I lay there, trying desperately to breathe, but I felt my life beginning to fade. And as the sun began to come up and shine through the windows, darkness fell over me.
FORTY
While unconscious, I dreamed of Amanda and Lizzie searching for me, running from house to house in Barton, scouring the woods. I dreamed they were crying, and the tears on Amanda’s face were real. It wasn’t about money.
It had never been about money.
Even in my unconscious state, I knew that I was dying—and I was fully aware that I’d brought it on myself. I deserved to drift away in the backseat of a train, beaten up by the man I thought I loved.
I deserved to have Amanda laugh at my funeral. How absurd that I refused the free gifts she offered me . . . and for what? To keep wallowing in the slime of my childhood? How ridiculous that I would choose the familiar, when I had so much more waiting.
I curled into a tighter ball as I felt the train slowing to a stop. I tried to open my eyes, tried to pull myself back to consciousness, but I hovered in some netherland between sleep and death.
I dreamed I heard the sound of a helicopter, voices shouting in the other cars, my name being called, feet running . . .
I tried to open my eyes, to sit up, to call out that I was here . . . but I couldn’t seem to move.
But the voice sounded like Amanda’s. “Kara! Kara!” I knew it had to be a dream. Amanda hadn’t come for me. She didn’t even know where I was. I had insulted her, practically spit in her face, and she had probably written me off.
But then I heard it again . . . closer now.
“Lizzie! There she is!”
I heard Lizzie then, crying out as if she was wounded, and I wondered if Rudy had gotten to her . . .
I managed to slit my eyes open enough to see her fall to her knees beside my seat. “Kara, wake up,” she sobbed. “Please wake up. Don’t leave me now, Kara. Please wake up!”
I garnered all my strength and forced my eyes to open wider.
“Kara, it’s me.” Lizzie touched my bruised, swollen face. “Amanda and I came for you. Kara? She’s awake, Amanda.”
Amanda called out, and paramedics came running up the aisle. I felt her lifting my head and putting it on her lap, and she stroked my hair with gentle fingers. “Be careful with her,” she told the medics. “That’s my daughter. She was lost, but now she’s found. She’s very special.”
Her tears dropped onto my face.
I looked up at her and tried to open my mouth. My jaw was too frozen, but I managed to get out three words. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, sweetie, it’s okay. You’re going to be all right.Welcome home, sweetheart.”
They managed to get me to an ambulance.
I heard them radioing the hospital that my lung had collapsed, my jaw was fractured, and several ribs were crushed.
I don’t remember much else about that day, except that hours later I woke with wires and monitors attached to me, stitches across my face, and an IV in my arm. Amanda and Lizzie sat beside my bed and took care of my every need. They brushed my hair, nursed my wounds, talked to me about my past and who I really am . . .
This time I listened.
A few days later, they took me home.
I eventually recovered from my injuries, and Rudy was locked up for forty years for violating his parole by beating his bride to a pulp.
Even now, months later, as I sit on the balcony of the room Amanda prepared for me, as I look down at the gardens flowing over with color and a sweet breeze blows through my hair and calms my regrets . . . even now, the beauty of this life makes my heart ache.
I know I don’t deserve it. Amanda should have left me to wallow in my own mess. But that’s not how she works.
As long as I live, I will never understand the undeserved grace that she brought to my life, even after I treated her with such contempt. I’ll never grasp exactly why I didn’t have to buy a train ticket and make my way to her. She came the moment I called, without a moment’s hesitation.
I hear her footsteps across the plush carpet, and she steps out to join me. I smile up at her, and she sees the tears on my face.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
My heart is so full that I can hardly speak. “I’m just trying to figure myself out, that’s all.”
She sits down next to me, her eyes adoring my face.
I look down. “I can’t understand why I waited to come to you. I chose poverty instead of paradise. I created my own prison, thinking it was freedom. Some of the things I did . . . I don’t even know how you can forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what, honey?”
I screw my face up with shame. “For who I was.”
“But that’s not who you are anymore.” Her words have the sure sound of truth, and that truth radiates through me. “You’ve been washed clean of your past. And all I see now is my beautiful, sweet daughter.”
I weep against her as she holds me, stroking my hair, rocking me from side to side.
“Shhh,” she whispers again. “It’s okay, sweetie . . . I’ve loved you since you were three . . .”
I know she means it with all her heart. And it isn’t because of money. It never was. It’s because of a promise made to a man I don’t remember . . . by a woman I thought I hated.
A promise I didn’t deserve. A promise that meant new life, undying love, and redemption from the bondage I was in.
After all the broken promises of my life, it was the one kept promise that finally changed everything.
INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR
1. First of all, what inspired you to write this story?
I love the concept of our covenant with Christ, and I wanted to illustrate it in a way that believers and unbelievers could understand. I wanted to show that we all had an inheritance waiting for us to take it, and show the absurdity of continuing to eat from the garbage when we are children of a King. The way Amanda watched over Lizzie and Kara all their lives, descending at key times to help them out of trouble, and watching carefully over their inheritance, illustrated the way that Christ does the same for us. And when that understanding finally dawns in us, and we realize who we can be and what we can have in Christ, why would we choose to reject it?
2. Which twin do you identify with more, Lizzie or Kara?
I actually identify equally with both of them. Part of me is Lizzie, who—upon learning of her inheritance—grabbed it with both hands and immediately accepted it, willing to surrender and obey with great gratitude. But the other part of me is like Kara, because so often I find myself trying to forge out blessings on my own terms. Even though I know who I am in Christ—an adopted daughter of the Most High God—I tend to try to override those blessings and work things out in my own way.
3. This story has strong parallels to the parable Jesus told in Luke 15 about the prodigal son.Was there ever a time in your life that you felt like the prodigal coming home? Or did you ever know a prodigal struggling with coming home?
Yes, I have felt like the prodigal myself. Though I became a Christian at age fourteen, I strayed off of God’s course and lived my life my way, not paying much heed to what God wanted for my life. In my foolishness, I thought that I could make better decisions than God could. Needless to say, that idea caught up with me, resulting in some sad consequences.
Eventually I surrendered completely to the Lord, and I’ll never forget the peace that fell over me that day. I’ve never experienced such freedom and forgiveness. Now I try to live for Christ each day, with the help of the Holy Spirit, but now and again I still pull a “Kara,” and resort to stubbornness and arrogance. God instantly convicts me, and gently guides me back to the right path.
4. In the story, Amanda waited patiently yet passionately for Kara to come to her voluntarily, just as Jesus waits for us. In reality, the waiting can be so hard as we watch our loved ones choose their own paths. What advice would you give to someone like Amanda or Lizzie, who knows what life ca
n be like with Jesus but is waiting for a loved one to figure it out?
That’s one of the hardest things in the world.Waiting for someone we love to surrender to Christ, when we see the terrible consequences of their choices, can keep us on our knees. But that’s where we need to be. I’ve seen that proverbial mountain of rebellion and rejection moved because of the unceasing prayers of loved ones. God answers prayers that are according to His will, and sets up all the circumstances to give our loved ones chance after chance. I believe that kind of prayer will eventually bring that rebellious child to Christ.
5. What is an average day like for you?
I usually keep school hours for my writing, since for most of my career I’ve had children. Now that my nest is almost empty, I still try to keep those hours. I start my day by reading or studying my Bible. I take Precept Bible studies, so I usually have homework that makes me dig deeply into the book of the Bible I’m studying. Then I pray. After that, I get started working. I write at a laptop in an office with three desks, a wall of book shelves, and a big oversized chair and ottoman. I usually prop up in that chair with my feet up and bang away on my laptop for hours at a time. I need complete silence to work, so the only sound in my house is the clicking of my keyboard and the hum of the air conditioner. I usually wind down at around 3:00, but sometimes I’ll work a little more at night, if a deadline is approaching.
6. What is the overall message you want readers to understand when they read Covenant Child? Any of your books?
I would love it if readers came away with a deeper understanding of God’s grace and his tremendous, divine love for us. Grace is not something easy to give—we humans don’t have much capacity for it. But God’s grace transcends any sin we’ve ever committed, and covers us when we’re filthy and don’t deserve to be loved. The greatest act of grace in the world was when God sent Christ to take our punishment for the things we’ve done. Christ is the only one who ever did anything about those sins that drag us down and keep us in the world’s pig sty. And Christ is the only one who can redeem us from it. Imagine that grace—not just to love us, but to clean us up, walk with us through life, and use us in ways that bring joy and salvation to others. And that grace will ultimately take us to heaven to receive our full inheritance. I’m just amazed by the wonder of it all—that I, who was impoverished and selfish and arrogant and unlovable—could get that kind of attention from the Creator of the Universe!
READING GROUP GUIDE
The following questions may be used as part of a Book Club, Bible Study, or Group Discussion.
1. This story is told from Kara’s perspective. Kara is a perpetual skeptic—an unbeliever, if you will. Lizzie, on the other hand, is a believer—able to embrace her inheritance without hesitation.Which one are you?
2. Was there anything about Lizzie that made her more suitable for the inheritance than Kara, or was it equally accessible to both of them?
3. What were the conditions—if any—under which Amanda would take Lizzie into her home? What did Kara imagine the conditions would be? Do unbelievers ever have wrong ideas about the Christian life?
4. Why did Amanda watch over the girls all those years? What did her promise to Jack have to do with her commitment to the girls?
5. God promised Abraham that through Abraham’s seed, all the families of the earth would be blessed (Genesis 12, 15, 17). Galations 3:16 tells us that the promised “seed” was Jesus Christ. How are you a child of that covenant? Discuss the parallels in this book to the promises that God kept on your behalf when he sent Jesus Christ.
6. Eloise and Deke deceived the girls all their lives. Then Rudy came along and told Kara further lies. How may you have been deceived about your own “inheritance”?
7. What is your inheritance in Christ (1 Peter 1:3–5)?
8. Has there ever been a time when lies kept you from entering the kingdom of God?
9. Why did Kara choose her poverty over her inheritance? Discuss ways that we choose our spiritual poverty over the inheritance God offers us.
10. Discuss ways that you have extinguished the power of the Holy Spirit in your life, or insisted on living a bland and useless life instead of the abundant life Christ offers.
11. When Kara finally realized the truth, what did she do? Have you ever tried to work your way to God?
12. Is it possible to come to the Lord on our own terms? What are His terms?
(See Romans 10:9–13.) Why are God’s terms better than ours? Read Jeremiah 29:11.
13. Read 1 Samuel 18, 19, and 20, about the covenant David made with Jonathan. Jonathan extended that covenant to his “household” or his descendants (1 Samuel 20:15–16).What did this covenant obligate David to do?
14. Jonathan and his father, Saul, are killed on the battlefield. Opposition forces come into the palace and begin wiping out the entire family of Saul. Read 2 Samuel 4:4 about Jonathan’s five-year-old son, Mephibosheth.
15. Now read 2 Samuel 9.Why did David invite Mephibosheth into his home? What was Mephibosheth’s self-image?
16. Do you see parallels between the story of David and Mephibosheth, and Covenant Child ? How does this biblical story effect us as believers? Can you see any parallels between your own life and Mephibosheth’s?
17. If we are children of God, members of His family, and fellow heirs with Christ, do we ever have reason to feel lonely or helpless? (See Romans 8:15–17.)
18. In Luke 12:32, Jesus said, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.” Is there anything we can do to earn the grace Christ gives us when He invites us into His family? What does Christ require of us?
Now that you’ve finished this study, I challenge you to make the next “novel” you read the Old Testament. It happens to be true, but it’s more exciting than any fiction you could read! Then follow it up with the New Testament, and see how you are the Covenant Child who is constantly on God’s mind.
Terri Blackstock, Covenant Child
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