Laying down on the hard bedroll, she stared into the darkness.
She was still awake when Tahdaon entered the tent some time later. She heard him lie down on top of the blankets, and knew his hand rested on the hilt of his sword. It was the way he always slept, as if he expected to be attacked at any moment.
She shifted to her side and looked at his faint silhouette. His breathing was even and deep as if he already dozed, but Cara knew better. Tahdaon slept almost as little as she did, and it was a wonder to her that it never seemed to affect him the way it did her.
“Tahdaon?” she said in the darkness.
“What?” he grunted.
She bit her lip and hesitated before asking, “What is it about me that you dislike so much?”
There was a long silence and Cara thought that he wouldn't answer. He placed his forearm over his eyes and let out a slow deep breath.
“I don't dislike you Cara, but you have to understand that I've spent my entire life fighting against the oppression of the Queen and her council, and against the hatred of the southern provinces. I can't just let that go.”
“I'm not Birkita,” Cara whispered, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her knees.
“I know that, and I saw what she did to Crowthorne. The poverty your people live in.”
“Then how are we any different? We both want the same thing. I've seen the way you are with Helfrich and Finn. You've changed towards them. You trust them. I know you do. Why can't you extend me the same courtesy? After all that we have been through is friendship too much to ask?”
“Friends,” he said and laughed harshly as if it were a ridiculous concept.
“Never mind,” she said, glaring at him through the darkness. “I don't know why I even bother trying.”
“Cara.” She heard him, rather than saw him sit up and turn towards her.
“It's fine Tahdaon. I can't say that I understand why you hold onto your anger and resentment, but I won't bother you again.”
He rustled around in the darkness and Cara blinked at the sudden light as he lit an oil lamp and set it between them.
Sitting back on his bed roll he watched her, and Cara shifted uncomfortably under his dark gaze.
“You want to know why I hold onto my anger?” he asked through clenched teeth. “Before I was born, the Queen and the council gave Ballack permission to crush any uprisings along the Dalglieshan borders. Of course Ballack wasn't content with just the borders, and soon his men pushed further north, raping and pillaging the towns that they came across. My father rode south to seek the Queen's audience and inform her of what Ballack was doing. No help was given. She claimed that unless he had evidence of his complaint, it was him who stood on grounds of treachery for falsely accusing Ballack.”
He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his dark hair. Cara didn't say anything, worried that if she did he would stop talking.
“After that the attacks on our land increased. Not knowing what else to do, my father went to Ballack and tried to reason with him. In return Ballack killed him in cold blood, and then rode to our home in Drumna with his severed head as a gift for my mother.”
Cara drew a breath in sharply. “The council did nothing?”
He shook his head. “Ballack maintained that my father had assaulted him, and he had reacted in self defense.”
“I'm so sorry Tahdaon.”
“That would have been bad enough, but Ballack wasn't satisfied. His men stormed the castle where my mother slept. He——” Tahdaon laughed bitterly and shook his head. “Wanted to make sure my mother never forgot what he had done. He forced himself upon her, planting his bastard seed in her womb, so that whenever she looked upon the child, she would be reminded of the power that Hellstrom possessed.”
“Your mother bore Ballack a child?”
Tahdaon looked at her, his scowl deepening. “I am that child.”
Cara stared at him in shocked horror. If Ballack was his father that meant Edmund was his half-brother.
“My mother, she never told me. Not until I was an adult. I had heard rumors when I was a child, but I never believed them. It wasn't until I saw Ballack that I knew the truth. It is my shame that I bare the face of a monster.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes and grimaced. “I don't know how my mother did it. Even now, when she looks at me, she sees the face of the man who killed her husband, the man who raped her and took her honor. She should have drowned me at birth, but she raised me and loved me. It's more than Ballack's bastard child deserved. But I promised her, promised myself, that one day I would kill him for what he did to her. That I would take my revenge on the Queen and the council who stood by and did nothing. On the man that destroyed her life.”
Cara stood and crossed the tent. Sitting beside him, she took his hand in her own. He didn't pull away from her as he usually did, but sat still staring intently at their entwined fingers.
“When I found out that I had been chosen as one of the Twelve I thought I would have my chance. At the dedication ceremony, I would be close enough to the Queen, to Ballack and the council members to strike. I could have killed them easily. Taken my revenge.” He glanced up at her, his blue eyes moist with unshed tears. “But I couldn't do it. Something held me back. I failed my mother. Myself.”
She cringed inwardly at his confession. “And now you're sworn to protect the future Queen. It's your vow you hate. Every time you look at me you see your failure to avenge your mother.”
“I told you, I don't hate you. If things were different——”
She stopped him with a kiss. Taking his face in her hands, she placed her mouth gently against his and kissed him softly. When she pulled away she held his gaze and stroked his cheeks with the pads of her thumb.
“Whether you believe it or not, I am on your side. I can't take away what they did, but together we can make sure that it never happens again. Just trust me Tahdaon. Let me in. Don't let Ballack take anything else from you. Don't let him take what we can have together. Even if it's just friendship.”
She watched his expression and saw the inner battle in his eyes. The fact that he had shared so much with her gave her hope, and that was more than she had had in a long time.
“I don't know what I can give you,” he said finally, removing her hands from his face. “But I'll try.”
“That's all any of us can do.”
Taking off his scabbard, he laid down on the hard bed roll. Lifting his arm, he patted his chest, coaxing her to lie with him. “We can start with a good night sleep.”
She smiled as she snuggled against him, and he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek, and she closed her eyes, savoring the closeness of his body.
Within minutes they were both asleep, and for the first time in weeks she slept soundly.
* * *
Tahdaon shifted in his saddle and tried to calculate how many miles they were from Drumna. He had planned on heading straight to the northern city of Muir, but he knew with the limited resources that the Viceroy of Northlew had given them, they would run out of food well before they reached their destination. They would make a short stop in Drumna, where his older sister Tia and her husband Osker, the current Viceroy of Dalgliesh, took up residence.
If they continued at the pace they were going, he believed they would reach Drumna within a fortnight, just before the summer solstice.
“There's a small lake just a few hours from here,” Tahdaon said over his shoulder. “We'll make camp there for the night.”
Cara's face lit up. It had been over a week since they had been able to bathe properly, and he was just as eager to clean the stench from his body as she was.
“We can make it in two if we hurry,” he said, and laughed out loud as she took off in a full gallop ahead of him.
They rode as hard as the horses allowed, and Cara gasped in awe when they arrived at Laodore Falls. Spring flowers were just beginning to fade and the summer foliage
blossomed in a vast array of colors around the small lake. Tahdaon had come there often when he was a boy. It was one of his and his older brother's favorite places to camp, but never had he been so happy to be there. For the first time in over a year he was truly at home.
“It's beautiful,” Cara said, as Tahdaon dismounted and walked towards her.
“Go,” he said, grinning up at her as he took her reins. “I'll get the horses settled and set up camp.”
Unabashed, Cara dismounted and ran towards the lake's edge, stripped fully and dove into the cool water. He heard her laugh as she came up for air.
He tried to divert his eyes, but it was difficult to tear his gaze away from her.
“Hurry up and join me,” she called before she started swimming towards the cascading water of the falls.
He took his time unsaddling the horses and setting up their tent. Things had changed between them since the night in the tent when he had confessed to her who his real father was. It was a secret he had kept from everyone, only those who had been there when it happened knew the terrible truth. He didn't know what had made him tell her, but he knew that she didn't judge him for it, and that had been his worst fear.
His body had hardened at the sight of her naked flesh, and even as he finished preparing the campfire, and unpacking their gear, he couldn't get the image out of his mind. It had taken all his willpower not to touch her the past weeks that they had been travelling alone together. It had become even more difficult not to push himself on her since she had started sleeping in his arms. He knew she slept more soundly when he allowed her to curl up next to him, but his own rest was disrupted by the raging hard on he had whenever she touched him.
He saw the way she watched him. Knew that she desired him, but he couldn't bring himself to give into the hunger. The couple of times that they had been together had proven that sex only confused their relationship, and there was no room in either of their lives for more complications. He needed to keep his head clear when he was around her, and he definitely needed to keep his heart out of it. Both were becoming more difficult to do. As much as he hated to admit it, she had gotten under his skin.
With a sigh of frustration, he grabbed clean clothes and blankets and headed down to the water's edge.
Taking his shoes and shirt off, he started to strip his pants when he heard her scream his name.
Panic tore through him as he raced into the water. She was yards from him, her head barely reaching the surface of the water as she struggled, and gasped for air before submerging once again.
Something held her down, he was sure of it. As he swam towards her, he saw the fear in her eyes as she surfaced once again.
“Weeds,” she gasped, taking in a mouthful of water as she did, and then her head went under again.
He dove under the water and instantly saw the mess she was in. The more she struggled to free herself, the tighter the weeds wrapped around her legs. He didn't have a blade with him. He used his bare hands to pull at the thick, sharp weeds, slicing his palms open as he did. When she was free, he rose to the surface and took in a deep breath.
“Keep your legs up. Try to float on the surface so that you don't get tangled up again. Can you swim?”
Cara nodded and followed him back to the shore.
When the water was shallow enough for him to stand he scooped her up in his arms and carried her the remaining way. Without letting her go, he grabbed the blankets he had left beside his discarded shoes and shirt and wrapped them around her. He rubbed her back and arms to warm her, but despite the blankets and his own body heat, she still shivered against him.
“You're okay now,” he whispered against her hair.
She let out a shaky breath and stuttered, “I tho-thought I was go-going to drown.”
There had been a moment when he thought she might as well. Never in his life had he been so scared.
He tightened his arms around her and became instantly aware of her naked flesh pressed against his bare chest.
Tilting her head back, she looked up at him. Her lips trembled as she spoke, “Thank you for saving me.”
Before he could even think about what he was doing, his mouth was on hers. Desperation tore through him as he tangled his fingers in her hair and parted her lips with his tongue. Her body melted into his, her own delicate hands reaching for him, trailing his chest and torso with the tips of her fingers.
“Cara,” he said against her mouth, trying with little success to control his urges.
“Don't stop,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck.
He shook his head and felt her stiffen. If he didn't stop himself, he would take her right there on the sandy shoreline, in broad daylight, where anyone could see them.
“Not here,” he said, lifting her in his arms effortlessly and walking back towards their camp.
Every step he took was torture as he fought between his desires and the logic that told him he should stop.
He didn't want to hurt her, but no matter what he did now he knew it was inevitable.
Opening the flap of the tent with his foot, he entered and gently laid her on the bed mat he had set out earlier.
Thoughts assailed him. What if he had still been setting up the camp when she had gotten tangled in the weeds? He didn't know if he would have heard her, or if he would have been able to get to her in time. He shuddered at the thought, of the image of her gasping for air as she struggled to stay afloat.
“Tahdaon?” she asked tentatively.
He looked down at her and saw the unease in her expression. Everything about her made him want to protect her, to wrap her in his arms and never let go, but he knew it was an impossible fantasy. He would have to give her back to Finn when he came north for her. Finn was who she truly wanted, who she was meant to be with. Whatever they did now would only add to the confusion and pain when she would no longer want him.
Pain tore through his chest as he looked at her. There was no denying that he wanted her, and had even come to care for her, but that was the problem. If he took her now, how could he continue to deny the feelings he had for her?
He stood, closed his eyes and rubbed his face with the palms of his hands, thinking about what the least harmful choice of words would be. He heard her move, and his eyes flew open as her fingers working on the links of his trousers.
She knelt on her knees in front of him, her dark hair flowing in damp waves down her back, as she looked up with innocent eyes. She bit her lower lip and smiled playfully, but he could see the hint of trepidation in her dark gaze, as if she expected him to thrust her away at any moment.
He stood stark still, unable to move or tear as he watched her. She managed to loosen his soggy pants and shift them so that they rested around his ankles.
He groaned out loud as she took his length in her hand and placed the tip of his cock in her warm mouth. His hands tangled in her hair as she licked and sucked and brought him to the point where he nearly exploded in her mouth.
Grinding his teeth in an effort to control himself, he carefully pulled away from her. It had been too long and his control was slipping as he laid her on her back and entered her fully. He lifted himself on his arms and looked down at her. His breathing was ragged as he reached out to stroke her cheek, and saw his own hunger mirrored in her dark eyes.
There was no way he could deny his feelings for her any longer. He wanted her with a ferocious need that couldn't be denied. Dipping his head downwards, he took her mouth and kissed her with unrestrained passion.
Thrusting deeply, he watched her with every movement. She was so beautiful, and as she cried out in pleasure, he could no longer contain himself. Spilling his seed deep within her womb, he let out a groan that vibrated from the very core of his being.
He buried his face in the crook of her neck and held her. When his body finished convulsing within her, he started to move away, but she held him tight, and refused to let him go.
“Don't go.”
T
ahdaon shifted his weight, flipped over on his back taking her with him, and pulled the blankets over her bare shoulders. Cradling her head against his chest, he kissed her forehead.
“I'm not going anywhere,” he said softly, drawing out a long breath.
Chapter 27
“Keep your hood up and your eyes down until we are inside the castle,” Tahdaon warned, as they entered the walled city of Drumna.
Tahdaon led them through the narrow cobblestone streets towards the black stone castle that was built within the dark cliffs that shadowed the densely populated city. Cara had never seen anything like it. The walls of the castle seemed to be made from a single piece of stone, untarnished and yet ageless in appearance.
Cara shivered as they approached the impressive double-storey doors that led inside the enormous structure that seemed more of a fortress than a home. The air seemed denser, almost tangible, and for a moment she found it difficult to breathe as memories of dreams and visions assailed her. She felt as if she had been there before. It was a strange sensation. There was power there. An energy that seemed to vibrate from the hills themselves. Cara pulled her hood further over her forehead and tried to block out the feelings of apprehension and foreboding that grew stronger the closer they got.
“Is this where you grew up?” she whispered.
He nodded and smiled, and she saw the pride enter his eyes as he looked up at the impenetrable walls.
“Halt.”
Two soldiers, armed in mail shirt, stepped out of the shadows, their swords drawn, ready to fight.
Cara had to brace herself as her horse whinnied and reared backwards. Tahdaon grabbed her reins and steadied the beast, before she was thrown off.
“Remove your cloaks and announce yourself,” one of the guards demanded.
“Tahdaon, son of Baldwynne,” he said gruffly, pulling his hood back from his face.
The guard who had spoken raised his eyebrows as recognition crossed his features. “Sorry my Lord, I didn't realize it was you.”
Tahdaon dismounted and tossed the reins to the guard. “Take them to the stables. Make sure they are fed and watered. You,” he said to the second guard, “Inform Lord Osker of my arrival. I will be waiting for him in his study.”