‘Yeah,’ he agrees. ‘It’s certainly a steep learning curve.’ Joe shakes his head, sadly. ‘You sort of assume that when you sign up for life it won’t all fall apart in fifteen years.’
‘Fifteen years. Wow. Is that how long you were together?’ Seems like a Herculean effort when compared to my paltry attempt at forever.
‘Even longer, I suppose. As usual, we were together a few years before we took the plunge.’
‘I only lasted five in total with Simon. I’m trying to see being single again as a new challenge rather than an abject failure.’
‘I think if I was on my own, I’d probably do the same. Unfortunately, I have two children who are very bewildered and hurt by it all.’
God, what an idiot I am. It never occurred to me that he’d have kids to think of. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. It must be a nightmare when there are children to take into account. Kids are remarkably resilient though.’
‘That’s what everyone keeps telling me. I’m not so sure.’ He sighs and jams his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. ‘I can understand Gina walking away from me if she’d had enough, but how do you turn your back on your kids?’
‘How old are they?’
‘Old enough for them to be taking it badly. Tom’s fifteen and Daisy’s twelve. Tough ages at any time, without all this as well. They should be into kids’ stuff and not having to deal with our problems.’ He shakes his head, baffled. ‘Tom’s doing all right. On the surface. But Daisy’s not happy. I know it. She needs her mum around. It breaks my heart.’
‘It will all work out.’
He laughs, but it’s not without humour. ‘If I had a pound for everyone who said that to me, I’d be buying myself a yacht in the Bahamas.’
‘Good diving out there, I hear,’ I tease.
‘At this rate, I’ll never find out,’ Joe says as we arrive at the pub. He stops under the light of a street lamp and turns to me. ‘That was a pretty heavy conversation for openers.’ He grins at me and I notice that he has a beautiful smile. It softens his face and takes years off him. ‘Sorry about that.’
I grin back. ‘How very un-British of us. We should have been talking about the weather.’
‘Sorry,’ he says again. ‘There’s no one I can really talk to about it. My mates just think my ex is an out-and-out bitch yet I’m trying my best to keep a slightly more balanced view of the situation for the kids’ sake.’
‘That sounds like a healthier option.’
‘Yeah,’ he agrees. ‘It’s a noble sentiment, but some days it’s easier than others.’ He opens the door to the pub and we step inside. ‘I’ll buy you a drink by way of apology for bending your ear with my break-up woes.’
‘I’ll just have a diet Coke please. Driving.’ I’m going to end up looking like a glass of this stuff if I drink much more of it, when I’d really rather look like a glass of champagne.
He steers me to the group from the dive club and introduces me. ‘This is Ruby, lads. She completed her first session tonight with flying colours.’ Then he leaves me to chat to them while he pushes through the crush of people to the bar and gets our drinks.
My eyes follow him. Hmm. It would be very easy to fall for someone like Joe Edwards. Someone exactly like Joe Edwards but who wasn’t recently divorced and had two kids.
Remember that, Ruby Brown.
Chapter Nine
If you were looking for a quiet pub in which to have a romantic get-together, this isn’t the place. It’s rough, it’s noisy and the heavy metal music’s turned up loud – no Kylie or Take That here. Oh no. The base level is Led Zeppelin and it seems to get heavier from there up. It’s also accompanied by a constant clank from the bank of fruit machines on the far wall. However, the crowd from the sub-aqua club are friendly and I note with relief that a few more women have joined the group.
Joe comes back, hands me my drink and, thankfully, stays by my side to chat. A number of people come over to say hello and it’s clear that he’s a popular member of the group. He has an easy way with him, a ready smile. Some people are natural team leaders and, from what little I’ve seen, my guess is that Joe is one of them. I listen to chatter about air tanks, dry suits and rebreathers and understand none of it. No idea. Every sport, it seems, has its jargon and diving is clearly no exception.
‘Did you finalise the dive day, Joe?’ someone asks.
He nods. ‘Yeah. We’re off to Quarry Hill Cove again. You need to get your name on the list. It always fills up quickly.’ Joe turns to me. ‘You should come with us.’
‘Me? After one session in the pool? I’m not sure I could cope with that.’
‘You won’t be ready to dive in open water, but come along for the ride. It will give you more of an idea of what it’s all about and you can get to know some of the other people in the club.’
‘I don’t want to be a spare part.’
‘We’re always happy to have an extra pair of hands to help with the equipment. There’s a nice pub there and we get something to eat afterwards. It’s not a bad day out, if the weather’s good.’
‘There seems to be a lot of socialising involved with this diving lark.’
Joe laughs. ‘We do our best. Come,’ he urges. ‘I have a spare seat in my car. I’ll give you a lift, if you like. You don’t even have to drive.’
‘It’s sounding very tempting,’ I admit. ‘I’ll have to check my shifts though. When is it?’
He reels off a date that’s tantalisingly close. ‘Call me tomorrow, if you can make it.’
‘I’ll do that.’ He reels off his number and I punch it into my phone. Then he downs his drink. ‘I’ve got to shoot. I’m picking the kids up. One’s at football practice, the other’s at her friend’s house and they’ve probably both got homework that they haven’t done yet. Do you want me to walk you back to your car, Ruby?’
‘Yes,’ I say, thinking of the gang of young lads that could still be hanging around there. ‘I should be going too.’ Though I have nothing but an empty flat waiting for me. I need to get a goldfish or something. A cat seems like too much responsibility and too much like giving up on the world.
So I say goodbye to my newfound diving mates and follow Joe out into the night air. There’s a briskness to his pace and I realise that he must be running against the clock. I hurry to keep up with him.
‘Do you have a lot of help with the kids?’ I sound slightly breathless in my bid to match his brisk pace.
‘Hardly any.’ He sighs. ‘My family are scattered all over the place, so I can’t call on them. Mum and Dad moved down to Taunton to be near my sister, so they’re too far away. My brother’s working in Canada on contract for the next couple of years. Not that he’d be much use. He’s got four of his own to keep him occupied.’ He raises an eyebrow. ‘Some of the mums of Daisy’s friends have been great. They’ll step in for taxi duties if I’m stuck and the kids both go to after-school clubs which helps. I don’t like to push it though. I work shifts – not that unsociable – but there are times when I can’t be around for them.’
I guess I’m lucky that most of my family are all local. I couldn’t have managed without them when I split with Simon. Sometimes, though, they can feel a bit too close. Do you know what I mean? I can’t move without my mother wanting to know what I’m up to. Still, as I’m mainly at work or watching telly, she doesn’t have too much to worry about.
‘What do you do?’ It hadn’t occurred to me that Joe might have a day job as well as being a scuba-diving instructor. ‘I thought this was your work.’
‘Diving? No. I wish it was. Diving is my sanity. It’s the only thing that I do for myself. I’m trying to hang on to that. I only volunteer as an instructor. If I know I’ve got people waiting at the pool for me, I’ve an excuse not to miss it. I’m the manager of a community for supported living. That’s what pays the bills.’
‘Sounds interesting.’
‘It’s a great place but it’s fairly full-on. We house mainly adults with learni
ng disabilities. At the moment, we have a lot of Down’s Syndrome residents and they’re fantastic, but they’d have me there 24/7 if they could. You should see the timetable I have to do each week for me and the kids. I’ve got full custody of the children, but Gina’s supposed to have them every other weekend and one night in the week.’
‘You’re having to keep a lot of plates spinning.’
‘Yeah. My ex seems to be spending a lot of time on romantic little weekend breaks when it’s her turn to have them. Though she tries to tell me it’s to do with work. I wish my job took to me to Rome, Paris and Vienna.’ He smiles grimly. ‘That must sound very bitter and twisted.’
I can’t really deny it as there was a definite edge that crept into his voice, but it seems as if he might have good cause. However, there are always two sides to every story.
‘She changed her job a year ago and ended up going off with the guy who’s her boss. He’s rich, slick and has no family commitments. I think Gina sometimes forgets that she still has children.’
‘It all sounds very raw.’
‘I’d like to be able to tell you that it wasn’t acrimonious, but I’d be lying to you. It’s tough maintaining a civil relationship when you get the impression it’s all one-sided. I feel as if I’m running round like a headless chicken while she’s swanning about as if she hasn’t a care in the world.’
‘I’m sure you’ll get it sorted out given time.’
‘Yeah.’ He doesn’t sound convinced. ‘All I can do is try to protect Tom and Daisy from the fallout.’
‘And what about you?’
‘Right now, I’ll settle for those plates staying in the air and not coming crashing down on my head. I’m always terrified I’ll forget something.’
‘I’m sure you’re doing the best you can. No one can ask more of you.’
He clears his throat before he says, ‘I don’t have much time for anything else in my life.’
You’re telling me. There’s a bit of an edge to his voice and if he thinks that he’s warning me off any kind of notion I might have about becoming romantically attached to him, then there’s really no need. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this evening – apart from buoyancy, bottom time (not what you might think) and equalisation of the ears – it’s that this man’s life is complicated. I’ve no idea how he manages to cope with all that he does. And I admire him for it. I just don’t want to be part of it. There’s no way that I want to be getting involved in another relationship. Not me, no sir! This is my time for fun. Sheer, unadulterated, especially uncomplicated fun. I’m just waiting for it to begin! I don’t want to be dealing with someone else’s heartbroken kids and bitch ex-wives. Noooo way.
While I’m still trying to work out whether I need to spell that out to him, we reach our cars which are thankfully still intact outside the leisure centre. He walks me to the door of mine.
‘I’ll see you next week for your lesson, then?’ He grins as he says it.
‘Yeah,’ I agree. ‘You will. I enjoyed it. In a vaguely terrified way. You’re a very patient instructor.’
‘And you’ll let me know about Quarry Hill Cove?’
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I’ll ring or text tomorrow. I won’t be taking up the space of a diver?’
‘No. It will be great to have you along.’
Then I climb into my car and he goes to his.
There’s no way that I’m going on the dive outing. Why would I? I’ll just let it slide for a few days and there won’t be room for me, anyway.
Joe’s nice, I think, as I watch him walk away in the direction of his car. Very nice. But he’s made it very clear – even if I was interested – that he’s got no room for romance. Well, me neither. I don’t need a man in my life. All I’m looking for now is fun, fun, fun.
Chapter Ten
‘How was the scuba-diving?’ Charlie asks.
‘Wet,’ I tell her. ‘Mainly wet.’
We’re in the Butcher’s Arms, waiting to start our shifts. It’s a warm day, so we’re out by the bins behind the kitchen. Charlie and I are perched precariously on a rickety bench that has a couple of screws missing from the arms and even more broken slats. I’m not entirely sure what’s holding it together. It’s been dragged out of the garden before some poor unsuspecting customer plonks themselves on it and ends up in a heap on the floor and then sues our arses off for a broken back or neck or something. Now it’s headed for the local tidy tip as soon as someone can remember to take it up there.
Chef has made us both bacon butties – on sourdough, of course. I don’t think he even knows what a white sliced loaf is. We’re having a sneaky coffee too – latte for Charlie, cappuccino for me – so all is well in the world. The sun is warm on my face and it’s nice to think that summer will soon be here.
When Charlie finishes her butty, she goes through the complicated rigmarole of smoking an e-cigarette. No one looks cool vaping, but I don’t tell her that. She rummages in her little pouch full of preferred flavours of liquid and what-not, then fusses and fiddles. It’s like watching a heroin addict getting ready to shoot up. She drags on her e-cig and puffs out a huge cloud of water vapour. I wave it away. Smells nice though. Vimto, if I’m not mistaken.
‘No hotties in ridiculously small Speedos in the manner of Tom Daley?’ Charlie regards me through the fragrant mist.
‘No.’ I get an unbidden flashback of Joe’s rather fine six-pack.
‘Were there any hotties at all or were they all middle-aged men suffering a midlife crisis?’
‘Mostly the latter.’
‘Mostly?’ she queries. You can’t get much past Charlie.
‘Well, my instructor was actually quite fit,’ I admit. ‘I went to the local pub with him afterwards.’
‘Oh, really?’
‘With a group of other divers from the club. Not like a date or anything. He didn’t single me out. Don’t get over-excited, we’re not planning to get engaged.’
‘Shame. I could do with a party to go to.’
Me too. I need to do something to kick-start my party-party lifestyle. ‘Downside: he’s recently separated and has a couple of kids. That’s definitely not on my shopping list.’
‘It seems pertinent to remind you that there are very few guys out there of our age who don’t have history of some sort.’
‘Yes, but he’s right in the thick of it. They still sound as if they’re at war. Besides, he has full custody of his kids and I’m not really child-friendly. I think the mothering gene has passed me by.’ I can’t say that I’ve ever had a maternal pang. Perhaps that’s because the men in my life to date have all taken more looking after than a kid.
‘You and me both. Though I might have made an exception for Gary Barlow. I’d have been quite happy to push out a football team if he’d asked nicely.’
We both have a good giggle at that. ‘You know he’s a very happily married man.’
‘Of course I do and that’s part of the attraction. You know that he’s good husband material.’
I suppose she has a point.
Then Charlie adds, somewhat darkly, ‘Besides, things change.’
They certainly do. She’s right about that if nothing else. One minute you can be happy and settled, the next minute you’re not. Someone waves their crystal-encrusted chuff at them and they’re off. Though I think the chances of Charlie ending up with her unattainable pop star are about the same as me finding a nice, uncomplicated, child-free man to love.
‘It’s a shame, as this instructor is quite cute,’ I say rather wistfully. ‘If he was by himself, I might be quite interested.’
‘Don’t go overboard with praise,’ Charlie quips.
‘You know what I mean. I think he could become a friend if nothing else. He’s nice to be with. And, while he’s not romance-appropriate, he seems like a good instructor. So I’m going to give scuba-diving another go.’
‘Foolish woman.’
I grimace and try not to think how panic-stricken I was o
n my first lesson. Confidence will come in time, I’m sure. I just need to try to stick with it. I’m not a good sticker. I have a history of flitting about from thing to thing. Maybe I’ve just never found my niche before.
‘There’s a day out to a dive place coming up which I’ve been invited to. I’ve checked my shifts and that’s my weekend off. I don’t know if it’s my thing though.’
‘I guess you never know until you try it.’
‘The same could be said of many things,’ I point out.
‘Go. There might be some other hot stuff single dive bloke without kids that you haven’t met yet. If you’ve nothing else on that day, what have you got to lose?’
‘True.’ Plus it means I can put off painting the granny annexe for yet another week.
‘So the scuba-diving lesson wasn’t a complete waste of time?’
‘Far from it. I’m prepared to admit that I didn’t exactly enjoy the whole diving thing while it was actually happening, but I felt exhilarated afterwards.’
‘You could be talking about the last time I had no-strings-attached sex.’
We find a filthy guffaw for that.
‘Speaking of no-strings sex,’ Charlie continues. ‘How did you get on with Shagger?’
Ah, moment of truth. ‘I quite liked him,’ I confess, wincing as I wait for the backlash.
Charlie looks at me aghast. ‘Awh, come on! He’s a complete sleazeball. What’s wrong with you, woman?’
‘Sorry.’ I cringe a bit more. ‘He’s a smoothie, no doubt. But he can rock a sharp suit and he has a certain charm too.’ Charlie rolls her eyes at my obvious lack of taste. ‘I know, I know. Maybe I’m on heat or something. Is it a full moon? I’ve had my head turned by two men in the last couple of days. That usually doesn’t happen in a couple of years.’
‘I don’t want you going anywhere near Shagger. Seriously. He’s had every gullible woman that’s come through this place.’
‘Including you?’ I tease.