“I’m saying I don’t want kids—ever. Not my own, and definitely not some other guy’s.”
“We always used to talk about how many kids we wanted to have. Don’t you remember?”
“Things have changed, Evie!” He yelled and I started crying in earnest, my hands covering my face as I sobbed. “Maybe we’re just trying too hard to put a past back together that wasn’t meant to be.”
“Please don’t say that.” I spoke in a hiccupping voice.
Finally, a morsel of sympathy appeared on his face. “We aren’t the same two people. Can’t you see that? We’ve changed. Yes, we were good before, but that was . . . it was before. We were still kids who believed life was all sunshine and roses. Now, everywhere I look, I just see death. Death of platoon members, death of my best friend, even our relationship reeks of death. You and I are struggling here, Evie. Struggling bad. I know we’ve been trying to work our way back to each other, but it’s like we’re just going through the motions.
“And now this. Don’t try to deny it. I know you’re still in love with him. I know you still want him.”
“I chose you!” I shouted, jumping up from the couch and throwing the pillow at him. “I chose you! It was always you. Don’t you try to put this failure off on me. I’ve been killing myself trying to help you acclimate to society.”
“And that’s exactly my point. It shouldn’t be this hard. Should it?” Silence fell between us as we stared at each other. “Hell yes, I love you. And you’d better damn well believe it. Thinking of you every day was what got me out of that hellhole. You’ve already saved me, Evie. You don’t need to keep trying.”
“What are you saying?” I rubbed the back of my hands against my eyes, trying to brush the tears away. This couldn’t be happening, not after everything we’d been through to be back with one another again.
“I’m saying that coming back here was a mistake. I’m unable to move on because too many things here remind me of the past and everything I’ve lost. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but didn’t know how to approach the subject with you.” He looked so sad. “I need out, Evie. I need to move away, go somewhere else, a place where my life isn’t all about how things were before or what happened to me while I was gone. I want to go somewhere far away from her
e and get a fresh start—a new perspective on things.”
“Without me,” I added, sinking back to the sofa. Placing my elbows on my knees I curled my arms around my head, feeling like my whole world was crashing in around me.
Suddenly Kory was there on the floor, kneeling in front of me. “Listen to me, babe. I swear, this is going to be better for both of us.”
“How?” I asked incredulously, only able to feel the pain of my heart being torn from my chest.
“You’re still in love with him. Now you’re having his baby. Go to him. Tell him. This might be the life he wants, too.”
I snorted; and it wasn’t even a good snort, but a pathetic half attempt. “Russ is already dating someone else. I think they’re getting pretty serious.” I paused, taking in a deep breath. “Besides, I chose you over him. No guy wants to feel like they’re the second choice.”
“Was he ever really the second choice?” Kory asked. “Or were you just being loyal, like you always are?”
“I never stopped loving you, Kory. Not for one minute. I was in agony thinking you were dead.”
“I know that. I believe you. But still, you managed to move past it and give your heart to someone else. If I really was your ‘be all end all’ in this life, do you think that would’ve happened?”
There was no way for me to answer that and he knew it. It made me even angrier.
“What do you want, Kory?” I snapped—my heart, mind and soul on overload.
“I want you to give me your blessing to go out and search for a new life for myself. I want you to allow me a chance to look in the mirror every morning and not feel sorrow or regret. I want you to let me go.”
Staring at him for several long moments, I could see the sad sincerity in his eyes. He really did want out. He really was through with me. I was shocked.
“I give you my blessing,” I said very softly, my words accompanied by a fresh onslaught of tears. But immediately, my heart felt lighter.
It wasn’t until that moment that I knew it was the right thing.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Russ
“You’re too cute, you know it?” I said, smiling at Misty as she helped me cook dinner on my new kitchen stove.
“How so?” she asked with a smile, not taking her eyes off her work.
“You do this cute thing with your tongue while you’re chopping stuff.” Now she looked at me. “Like this.” I made the face for her.
“I do not!” Laughing, she elbowed me, her face flushing pink.
“You do! Don’t be embarrassed, though. I like it.”
“Sure you do,” she replied, continuing to chop the vegetables for our stew.
“I do! It reminds me of that thing you do with your tongue when we are—,”
“Okay!” she said loudly, effectively cutting me off. “I get the picture.”
Chuckling, I nudged her arm. “We haven’t christened the kitchen yet.” I smacked a fist against the new granite counter top. “Look how sturdy this thing is. It’s totally ripe for some action.”
“Please, spare me,” Misty said, rolling her eyes. “It wouldn’t matter where we are or what we were doing, you’d still find a reason to have sex.”
“Is that such a bad thing?” I replied with a grin, nuzzling my face into her hair and placing a light kiss there. “I thought you enjoyed all that.”
“Oh, I do. Believe me.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Stilling, she stared at the chopped veggies for a minute before looking up at me. “We need to talk.”
Oh, that kind of sounded like the kiss of death to me—unless this was the famous “where is this relationship headed” conversation. That I could deal with. I’d been thinking about it a lot actually.
True, Misty and I never had the immediate fire I’d had with Evie, but things where comfortable with her all the time. She spoke her mind. She liked the same things I did. Plus, she was just flat out gorgeous, and a dream in the sack. She was everything I wanted in a girl—except for one thing.
She wasn’t Evie.
Still, I’d grown to care very deeply for Misty in the couple of months we’d been together. I never asked her about Evie anymore, and she never volunteered any information. The two of us had grown close and become a couple. And while we were definitely having a great time together, I often wondered if there was a future in store for us or if we were just passing the time.
“Talk away,” I said, encouraging her to get on with it. No sense playing the guessing game when she could just tell me what was going on.
“I was offered a job today,” she said.
“Really?” I hadn’t even been aware that she’d applied to other places. “I thought you liked working for Evie.”
“Oh, I do. I love that girl. But this job is with a prestigious law firm in New York and there’s room for me to work my way up the ladder.”
I was completely dumbstruck, watching as she gathered the veggies and dumped them into the pan of boiling water.
“New York?” I managed to squeak out.
“Yep. I’ve already given Dr. McKnight my two weeks’ notice today. So enjoy me now, because in two weeks I’m outta here.”
There was this strange pang in my heart. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was so upset. We’d never declared ourselves as being part of anything exclusive. We were more like best friends with extra benefits but, for some reason, I was really heartbroken about this news.
“So, you’re saying I only have two weeks left to finish up all my fantasies with you and then you’re disappearing from my life?” I attempted to make a joke out of it—you know, no biggie.
“That’s right,” she replied with a grin.
“Well, then forget dinner! We’ve got a counter to break in right now. We’re running out of time.” I grabbed the hem of her shirt and she squealed and shoved me away.
“Don’t you even try it, Russ. I swear I’ll use this pan of boiling water as a weapon, if necessary.”
I laughed, chasing her toward the living room. “No you won’t. You love me too much.” I captured her and the two of us fell to the couch together panting.
“I do love you, a lot,” she said, breathlessly and smiling.
I grew serious. “I love you, too. You know that, right?” I brushed several strands of hair away from her face. “You’ve really helped me out through a rough time.”
“And now my little birdie is ready to fly out of the nest on his own.” Her eyes twinkled with humor. “My work here is done.”
I started tickling her. “Your work isn’t done until we consummate my new kitchen,” I replied with a laugh.
“I’m not helping you consummate your kitchen!” Wriggling away from me, she ran across the room.
“Well, damn. I guess I’ll have to find someone else to do it with me then.”
“I guess so,” she replied, not taking the bait.
“I can handle that you’re leaving, since it’s for something obviously important to you, but please don’t tell me you’re cutting off the friends-with-benefits package before you go. That would be a travesty.”
“Oh, I see. You’re okay with me leaving, as long as you can sneak in a few more times before I do.”
“Hey? Who said I was quitting? A flight to New York doesn’t take that long. I’d happily come to visit and shag you there, too.”
“I hope you’ll be too busy to remember me.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m not so fickle that I’d ever forget you.”
“I know you aren’t. You’re loyal—to a fault, almost. It totally reminds me of someone else I know. And that’s the reason I’m hoping you will be too busy to think of me.”
“You aren’t making any sense.” Rising, I stalked toward her. “How long do those veggies need to cook?”
“For a while,” she replied, backing up as I moved closer.
“Good, because I’ve got a few other plans for you at the
moment.” She squealed as I swept her off her feet, flinging her over my shoulder and carrying her to the bedroom.
***
“Well, slave driver, I think that’s the last of it.” Smiling at Misty, Dylan and I jumped down out of the small moving truck. “You sure you don’t need any help unloading this when you get to New York?”
Misty shook her head, grinning. “No. I have a few old friends from high school in that area. They promised to come help me once I get there.”
“And by ‘old friends’ do you mean old boyfriends?” I asked, eyeing her suspiciously. She’d been pretty adamant against me coming to see her in New York, even for a platonic visit. I’d gotten this whole big lecture, last night, from her about how it was time to stop moping around and move on with my life, that she’d merely been a distraction from reality for me while I needed it. And then she started kissing me and we made love one more time. It really was kind of weird, but there was no way I was passing up being with her again. I was going to miss her so much.
“One of them is an old boyfriend, yes,” she replied with a smile.
“And the truth comes out!” I shouted facetiously. “She’s getting rid of me so she can hook up with an ex. Admit it.”
Laughing, she shook her head. “That’s not what this is about. Not even a little.” Turning to Dylan, she hugged him. “Thank you so much for helping me move. I enjoyed the short amount of time I got to spend with you and Cami.”
“It’s my pleasure,” Dylan responded. “If you’re ever back this way for a visit, be sure to drop by.”
“I will.” Misty turned to Cami, giving her a loose hug so she wouldn’t smash baby Piper. “And thank you for the yummy looking banana bread. It’s going to drive me crazy on the trip there.”
“I cut it into slices for you, so you can eat on the way if you want. Or you can save it. I simply wanted to know you weren’t starving when you got there.”
“Well, you’re sweet. I appreciate it.” Glancing at me, she smiled. “Take care of Russ for me too, okay? He’s one in a million.” Her eyes started to water as she approached me, sliding her arms around my neck. Lowering her voice for just my ears, she whispered. “I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she’s telling all the people she loves goodbye. You’re my Scarecrow. I think I’m going to miss you most of all.”