And that scares the hell out of me.
CHAPTER 16
I sit, curled on an old chair, staring out at the rising sun. I snuck out of Heath’s room this morning when I couldn’t sleep. He was out to it, so I didn’t want to wake him. I managed to find coffee amongst the mess of a kitchen, and quietly let myself out onto the porch to watch the sun come up. I’m quiet in my own thoughts, for the first time in weeks. It’s peaceful out here—calm and unhurried. It feels good not to think for a few seconds.
“Morning.”
I flinch and look over to see Johnny coming out, coffee in hand. I don’t know if he’s here to give me a hard time, but if he is, I don’t think I’m ready for it. “Look, I know you don’t like me but please . . . I don’t want a lecture this morning.”
He studies me. “I was just going to say you’re in my chair.”
“Oh,” I say softly and go to get up.
“No, stay,” he murmurs, disappearing inside and coming out with another one.
He puts it down about a few feet away from mine, and for a few minutes, we sit in silence. I glance at him a few times, because if it weren’t for his haircut, I’d swear Heath was sitting beside me.
“I’m sorry you experienced what you did,” he says, staring out at the sunrise. “I didn’t give you a fair go. That wasn’t fair, considering what you’ve been through.”
I shrug. “It’s fine.”
He turns to study me. “No, it isn’t. Heath told me what happened out there.”
I swallow and look down at my mug. “Well, there isn’t a great deal I can do but learn to live with it. I guess the only good thing that came out of it is that I met Heath.”
“He says you were married at the time.”
“I was,” I admit. “I still am, but we’re separated.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m not,” I say in a small voice. “I think life has a path for all of us, and I think it put Heath in mine for a reason.”
Johnny studies me, his eyes scanning my face. “Maybe.”
Maybe.
He doesn’t seem convinced.
“I’m sorry I caused problems for him. I didn’t realize he was in so deep.”
“Not entirely your fault,” he says, sipping his coffee.
“No, but I could have gotten him hurt, or any of you . . . That was never my intention.”
“I know. I can see that now.”
I nod and turn to staring back at the red and yellow colors streaking the sky.
“How much has he told you?”
“Not much,” I admit. “I understand, though. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“Just know this is extremely personal for him. Keep that in mind, no matter what happens. You just need to know it’s his life.”
His life. What could have happened to make this such a big deal for him that it became his life?
“Can I ask you something?” I ask, my voice hesitant.
“That depends on what it is.”
I shift and turn, tucking my leg beneath me and facing him. “Is he in a lot of danger?”
Johnny’s eyes dart to the left for a split second, and he takes a few minutes before he answers. For a moment, I don’t think he will, and the idea of that scares me more than knowing the answer, because if he doesn’t answer, that means he knows what kind of danger Heath is in. My heart pounds harder and harder as I watch him, begging for him to open his mouth and say the one word I want to hear—no.
He finally sighs and looks me in the eye. I’m fairly sure I’m going to stop breathing. “If he finds out, then it is pretty serious.”
“Who is he?”
He opens his mouth to answer but Tank walks outside, shirtless and terrifying. His eyes slice to mine and then to Johnny’s, and he growls, “Heath is looking for her.”
Her.
Not Lucy. Her.
He hates me, and I don’t understand it. He might have his reservations about me, but this outright hate I just don’t get it. What the hell have I done to deserve it?
“Right,” Johnny says, standing.
I stand too, but my knees shake a little as I move past Tank. He terrifies me; he’s so incredibly dark. It radiates from his soul. Maybe he’s just damaged and it’s coming off wrong, but the man has the power to scare anyone with just one look. I only let out my breath when I’m inside the warehouse. Talk about a testosterone-filled space. Blake and Sheldon stand at the kitchen counter, each wearing only a pair of boxers.
My cheeks turn pink and my eyes find Heath, who is on the other side of the counter, studying me, a hungry look in his eyes as they drag down my body. I wrap my arms around myself, meeting his gaze. I’m wearing my jeans and tank, but suddenly I feel very exposed. I shift nervously and glance at the other two men, who are grinning. Big, wolfish grins.
“God dang, the sexual tension in this room is out of this world.” Sheldon chuckles low.
“Tell me about it.” Blake grins. “Heath, man, take that woman and get some of that out of your system or I will.”
My cheeks burn hotter.
“Get fucked,” Heath growls at him.
Blake’s grin gets so big that dimples pop out in his cheeks. “Possessive, too.”
“Ah,” I say, turning and ducking my head as I hurry towards Heath’s room. “I’m going to have a shower.”
I disappear and shut the door when I reach his bedroom, exhaling loudly. They’re right, the tension is huge. Why is it the second you know you can’t have something, you want it? I know exactly why. Because the temptation of wanting what you can’t have feels so damned good.
I duck into the shower, closing the door behind me and stripping out of my clothes. Flashes of Heath’s beautiful body and face travel through my mind, and I find myself getting more aroused than I’d like. I turn the shower on far colder than I usually would and step in, letting the water glide all over me. It doesn’t help. Not even a little. I’m aching between my legs, my sex throbbing for more of what he can offer. I want to feel guilty, but I don’t. I don’t because I want him so damned bad I no longer care about the consequences.
My hands move before my mind registers what’s happening, sliding down my body and slipping between my legs. I’ve never been so turned on over the thought of a man in my entire life, not even with Gerard. Heath does something to me; he ignites a fire in my soul that I can’t seem to extinguish. It just burns brighter and hotter until eventually, I’m going to explode with wanting.
My fingers graze over my clit, and I whimper. Swollen and aching, my body is already on board for whatever I have to offer it. I turn, pressing my back to the shower wall and spreading my legs a little farther, massaging softly at first, and then increasing in pressure as images of Heath and I at my house flitter through my mind. God. He was incredible in bed. Incredible with his mouth. Incredible with his hands.
Dammit.
I want him again. I fucking need him.
“God fucking dammit.”
I jerk, and my hand drops from between my legs as a little gasp leaves my lips. Heath is standing at the door, boxers straining with his erection as he looks at me, the lusty glance he held earlier now filled with pure, raw need. My cheeks burn and I stammer, “I, ah . . .”
“I know exactly what you were doing,” he says, his voice so low and thick it’s hard to make out each word. “Fuck. It’s taking everything for me not to come in there, throw your leg around my waist, and slam you against that wall until we’re both coming.”
I shiver.
“You want it, too. Don’t you, baby?”
I lick my bottom lip. “I wasn’t touching myself for nothing.”
He growls. “Tell me to get out. Tell me I can’t have you again.”
My clit throbs, the desperation travelling deep into my belly. “You can’t have me again,” I say even though I want to throw myself out of the shower and into his arms.
“You’re a liar.”
“I know,” I sa
y, running my hands boldly down my body. “I know I am.”
“I’m walking away now, because I made a promise to do this right,” he rasps, his eyes dropping to my pussy before he turns and clearly forces himself out of the room.
My stomach dips with disappointment, yet my heart explodes with awe that he would be so respectful. A small smile plays around my lips as an idea comes to mind. If he’s so adamant on not having me, I’ll have to make him suffer.
Just a little.
~*~*~*~
It takes more than a little courage to do what I do next.
I finish my shower, and pull on my panties and one of Heath’s shirts, which covers my bottom and goes halfway down my thighs. Still, I know it’s sexy, and a massive risk. I can’t help it—something about him makes me want to play dirty, or even more—be dirty. I’ve never been that girl. I’ve always been the clean, little make-love-sweetly kind of woman. But with him, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make him ache for me.
I take a deep, shaky breath and walk out of the room and into the main living area. All the men are sitting around a table talking, so I saunter past and into the kitchen. It doesn’t escape my notice that the talking stops. Smothering my sly little grin, I reach up to a taller cupboard and take down a stack of plates. I know the lower part of my bottom is showing, and when I turn around with the plates in my hand, I know I’ve gotten the reaction I wanted.
I just didn’t expect it out of all of them.
They’re all staring at me with a mixture of tight jaws or sly smiles.
Heath looks pissed. And horny. Mostly pissed.
I smile sweetly. “I’m making breakfast. It’s the least I can do.”
I turn around and open the fridge, sidling over and leaning down to inspect the contents. A hiss can be heard in the silence, and my grin gets bigger as I gather some ham, eggs, mushrooms, and cheese. I feel his presence behind me long before I hear his rumbling voice as he leans his body over mine, letting his breath tickle my ear. “You’re givin’ every man in here a hard-on. Unless you want me to lower those pretty panties and fuck you right here, right now, then I suggest you go and put some jeans on.”
I straighten and turn, but he has me pinned with one hand right next to my head, resting against the fridge so I can’t get out. “Yes, sir,” I breathe, staring at his lips.
“Stop fuckin’ looking at me like that. You’re asking me to have control but you’re playing with fire.”
“I’m not asking you to have control,” I say slipping away. “But I appreciate that you do. Doesn’t mean I don’t get to make it difficult.”
He grabs me around the waist, pulling me so my back slams against his chest. His mouth finds my ear, and he gently nips it before saying in a husky voice, “Careful.”
“Consider it revenge for all those times you let me look crazy,” I say, spinning in his arms and leaning up, pressing a kiss to his lower lip.
He growls.
I grin.
Today is going to be a good day.
CHAPTER 17
I glance at my phone and frown when I see Heather’s name flashing across the screen. God, I thought we were over this. I’m so tired of her interfering in something that, quite frankly, is none of her business. I notice a few notifications on my screen that alert me to the fact that she’s been calling me for a while. With a sigh, I excuse myself from the men I’ve just served breakfast to and stand a few feet away, answering the phone.
“Yes, Heather?”
“Finally. I’ve been trying to call you for hours.”
My heart quickens. “Is everything okay with Gerard?”
Heath’s eyes flash to mine.
“They are now, but they won’t be when I tell him about you and your lover!”
I blink. “Pardon me?”
“This has all been a story, hasn’t it? This whole ‘other man’ business. You made it look like you were crazy so you could hide the fact that you were having an affair.”
The woman has lost her ever-loving mind.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Don’t play stupid with me,” she screams. “He gave you everything and you cheated on him!”
“I didn’t cheat on him,” I screech. I’ve had enough of this woman. “Not once.”
“Liar! I saw you last night leaving your parents’ house with him. A man. Then it made sense—it all came together. You used an imaginary man that you knew didn’t exist to push Gerard away and make it look like you were crazy, leaving you free to pursue your secret lover. What a clever, clever way of getting out of your marriage clean.”
She can’t be serious. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“So you’re telling me you’re not seeing someone? That I imagined you practically skipping out of that house with a man on your arm?”
I glance at Heath. I can’t tell her about him. I think for a few seconds. “No, I was with a man. He’s a friend.”
“You’re such a liar!”
“I’m not lying, Heather. He’s a friend that I met in, the, ah, support group I’ve been going to. I’m not having an affair; I was always faithful to Gerard.”
“That baby probably wasn’t even his. I always wondered how you magically got pregnant suddenly after so long trying.”
My blood boils. “Who the hell do you think you are? You shut your mouth. That baby was his. I was never, ever unfaithful.”
“I beg to differ. I’m going to prove it, and when I do, you’re going down. He’s going to get that house, the car—everything. Do you hear me? Everything.”
I’m trembling now. “What the hell have I ever done to make you hate me so much?”
“You were never good enough for him.”
“Go and fuck yourself, Heather. Search away; you’ll find nothing on me because I didn’t do a thing wrong.”
“You’re going to pay for this, mark my words.”
“Don’t you threaten me,” I hiss.
“It’s not a threat; it’s a promise. You’re going to lose everything when I’m finished.” Then she hangs up.
Without thought, I launch my phone across the room, letting out a frustrated scream. It lands against the wall with a thump.
“Hey.” Heath’s hands curl around my upper arms, and slowly he spins me around. “What’s going on?”
“She saw us leaving my parents’ house and thinks I was having an affair, and is going to try and take that through the justice system.”
“Who is she?”
“His sister. She hates me. She thinks I made up the story about you helping me as a subtle way to get out of my marriage to be with my lover. My god, she’s delusional.” My entire body shakes.
“Hey, look at me,” Heath orders.
I look up at him.
“She’s got nothing because you did nothing. Let her act like a crazy person if it makes her feel better.”
I stare at my hands. “I don’t want him to get hurt. Regardless of everything, I don’t want to see him suffer. I need to go and talk to him, without her.”
Heath’s jaw tics, but he nods. “If that’s what you need to do.”
“I do,” I say, reaching up and cupping his jaw. “I’ll call you later.”
His eyes close for a second, and he mutters, “I’ve never been the jealous type, but fuck, I hate you seeing him.”
My heart flutters. “You’re jealous?”
“Don’t smile at me,” he growls.
I smile big. Then I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him. “Oh, I need a ride.”
He grunts, but lets me go and reluctantly gets his keys.
“Later, guys.” I wave as we rush out the front door.
Heath is jealous.
Why does that feel so good?
~*~*~*~
I arrive at Heather’s half an hour later, after stopping home and getting some fresh clothes on and collecting my car from my parent’s house. I exhale in relief when I see her car isn’t there; I just hope wherever she is, he isn’t wi
th her. I need to talk to him alone, and if I have to demand that before proceeding further with the settlement, I will. I reach the front door and knock, sucking back any nerves and putting on a confident face.
The door opens a few minutes later, and Gerard appears, his hair messy, shirtless, and for a moment my heart aches. It aches because we didn’t go where I thought we’d go; it aches because part of me doesn’t want it to anymore; and it aches because he’s a good person, and I hate that it ever had to come to this. Our eyes meet, and I can see he’s tired. That hurts me. He doesn’t deserve to be struggling over this. Heather isn’t helping him, and I hope he comes to realize that soon.
“Are you seeing someone else?” he says, his voice icy yet exhausted.
Okay, I see he’s spoken to Heather already.
“Can we talk?” I sigh. “Please Gerard. This is getting out of control and I’m tired of it. We need to have a conversation without that woman around.”
“That woman is my sister, and she cares about me.”
“Yeah,” I growl. “Well believe it or not, so do I. We can either do this civilly or I’m going to put a hold on the proceedings until we can sit down and discuss it. It’s up to you.”
He studies me for a moment, then with a clenched jaw, he sighs. “I’ll get changed. Have you had breakfast?”
“No.”
“We’ll go out. Heather is busy this morning.”
Thank god. “I’ll wait out here.”
Ten minutes later, he steps out in a fresh pullover and a pair of jeans. Once, I’d thought his elegant, casual look was all I wanted, but now I’ve seen the rugged side to a male, I’m not so sure. We awkwardly get into my car, and I drive down to a café a few blocks down. We find a seat and for a few moments, we both just sit, looking at anything but each other.
“Are you seeing someone else?”
I don’t want to lie to him, but at the same time, there’s only so much information I can give.
“I have spent time with a man, yes,” I say, telling the truth.
“Before we split?”
I shake my head, a little sadly. He should know me better than that. “No, Gerard. Not before we split. Whatever Heather told you was a lie. I wouldn’t do that, and you know it.”