Thank God Rand had warned me about the mead tainted with a love spell Odran had insisted I drink when we’d first met. Otherwise, if I’d slept with the King of the Fae, I don’t think I ever would’ve forgiven myself. Odran gave Hugh Hefner a run for his money.
I shook my head and my growling stomach grabbed my attention. How long had it been since I’d eaten? I couldn’t remember. One thing I could say about hanging out with Sinjin, opportunities to eat were never plentiful. I grabbed a wooden plate and piled an ample serving of bread, cheese, grapes, half a pomegranate and two sausages.
Sinjin observed my plate with a twinkle in his eye. “What army are you planning to feed, Love?”
“Ha ha, very funny. I haven’t had a freaking thing to eat all day, so zip it.”
“You will certainly have enough sustenance after that feast to last all week.”
I took a seat on a nearby bale of hay and started in on my dinner, not caring what Sinjin thought. He remained standing.
“What may I bring you to drink, Love?”
Hmm, I’d been so hungry, I’d completely forgotten about a beverage. “Anything, I don’t care. Well, no mead,” I added, suddenly remembering I still had to take my daily allotment of Sinjin’s blood. “When will I drink from…”
“Before morning comes.”
Then our sleeping arrangements dawned on me. “Where will I be sleeping?”
“With me.”
My stomach dropped. Behind closed doors with Sinjin… As much as I didn’t trust Sinjin, I also didn’t trust myself. And the more time I spent with him, the harder it was to convince myself I wasn’t that into him.
“Is that the best idea,” I started.
“You are my human, it is only natural,” he interrupted with a knowing smile before he sauntered over to a huge tankard of what appeared to be ale and poured me a generous glass. Sitting, he handed me the glass and I thanked him.
“Poppet, I will need to feed this eve,” Sinjin whispered. “Especially if I am to give you my blood.”
I nodded although my stomach fell at the idea that he would need to become so intimate with someone else. “I understand. I’d offer you my blood but…”
“I would not feed from you. Not when you need your strength.”
Even though I piled a piece of bread high with Swiss cheese, I wasn’t hungry anymore. The thought of Sinjin feeding on a woman had sent my hunger packing. I dropped the sandwich on the plate with a sigh. Swallowing some of the ale, I watched Sinjin stand.
“I find myself growing increasingly hungry. Would you mind if I left you momentarily?”
I shook my head, although the truth was that I did mind. But, I couldn’t tell him that; I wouldn’t tell him that.
“Once you requested me not to make love to my donor,” Sinjin said, his eyes glowing.
I swallowed hard. “Were you…planning on doing…that?”
He chuckled. “It heightens the experience.”
I nodded and suddenly felt like being sick, like keeling over right there and depositing whatever I’d managed to intake all over his shoes. Was sex so casual for him? Apparently. And I couldn’t help but wonder if I fell into that category. Not that I ever imagined we would have sex but just to play devil’s advocate, would I end up another notch on his bedpost?
“Then do whatever you…want to,” I hadn’t intended my voice to sound so acerbic.
He reached forward and grabbed my hand, covering it with both of his. “What is your desire?”
“I have no right to ask you not to,” I said in a small voice, reminding myself of the same thing. “You and I aren’t in a relationship.”
The intensity of his gaze burned me. “That is not what I asked. Are you desirous that I make love to my donor…or not?”
I didn’t want to get involved in his sex life. I mean, with thoughts of Rand consuming my brain at any given moment, it didn’t seem right that I should keep Sinjin from…enjoying himself. I laid no claim to him. The mere thought of Rand stirred warmth inside me and I knew it wasn’t right for me to ask anything of Sinjin. Not when I was in love with Rand.
“I’m not in the position to…”
“Yes or no.”
“No!” I said sharply, surprised to hear the word come from my mouth. I slumped forward and exhaled the pent-up air in my lungs. I dropped the mostly uneaten food on the hay next to me as I tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Was I in love with Sinjin? I didn’t think so—the feelings I harbored for Sinjin weren’t the same as those I felt for Rand.
“Very well,” Sinjin said, wearing the smile of someone who’d just won an argument. “I shall return shortly.”
“What if someone sees you?” I asked. “Won’t it seem weird you aren’t feeding on me, when I’m your human?”
“No. Our humans require time to rebuild their blood supply so it would not appear strange in the least. All the same, I will shun any audience.”
I stood up, intent on refilling my cup of ale and more so, departing Sinjin’s company so I could interrogate myself regarding my feelings for him in private. Sinjin grabbed my hand, pulling me into him. I braced my hands against his chest, my heart thudding.
“Your answer pleased me,” he whispered.
I pulled away from him. “Well, at least it pleased one of us.”
He chuckled and strode off into the darkness as I returned to the task of getting more ale. As soon as I reached the banquet table, I noticed the noise around me dying off and people shushing one another. I glanced up and watched Rand stroll out to the middle of the courtyard amidst applause and calls of “Speech! Speech!”
Rand laughed and quieted them with his raised hand. He was nothing short of beautiful in his dark jeans and chocolate brown sweater. His hair looked as if it had been freshly cut, somewhat shorter than I was used to but it suited him all the same. He had one of those classically handsome faces that would suit any fashion.
“This won’t be a long speech,” he started while the legion echoed “boooo” in unison. Rand quieted them and continued. “First, drink and be merry. You deserve it. When you are ready to retire, you’ll find a tankard of sleeping potion next to your bed. It will allow you to sleep off your inebriation.” A round of laughs ensued and Rand laughed with them. “I’ll be sure to down it, myself.” He inhaled deeply as the smile vanished from his mouth. “I want to thank you for your hard work and dedication. I have a short speech to share with you, so without further ado, I’ll get to the point.” He smiled again and then became more solemn. “We are in this together; we’re all united in our defiance of Bella and her followers. We are united in our moral obligation to one another and to the humans who share our world. Tomorrow eve we will find ourselves in a long and arduous night of struggle and suffering. Many of us will die, many will be wounded. I promise you, if we are victorious, Jolie and I will not rest until we have resurrected every one of you. What each and every one of us is fighting for is freedom. We will fight against the tyranny of Bella with all our might. We will fight for honesty, for morality and for justice. In the words of brave Sir Winston Churchill, ‘Come then, let us go forward together with our united strength.’” He lifted his tankard and there was a round of cheers and applause. “To all of you. Victory is ours!”
He downed the tankard and everyone stood, cheering and singing. Rand gracefully accepted the cheers and pats on the back with an elegance that was unique to him.
His speech had basically torn me apart. I secretly wanted nothing more than to run to him, throw my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him, how I was here to fight alongside him, to share his victory. But, I knew that was an impossibility. All I could do was love him in anonymity. Tears spilled from my eyes, splashing into my cup and I furiously batted them away.
I started walking blindly, seeking some alone time, wanting to get my emotions under control without an audience. Instead, I walked headlong into Rand’s broad chest. “Oh my God, I’m sorry,” I said, remembering
my Southern accent about halfway through my sentence. He must have thought I was a total idiot, and I basically agreed with him.
“No worries.” He paused and seemed to be reading me. “Are you well?”
I nodded and looked down, embarrassed.
“It appears you’ve been crying? Did Sinjin…”
“No,” I laughed halfheartedly and wiped away a few errant tears. “It was yer speech. I thought it was very touchin’.”
“Oh, well thank you.”
I nodded and didn’t know what else to say. Rand seemed uncomfortable as he nodded back and then started to walk away. But, I didn’t want him to leave. I tried to resist the urge to stop him but my feelings were suffocating me. I grabbed his hand and he turned around, more than a little surprised.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” I blurted the words before I had a chance to even consider them and after considering them, talk myself out of them.
Rand was visibly shocked, but he responded with a warm smile. “Thank you, but…”
“I apologize to y’all. I…I mean, I shouldn’t have said that to y’all,” I started, desperately trying to sound southern but suddenly realizing y’all was plural. Son of a...
“I thought you were with Sinjin?” Rand asked, somewhat confused. Was he interested? Although I ached to be with him, the fact that he might return my interest not knowing I was me, was something I wasn’t prepared for. My heart felt like it dropped out of my chest.
“Oh, well, I am but…”
He shook his head. “If you wish to be free of Sinjin, I’m more than happy to help you. But, if you are asking merely to be…with me, I have to…politely refuse.”
“I understand,” I said, beaming with relief.
“I…I appreciate your invitation and you are very beautiful…” he began in an embarrassed tone “I…I…just, well, my heart belongs to someone else.”
My own heart swelled in the hope that I was his someone else. Me, the old Jolie. The one that wasn’t quite as pretty as the new Jolie but the one who dressed a hell of a lot better and didn’t have a two-toned neck. “I understand, shugah, is she here tonight?” Inwardly, I cringed. My acting was just…revolting.
“No,” he smiled. “I won’t let her fight although she argued every step of the way.” He shook his head and smiled. “She can be difficult.”
Okay, it probably wasn’t right to pry especially when Rand had no idea I was trying to find out about how he felt towards me but seriously, how could I not? And since Rand refused to talk to me before my big move to Australia, what better way to know if he was still mad at me?
I laughed nervously but continued, “Where is she?”
His eyes took on a sad, faraway expression. “Aboard a plane, headed to Australia.”
“Well, I hope she realizes what a lucky gal she is.”
He became quiet and nodded, then the warmth of his eyes blanched into ice and his jaw tightened. I felt cold arms around my shoulders and didn’t have to look up to realize Sinjin had returned.
“Tallulah, my Love, I was looking for you.”
“Sinjin,” Rand’s voice was anything but friendly.
“Ah, Randall, I understand I just missed a most glorious speech given by you.”
“You didn’t miss much.” Rand gave me a hurried smile as he turned from Sinjin and started walking away.
Without any warning, Sinjin grabbed me and kissed me. His kiss wasn’t tender; it was almost angry. I wanted to pull away from him but knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want to blow my cover. Luckily, Sinjin withdrew on his own.
“Poppet…” he started.
But, he never finished his sentence because Rand suddenly whirled around and started coming back toward us, anger radiating from him. He pushed Sinjin away from me impulsively and then stopped himself. “Goddamn you, Sinjin,” he fumed.
Sinjin wiped his shirt and smiled sarcastically “Randall, what have I done to offend your delicate sensibilities now?”
Rand’s face was red and his aura steaming purple as it glowed in the night. “You disgust me.”
“And why, pray tell?”
“You vie for Jolie’s affections and yet when you’re away from her, you switch direction like the wind…”
“How poetic, Randall,” Sinjin said with a laugh. “Bit of the green-eyed monster, is that it?”
“You are scum and you don’t deserve her.”
“What would you have me do?” Sinjin scoffed, his anger suddenly becoming visible. That was when I realized Sinjin was easily as angry as Rand, only he controlled it better.
“Stay away from her,” Rand seethed.
“And if she desires me above you?”
Beads of perspiration appeared on Rand’s brow. “I hope she doesn’t. But if she falls for your game, and you hurt her, you’ll have to answer to me.”
“Poppet,” he said and laughed in my direction. “Observe the drama.”
But, I wanted nothing to do with the drama, confusing thoughts ramrodding my mind. I loved Rand but I couldn’t help my feelings for Sinjin. Was it right to love Rand and yet be so attracted to Sinjin? No, the answer had to be no. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the need to retreat, to run away. The kicker of the whole stupid situation was that I couldn’t say one word! But, what I could do was walk away—I could absolutely play the part of jealous second as far as Sinjin was concerned and it wouldn’t seem odd. So, that’s exactly what I did.
I walked as quickly as I could and was relieved when Sinjin didn’t follow me. Maybe he realized I needed some alone time. I neared the blackness of the forest and collapsed next to an immense, gnarled tree trunk, sobbing. What a way to spend what could be the last night of my life!
Jolie.
It was Rand. I couldn’t find the strength to respond right away. I was still trying to control the flood of tears choking me.
Can you hear me? he persisted.
Yes, I can hear you.
Good…good. I wanted to ensure you and Christa were safely aboard the flight to Sydney?
Yes, we are. God, I didn’t like lying to him but what choice did I have?
Very good. I…also wanted to apologize for not saying goodbye properly.
I didn’t know how to respond. There was so much to say but I didn’t have any idea where to begin. I wanted to apologize to you too, I started.
Rand was quiet, finally allowing me to get the words out that had been bottled up within me.
Rand, I want you to know I didn’t…I didn’t think Sinjin would say what he said to you. I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t know how to explain it but I wasn’t in my right mind when I told him about…us. It just came out and I’ve regretted it ever since. I trusted him and I was stupid to trust him. I just needed someone to be there for me.
I am always here for you.
I needed to talk to someone other than you, Rand. I paused. I’m sorry and I want you to know I have total faith in you regarding the battle tomorrow.
He was quiet for a moment or two. Have you been crying?
Hmm, how had he figured that one out? I shrugged, imagining maybe he could pick up on my feelings through our mental connection. Yes, I’ve been so worried and I couldn’t stomach the idea of you going to war and being angry with me.
I wasn’t angry with you, Jolie. I was hurt.
I’m sorry.
There is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I’d hoped to tell you before tonight and I could kick myself for my own bloody foolish pride…but, I want you to know there has never been a day I haven’t thought of you. Sometimes I drive myself mad with debating over whether we should be together or not. I’ve never acted on my feelings because I’ve convinced myself I’m not in your best interests.
His comment amazed me. Not in my best interests? As if to say I was too good for him? How could you not be in my best interest?
Because you are special, Jolie. You’re unique and someday you’ll realize the extent of your powers. You’re not like any
Underworld creature I’ve ever seen before and I’ve kept you at arm’s length because I feel such an incredible need to protect you.
Rand…
It’s my own foolishness that has made me unable to tell you, but now we might never see one another again. I…I just want you to know…
He paused for such a long time, I wondered if I’d lost him. I was about to prompt him, to make sure he was still there but he beat me to it.
I love you. I’ve always loved you.
fourteen
I blinked and awoke with the feeling that something wasn’t right. It was the silence. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the pitch blackness of the room, so I blinked a few more times, rubbed my eyes and sat up. Still no good. Imagining a flame in midair, my magic acquiesced and the flame hovered in the middle of the room, burning orange with flecks of purple-blue. The fire offered enough light to show me I was in a room unknown to me, still in the fairy village.
So, the fairy potion designed to sleep off any partying we’d done the evening before had worked like a charm. Haha, no pun intended. I turned to the bedside table, searching for the stake I’d brought with me which I’d laid next to the bed last night. Glancing down at myself, I noticed I was still dressed in my Tallulah outfit. Not exactly battle wear. With a thought I magicked myself into stretch pants, tennies and a form-fitting tee shirt over a sports bra. A training outfit for the battle. The thought filled me with uneasiness and the fact that I was alone did nothing to soothe my agitation. I instinctively searched my neck for the amber talisman from Mathilda. As soon as I fingered the warm stone, it brought a rush of soothing comfort to me. I’m not sure why—it wasn’t like the damned thing was good for anything. I grasped the stake and pushed it into the waistline of my stretch pants, at the small of my back. I had my amulet and my stake; I was good to go.
I stretched and wondered what the time was. There weren’t any windows in the room, owing to Sinjin’s vampiric reaction to sunlight. Speaking of whom, where the hell was the vampire? I moved the flame around the perimeter of the small chamber, only to find I was alone.