“W…what do you mean?” I stuttered. “Who are you? W…we just came to see Kieran Black, but he was discharged this morning.”
She stepped out of the lift, relief flooding her face. She was really pretty – honey-brown eyes, shiny sun-streaked hair.
“Is that true?” she said turning to Gemma. “Is that why you’re here?”
Gemma nodded. She seemed as shocked as me. “We came here to see Kieran, but what are you doing here, Jasmine?”
“Jasmine?” I said, more confused than ever. How on earth did Gemma know her name?
“Look I’ve got to go,” she muttered, pushing past us. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop! Wait a minute!” I grabbed for her arm but I was too slow. “What’s going on? I need to talk to you.”
She paused for a moment, turning back.
“I know it’s you,” I said, desperate to find out the truth. “I saw you with my dad in the cafe last Saturday and you were hanging about by my locker…”
The girl took a step towards me, her eyes filling with tears. There was nothing frightening about her close-up. She looked as scared as I was feeling, and not only that, she looked familiar. Not just familiar because I’d seen her before; familiar in a different way, as if I already knew her.
“You’ll have to ask your dad,” she said. “Ask him and he’ll tell you everything. But I can’t stop now. I’m really sorry, Maddie, I’ve got to go.”
She took off down the corridor, in the opposite direction to Meadow Ward, her ponytail swinging behind her. I stood there watching her until she disappeared through another set of double doors. For a minute it was like I’d imagined the whole thing. Like I was stuck in a bad dream and nothing that had just happened was real.
“Oh my god,” said Gemma. “What was all that about?”
“How do you know her?” I said. “I mean, I recognize her from the cafe and from school, but how do you actually know her name?”
“She’s in maths club,” said Gemma. “She’s in Year Ten, but it’s not just for Year Eights, remember? I think she only started at Church Vale this term. She’s really nice, Maddie, and super-smart.”
“I don’t believe it. You actually knew who she was all along. Why do you think she was so freaked out when she saw me? It’s obviously got nothing to do with Kieran…she looked so frightened.”
Gemma shrugged. “I have no idea, Mads. You really need to talk to your dad.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “I’m going to.”
I sent Dad a text from the bus. I said I was on my way home and we needed to talk. I couldn’t wait until Vivian organized a meeting. I had a right to know what was going on – to find out why Jasmine seemed to be more clued up than me.
The nearer we got to home, the more I began to panic. I was itching to reach into my bag for my ribbon but I felt awkward with Gemma sitting next to me. I knew she wouldn’t care but it was still embarrassing. I tried breathing as slowly as I could, doing my best to calm myself down without it.
“Are you okay?” said Gemma.
I nodded, grateful she was there. She’d been amazing, agreeing to come with me after what happened with her mum. She began to tell me about a time she’d been rushed to hospital with a virus when she was six. She said she didn’t remember much about it, just that she loved the food, especially the lasagne.
“My mum was so upset. Seriously, Maddie, she made lasagne for weeks after that, desperate to prove she could do it better than the hospital! I’m not kidding you, she made it so many times I can’t stand it any more. To be honest I’d rather eat my own arm than a plate of lasagne.” She cuddled up to me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Try not to worry, Mads. I’m sure it’ll all be okay once you talk to your mum and dad.”
Dad must’ve called Mum as soon as he got my text. She was waiting for me on the doorstep, her phone clutched in her hand. “What’s going on?” she said. “Where have you been?”
“I was up at Hadley General,” I said. “I went to see Kieran but he’d already been discharged.”
“What are you talking about?” she said, her face clouding with confusion. “I thought you said you were going over to Gemma’s, and then I had this call from Mrs Palmer about a meeting, and your dad’s just called to say he’s on his way home, that you texted him. What’s going on, Maddie? What’s it got to do with Kieran?”
“It hasn’t really got anything to do with Kieran,” I said, as she led me through to the kitchen. “Well it has, but I’ll tell you about that later.” I felt a bit dizzy, as if the floor was tilting beneath me, as if after today, after the next hour, nothing would ever be the same again.
“Start at the beginning,” said Mum gently. “Mrs Palmer said she wanted to arrange a meeting with Vivian…”
“Look, I’ll tell you everything when Dad gets here. Vivian suggested meeting together but we don’t need to now. Dad is coming, isn’t he?”
Mum nodded, getting up to flip the switch on the kettle. “He said he’d be here as soon as he could. He’s just finishing a job. He was planning to be here when you got back from school but he got held up. Charlie’s gone back to Rory’s. I thought it would be better if we talked to you first.”
She poured us both a cup of tea, adding loads of sugar to mine, almost as if she could sense I’d had a shock at the hospital. A moment later, just as she sat back down, we heard Dad’s van pull up outside. “That’ll be him,” she said, jumping up again. “Stay in here for a minute, Mads, I won’t be long.”
I could hear them in the hall, whispering. It was impossible to make out what they were saying, but when they came in Mum seemed to be angry. “So you know about Jasmine!” she blurted out, before I could say hi to Dad or anything. I was so confused – and then I guessed what must have happened: Jasmine must have called Dad straight after she saw us in the hospital. Warned him that we’d come face-to-face.
“Yes…sort of…I mean, I know she met up with Dad on Saturday, I saw her in the cafe, and I know she goes to Church Vale, but I don’t who she is…I don’t actually know anything.”
“I didn’t want you to find out like this,” said Mum. “I said to Dad right from the start that we had to be careful about telling you; that it would be difficult for you to cope with another big change.”
“I know, I heard you on the phone to Aunty Hat, but I still don’t know what you’re talking about, what the big change is…” I pushed my chair back, standing up to face them. “There’s so much I don’t understand, I really wish you’d tell me. The woman in the cemetery? Sharon? Jasmine? I mean how come she knows who I am? Who is she?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Dad held his arms out towards me but I backed away.
“Don’t!” I said. “I don’t want you to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be okay when it’s not. I don’t want you to lie or make things up, or treat me like a little girl. I’m sick of it, Dad. I just want to know the truth.”
“We were only trying to protect you, Maddie,” said Mum. “We should’ve told you sooner but we were scared, there was so much going on…”
“Protect me from what? Scared to tell me what?”
My breath was coming really fast now; I pressed my hands to my chest, looking from Dad to Mum and back to Dad. Everything in me was screaming run away, but I forced myself to stay where I was. Dad’s face began to crumple. I’d never seen him cry before apart from that night when he came back from meeting Sharon and his eyes were red. But this was worse. Tears were actually streaming down his face. It was horrible.
“I didn’t know until a few weeks ago myself,” he said, choking on the words. “I had no idea. It was like a bolt from the blue…”
“What was a bolt from the blue? Just tell me!”
“She’s my daughter, Maddie.” Dad shook his head slightly as if he couldn’t believe it himself. “Jasmine is my daughter.”
Chapter 23
No one moved. It was as if Dad’s words had put a bad spell on all three of us. How could Jasmine b
e his daughter? I was his daughter. His eyes were fixed on mine, watching to see how I’d react. I waited for him to tell me it wasn’t true. I waited for him to say it was all a mistake or some kind of stupid joke, but I knew Dad would never joke about something so serious. And anyway I could see in his eyes that it was true.
It was even worse than I’d imagined. I never thought for a moment that the girl in the cafe was related to Dad. How could you have a daughter and not know about her? It didn’t make any sense. I opened my mouth to ask him and then closed it again.
Dad began to speak in a soft voice. “I know this is a shock for you, Maddie. It was a shock for me too when I found out, and for Mum.”
I glanced at Mum. She nodded, giving me a shaky smile.
“It’s a long story,” Dad went on, “and I’m sure you’ve got lots of questions. Why don’t we all sit down at the table and I’ll try to explain.”
Mum moved first. “Come on, Maddie, Dad’s right, we need to talk.”
I still felt like running, even more than before, to shut myself in my room and hide under my covers with my ribbon. But at the same time I could hear Vivian telling Kieran how brave he was to stay when things got tough. It’s not as if running away or refusing to listen would make Jasmine disappear. I sat down at the table as if I was in a trance.
“Jasmine’s mum, Sharon, was my girlfriend,” said Dad when we were all sitting down. “We were together for about three years. We broke up just before I met your mum.” He reached out to take Mum’s hand. “I didn’t see her again after we broke up. It was…well…to be honest, it wasn’t a very good ending. She thought I’d been seeing Mum behind her back. It turned bitter, a lot of unpleasant things were said, and then shortly afterwards she moved away.”
“But she was pregnant,” said Mum, taking over. “She didn’t tell Dad, so he had no idea.”
It was a relief to see them holding hands. It helped to ease the knot in my stomach that had been growing bigger by the minute.
“I had no idea,” Dad carried on. “It was a total shock. Imagine finding out you’ve got a fifteen-year-old daughter…”
“You’re not explaining properly,” I said. “How did you find out?”
Dad took a breath. “Well, you kind of know that bit of the story,” he said. “Sharon called up and said she’d moved back to the area; she wanted to meet up with me to discuss something.”
“That night when you came back and your eyes were red and puffy…” I said, thinking back. “Did she tell you about Jasmine in the pub? Is that why you were upset?”
“Partly,” said Dad, nodding. “She did tell me about Jasmine, but it wasn’t just that…”
“I still don’t understand,” I whispered. “Why did she get in touch with you after so many years? Why did she change her mind about you meeting Jasmine?”
Mum and Dad glanced at each other.
“It’s because Sharon’s ill,” said Dad, staring down at the table. “She’s very ill. They’re not sure she’s going to get better. She’s been in and out of hospital having treatment. That’s partly why it’s taken us so long to tell you…”
I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. I couldn’t catch my breath for a minute. It was so sad, for Sharon and Jasmine. “That’s so awful.”
“Yes, and that’s why Jasmine was at the hospital today,” Dad went on. “Why she was so scared when she saw you. She thought something had happened to her mum…”
“But how did she know it was me?”
“She’s seen photos of you, sweetheart. Some on my phone and the ones I got from the attic that day…” Dad paused for a moment, closing his eyes. “The reason Sharon got in touch with me after all these years was because she didn’t want Jasmine to be left alone without any family…if the worst happened and it came to that. Sharon’s an only child and her parents died a long time ago. There are no aunts or uncles or cousins. She had to think about what would happen if she couldn’t look after Jasmine any more.
“They’ve rented a flat near the hospital and a close friend of Sharon’s has moved in to look after Jasmine, but she can’t always be there, what with work and everything, so I’ve been helping out as much as I can as well.”
“I saw you together in the cafe,” I said, staring down at my hands. “I was outside with Gemma and I saw you through the window.”
“Oh god, Maddie. I didn’t know. We didn’t see you. I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this around since then…”
“But Sharon was there too,” I said. “I saw her, and I saw her at the cemetery and up at school. How come she’s not in hospital if she’s so ill? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“We’d just come from the hospital,” said Dad. “She had to have some more tests before she was re-admitted for her next course of treatment. That’s why I kept answering my phone when we were together. I was worried it was bad news. I honestly didn’t mean to be so secretive, sweetheart, but I needed some time to get my head round everything myself before I told you and Charlie…”
He trailed off, looking at Mum for help.
“I was in the cafe as well,” said Mum quietly. “I must’ve been in the loo when you were outside with Gemma. I was hiding in there, trying to pluck up the courage to come out and meet Jasmine and Sharon for the first time. You’re not the only who gets anxious, Mads,” she added, giving me a strained smile. “I don’t think I’d ever been so scared in my life!”
“Jasmine really wants to meet you too,” said Dad. “And Charlie of course. She’s so excited to meet you both.” His eyes were kind of glowing as if he could already imagine us all together – one big happy family. “I know it’s a lot to take in, Maddie, but Jasmine’s not just my daughter; she’s also your sister.”
The words hung in the air between us. I could almost see them. She’s also your sister. As if I was supposed to be pleased. I looked away, a shot of acid curdling my stomach. And then suddenly I realized why there was something familiar about Jasmine, why I felt as if I already knew her. It was because she looked exactly like Dad: the same dark-brown eyes, the same mouth, the same open face.
It was too much. I couldn’t bear it. I didn’t want Dad to have another daughter. I was his daughter. I jumped up from the table.
“I don’t want to meet her!” I said. “I hate her. I wish she’d go back to wherever it was she came from and leave us alone. I don’t want a new sister.” I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. “I hate Jasmine,” I sobbed. “I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.”
Mum jumped up and rushed over to put her arms round me.
“It’s okay,” she said. “Come on, Maddie, it’s okay. I know it’s difficult but it doesn’t change Dad’s feelings for you, or Charlie.”
I pushed her away. “What do you mean? Of course it does. It changes everything. I don’t want to see her or Dad.” I swung round to face him. “You already spend more time with her than you do with us, rushing off every minute, out every night. It’s obvious how you really feel, where you really want to be!”
I tore out of the kitchen and up to my room. I felt so betrayed, rejected, as if someone had reached into my chest and torn my heart into tiny little pieces. I pulled my ribbon out from my bag and wrapped it around my hand, but it didn’t make the pain go away.
Dad didn’t need me any more. He had Jasmine now.
I don’t know how long I lay there. I heard Charlie come home at some point and tried to imagine his face as Mum and Dad told him – how awful he’d feel. At least I understood now why they’d been so scared to tell me. Dad couldn’t have two families. What was he planning to do? Spend half the time with us and half the time with Jasmine and Sharon?
“Maddie?” The door opened a crack. It was Charlie. “Maddie, can I come in?”
He came in anyway before I could answer, pushing the door open and then standing there, rooted to the spot, as if he wasn’t sure what to do next. He was wearing his school shorts and T-shirt, his knees covered in mud.
&
nbsp; “Have they told you?” I said, sitting up and patting the side of the bed.
He nodded, but he didn’t come over. “You look terrible, Mads. What’s happened to your eyes?”
“Nothing’s happened to them, they’re just puffy because I’ve been crying. How was school?”
“We played football at playtime and my team won,” he said. “I set up the first goal. So what do you think about Jasmine then?”
“I hate her,” I said.
“Me too,” he said, but he didn’t sound sure. He scuffed the floor with his foot, looking round my room as if he might find the right answer up on the wall somewhere. “I’m going out in the garden,” he muttered in the end. “See you.”
Mum came up a bit later. She came straight over to my bed and sat down, pulling me towards her.
“What are we going to do?” I said, leaning into her. “What’s going to happen?”
She stroked my hair for a while and then pulled back from me, holding my shoulders and looking directly into my eyes.
“You don’t really have to do anything at the moment, Maddie. We understand what a massive shock this has been for you…”
“So you’re not going to make me meet her or anything?”
“No of course not, there’s no rush for that at all…” She pulled me close again. “I mean eventually Jasmine is going to be part of our family, but we’ll do it at your pace…”
I couldn’t believe it. “No!” I said, twisting away. “She isn’t. How can you say that?”
Mum took hold of my shoulders again. “Listen to me, sweetheart. I understand how you feel, how much you’re hurting right now. I’m not suggesting we all start playing happy families and I certainly don’t expect you to welcome her with open arms, but…”
I put my hands over my ears, shaking my head. “I’ll never welcome her. Never! I don’t care what you say.”
Mum pulled my hands away gently, squeezing them tight. “Jasmine is going through a terrible time, sweetheart. You wouldn’t expect your dad to turn his back on her. She’s a part of him. She’s part of you too, and Charlie.”