Logan tilted his head to the side appraisingly. “Yes, I know you do. So we’re good on this then?”
“Yeah.” I tightened my ponytail, ready to finish moving my dad out, when I realized there was one last order of business between us.
“Hey,” I called out as Logan began walking away. “I know I should apologize for slapping you.”
“Not necessary,” he said, stopping and turning around. “I was determined to make you leave that night no matter what. You were too drunk to see how out of control you were—how you were risking your job, seeing as most of the faculty dine there. Still, it was insensitive of me.”
Logan’s apologetic frown only further highlighted his handsome features. “Your father’s a great guy. Funny as hell, too.”
“Yeah, he is.” I looked back toward the house to see Cassandra and my dad laughing together in the kitchen, then swung my gaze back at Logan as I walked toward him. “Which is why I was trying to say I know I should apologize, but I won’t. Speak like that about my dad or anyone else I care about, and I’ll do it again.”
His mouth curled up into a wide grin. “You and Caleb were made for each other. I hope you know that.”
“We’ll see,” I muttered, taking the steps two at a time, ready for lunch.
Chapter Thirty
The first time I saw Caleb again was also the last day I ever stepped foot inside my childhood home. He appeared bright and early with Logan, offering to help move the remaining big items. I was grateful for any assistance, but more than that I cherished the simple yet genuine smiles he’d grant me every time we passed. We didn’t speak outside of me directing him on how to load the moving truck, or offering him an occasional bottle of water. The house was soon mostly cleared out other than a few remaining items that my father planned to store for my mother. And by the time the sun set that evening, I was ready to say goodbye.
Cassandra was on the porch with me as I closed the door a final time. Caleb and Logan waited in the driveway, and when I turned to thank them for their help, Caleb was already gone.
It was less than two weeks later when he reappeared just as the demolition crew began their work. I stood by the curb with Felicia and my dad while Cassandra pulled up, with Caleb following close behind.
“You didn’t have to come,” I told her as she gave me a hug.
“And not say goodbye to this place? Of course I did,” she said. “Oh, and I ran into this one at the grocery store a few days ago. Told him about today and he insisted on being here for you.”
Caleb greeted my father with a handshake and received a short hug from Felicia before walking over and standing on the other side of me.
“Thanks for coming. You didn’t need to.”
My eyelids slid shut, breath exiting my lungs as he grasped my hand, threading his fingers through mine. His gaze remained focused on the bulldozer creeping toward my kitchen window.
“It’s what friends do.”
And as the destruction on my past proceeded, Caleb never left my side, squeezing my hand and filling me with hope for the future.
That same hopefulness brought me to Haven for dinner a few days later. Caleb waited on my table—something I doubted he often did for customers. We fell into a somewhat comfortable place that was safe but shallow.
Slowly, I began running into him more often, no longer avoiding Main Street despite my uncertainty about how to proceed without reliving the nightmare and thus never finding closure.
I spent Halloween handing out candy on my dad’s new front porch, dressed as a black cat—completely unoriginal, according to Caleb, who showed up per my request to refill my depleted candy bowl.
During the first two weeks of November, I hung out playing darts with him and Luke, getting my ass kicked at pool while Caleb helped me improve my game on the weekends. I also helped set up and organize more events at Haven, including free weekly poker and karaoke. A friendship of sorts seemed to begin growing between us, and that was good enough for a while. And then there was the moment when I realized that being friends wasn’t enough.
It was the week before Thanksgiving that I invited him to spend the holiday with me at my dad’s new place. I hated the thought of Caleb alone on a day meant to be shared with family, and wasn’t sure if he had plans already. But I still asked, boldly, because that’s what friends do.
“Thanks,” he replied, wiping down the bar at Haven, “but I’ll be at my father’s.”
“Really?” The word tumbled out over my stunned lips.
Caleb peered up with a conflicted frown and shrugged a shoulder. “Luke persuaded me. We’ll see how it goes.”
“That’s great,” I said, dropping my gaze, and I meant it. Family was important, and he seemed interested to at least try and mend things there, which was more than I did with my mother. Not that the man seemed to deserve it.
He placed the rag under the bar, then leaned forward. “How about you stop by after you leave your dad’s that night and have a drink? I know I’ll need one.”
I bit my bottom lip to contain my grin, cheeks blazing. “Yeah…okay, that sounds good.”
“Fantastic.” He peeked up as a waiter passed on an order for two drinks. “I’m opening up after eight for a private party. It’d be nice to have you there. A lot of friends from the city are coming down.”
Caleb pivoted away to grab the glasses just long enough to miss the disappointment that kicked the smile right off my face.
A private party? So not a me-and-him-alone thing? Caleb had officially shut down any chance of us becoming anything more than we currently were: friends. And that no longer worked for me.
I spoke with Cassandra in mid-December, feeling her out to see if Caleb had mentioned me to her, and came up empty. She was, however, convinced that he was very much into me. And as much as I wanted to believe it too, there was one thing standing in the way.
It was the sole reason I found myself knocking on his office door in the back of Haven the week before Christmas.
“Hilary, hey. What are you doing here?” Caleb asked, standing from his desk chair.
I stepped inside the small room, closing the door behind me. “We need to talk.”
“Is everything all right?” he asked, apprehension flickering in his eyes.
“Not really. I want to know what's going on between us,” I stated shamelessly. My stomach was knotted so tightly I regretted the snug jeans I’d worn, making it worse.
“What's going on between us?” he repeated, his brows stitching together.
“Yes,” I said, my confidence waning the longer his beautiful green eyes searched mine. He stood tall and somehow even sexier than the last time I’d seen him, wearing fitted black trousers and a plain white V-neck tee that highlighted his taut chest.
Caleb scrubbed his hand over his scruffy jaw, gauging me cautiously. “I thought we were good. You were here the other night, laughing at the bar with me. What’s happened since then?”
“Nothing.” I threw up my hands. “But that’s the problem.”
His confusion deepened. “That’s the problem?”
I exhaled deeply and slid down into his chair.
“Hilary, I’m lost right now.”
With my head lowered and gazed focused on his polished black shoes, I tore open the past. “I’m glad you came to Mexico. I know you did that because you care about me.”
“Hil—”
“Please,” I cut him off. “I need to say this.”
With another deep breath, I cleared my throat and bared my soul. “And since we've been back, I appreciate that you've given me space. I mean, you’ve been amazing, helping with my dad and just…just always being there when I need you. But…”
“But what?” Harshness coated his words.
I peered up slowly. “But is that it? Is this all you want—to just be friends?”
He tilted his head to the side. “I want you to be safe and I can’t risk ever putting you in danger again, so friends seems like
a perfect deal for me. It’s far more than I deserve.”
“What about what I deserve? Do I get a say in this?”
“Hilary, you don’t understand.” His words grew tired.
“You’re right, so explain it! Like when did you find my picture, the one that Rafe had taken?” I asked, my confidence building. I was eager to learn everything. No more secrets.
Caleb leaned back against the wall, raking his hand through his hair.
“When?” I repeated, determined to get my answer. “Before or after you moved back to Harmony?”
“During the move, while renovating Haven.”
“How did you find it?”
He held my gaze and spoke warily. “At a poker game. A guy had it on his phone and I recognized you, but more than that, I recognized the dress.”
“So you knew what Rafe was up to?”
He shook his head. “No. We could never pin Rafe to the missing girls, but your picture…” His nostrils flared, jaw working under the skin. “I spent weeks looking into it and finally traced it back to Rafe. I then confirmed you two were still together, and knew I had to do something.”
“You saw us together, over the summer?” My breath slipped away. I was stunned.
“Yes. It’s why I sent his wife your phone number and hinted that you were seeing her husband.”
I shot up. “What!? You did that? You told her!? Let her come to my house and confront me…”
He shoved off the wall. “I had no choice. I needed you to leave him—to hate his fucking guts like I did.” His voice dropped lower. “I just wasn’t sure if you knew he was married or not.”
“So you thought there was a chance I’d be okay being a homewrecker?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. “Hilary, I hadn’t seen you in years. I had no idea what to expect. The only thing I was certain of was that I would not let him hurt you.”
I slid back into the seat, replaying those early weeks. “I asked Saint about why he didn’t turn things over to the police or make Rafe disappear himself, and he said he was just the middleman—that he needed him to lead him to the girls. Is that why you let Rafe come into Haven during speed dating? Why you didn’t just go to him and tell him to leave me alone?”
“I needed him to see that you were under my protection, which in turn also meant Saint’s. I never thought he’d be ballsy enough to go after you again.”
“And the night you came to my apartment, after Kurt was arrested, why were you so angry at me? Was all of this because of Rafe—you thinking you had to push me away to keep me safe?” My voice rose with my irritation.
Pain, or perhaps regret, flittered across his eyes. “I would do anything to protect you, and Saint knew that. Which is why after a bunch of bullshit with my father down at the station, Saint knew I was already on edge and played on it.
“He told me that he’d heard Rafe had it in for me after I knocked him out, and was talking about going after a girl I was seeing. I knew I needed to distance myself from you, and was pissed Felicia and my father thought they knew everything about me. So it was the perfect storm—exactly what Saint needed to make his play.”
“I thought you and Saint were friends.”
“We are.”
I made a face. “All right,” I drawled.
“Saint wouldn’t let you get hurt, if he could stop it. But the man plays dirty. I shouldn’t have blown up on you that night. I’ve been living with nightmares of you crying ever since. I just needed to keep you safe, but more than that, to finish things with Rafe. And the only way that would happen was if I could follow him when he took a girl over there, so we could shut him and Diego down for good.”
“You were an asshole that night. You know that, right?”
A hint of a smile tugged at his lips. “That’s what I am, though. I get pissed off and blow up. It’s why I’m just grateful you still want to speak to me after everything.”
I stood up, moving closer. “I see you, Caleb—clearly. You’re not a bad man, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.” I reached for his face but he shook me away, stepping around me.
“You don’t know. You want to believe it and so do I, but I’ve done things.” His mouth tightened in a frustrated snarl. “Damn it. I hate that you saw what Saint did. That motherfucker knew you were watching. And he did it because he wanted you to see what he is—what he’s capable of. Because that’s how he lives his life: as a fucking monster no one ever gets close to. That man has been my mentor for almost four years, so why should I be any different?”
“But you are, because you want people in your life. You came back to your family. You run a restaurant that people love, that you socialize and drink at with customers. You’re not like him. If you were, you wouldn’t have shown up at 6 a.m. to watch my house be demolished. You care. I know you do.”
“I’ve done things you’ll never understand,” he murmured.
I took his hands in mine. “Have you taken a life as easily as Saint did?”
His eyes darkened, and I regretted asking instantly. Shit. What if he had? What did that mean?
“Never mind.”
“No,” he replied severely. “And I’ve never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it.”
“So you have…hurt people. Like Saint, I mean?”
Caleb squeezed my hand, his gaze trained on mine, forcing me to hear him. “Saint has a particular skill set that people pay a lot of money for. I helped him with jobs, investigating and tracking, but always left the dirty work to him.
“Fuck,” he growled suddenly, and I lurched back. “Why am I telling you this shit?”
I flung myself at him. “Because you know I won’t judge you and that I want to know everything there is about you—that I care about you.”
“God damn it, Hilary.” He gripped my upper arms. “I’ve struggled to stay away from you—to let you walk by me every other day and not grab you up. I pass your place, wondering if you’re inside alone or with some piece of shit that actually deserves you. I’ve let myself go insane staying away from you because I know the man I am. I will hurt you, and I would rather die first.”
Before he could go on, I stood on my tiptoes and crushed his lips under mine, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close. He responded instantly, his hands sliding down to my ass to scoop me up. My legs wound around his waist as he set me on his desk.
He broke the kiss, resting his forehead against mine. “Honey Bee…walk away, please.”
“I can’t. It’s too late.” I kissed him again, speaking in broken words against his mouth. “I crave you more than an addiction.”
His kiss grew harsher, demanding and rough. “I don’t understand it,” I said as his lips traced my cheek, across to my ear. “Never have.”
“Baby, I’m all yours, as long as you’ll have me,” he whispered, then drew back, stroking my cheek. “And I'm done with that life. But I’ve never been scared before—not like I was on my way to Mexico. I can’t let anything ever hurt you.”
My smile grew wide and my heart swelled. “Then kiss me again and promise to never stop.”
His strong arms curled around and up my back, hands weaving through my hair as his mouth claimed mine. “Never.”
Chapter Thirty-One
“Come on, since when do you take this long?” I called out, growing impatient as I slipped on my glittery black heels. They were from the local thrift store but still had tags on them and added a little pop to my red mini dress—a garment that I’d needed help zipping into and was hopeful Caleb would be removing later.
Cassandra had never been one to spend much time in front of the mirror, so I knew things with Logan must have been improving for her to put so much time and energy into looking her best tonight.
With a confident strut, she stepped into the living room wearing a form-fitting little black dress that hugged curves I didn’t even know she had. A deep, crystal-adorned V-cut was shocking on her but gorgeous, revealing the body she
worked hard to maintain and deserved to show off. Her skirt blossomed out and fell mid-thigh, highlighting those runners’ legs, strong and lean.
“Hot damn, girl!” I hollered, impressed and excited for her. There was no way Logan—or any guy, for that matter—could resist her in that, especially with those big blonde curls.
“You’re sure it’s not too much?” Her insecurities peeked through as she ran a nervous hand over the dress.
“It’s freaking gorgeous! You look stunning, and there’s no way Logan won’t be drooling all over himself when he sees you in that.” I had to laugh. “Looks like the tables have turned, huh?”
She nodded with a hidden smile, then slipped down onto the couch across from me to step into her nude heels. “So you and Caleb are good?”
“I’ve never been happier,” I admitted. “He’s amazing. I mean, I always knew that, but he’s so kind and loving and the most unbelievable kisser.” I slumped back in the chair, feeling my heart swell.
“Yeah, I got it. You’re falling in love,” she said so calmly that I shot up.
“No! I mean, no…I don’t…oh my God.”
Cassandra giggled. “Why are you freaked about that? It’s what you always dreamed about.”
I looked up at her slowly, gnawing on my bottom lip as realization set in. “I just…” I sighed. “I’m not falling in love with Caleb.”
“Um…you sure about that?” She chuckled softly, looking bemused.
I was certain of it. “Cassandra, I’m already in love with him.” My words fell out slowly as they sank in.
“Oh.”
“I know, right? We haven’t even slept together,” I blurted out.
Her mouth dropped open, eyes bugging out.
“Stop looking at me like that!” I demanded, standing and glaring down at her.
The last couple of weeks had been amazing but Caleb and I were rarely alone together and he’d been out of town for more than half of that time, so our relationship had mostly consisted of late-night phone calls and sweet texts.
Still, I couldn’t blame her for being surprised. If he’d been around more, I’d like to think I’d have been all over him, but the truth was that I let him set the boundaries and take the lead. And he was all about deep kisses and sweet caresses, which never left me complaining.