My entire body trembled, and I felt my breath go shaky.
“Now, do you think that by knowing where all I’ve lived that you’ll accomplish getting to know me better?”
I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. How was it possible for him to see me so clearly? Was I that transparent to other people?
I crossed my arms over my chest, vulnerable and tense. “Never mind,” I said, snatching the bottle of wine and refilling my glass. “So, do you choose the wine you serve here yourself, or is it a whatever’s-the-cheapest type of deal?” I needed to change gears, lighten the mood.
His lip quirked up just the slightest. “I curate it myself. I believe there should be a balance of options for every type of patron.”
“Good call.” I swirled the red liquid in my glass and brought it to my lips, taking a small sniff albeit unsure what I was even searching for in the aroma. I was far from a wine connoisseur. As long as it tasted good on my tongue, I was satisfied.
Jill was suddenly at the side of our table with our plates. “Filet mignon, medium well, with mushroom mascarpone sauce,” Caleb explained as I stared down at the most succulent-looking piece of meat I’d ever seen. “With asparagus and potatoes.”
“Wow. This looks delicious.” I still was unable to lift my head up enough to make eye contact. I could only see his mouth. I’d never felt so exposed with a man before. “Thank you.”
Caleb’s expression lifted, a pleased smile passing over his lips. “Cassandra may have mentioned you were a carnivore.”
I cut a piece of the steak. “You spoke to Cassandra about me?” I placed the piece in my mouth and nearly melted at the explosion of juicy flavors, my eyes closing to savor it.
Caleb released a soft chuckle. “Briefly.”
As much as I wanted to know more, I took the opportunity to sit quietly while eating and stabilize my insecurities, all of which were clamoring around in my head. I was soon nearly done with my meal—one that was filled with too much tension and a lot more wine.
“California.”
I peered up to find Caleb watching me, our eyes connecting.
“There was a guy I knew there. He let me crash at his place on the beach. Stayed about a year.”
My smile was grateful as I swallowed a bite of food. “I’ve only ever been to a beach once.” I released an embarrassed laugh, internally berating myself for even mentioning it.
“I’ll take you,” he said so easily I almost believed him. “The nearest one is less than three hours away. I’m surprised you and Cassandra don’t visit there in the summers.”
It was my turn to pry myself open now, and I had only myself to blame. “Yeah, the one visit I had was there, Victoria Beach. It, uh...it wasn’t the happiest memory, though.”
“How old were you?” he asked coolly.
I gulped down the third glass of wine, mentally preparing myself to open a box filled with things I’d never spoken about with anyone outside of Cassandra and her mom. “It was my sixteenth birthday. Felicia took me.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.” He took a bite of his food, waiting for me to explain.
And as much as I wanted to, the words lodged themselves in my throat. “Yeah, you’re right actually. It was beautiful there.” I shoved a piece of asparagus in my mouth, eyes cast down at my plate.
I felt his warm hand cover mine, and I gazed up slowly.
“We’re not very good at this, are we?” He had a handsome smirk covering his lips that was so sweet my walls began to tumble.
Despite the emotional storm brewing inside me, I wanted to push myself to unwrap the deepest parts of me just for him. I’d never had a man whom I longed to just sit and talk to about anything, but now it was all I wanted. It was the only way we could ever build anything together, even friendship. It all started with trust…so I was about to give it to him, if only the tiniest bit.
“Felicia took me to see my mother. It didn’t go as planned, but it was only an hour from the beach. It was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received, to be honest,” I said softly. “To just sit there on the hot sand and stare out at the endless cool, blue sea. The longer I watched the waves crash against the shore, the calmer my soul became.”
I lifted my head, fixing my gaze on his bright green eyes. “It was the stillest I’ve ever felt,” I confessed in a whisper.
Caleb squeezed my hand and offered a gentle smile. “I’ve heard stories about your mother—about what happened. I’m not sure what’s real and what’s gossip, but whatever the truth may be, I’m sorry, Hilary.”
Before my emotional dam could burst, I pulled on the widest beam I could muster, yanking my hand free and waving it in the air animatedly. “Ah, thanks, but it was a long time ago. My dad and I get along just fine without her anyway.”
We both knew it was enough for one night, so I was grateful when he dropped the subject and even more so when dessert came shortly after my last bite of dinner.
“La Fontaine de Mars has the best crème brûlée you’ll ever eat, but Chef Mario in the back prepares the second best, in my opinion,” Caleb said as I took a bite of the deliciousness.
“You’ve been to Paris?” I asked, my eyes wide.
“That I have,” was all he said and all I needed to know.
Maybe it was the entire bottle of wine that we finished off between us or just Caleb and the way he looked at me—the ease of his smile, the tenderness in his eyes—but I realized I’d been so afraid of rushing the physical part of whatever was happening between us that I was trying to rush everything else.
Any relationship was about enjoying each other’s company, and discovering who the other person was over time. I didn’t need to know everything right away. I had a good feeling that I’d have time to figure out exactly who Caleb Townsend was, at his own pace.
Chapter Nineteen
On Tuesday after school, I dropped off my application for a studio apartment priced at half the rent I’d have to pay if I stayed at Rafe’s complex. The new place was on the outskirts of town, a bit drab compared to my current digs, and lacking significant closet space, but it was clean, safe, and would be all mine, just like the Camry. Things were finally coming together, and life was actually good—almost too good.
Caleb and I had a quick lunch on Wednesday at Haven, where I learned he’d lived in Mexico for a year with a blind man before traveling around Europe with friends he wasn’t close to anymore. How he funded his adventures, I wasn’t brave enough to ask, as the drug comment from Luke was still rattling around in my brain, but I pushed it all aside, enjoying the time I had alone with Caleb.
What we were, I wasn’t sure, but the way he kissed me goodbye every time I saw him built my confidence high enough to know we’d surpassed friends.
I spent Wednesday evening dragging Cassandra around town for a fresh, sexy new dress with heels to match for her big date on Saturday. Every number she tried on looked amazing, and I found myself wondering which Logan would prefer, caring less and less about Kurt.
Logan was the one on her mind, and it didn’t take much prying for her to open up about their recent interactions. Caleb had mentioned Logan wasn’t himself the previous night when he went into Haven. He’d been distant and almost bummed, blowing off anyone who attempted to strike up a conversation—anyone other than Caleb, that was. He had a barrage of questions for him, all about Cassandra of course. So when Cassandra explained how she’d run into what she believed to be prostitutes at his house the previous day, it all began to make sense.
I liked Logan, but I was beginning to think he didn’t deserve her. If he wanted a shot at my best friend, he needed to get his shit together and quickly because come Saturday night, he was either going to make his play or let me know he wasn’t worth any more of my effort.
By Friday, I was cheerful and enthusiastic that soon Cassandra would have a chance to feel that way as well.
“You’re positive he’ll be there?” I asked Ca
leb through the phone as I sank into bed. God, how I wished he was there with me. He spent every night until closing at Haven, and I wasn’t comfortable enough to invite him over again after he’d turned me down following the carnival.
“Logan is a creature of habit. He’s here, like, every other Saturday night. That’s the least of your problems.”
I groaned. “What problems?”
I had everything worked out. If Logan felt even half of what I thought he did for Cassandra, he’d realize he needed to stop messing around and ask her out on a real date already.
Caleb chuckled. “Logan and I don’t usually sit around chitchatting about women. But Kurt may have mentioned having a date with a certain blonde while sitting at the bar, beside a very pissed-off-looking man I know.”
My face lit up. “That’s fantastic. Logan needs to get a little rattled, jealous, whatever. So what’s the problem, then?”
I heard him exhale deeply. “You don’t know Logan like I do, Honey Bee.” He paused, then added slowly, “He’s not the type you want to try to control.”
“I’m not controlling anything. I set my best friend up on a date because I want her to get back out there and give men another shot. And if Logan happens to realize he could lose the best thing that could ever happen to him, great. And if not, maybe she and Kurt can have some fun.”
“We’ll see.”
“That we will,” I agreed, rolling onto my side. “There is something I wanted to tell you. I have a…teeny-tiny confession.”
Caleb’s tone was playful when he replied, “Oh, do tell.”
I bit my bottom lip, suddenly nervous. “I might have told a small lie.”
“To me or Cassandra?”
Why was I telling him this? And why the hell did I so badly want to? He was just so easy to talk to, which was exhilarating yet terrifying.
I shook away my doubts and just spit it out. “I told her I only met Kurt once.”
“Why?” he asked with a laugh.
Now I felt stupid, but at the time, it had made sense. “Because if she knew I’d seen him at Haven throughout the week, she’d ask more questions about him, which I’d end up answering and scaring her off the guy before she even met him.”
“I’m happy as shit that I’m not a woman. You’re all a bit crazy—even you, Honey Bee.”
“You have no idea,” I replied with a short giggle. “So you’ll make sure Logan’s at the bar and fill me in on what’s going on, right?”
“Right, I’ll help you spy,” Caleb confirmed cheekily. “Although I’m still hoping you’ll change your mind and come hang out in the back with me.”
“I wish I could,” I said, disappointed. “My dad hasn’t been to the movies in forever and I promised him over a month ago I’d take him to see the new Bruce Willis movie. If I try to switch the days on him, he’ll change his mind about going at all.”
“You’re good to him. I hope you have a fun time. Enjoy it, and I’ll keep you posted. But you’ll owe me another recon mission in my back room soon.”
“If you want me, just say when and I’ll be there,” I said slowly and seductively, sliding down onto my back and skimming my fingers down my bare thighs.
I heard a small growl in the back of his throat. “Oh, honey, I want you, and I’ll keep you too distracted to do much of any spying when the time comes.”
“And what exactly will you do to distract me?”
Caleb was silent. My hand rested on my hip as I waited anxiously for a glimpse into the future.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” was all he said, instantly killing my budding libido.
He kept saying “soon,” but it was obvious he wasn’t in a hurry. I tossed my sheet over my stretched-out legs, cursing myself for my lack of patience.
“Now let me ask you this, Miss Matchmaker,” Caleb said coolly. “What happens if Logan spends the entire night making out at the bar with some random girl just to prove Cassandra’s date doesn’t bother him?”
“Seriously? Is that even a possibility?”
“Considering the Logan I know, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“What!?”
Caleb sighed. “I don’t play games, and neither does he. But if it’s already started, he may finish it in a way you don’t like. Don’t be upset if this doesn’t work out the way you’re planning.”
“Well, if he does, then Cassandra will realize what an ass he is and I hope she takes Kurt out back and screws his brains out.”
Caleb let out a hearty laugh. “Damn, girls are crazy and mean. Fair enough.”
His laughter was infectious. “Logan likes her, though. I’ve seen it, and I know you have too.”
“Yeah,” he agreed thoughtfully. “Logan does seem hooked on the girl. Okay, I’ll help you, but this is a new kind of mission for me—one I wouldn’t do for just anyone.”
“Really?” I rested my head on the pillow, grinning up at my ceiling.
“Yeah, really. I could give two shits about anyone’s love life or who sleeps with whom, but I know you think you’re doing the right thing here. So as a friend, I’ll help you.”
A friend? Was that how he kissed all his friends?
“Thank you,” I murmured. “So, missions? Do you have normal kinds?”
His breath stopped, as if he’d hung up, then suddenly he was there again. “Helping a loser score with a snotty woman out of his league. That’s a typical Saturday night lately.”
“You should be proud,” I said, yawning.
“You need to sleep, and I need to close this place down. I’ll text you tomorrow night.”
“Thanks. Good night, Caleb.”
“Good night, Honey Bee.”
I smiled to myself, pressing the end call button and turning on “Honey Bee” by Tom Petty (yes, I’d googled). I finally had everything I’d wanted for so long, and there was nothing but a calmness in my chest as I drifted to sleep that night.
My dad was always a fun date—not only because I adored him, but because his crumbling people skills mixed with a lack of filter made for some hilarious, albeit embarrassing, moments. I texted Caleb just before eight as we took our seats in the theatre and by the time the previews were over, he’d replied, confirming that Logan was situated alone at the bar and that Cassandra had just walked in.
I sneaked a few peeks at my phone during the movie, and frowned when there was only one text.
Caleb, 8:48 p.m.: All good here. About to cut Cassandra off.
The girl was all nerves when I’d spoken to her earlier in the day, so her settling them with a few drinks now didn’t surprise me.
By the time the movie ended, there were no other texts, so I excused myself to the bathroom and tugged out my phone, pulling up Caleb’s name first.
Me, 9:58 p.m.: So?
I texted the same question to Cassandra. By the time I dropped Dad at home, walking him up to his room as if he were a child to ensure he didn’t spend another night in the rickety recliner, I was dying to hear how Cassandra’s date had gone. The moment I slipped into the driver’s seat, I called Caleb.
I pulled out onto the street, growing frustrated when my call went straight to voicemail. So I called Cassandra, only to receive her voicemail as well, although it rang a few times first.
Everything was fine, I reasoned to myself as I slowed to a stop at a traffic light not far from my apartment. Cassandra was possibly rolling around with one of two very single men, so I was resolved to leave her alone for the night. And Haven was probably packed, so it wasn’t surprising that Caleb wasn’t able to answer.
Still, my jittery curiosity was running too rampant for me to simply go home and sleep, which was why I pulled into my parking lot and raced up the stairs, skipping the elevator. Within ten minutes, I’d be out of my jeans and into a slinky low-cut number, sitting at the bar at Haven, waiting for Caleb.
The moment I entered my apartment, the hairs on the back of my neck raised to attention. Something shifted in the muggy air and a warm, fa
miliar scent filled my nostrils.
I winced, recognizing instantly and drawing my eyes up from the keys jingling in my fingers to find Rafe stretched out across my couch, one hand behind his head and the other holding my remote as he flipped nonchalantly through the TV channels.
“What the hell are you doing!?” I dropped my keys down, blowing out a long breath. “You scared the shit out of me!”
Just as my shoulders released their strain of trepidation, he gazed up with the same charismatic smile he’d used on me the day we met.
“Been waiting for over an hour,” Rafe explained, flicking off the TV and tossing the remote onto the coffee table. He pulled himself upright, his demeanor far from threatening yet still unsettling. “Was pleased to see you’re not fully packed yet.”
Unsure what he wanted, I felt my gut churn. I folded my arms across my chest, willing as much strength as possible. Never show fear.
“I paid for the month, remember?” I reminded him, subtly reaching for my keys on the side table where they now lay, readying my stance to bolt if necessary. “I already have a new place lined up. As soon as they call, I’ll be out.”
Rafe gave a casual nod, then gripped the arm of the couch and propelled his body forward and up, straightening his suit jacket once he was standing. With two long strides, he was directly in front of me.
My indrawn breath coincided with his hand brushing across my cheek. I jerked my head back. My lips trembled, next words broken.
“Get out or I’ll call the cops.”
To my surprise, he stepped back, gauging me with a thoughtful expression until his eyes clouded and his body loosened.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, cutting through my anger.
I released a humorless laugh. “What?”
His features softened. “I owe you an apology, Hilary. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but I have few regrets. You, however, are one of them. I should have told you about my wife, my family—just been more up front with you.