“How could he do this to me? And to other children?”
Her eyes moistened up with tears again. “Don’t let this information dampen your feelings about your father. He may have been misdirected in his quest for power, but Victor was still a good father. I truly believe he tried to protect you, once he realized his mistakes. That should count for something,” she says, trying to convince me to forgive him. “I often wondered if he ever tested his serums on you. But by the time my suspicions grew, you were already gone from this world and I had no memories of you. I had nothing to question him about.”
“Yeah, well, now I know why I’m such a freak. I think I’ve learned enough for one night.” I wasn’t being rude. I really was tired and everything I had just learned was weighing heavily on my mind. I meant what I said to my aunt—I’m a freak and by my own father’s hand.
“You are never a freak in my eyes, but I do agree that you need your rest. We’ll talk more about this tomorrow,” she offers.
Relieved that my aunt finally knows the truth, I make my way up the stairs to my room. I pull my notebook to read another one of my journal entries. At first, I felt like I was prying into a different person’s life, but now, reading my thoughts brings my alternate self closer to me somehow. I begin to view her as an extension of myself, which, for all intents and purposes, she is.
I flip the pages of the notebook until I find the spot where I previously left off.
March 6, 2011
I had another dream last night. This time, I was looking down at myself, like I was watching a movie. I was eight years old and a woman was helping me take a bath. She wasn’t Aunt Maggie and I didn’t know who she was. It was almost like the bathroom I have here only it was different. The wallpaper was pink with silver stripes. I don’t know why, but it felt more like a memory than a dream. The woman reminded me of my mother. I miss her so much.
I woke up pretty disoriented and cold. It was like I had actually gone somewhere that took all the energy out of me. I hope I don’t have another dream like that again. They say that waking up soaking wet is a sign of night terrors. But it was more like a cold sweat and they definitely weren’t nightmares, I’d remember. I just felt even more tired after waking up. Weird.
On the home front, things are finally settling down between me and Jaime. She’s spoiled, but in truth, I love her. She’s my best friend after all and I shouldn’t write bad things about her. It must be tough to be in her shoes, being an orphan and all. Always being insecure and wanting to be the center of attention. I guess I can’t really blame her for simply being herself, even if she is selfish and spoiled.
‘Til next time!
The notebook almost drops out of my hands. I re-read the first couple of paragraphs. I was describing the bathroom in one of the foster homes I had grown up in. I remember the house with the pink wallpaper with silvery stripes. How in the world did I have memories of me over there? Is it possible that I actually saw myself in that reality, even if it was only in my dream?
Chapter Sixteen
Pool Party
After last night’s revelations, I only end up getting about four hours sleep, so needless to say, I’m a bit of a wreck when Jaime shows up to pick me up for school. I still haven’t heard back from the Mini dealership, so I have to rely on Jaime for a ride, now that she has her driving privileges back. Her parents finally gave in and she’s no longer grounded. I’m in the middle of picking at the eggs benedict Maggie has prepared for me.
“You look like hell,” Jaime says, helping herself to breakfast.
Now I know why Aunt Maggie spends so much time in the kitchen. Someone must have appointed her the responsibility of feeding all the neighborhood kids.
“Gee, thanks.” I sop up the remaining hollandaise sauce with the last piece of my English muffin and pop it in my mouth.
“Seriously, what’d you do? Stay up all night? And why wasn’t I invited?” Jaime pours so much hollandaise on her plate you can’t even see the rest of the dish. It’s absolutely gluttonous. I wonder how she manages to stay so thin.
I should really take a cue from my own journal and give her a break. She is a little spoiled, but I know she has my back in any fight. I peek over at my aunt. “You could say I stayed up. I didn’t sleep very well last night.”
“Right and I’m sure the visitor you had yesterday morning doesn’t have anything to do with it. Tall dark and handsome can do that to a girl. Don’t forget you promised to introduce us.”
I made no such promise, but I let it slide. “No, it’s not that. I just stayed up late watching TV when I couldn’t fall asleep.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Aunt Maggie just nurses her coffee and shoots me a wink, allowing my little white lie. It’s nice being able to share my secret with someone that isn’t Cooper. My aunt may not have all the answers, but I know I can count on her to help me figure things out as they come.
My feelings are so mixed, I’m not sure who knows what at this point and what other secrets are possibly being kept from me. I know I can trust Jaime, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to disclose what’s really going on with me. So for now, I want to keep my conversation with my aunt close to the vest.
“Etta, I almost forgot to tell you. While you were upstairs getting dressed, I got a call from the dealership. Your car is ready,” my aunt informs me. “If we hurry, we can go pick it up before school, then you can drive yourself.”
“Awesome.” Jaime sounds more excited than I do. “I’m going with. I love riding around in your car.”
Yes! Finally, I’ll be able to roam around town without having to rely on anyone. I clear my plate in the sink and meet my aunt at the front door with Jaime trailing right behind me.
The Mini dealership is only minutes away from the house and I’m so stoked to be picking up my car, you’d think I’m being presented with it for the first time. Then I remember this is the first time I’d be behind the wheel of my very own car and I get excited all over again.
My aunt accompanies me over to the reception desk. I sign the appropriate paperwork as she pays the bill. Then all three of us wait outside as they bring my car around the front of the building. As soon as I lay eyes on it, I instinctively know I had picked the car out myself. The dark green Mini convertible is exactly the kind of car I would have chosen. I run my hand along the slick shiny hood and wonder for the millionth time how I ended up in this world.
Aunt Maggie understands why I’m so excited and whispers in my ear, “Have fun.”
Once I’m behind the wheel and Jaime’s safely tucked behind the seatbelt, I tear out of the dealership in the direction of Dominion Hall. While I don’t have much experience driving, I had taken the mandatory driving course at my old high school. At the time, I was a bit resentful being in class where most of the students would be getting their own car when they turned sixteen. Now I’m grateful for the instruction. I have no problems whizzing in and out of rush hour traffic in my little Mini.
“Jeez, Etta. You act like this is the first time you’ve ever driven,” Jaime says, shaking her head. “Dial it down a notch or you’re going to get us killed before we even get to school.”
“Sorry.” I let up on the gas. “Just glad to have my car back.”
“Ditto, but take it easy will ya?”
The drive to school was entirely too short, but I can’t waste time driving around. We have to get to class or we’ll get in trouble for being late. I can always take the long way home after school. I didn’t hear from Alex this morning, but I manage to spot him before heading off to first period.
“Hey, I tried calling you last night.” He rushes up to meet us in the quad.
I feel a bit guilty as he runs up to us. Before I decided to ransack my father’s study last night, he called and I allowed it to go straight to voicemail. “Sorry I didn’t call back. I was charging my phone and I didn’t hear it ring,” I say. “I probably wouldn’t have heard it anyway, I had a bad dream and ended up sleepin
g in the living room.”
“What was it about? I hope I wasn’t the cause of the nightmare,” Alex jokes.
And an opportunity presents itself. “Actually, we were both in public school and you were the quarterback of the football team.” Offering Alex a dose of the truth, albeit veiled as a dream, is just what I needed. It’s cathartic in a way. I’m getting tired of all this secrecy bull crap.
“That doesn’t sound so bad. But I’m captain of the lacrosse team.”
“Yeah, I know.” I don’t, but I do now. “Oh, but that’s not all. I was also a foster kid and you wanted nothing to do with me. In fact, Jenny was your girlfriend.” I wait for his reaction.
Alex hoots with laughter. “You’re right. It does sound like a nightmare.”
“It was so real,” I go on, continuing to milk it. “I can’t seem to shake that memory from my head.” It’s kinda fun teasing Alex, but at the same time, it’s nice to be able to tell him the truth, even though he thinks it’s only a dream. That and it’s also payback for not keeping the other world Jenny in check.
Jaime joins us after saying goodbye to a girl I don’t recognize. “What was real?” She’d missed half the conversation.
“Oh nothing, Etta’s telling me about some bizarre dream she had where I was dating Jenny.”
“Sounds more like a nightmare,” Jaime shudders.
“That’s what I said,” Alex agrees. “So tell me more about this dream. Did you have a boyfriend?”
“No. But I had a major crush on you though.” I throw him a bone. I owe Alex that much after the way I’ve treated him the last couple of days.
“Really?” He weaves his arm through mine, obviously liking what he hears.
“Well, duh, who wouldn’t crush on the captain of the football team? Too bad you were with Jenny. She was a real major bitch, kinda like the way she is now and you were all over her,” I tease.
Alex pulls away and puts his hands up in mock defense. “Okay, enough,” he laughs. “I think I’m going to have my own nightmare tonight.”
“Was I in your dream too?” Jaime asks.
Clearly she didn’t like to be left out. “Yeah, the Thornberry’s never adopted you because Mrs. Thornberry had a little problem with ethics.”
Jaime rolls her eyes at me. “That dream again? What did you call the place we lived in? Dominion House? Can you imagine having to live in a place like that?”
Yeah, I can. It’s proving more difficult not being able to confide in the both of them. Everything they’ve ever known is merely a life that ends up getting duplicated in another reality—every time a choice is made, we end up playing out a different scene—like a chose your own adventure book.
“Nope,” I say instead.
“Etta was up watching movies all night. Don’t let the bags under her eyes scare you,” Jaime giggles.
“Oh, hey, I want to see if you have plans tonight. It’s Friday,” he points out.
“All three of us?” I so don’t want to be alone with Alex tonight. I can totally see myself going out with him, but I’m still a little hesitant. So for the time being, if I can drag Jaime into doing whatever he has in mind, I’ll feel a lot better.
“Uh, yeah, sure. Jaime, you game for doing something?” He sounds disappointed, but extends the offer anyway.
I can tell he had no intentions of asking her to join us, but he must have realized that if he wants to be with me, she’s part of the package deal. Cooper’s perfect bright smile still lingers in the back of my mind. I haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning’s showdown with Alex. The slip of paper he gave me with his phone number is still tucked in my jean’s pocket back at home. I promise myself that if I don’t hear from him this evening, I’ll call him myself. Single girl survival tip #3: It’s never a good idea to call a guy first. Not that I’m an expert on the matter, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“She’s in. What’s the plan?” I take the liberty of agreeing for the both of us.
“I thought since the weather turned out pretty decent today, maybe we could grill out over at my place after school.”
“Awesome,” Jaime squeals with delight. “I love your pool Alex. We can have ourselves a mini pool party.”
“Awesome,” I echo back. Do I own a bathing suit? I must. I just hope it’s not a flesh revealing bikini.
There are some things that never change, no matter what reality you’re in. Like springtime in Virginia—it can be cold and unforgiving. But today is unusually warm and the idea of going over to Alex’s house after school is appealing. I’ve never been friends with someone who has a pool. Suddenly, I begin to look forward to my quasi-date with Alex.
• • •
When I arrive at Alex’s house after school, I’m totally taken by surprise. It’s amazing what a difference a street makes. And I thought my own block was impressive. Cherry blossoms and grandiose oak trees line the street, showcasing colossal two story colonial homes, with the Stewart property boasting the largest plot. Who knew being a public servant paid so well.
I’m glad Jaime and I took the time to help Alex set-up the backyard. The cook-out we planned earlier this morning didn’t turn out to be exactly the small affair we’d expected. Word quickly spread about Alex’s little get-together and soon his entire backyard begins to fill with kids not only from Dominion, but all the neighboring public high schools, including Alexandria High. I even spot Amy Pierce, sporting a red striped bikini. I guess she doesn’t get knocked-up in this reality. At least, I hope she’s not pregnant; she’s on her third bottle of beer.
“Hey, Etta.”
I’m perched along the pool’s ledge, dangling my legs in the cool water and I momentarily push aside the noise gathering from the crowd. I can faintly hear someone calling my name from a distance. After a few more calls for my attention, I finally look up to find Jenny scowling down at me.
“Spaz much Etta? Don’t think for a second I don’t know it was you. Your little Frisbee stunt in the cafeteria isn’t going to scare me off. Can’t figure out how you managed to get that close to me, but you better watch out,” Jenny warns me. Her face is so scrunched up; she looks like she just swallowed a sour grape.
I did my best not to laugh right in her face. Now that I know I can defend myself, I’m not so scared of Jenny anymore. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Jenny and the Barbie Brigade venture off to the other side of the pool, where lounge chairs are arranged along the pool’s edge. I continue to watch Jenny as she applies sun screen to her fair skin and decide I can’t help myself. I focus my attention on where she’s sitting and pretty soon, the whole group watches in shocked amusement as Jenny’s chair buckles under her, propelling her directly into the pool.
“Holy crap, Etta, did you see that?” Jaime races over to me, where I continue to soak my legs, just as Jenny’s head bobs back up.
“Front row seats.” I giggle, taking in the full view of Jenny as she splashes around in the water. Too bad I can’t take the credit.
“You got guts to laugh at someone like Jenny,” she laughs alongside me. “What’s gotten into you? It’s like you’re becoming this whole other Etta.” She takes a closer look at me. “I like it.”
From a distance, I watch Alex grin as he endures Jenny’s wrath. Despite my earlier misgivings, I’m beginning to warm up to the idea of being his girlfriend. What he lacked in humor before, he certainly has command of it in this world. A guy who can laugh at the small stuff can’t be all that bad. So what if I don’t get the body tremors around him, like I do when I’m with Cooper.
“God damn it Alex! Can’t you afford better chairs? My hair is soaking wet!” Jenny wails at him for a full five minutes. I’m pretty sure she’s going to call the evening short. “I can’t believe I brought over free beer for you guys.”
She pads along the tile floor, making her way back towards my direction. “And you,” she hisses. “You just better watch out.” With the Barbie Brigade right behind h
er, they quickly make their escape. Everyone continues to laugh as her wet feet almost cause her to slip on the tile flooring.
“Don’t slip, honey,” I sing as they walk past me.
• • •
I can’t wait to get to another entry in my journal. I could have read it all in one sitting—it’s not that thick of a notebook, but for some reason I want to pace myself. Savor what little connection I have to the life I was meant to have led.
March 10
He finally asked me out! I can’t believe it! Can this really be happening? Now I just hope I have his attention long enough for him to ask me to the Spring Fling. The girls at Dominion will just freak if they see me with Alex! I can’t wait!
So that’s where the photo was taken. Guess they—we—went to the Spring Fling after all. It’s weird reading about your life and never actually experiencing it yourself. I wonder if there is anyone else in the world that has gone through this. Then I remember the promise I made to myself earlier to contact Cooper. I still haven’t heard from him, so I dial the number that was written on the scratch sheet of paper. The phone rings several times and goes straight to voicemail. I hate leaving voicemails, so I start over and send him a text. Hopefully it won’t take long for him to respond back.
Etta: Hey, where are you?
Chapter Seventeen
Travelers
The next morning I find myself being lulled back to sleep to the gentle sound of rain. The taps against the window form a random rhythmic pattern that doesn’t sound random at all. I’m still a bit groggy from the night before (Jaime and I got stuck helping Alex clean up the backyard after the pool party) and my body is totally regretting it.
For once, since having returned, I don’t have anything scheduled, so I go in search of Aunt Maggie. The first place I check is the kitchen and she’s not there—that’s a surprise. I head back upstairs and locate her in the converted bedroom I noticed on my first day here. This must be her office. I peek through the open doorway and observe my aunt hunched over the computer monitor working on some kind of computer program I don’t recognize.