‘Here we go – leave her alone!’ heckles Alastair, grinning as he jumps back on to the bed with ease.
‘Shut it, stud muffin,’ howls Connie, chucking a piece of food in his direction, before looking back at Natalia and me, her eyes narrowing so she can see us properly.
‘Of course I do!’ I say, turning my attention back to Natalia.
‘I’ve given this a lot of thought,’ she replies firmly, suddenly becoming less playful as she allows herself to go into work mode for a moment. ‘I need someone to work with me. I don’t mean a PA. I mean someone to take on the projects I can’t do, or at least help manage the workload together. He’s right,’ she says, her head tilting at Alastair. ‘Life’s too short to be glued to my phone every second of the day.’
‘That’s what you’re saying now, but you’re forgetting about your control freak tendencies!’ says Alastair.
Natalia takes a pillow from beside her and hits him with it.
‘I need someone. I’ve looked you up and asked some of your clients for recommendations –’
‘How?’ I interrupt, confused.
‘I did some digging, just like you have,’ she shrugs nonchalantly. ‘I know you’re wonderful. Best of all, I know your talents are wasted where you are. You’ll start falling out of love with interior design completely if you’re not careful.’
‘So you’re actually giving me a job?’ I say, my mouth dropping as I try to compute how easily this conversation has come about. I know she was thinking about it, but I thought I was going to have to jump through several more hoops that would see me hungrily elbowing other competitors out of the way.
‘In theory!’ she laughs. ‘I have it all planned out to ask you properly next week but I’ll email you an official proposal tomorrow.’
‘New Year, new job!’ shouts Connie, doing a little dance with her arms and head to show how excited she is. I love that she’s here to witness this life-changing moment.
‘Are you absolutely sure?’ I ask.
‘Read the details before deciding,’ Natalia says, for the first time looking nervous over what I might say.
‘I’d be bonkers to turn it down!’ I say, even though the sensible part of my brain is telling me to play it cool in case the pay is peanuts and not enough to cover my commute into town. Although will I still live out in Essex if I’m working in town? Or will I follow in Connie’s footsteps, like she suggested earlier? What would I even be able to afford? There’s so much to think about, and although I should probably be cautious, everything is telling me that this is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. ‘Who’d have thought I’d bagsy myself a job tonight!’ I squeal, making Natalia laugh.
I sigh as the smile on my face grows even further.
Another part of life is about to change completely from where I was last year – and this time there’s something utterly wonderful about it. I suddenly can’t wait for the New Year to arrive.
27
‘Can we dance now?’ Natalia asks, peering over the balcony to the crowd below who are bouncing up and down to Rihanna’s ‘This is What You Came For’.
‘Yes!’ shouts Alastair, jumping off the bed in one swift move, reaching out an arm for her. ‘Coming?’
The three of us ladies climb off the bed in unison, giggling as we follow Alastair down two flights of stairs, grabbing Matt as we go, before passing more naked dancers and the sordid behaviour of people gyrating against walls, pillars and bannisters. Couples sucking each other’s faces off for the last time this year. We then squeeze our way on to the crowded dance floor that’s packed so tightly we’re forced to part.
We’re completely immersed with strangers. The bodies around me are sweaty, hot and barely dressed. Although part of me would like to run away in disgust, another part of me remembers a time when this was my life. Feeling the beat thump its way into my chest and shaking my body around in a way that I certainly didn’t do at my sister’s wedding with my parents and elderly Nan watching. Feeling alive in a completely different way. Feeling sexy, desirable and awake.
I feel less self-conscious than I imagine as I join in, moving my hips and waving my arms in the air. Despite all of the people gathered around me, no one is looking at what I’m up to. We’re all one. All lost in the music.
I close my eyes and just feel, allowing myself to revel in the wonder the night has already brought with it.
Time passes but I can’t stop, something inside tells me to keep going. I want to. I need to. My body is as sweaty as the next person’s and I feel great for it. I feel like I could whip off my top and walk around in my bra, just like I did all those years ago. I stop myself from doing so, deciding that’s one area of the list I don’t need to revisit.
A familiar drumbeat kicks in over the current song, causing my mind to query whether it’s what I think I’m hearing – but it is. ‘Love Shack’ blasts out of the speakers. This was the song that kicked off every night in Dukes back in Chelmsford and we’d go crazy for it. Wanting to share the moment with Connie, I open my eyes to find I’m no longer standing in the middle of the crowd, but have drifted over to the edge. Six feet in front of me is Alastair. He’s not dancing or joining in with the rest of us, but is staring straight at me, causing me to stop in my tracks and look back.
His lustful expression sends a bolt right through me. Although it’s quickly erased when he glances up to our dedicated area upstairs.
Natalia.
Just as I’m about to sigh to myself before jumping back into the music, two hands grab hold of me from behind and a body starts to grind its way into mine. I would think it was Connie if it weren’t for the erect penis nudging me in the back. It’s far from a pleasant experience so I instinctively jump away, off the dance floor and towards Alastair, who has just turned his attention back to me. I must look shocked or disturbed because the expression on his face is one of concern.
‘You OK?’ he asks, his face searching mine.
‘Yeah.’
‘What happened?’ he prods, looking behind me and into the crowd and correctly guessing what’s happened, his hand lightly resting on my arm protectively.
‘Nothing!’ I say far too quickly. The truth is, I’m fine. It just shocked me. I’d forgotten that side of club life when having my euphoric recalls. Good to know the perverts still linger. I’ll be more prepared next time.
‘Sure?’ he asks, his dark eyes focusing back on mine.
‘Where is everyone?’ I ask, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from him.
‘There you are!’ shrieks Connie, bouncing over from the crowd with a beaming Matt close behind. ‘Did you hear it? “Love Shack”?’
‘Yes,’ I laugh, loving that she was thinking of me in that moment too.
‘Such a classic!’ she grins, pulling me in and planting a kiss on my cheek. ‘Where’s Nat?’
‘Oh, the boss turned up and wanted her to meet his wife,’ Alastair says, again looking up to the top balcony. ‘I’m going to the bar. I can’t drink from that sink all night.’
‘Beer?’ suggests Matt, looking relieved that someone else has suggested it.
‘Exactly.’
‘I’m in,’ Matt replies happily. ‘Anyone want anything?’
‘Yes!’ I shout, feeling pleased with myself for remembering something else from the list. ‘Archers! Archers and lemonade would be amazing. Thank you.’
‘Well, hello to 2005,’ Alastair laughs from beside me.
‘I’ll explain later,’ I giggle, knowing how ridiculous it must sound.
‘I look forward to it,’ he smoulders, his lips twitching.
Argh, that face confuses me so much. I’ve not fancied someone like this in a decade, but I know I could ruin my chances of working with Natalia if she gets the faintest whiff of me lusting over her man.
As they walk off I turn to Connie to find her head cocked to one side and her eyebrows raised.
‘Bugger off!’ I shout.
She tilts her he
ad back and lets out a booming laugh before grabbing my hand and pulling me back into the crowd for some more dancing. I don’t resist and instantly start swinging my hips to a song that’s telling me to move my body. I might not know the tune, but I happily oblige, this time staying with Connie and dancing together.
Just as we are perfecting the ‘running man’ move, a booming voice interrupts our flow.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is your two-minute warning,’ declares the DJ into his microphone while holding one hand to his headphone-covered ear to ensure he looks the part. ‘We’re about to welcome in the New Year!’
A flurry of activity ensues as half the people on the dance floor scurry away, dodging their way through the crowd to find the people they arrived with.
Connie and I stay close together. We’re clasping hands as though we’re pulling each other out of a horrific event, rather than being in a club and about to celebrate the arrival of yet another year.
Matt and Alastair are walking towards us by the time we’re clear of the furore, both armed with drinks. Connie retrieves hers from Matt before flinging her arms around him and planting a kiss on his face. It’s been absolutely years since I’ve seen her this affectionate with a guy; usually she’s the one on the receiving end of PDAs and trying to shrug a boyfriend off or physically batting him away. It’s lovely seeing her like this. She puts on this tough-nut front, but she’s got so much softness to her really.
‘Nat’s not here still!’ I say, turning to Alastair.
‘She will be,’ Alastair says, handing me my drink.
I take a sip and screw my face up at its sweetness.
‘Is it all right?’ Alastair laughs.
‘Not quite as I remember.’
‘What made you want to order it? Nostalgia?’ he asks, looking genuinely interested. He’s a listener. He’s ridiculously hot and charming. He’s taken. Taken by my soon-to-be boss. That’s a line that’s definitely not worth crossing.
‘I have deep-rooted issues,’ I say deadpan, stepping out of the way of a topless woman who’s happily limping past with only one ridiculously high shoe on.
‘You’re not alone there,’ Alastair comments, although I’m unsure whether he’s referring to himself or the lady who’s going to have a seriously sore leg in the morning from all the one-legged step-ups she’s doing. ‘Do you actually like New Year?’ he asks, cupping one hand around his mouth to help me hear him as the noise in the room starts growing louder thanks to the excitement that’s bubbling. I feel his warm breath on my bare shoulders and neck. Instinctively, I start to enjoy the sensation, then stop myself.
‘When I was younger I did. I used to love it, I shout back, before thinking about when things must’ve changed for me. The last few New Years have been tough to swallow. Laden with possibility, hope and rejection. Each time the clock struck midnight and a new year began, I felt bruised and humiliated when a ring wasn’t placed on my finger and I wasn’t told I was starting the most exciting year of my life. This year, I don’t have that particular worry. There is no ring on the cards, and no expectation that the clock striking midnight is going to offer me anything more than what is already in front of me.
‘I’ve begun to realize that the whole thing is just a massive anti-climax,’ he says, his mouth even closer to my ear, causing the warmth to turn to heat.
‘Only just?’ I laugh.
‘Not really. I’ve actually felt this way since the Millennium.’
‘Because we didn’t all blow up?’ I smile.
‘Those computers weren’t meant to be able to cope with the jump from 1999 to 2000. But they did. That was that. Every New Year’s since has felt a bit lacklustre,’ he shrugs, screwing up his face.
‘I imagine it’s hard to top the possibility of imminent death.’
‘You are so on my page,’ he grins.
‘However, Will Smith did release an album called Willennium, that was totally worth celebrating,’ I note.
Alastair stifles a laugh. ‘I still have it.’
‘You don’t!’ I say, my jaw dropping.
‘No, but it was worth saying for that look on your face.’
‘We’re nearly there, everyone,’ the DJ shouts, holding his hands wide in the air as he drops a drumroll over ‘Can’t Stop the Feeling!’ by Justin Timberlake that’s currently being faded out.
The volume of the crowd dims as an air of expectancy drops; we’re all waiting to be shown the way into the New Year and the official countdown. ‘Are you ready?’
‘Yes!’ the crowd shouts in reply, us four included.
‘Then here we go! Ten!’
The room all join in as one. Each face gaily looking ahead at the balding DJ who looks ten years too old for the clothes he’s in. Yet everyone in the room is captivated by him as the numbers start to fall.
Fingers lightly touch my elbow. I feel Alastair’s body lean in to say something, I cock my head so I can hear better.
‘It’s a shame for the moment to pass without an event,’ he whispers.
‘You can’t beat the world ending.’
‘True,’ he says, a hand finding its way to the arch of my back.
‘What about Natalia?’ I say firmly, my body tensing.
Alastair chuckles softly.
‘We’re best mates. Nothing else.’
‘Really?’ I ask, feeling relieved that I’m allowed to let myself experience the desire that’s building inside me, unable to stop myself hungrily looking at his incredible lips.
I have no time to question him further. The hand on my back moves to my side and gives a tug so that I spin on the spot, stopping when our faces meet. The action startles me.
‘Happy New Year!’ shouts the whole crowd, while shiny confetti, balloons and streamers fall from the ceiling and float around us, sparkling majestically as they go.
We just stand there looking at each other while the mayhem around us grows, our noses mere inches apart.
‘I have been warned to stay away from you,’ he admits, his lips so near I can almost taste them.
‘Why?’ I frown.
He purses his lips to stop himself from smiling, leaning forward so I can hear him. ‘Natalia doesn’t like me dating people she works with, went to school with or generally knows in any sort of capacity.’
‘Why? Because you’re such a rogue?’ I ask, putting my hand on his shoulder.
‘It’s not something I’m proud of,’ he says, pulling backwards so I can see the sorrowful expression on his face.
‘You’re a heartbreaker,’ I state, the clumsy way I lean in causing our cheeks to brush.
‘I don’t mean to be. I just haven’t found the right person yet.’
I pull back and look at him. Do I even care if he’s a player? Do I care if he causes a wave of destruction wherever he goes? I don’t think I’m the right girl for him either, but my body doesn’t care. It wants to experience the thrill of him.
‘I’ve just got out of a long-term relationship,’ I state, finally able to say the words. ‘My heart is already torn to pieces.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ he says kindly.
‘No, you’re not.’
‘I am,’ he says, trying to drop the smile on his oh-so-perfect lips.
‘Happy New Year, sexy Al,’ I laugh, cupping his jaw in my hands and bringing his face around to meet mine. My lips are on his in an instant. They’re unfamiliar as they kiss mine back; the action sends a bolt through me.
Alastair suddenly bumps forward as though he’s been struck.
‘I told you not to fucking go near her!’ shouts Natalia with a face like thunder.
‘Nat, this wasn’t me,’ Alastair says, his hands releasing me so he can hold them up in surrender.
‘It was me,’ I laugh, covering my face as it screws up in embarrassment. Truth is, I didn’t know she’d be this mad seeing as they aren’t together. But it turns out she really doesn’t like Alastair fooling around with people she knows.
&nbs
p; ‘He’s a total cock,’ Natalia tells me before frowning at Alastair.
‘Thank you,’ he replies, bowing his head at her.
‘He has a real issue with commitment,’ she continues, raising her eyebrows at him, as though he’s daring her to continue. ‘I can’t even remember the last time he officially brought a girlfriend into our group.’
‘I’m not looking to be anyone’s girlfriend,’ I state. ‘Not interested at all.’
‘She just thinks I’m fit,’ says Alastair as though it’s an innocent comment, although he knows as well as I do that it’ll wind her up.
‘He never calls afterwards,’ Natalia declares.
‘Then I won’t bother giving him my number,’ I shrug.
‘Really?’ asks Alastair, his voice squeaking.
I nod and turn back to Natalia.
‘Have I mentioned he’s a massive cock?’
‘Who has a massive cock?’ shouts Connie, breaking away from her clinch with Matt to hear some juicy gossip.
‘No. I am one,’ corrects Alastair. ‘And she’s my best mate, so she should know.’
‘See?’ Natalia asks me.
I look back at Alastair, as though I’m sizing him up.
‘He’s not about to break my heart.’
‘Good.’
‘I have a feeling she’s more likely to crush mine.’
‘Can I just …’ butts in Connie, looking very serious as she hands a bewildered Matt her glass of Prosecco. ‘As Lizzy’s best friend I feel I should represent her case here. I can confirm that she’s not after a boyfriend. In fact, she won’t even need a man soon enough thanks to her sister’s Christmas present,’ she adds, her fingers going up to the side of her head to make rabbit ears.
‘Argh,’ I groan as Alastair tries to stifle a laugh.
‘She just needs a bit of oil in those joints. Someone to ride –’
‘Thank you! That’s quite enough!’ I tell her.
‘Very informative,’ nods Alastair, squeezing my waist.
‘Glad I could help …’ nods Connie. ‘She just needs a fantastic, out-of-this-world shag. Nothing else.’