Chapter Ten
Evie
I managed to make it all the way home and into my hot shower before I burst into tears. “Oh my gosh! What have I done?” I said aloud as I slumped against the wall, sliding to the floor. Unmoving, I let the water rush over me as I gripped fistfuls of my wet hair.
Had I really just had sex with Russ Weston? That couldn’t be possible, could it? One minute everything had been fine and the next . . . I was just totally overwhelmed with how incredible he was. Watching him help Cami give birth—he just seemed more than human to me; and then he ripped off his shirt . . . .
Really? What kind of girl could’ve resisted all that? I’d been completely mesmerized. And then it was over before it even started. Not that I was complaining. It might’ve been fast, but it was good. Oh, so good. I blushed remembering the sounds I’d made in his arms and the way I’d devoured his mouth like a woman starving.
I had been starving. That was the whole point. I hadn’t been romantically involved with anyone for six years—not since Kory. I cheated on Kory. Fresh sobs wracked my body.
“I’m so sorry Kory,” I said, and it echoed off the shower walls. I’d promised myself that he was it for me—that I would never move on with anyone else. And it was working just fine, too, until this farce of a date, tonight. “Oh who are you kidding?” I kept talking to myself like I was a nut job. “You’ve practically been salivating over him from the first time he stepped into the office.” What was I doing? He was only twenty-two for crying out loud. He was practically a boy. He’s no boy. I contradicted myself, remembering that body and what he was packing. No man in existence had ever made me burn as hot as I had been back there.
I cried louder. That only made it worse—made me feel like an even bigger slut. I liked it. In a few short moments, Russ had completely obliterated all my previous sexual experiences. It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t even been trying. Neither of us had been prepared for it. He hadn’t even used a condom for crying out loud.
Immediately I stiffened, counting off days in my head, relieved when I realized it wasn’t time for me to ovulate. I hadn’t been on birth control since Kory died. I didn’t see the need, since I planned to remain celibate for the rest of my life.
What a mess. I was going to need to report myself, or leave my job, or something. I just had sex with a patient, a firm line I’d never come close to crossing, despite the men who’d flirted with me in the past.
Russ was different, I realized. I’d never truly considered him my patient. He was my rescuer—my friend. I’d been attracted to him from the start. This was my fault. He’d been ready to find another therapist, but I wanted an excuse to see him again, and a chance to help him with whatever problem he was having. His easygoing nature was so much like Kory’s. It allowed me to start falling for him without even fully admitting it to myself.
Eventually, I got back to my feet, finishing my shower and drying off before slipping into a fluffy white robe and heading back into my bedroom. Pausing, I glanced to the foot of my bed where my purse and briefcase lay strewn across the bed where I’d thrown them.
Slowly, I sat down and reached into my purse for my phone, seeing I’d missed a call. There was a message. I knew immediately who it was from. Hitting the playback button, I listened to Russ’s voice—just hearing it filled me with both longing and regret.
“Don’t feel bad, Evie. We both had wine, and then we were feeling celebratory. Things like that can happen. I don’t want you to feel ugly about this.” There was a short pause. “If it helps at all, it was something I really wanted—really wanted with you.” The voice message ended and I played it back again, closing my eyes and simply listening.
Had it only been an hour since I was wrapped in his arms? I’d been in such a hurry to leave that his words, then, hadn’t really registered with me. “Stay the night. Don’t go.”
Remembering those words actually forced a little laugh out of me. If I had stayed, we’d be going at it on the squeaky bed of his right now. Just the thought of the sounds it would make beneath us made me blush.
Being honest with myself, I knew I was completely in control of the situation—completely capable of saying no. I just didn’t want to. I’d wanted him as badly as he wanted me. When had that happened? Yes, there had always been some chemistry there, but when did it sneak up to this level of attraction?
Now I was torn with what I should do. Did I stay away from him and move on with my life, letting this be a lesson to myself to not become so involved with a patient? He’d given the impression that he was okay with what happened. At least he wanted me to spend the night. But did that one episode warrant a relationship? I wasn’t dumb enough to think hot sex automatically meant a commitment. And I knew enough about Russ’s past to know he’d never been in a long-term, committed relationship. His sexual experiences had been casual, simply a means to an end, a way to slack his lustful needs.
I didn’t do casual. I never had. My heart became too easily invested because I wanted a relationship. I wanted the dream family, the monogamy, the marriage, the children—all the things I should’ve had with Kory.
Russ, he was still several years younger than me, out sowing his wild oats. He didn’t need to be tied down to someone.
That made my decision for me. It would be hard, but I needed to make a clean cut and walk away. We both needed to move on with our lives.
It was sound reasoning, but it sure didn’t seem to help my heart feel any better. Yes, I definitely became too invested too quickly. It was time to put the brakes on hard.
***
The intercom buzzed on my desk.
“Yes, Misty?” I answered.
“Mr. Weston is here to see you.”
Panic welled inside me. He was here. I didn’t think he’d come to my office, not after everything that happened. What was I going to do? Glancing around, I suddenly wished I had some issue that needed my attention immediately, so I could avoid this confrontation; but my workday was through.
“Dr. McKnight?” Misty’s voice came through the speaker again, reminding me that I hadn’t replied.
“Uh, send him in, I guess.” I wondered if she heard the tremor in my voice. The door opened and Russ stepped inside. It didn’t escape my notice that he locked the door behind him.
I stood, petrified, behind my desk, gripping the edges for support. “I can’t be locked in here with a patient.” I protested weakly, grasping at straws.
“I’m not your patient anymore, remember?” His gaze traveled up and down my body before settling on my face. Strolling slowly through the space as if he owned it, he plopped down in one of the leather chairs and gestured to the one across from him. “Have a seat, Doc. Let’s chat.”
“I can’t do this with you, Russ. It’s unethical for you to be here.” I didn’t move.
“The only reason I’m here is because you’ve been ignoring me for three days. You haven’t returned any of my calls or texts. You’ve completely shut me out. I’ve given you plenty of time. You were the one who said we’d talk things out later. Well, I’m tired of waiting, so I came to the one place I knew you’d be. So sit down and let’s talk.”
I could hear the frustration laced in his voice and I figured I deserved it. I’d been acting the total coward with this whole situation, hoping that if I ignored it, it would go away. Russ, however, seemed to have a different opinion.
Sighing, I made my way over to the chair and sat down in front of him. “What do you want to know?” I asked bluntly.
“Well, first, I’d kind of like to know if you’re okay?” He sounded exasperated. “Regardless of what conclusions you’ve come to about me, I am actually a decent sort of guy. I understand that what happened between us wasn’t planned, but I wasn’t just out for a good fuck and have that be the end of it.”
Glancing down, my hands were trembling. “I’m sorry if I handled things wrong. I just decided a clean break would be the easiest for us both.”
“You
decided. So I don’t get any say in this?”
“I . . . I . . . what is there for you to say?” I hated feeling so emotional over this. “That you’re sorry? That you know we made a mistake and it can’t happen again? I know all that already.”
“Now you’re putting words in my mouth, Doc.” Groaning in frustration, he ran a hand through his hair. “Look. I don’t have much time before my shift, but I want you to know the only thing I’m sorry about is that this seemed to hurt you so badly. I, personally, can’t stop thinking about it and how much I’d like to have a repeat performance.” Heat filled his eyes as he stared at me.
“And then what?” I asked. “We become hook-up buddies? I don’t do that kind of stuff, Russ. I can’t.”
“I’m not asking you to,” he replied defensively.
“Then what are you asking?”
“I’m asking to date you! Am I that bad at showing you my intentions, Doc? You’re right. You can’t be my therapist, but why does that mean you have to leave my life completely?”
My jaw gaped open and I realized he was sincere. I allowed a second of joy to kick through my heart before squashing it down. “I did something terrible with you. Don’t you understand? I broke trust with you. I was your therapist, a person you should be able to trust absolutely, and I crossed that line—a line that should never, ever, be crossed. I failed you.” I stared at him sympathetically. “Every time I look at you, I’m going to be reminded of my failure to protect my client.”
“Since we are obviously back to the client thing, I’d like to see my bill from you, please. I’d like to pay it while I’m here.” His eyes never left mine, and I felt like they were drilling holes through me.
“I, uh, don’t have one for you,” I confessed.
“Why not?”
“I didn’t want you to have to pay, because you saved my life—because we said we were . . . friends.”
“So, you never charged me for my visits?” He leaned forward, looking determined. “Even after I asked you to?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then, technically, I can say I was never your client. Money never exchanged hands for services rendered.”
“But I have a chart on you—with notes and treatment suggestions,” I argued.
“Do you like me?” He asked point blank.
“Wh . . . what do you mean?”
“Do. You. Like. Me?” He carefully enunciated every word. “It’s not a difficult question, Evie. Yes or no, it’s a simple as that.”
But it wasn’t as simple as that—not for me, at least. Saying yes to him would be like saying no to Kory. I’d been true to him for so long, clinging to his life and memories with all my heart, never wanting to give them up. Tears welled in my eyes and I tried to rapidly blink them back.
Russ’s penetrating gaze never left me. “You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” he said quietly.
I hated hurting him—hated shooting him down. “I am,” I whispered. “I know he’s gone, but it’s so hard to let go.”
Sliding from the chair, he knelt beside me, slipping one of his large hands over mine. “Liking me doesn’t mean you have to love him any less. You realize that, don’t you? It just means you like me.”
A wry laugh escaped. “You make things sound so simple.”
He smiled softly. “That’s because they are simple. You’re the one making them difficult.”
“I don’t know if I will ever be ready for another relationship.”
“And how will you ever know unless you try?” His words hung in the air between us and he glanced down at his watch. “Damn. I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go.” Leaning forward, he placed a tender kiss near my hairline and then he stood, striding toward the door.
I watched him, wishing I had the words to call him back, but I couldn’t. He stopped when he reached the door and glanced back at me.
“See you around, Evie.” He flashed that devastating grin of his and left.
I sat silently, wondering if I’d made the wrong choice; but my biggest worry was that this would actually be the last time I ever saw him.
Chapter Eleven
Russ
Dylan caught my attention and motioned for me to follow him. Rising from the recliner I was kicked back in, I made my way into the crew bunkroom we shared at the station.
“What’s up?” I asked as he settled onto his bed, which looked just like mine but on the opposite side of the small room.
Sitting down, I sent a puzzled glance his way. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what’s going on with you? Ever since Cami had the baby you’ve been all . . . melancholy. You mope around at home and any time you see us with the baby, you disappear.”
I smiled. “You have a baby now, Dylan. I’m not avoiding you. I’m simply trying to give Cami and you some private Mom and Dad time while you adjust to being parents. I don’t want to intrude on your family or your bonding time with little Piper. She’s beautiful, by the way.”
Dylan’s face lit up. “She is, isn’t she? I swear, every time I look at her, I just get this feeling. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like . . . wow. Instant love. A lot of instant love—like, I can’t remember what life was like without her.” It was easy to see how smitten he was.
“Well, she’s a beauty, a perfect blend of you both.”
“Her momma’s beautiful features with my coloring. Though I wouldn’t have minded another cute redhead running around the house.”
Laughing, I stood and strode over to him, clapped him on the shoulder. “Give it time, man. Your knock up ratio with Cami runs high. At the rate you’re going, you’ll have a dozen little kids running around before Cami keels over from exhaustion. One of them is bound to be a redhead.” Casually, I headed toward the door, hoping I could make a clean getaway.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Damn. “To make a sandwich. Want one?” I was totally going for clueless.
“Shut the door and sit down.” He gestured to my bed. “I’m not done talking to you.”
Raising an eyebrow, I stared at him pointedly. “Is that an order, Captain?” I replied, throwing his rank in his face.
He grinned. “Yes, if it’ll get you to sit still for a minute.”
Moving back to my bed, I plopped down. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know what’s going on with my best friend. You’re acting weird. Even Cami has noticed. So spill it.”
Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and silently wished for a massive fire alarm to save me. After several moments, it was clear that wasn’t going to happen. Slowly, I rubbed my palms together, thinking of how to explain things and still avoid his knowing I’d been going to therapy.
“Well,” I began. “You know I’ve been seeing Evie.” That was the truth at least, without defining the real reason behind my seeing her.
“Yeah. Is there trouble in paradise, already?”
I snorted. That was the understatement of the year. Glancing up, I locked eyes with Dylan. “Are you familiar at all with her past?”
He shook his head. “No. Why?”
“I thought maybe it was mentioned in one of the newspaper articles on the rescue. Evie was engaged six years ago, to a soldier in Afghanistan. He was killed in action saving her brother. I guess her brother, Paul, suffered with PTSD after the incident and he killed himself. Evie had no idea anything was wrong until she found him and his suicide note.”
Dylan sighed heavily. “Man, that’s rough. I’m guessing that’s what got her so heavy into working with returning soldiers?”
I nodded. “Yep. And in all that time, she’s never dated anyone else. Her heart is still wrapped up in this Kory and mourning the loss of both him and her brother.”
“Now wait. You said she contacted you and wanted to meet you. So why is she dragging her feet if she started it?”
I gave a wry laugh. “She never intended anything to develop betwe
en us. There was definitely this instant attraction, but she’s been . . . resistant. I’ve been trying to accommodate that, and failing miserably.”
“You like her. A lot.” It wasn’t a question.
“I do. But I’m afraid I pushed her too fast and scared her off.”
“What happened?”
A nervous chuckled escaped me now. Time to own up. “I, uh, had sex with her . . . in your kitchen.”
Eyes going wide, he stared at me in complete shock. “How’d you manage that?”
Rolling my eyes, I sighed again. “There was the whole excitement of delivering the baby, and we were cleaning up everything together. When we were finished, I noticed a small spot of blood on my shirt—,”
“And so you used it as an excuse to take it off and show her the goods, didn’t you?” He was grinning.
“I did. And it all went downhill from there.”
“Downhill? Sounds like uphill to me. Was it that bad?” Of course he had to ask.
Snorting, I shook my head. “The sex was great—hot, fast, against the wall. But as soon as it was over, reality hit her hard. She practically ran out of the house, promising to talk to me later. I haven’t been able to get her to return my calls or messages for three days, so I dropped by her office before work and spoke to her.”
“And?”
“She told me she’s still in love with the other guy.” I shrugged it off. “How about that sandwich, now?” I stood.
“Sit,” he ordered again, and I did.
“What?”
“If she had sex with you and didn’t try to put a stop to it, then she’s obviously attracted to you.”
“I never said she wasn’t attracted to me. I know that she is.”
“Then go after her, idiot.” He stared me down.
“I don’t want to pressure her into something she doesn’t want.”
“Then make her want it,” he countered.