She clapped a hand over her mouth, shocked she’d actually yelled it. “I’m sorry. That was totally out of line. I didn’t tell you because, as I’ve learned after some therapy, I’m ashamed of it.”
He sighed. “Just when I work up hurt feelings that you don’t trust me enough to be a man you can rely on, you reveal something else that breaks my heart and fucks with my perceptions.”
Paddy took her hand between his to stop it from shaking. “I was indeed a stumbling drunk. I’m sorry I asked that like an accusation. You don’t need to apologize for having feelings. I can’t tell you not to be ashamed, though I don’t think you should be. We all went through some counseling while Ezra was getting clean.”
She snorted. “Ezra isn’t like Bob. Not at all. It took me a while you know, before I could see the differences. I tended to think all recovering folks were selfish jerks. But really, Bob is a selfish jerk. He’s not evil. That’s too simple. He just doesn’t have the ability to understand anyone else’s feelings. Or even that he should. Even when he’s clean, he’s going to be an asshole. I don’t hate him. I don’t wish bad things for him. I just want to be free of him. I want a life without him in it.”
“Do you think you could ever have a relationship with him? I mean, does he get credit at all for coming to see you?”
“This isn’t a loan. I’m not interested in credit. That’s not how it works. There comes a time when you have to own your shit. Truly. Can I own what I did in a house like mine? When I was twelve and fending off druggies who wanted to fuck me? I won’t own that. I own my rejection of him now. If that makes me heartless, so be it.”
His mouth flattened into an angry line. “I hate that you lived that way.”
She shrugged. “It’s over and done.”
“The library was your haven, wasn’t it?”
She sucked in a breath. “I can’t do this anymore. Not right now. I’m scraped raw and embarrassed, and we’re going to be caught up in hurricane Hurley in a few minutes. Tuesday will be protective if she sees I’m upset, and I want her to have a good day.”
“I want to make everything better for you.”
She put her face in her hands as tears threatened.
“Now I’m making it worse, and I don’t know why or how. Jesus, I’m fucking up.”
She sniffed, willing the threatened tears far away, straightening to look at him. “No, you aren’t. You’re doing just fine.” There were things she wanted to say to him but was so freaked out by the fear. What if he thought she was stupid? What if she cared about him more than he cared about her?
“Remember? Trust.”
“No one has ever wanted to make everything better for me.” She rushed the words from her lips before she could take them back.
He pulled her over the console and into his lap. Her ass hit the horn, and he opened the door to swing his legs out, holding her close. “You wreck me. No one has ever wrecked me. You don’t mean to. It’s not calculated. You just do it because you’re brave and honest and Christ, I’m falling in love with you. And I do want to make it better because you’re so much to me. You ask me questions, and you care about my life, and you have this heart that fells me.” He spoke as he spilled kisses across her face. Over her eyelids and cheeks. She held on because he filled her up and made her light all at the same time.
“I want to take you in my house, strip you naked and show you how much you mean to me. With my lips and my tongue and other parts.”
“I’d love that, too, but you know people are waiting for us.”
Paddy sighed, standing and putting her down so carefully, the tears she’d managed to put away threatened again. “Sometimes they’re a pain in my butt.”
“But you love them.”
“Mostly. But not when they’re cockblocking me.”
She grabbed her bag. “Do you want to drive over there or walk with the bags?”
“Get in. We’ll drive over since there are so many bags.”
* * *
HE WATCHED HER for hours. Seeing her in a new light made her even more beautiful to him. But he couldn’t get the look on her face as she’d nearly lost it out of his head. Or the way she’d yelled and then apologized for it.
She was so afraid to fight with him, and he didn’t know what to do about that. Because he wanted her to feel safe yelling if she had to sometimes. Wanted her to realize he wasn’t going anywhere if she lost her temper from time to time. He’d been sort of a butthead, anyway, even though he was just expressing worry.
At the same time she’d unburdened herself to him. She’d opened up and trusted him with a piece of her story that had exposed her hurts and fears. In that act she gave up control in a different way. He could hurt her with what she revealed, but she did it, anyway. Letting go.
The longer they were together, the more he understood what a huge gift that was. Her confession that no one had ever wanted to make things better had nearly brought him to his knees.
She was made to be cherished. So that was what he tried to do, and he bungled it up sometimes. But they got past it when it came to that. And it was a victory every time they disagreed, and she didn’t run off or close up.
That trust she showed was as intimate as the clasp of her body around his when they made love.
But it was the issue of her father that had him the most perplexed. She didn’t want the man in her life, and that was all Paddy needed to know. From what he’d witnessed that afternoon, she was truly better off without a man so petty and vindictive.
Paddy wanted to know about the mother, too, but Natalie was fragile just then. He could see it in her features. So he waited. He’d be what she needed.
They’d started eating when Ezra showed up. He’d gone to Portland for the day and was more relaxed than he had been when they’d worked that morning before they’d gone on their ride.
Paddy didn’t know exactly what Ezra did when he left for hours. He knew his older brother wasn’t using again. But he got something there that he needed because he came back calmer than when he’d gone.
Ezra clicked with Natalie. He and Mary were close, but there was a certain synchronicity between his big brother and Nat. The addiction thing tied them together in complicated ways. Ezra reminded Nat that recovery could be good and lasting and true. But he reminded her that her father hadn’t done that. And Paddy was pretty sure Ezra saw in Natalie the sum of all the shit he’d done to his family and friends when he was an addict, as well as someone who understood his struggle in a unique way. Maybe through her, Ezra could see himself as a better person than he gave himself credit for.
Natalie smiled as Ezra came into the house. She watched as each brother adjusted himself in their little family ecosystem. It was adorable and also a little awe-inspiring that they had such rhythm.
Ezra gave Mary a kiss on the cheek and grinned at Natalie. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, yourself. You’re finally here when Tuesday is around.” And even better, he looked ridiculously hot in a black turtleneck and worn jeans with well-worn cowboy boots.
Tuesday came in from the front room where she’d been watching something with Vaughan, and she and Ezra seemed to freeze up a moment when they caught sight of each other. Natalie’s brow went up for a brief moment, but she held back a smile.
“Tuesday Eastwood, this is Ezra Hurley. Tuesday is one of my oldest and dearest friends, and I swear she was beginning to think we made you up because every time she came up here you were off doing something or other.”
Ezra shook Tuesday’s hand, and the stack of silver bracelets she wore jingled.
“Nice to meet you. Natalie talks about you all the time. You have great hair.”
Everyone stared because Ezra was normally gruff, sometimes smooth, but never blurty.
Tuesday’s smile, though, well, she was clearly pleased. It was the throaty purr of a woman who’d been flattered by a man she was interested in. “Thank you.”
They dropped their hands, but it took several
more seconds before everyone started talking again. Damien called Ezra from the other room, and he seemed to have to tear himself away, saying he’d be back shortly.
Natalie followed Tuesday into the kitchen. “Dude.”
Tuesday just smiled. “What?”
“You have great hair?”
Tuesday touched her hair. She’d forgone the braids she’d had for the past few years and let it grow out into her natural curls. Her hair was fantastic. Big and bold and fucking gorgeous.
“Clearly the man recognizes great hair when he sees it. Now, until you got all titillated by Sir Hotness and his clearly wonderful taste, you were upset about something. What’s up?”
Natalie sighed. “Bob was at the grocery store.”
“What? Are you kidding me? What happened?”
Natalie told her quickly, and her friend just shook her head. “That is some kind of fuckery. But I’m glad you told Paddy more about the situation. He’s good for you.”
“Yeah. He is.”
She walked Tuesday out and told her she’d see her at home in a few minutes.
* * *
“I NEED TO get working.” Paddy brushed a fingertip over her chin.
“I know. Go on. I’ll see you later. Thanks for today.” She paused. “And thank you. For defending me. And for listening.”
Tuesday had gone home already, so Natalie had a few stolen alone moments with Paddy.
“Oh, wait, you left your coat.”
She’d put it in his front closet earlier.
He walked her in but kicked the door closed and gave her the look.
“Patrick, you’re giving me the look.”
“Am I?”
He backed her against the closet door, hands at her hips. “I guess I am. I’m afraid that doesn’t bode well for you.”
“Or maybe it bodes really well.”
He leaned down to kiss her and she gave over to it. He had to go and they both knew it, but he made no move to break away.
“Can you be very quiet? And quick? Hmm?” He spun her and her palms slapped the door, the sound so loud in the quiet of the entry. “You never know who might come to the door looking for me.”
She should not be turned on by any of this.
But holy cow, she totally was.
He licked up the back of her neck, leaving her skin extrasensitive as gooseflesh broke out. His hands skimmed around her belly, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans. The cool air made her shiver, but not as much as the moment did. He shoved her pants and panties down, pressing her body against the wood.
The edge of his teeth grazed her ear as his fingers teased her clit, readying her body. She tried to be quiet, but he was driving her crazy, and when she heard the jingle of his belt and his zipper going down, she may have whimpered. She knew she did when the crinkle and tear of a condom wrapper sounded.
He pulled back a moment, her body cool suddenly where the heat of him had been scorching.
Her ankles hobbled by her pants, she couldn’t do much more than rise to her tiptoes, thrusting her ass out when the tip of his cock brushed her butt cheeks.
“Yes,” she moaned.
“Shh.”
His hand clamped over her mouth right as he positioned himself and thrust into her body.
She was so wet, it went easy, even as the friction was delicious because her thighs were together.
Something about it was so taboo it sent a dark, delicious thrill through her as she groaned.
In and out, he thrust hard and fast as her fingers scrabbled against the wood. Looking for purchase and finding none.
“You’re going to need to come. It’s been a hard day. I want you to come all over my cock.”
She cursed against his fingers, and he laughed softly, knowing exactly what he was doing to her.
With his free hand, he danced his fingertips around her nipple, through her shirt and bra. But it was enough. Enough to send waves of pleasure through her body, centering between her legs.
She whimpered when he moved his hand away, but he walked his fingers down her belly to her clit.
Three brushes of his middle finger and she was coming with so much sudden intensity, she had to close her eyes against it. He bit her neck where it met her shoulder as he joined her in climax.
Moments later, he pulled out and ducked into the powder room across from the closet, and when he returned, she’d managed to get her muscles working enough to pull her underpants and jeans back into place.
He looked carefully at her. So sweetly clear, he wanted to be sure she was all right with what had happened.
If it had been another man, she wasn’t sure it would have been. But it wasn’t any other man, it was Paddy. And what it was, was hot. Dirty and filthy and really delicious.
“You should go make music. Try not to punch anyone.” She tiptoed up and kissed him. “I feel much more relaxed now.”
He slid his arms around her waist. “Yeah? Everything okay?”
“Yes. Perfect. Now go on. I have to get home. I’ll talk to you later.”
He walked her to her car and watched her drive away.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“I VOTE WE walk right over there. I could use some soup and a cup of coffee.” Sharon Hurley had shown up at the library the week following dinner at Damien and Mary’s to invite Natalie to lunch.
“Sounds good.” The little café was a place she ate lunch at all the time, so she knew the food was excellent.
“You look pretty. You’re not afraid to wear color. I like that.”
Natalie blushed. Sharon always said the nicest things. Oh, sure, she could be sort of scary sometimes, but usually to other people, which was always fun to watch.
They grabbed a table and settled in and once they’d ordered, Sharon leaned closer. “So I work with this group that does drives for different shelters and low-income programs for kids. Sometimes it’s through the schools, too. I’d really like to get the community as a whole more involved, and I thought maybe you could help me with it.”
“Really? Me? I’d love to help, but what makes you think I’d be so good at it?”
“I look at you when you’re with kids, and I see someone who wants them to have a relationship with reading. I sense—and please don’t take this the wrong way—but I sense that maybe you didn’t have the greatest home life growing up.”
Natalie swallowed, hard. Trust.
“No, I didn’t. Reading was a way for me to travel. To be in places where people wanted to hear what you thought, wanted to know how you felt. Reading took me away from my reality, which wasn’t safe, wasn’t warm, wasn’t filled with people who wanted to protect me.”
Sharon took her hand. “I think you can relate to these kids, and they can relate to you. That’s why I think you’d be good at it and I think they’d be good for you, too.”
Natalie ducked her head.
“I’m a mother. I can’t imagine not doing right by my kids. It makes me so angry to imagine that your parents didn’t.”
“My mother left when I was three. I sometimes got a birthday card from her. But I haven’t seen her since she left. I don’t even know what she looks like. My father is a weak person in every way. But I didn’t grow up in a shelter. I had things those kids don’t. I had money and opportunity. I’ll gladly help you. I’m really excited to be involved.”
“You have a trust fund, but that’s not a substitute for love of family.”
“I do. So I always had something to fall back on. Because, no it’s not a substitute, but it’s what I have. Which means I can help financially, too.”
Sharon laughed and waved it away. “Oh, no, honey. Here’s the funniest thing. I grew up on a farm. We didn’t have much, and now I have sons—and let me tell you, I wasn’t always sure they’d ever graduate from high school—who are millionaires. I make them all support my various projects and they do without complaint. I was just being nosy. I do that. I remembered Paddy mentioning it awhile back when we first met you. I?
??m sure my boys have told you scary tales about me.”
“Your sons adore you. They’re a little afraid of you, but they all adore you.”
Sharon snorted. “They better adore me. They nearly killed me when they were growing up. I wore out the road between the ranch and the schools. Everyone knew me by sight. I started off pretty much every single conversation with a school employee with I’m so sorry.”
Natalie had to stop eating because she was laughing so hard.
“And they’re still wild. Jeez-a-lou. Fighting and causing a ruckus. We used to have the window and glass place here in town on speed dial because they broke so many windows. Then Michael started making them do it themselves. But those scamps, they loved cutting and fitting the glass. That one sort of backfired, but having giant sheets of glass to use to replace broken panes did save us a passel of money. Then we got vinyl windows for better insulation and they’re harder to break.
“Thank heavens for Mary because at least she keeps Damien from doing too much damage. Paddy, well, he’s always gone his own way. You were quite a surprise. But a good one. I wondered about him. You’ve settled him. You know, it’s hard when they’re as pretty as Paddy. They’re all smart and clever and too charming for their own good. Girls came as easily to him as playing the guitar. But you? Oh, he has to work for you. He was pissy about that at first.” Sharon thought that was hilarious.
“But the thing about Hurley men? They’re floozies, and I’m sure you’re not unaware that those boys sure do love the ladies. In any case, they flit around and flit around but once they find the one, that’s it. Over and done. They will dig in like a tick and stick with you forever and ever.”
“Forever might be jumping to conclusions. I mean, we’ve only been going out since August.”
“His father met me once and never saw another girl. We were married six months later. It’s been thirty-seven years now. His parents were pretty much the same. He’s got three brothers. They’re all the same. It’s written into their genetics, the rogues they all are.” Sharon took a few bites of her sandwich before speaking again.
“Between you and Paddy? I know you two knew each other from before, so it’s not like he just met you in August. Anyway, it’s nearly December. He says things like, I’ll see you later on. Make sure you save a piece of that pie for Nat. If my son saves you pie, he’s in it forever. Trust me on that.”