The next morning at 2:30, Dr. Campolo came back into the diner with all the decorations. There was a great buzz of excitement as all the late-night, world-weary regulars waited for the young prostitute to come in on her break.
When she opened the door, the place erupted in giant shouts of “Surprise!” and “Happy Birthday!” as people pointed to the birthday cake with her name on it.
Upon walking into her very first birthday party, Agnes was so flabbergasted she was speechless. The beaming owner of the diner ended up blowing out the birthday candles for her. But before they could cut the cake, the young woman asked if she could have it for a while, instead of eating it. She wanted to show it to her mother. She grabbed the cake and darted out the door.
Amid the resulting laughter and conversation, Dr. Campolo thanked the good-natured owner of the diner for his help. Then he asked, “Can we pray for Agnes?” and bowed his head. He prayed for Agnes, her friends, and all the other girls working the streets.
When he looked up, the face of the good-natured owner had turned suspicious, defensive.
“Hey, what are you, a preacher or something?”
“Well, yes I am, actually.”
His voice was hard. “What kind of church do you belong to?”
Dr. Campolo’s reply was gentle. “The kind of church that throws birthday parties for prostitutes.”
The owner stuck his finger at Dr. Campolo’s chest. “There ain’t no such church. Because if there was, I’d be a part of it.”
Dr. Campolo left that diner praying that the Body of Christ would catch the vision for how we might reach out to those Jesus spent so much time with when He was walking the earth. Having spent a year researching and writing this book, meeting so many different types of people along the way, I feel the same way.
Dear Lord, may we be the type of Church that throws birthday parties for prostitutes.
RESOURCES FOR READERS
In recent years, a number of excellent ministries and resources have arisen to help people who are struggling with sexual temptation, or have been affected by the behavior of others. These resources are also important for churches, organizations, and individuals who want to know how to minister to those with this need, want to influence policy in this area, or who simply want to learn more.
Suggested starting point
The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, headed by Dr. Jerry Kirk, was an invaluable resource as I was researching and writing this book. Because the National Coalition is a ministry and policy leader in this field, with connections to all the relevant resources and ministries in the country, I recommend them as a starting point; they can offer both direct help and refer people on to other resources as needed. Specifically:
• Help-line. The National Coalition has a help-line (1-800-583-2964), staffed by a licensed therapist during the week (as of this writing, they are trying to raise the funds to add more hours). This line is available to anyone needing personal or family assistance or simply seeking further information.
• Referrals. The ministry has more than 700 referral points across the country; someone seeking help can be referred to a licensed, experienced Christian therapist in their area.
• Internet filters. They have evaluated 60 of the top Internet filters, and have established a website, www.filterreview.com, that walks people through what their needs are, and recommends a number of filters or blockers to choose from.
• Materials and links. The National Coalition has put together dozens of different types of materials for ministries, schools, adults, youth, etc. They also link to many of the top ministries in this arena. You can find resources that meet your needs by calling or going to their web-site, www.nationalcoalition.org.
Because of the National Coalition’s benefit as a central clearinghouse, as well as their ministry heart and established integrity, I recommend them if you are moved to make a financial donation to this arena of ministry. Their address is 800 Compton Road, Suite 9224, Cincinnati, OH 45231.
Other Ministries and Organizations:
There are many other excellent ministries out there as well. This is by no means a comprehensive list, and I encourage interested readers to take some time and find the ministries with the focus that meets their needs.
• Pure Desire Ministry. Ted Roberts’s ministry, founded by a man who has overcome his own struggles and now ministers to thousands of individuals every year through his book and through seminars across the country. Hosted by Easthill Church in Gresham, Oregon, this ministry also provides links to local partner churches around the country. www.puredesire.org, (503) 661-4444.
• Focus on the Family. Pure Intimacy is an online ministry of Focus on the Family, providing practical resources for individuals who want to overcome the grip of online pornography and affairs. www.pureintimacy.org. Focus also offers a pastoral care line, 1-877-233-4455, for pastors and their families. The main Focus help-line of 800-A-FAMILY can refer others seeking help in this arena.
• Promise Keepers. This landmark men’s ministry has many resources and links to other relevant ministries and helpful articles. Go to their portal for this arena at www.promisekeepers.org/resc/resc120.htm or call 1-800-888-7595. In particular, please note their unique accountability software service, Eye Promise. Eye Promise allows users who want to stay pure to pick accountability partners, who are then able to see all sites the user visits. Customer service 1-800-456-7594.
• Citizens for Community Values. CCV is a grassroots organization with chapters in cities around the country, working to clean up communities, influence policy, and rescue those trapped in and by the sex industry. www.ccv.org, (513) 733-5775.
• Obscenity Reporting. This is an online resource for educating the public and reporting possible violations of obscenity laws. Reports made by the public about online (or other) violations are referred to the Justice Department in Washington, for investigation. www.obscenitycrimes.org.
• Pure Life Ministries. This ministry offers extensive materials, counseling, live-in aid for those in need of intervention, and off-site help for those who are unable to attend the live-in program. The website has a special resources section for wives. www.purelifeministries.org, 1-800-635-1866.
Recommended Reading
Again, this is by no means an exhaustive list. You can find other resources that may meet your specific needs or interests via the ministries listed above.
• Beneath the Surface: Steering Clear of the Dangers That Could Leave You Shipwrecked, Bob Reccord, Broadman & Holman, February 2002. Synopsis: In this little book, Dr. Reccord compares King David’s failure in sexual temptation with Joseph’s victory, warning readers not to be complacent about their own vulnerability and drawing lessons for today’s culture.
• Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, Stephen Arterburn, Waterbrook Press, July 2000. Synopsis: While temptation is impossible to avoid, it is possible to rise above it. Presents testimonies of success, and a plan men (and their wives) can follow to freedom.
• Pure Desire, Ted Roberts, Regal, 1999. Synopsis: A comprehensive look from an author who overcame his own struggles, this book helps in the identification of addictions and outlines steps to set oneself or others free.
• The Purity Principle: God’s Guardrails on Life’s Dangerous Roads, Randy Alcorn, Multnomah Publishers, July 2003. Synopsis: God has placed warning signs and built guardrails to keep us from plunging off the cliff This book covers training our children in sexual purity, protecting purity in dating (at any age), and maintaining purity in marriage.
• Real Solutions for Overcoming Internet Addictions, Steve Watters, Vine Books, July 2001. Synopsis: Examines Internet compulsions, including pornography, and provides advice from professionals, outlining steps people can take to beat their addiction.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I could not have completed (probably could not have started!) this book without the professional and
personal input of many people, and without the aid of the resources cited below.
CITATIONS
Scriptures and their paraphrases were drawn from the following translations: New International Version, New Living Translation, New King James Version, Revised Standard Version, Contemporary English Version.
“Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” Words by Charles Wesley, 1707–1788; alt. by George Whitefield and others.
“Amazing Grace.” Words by John Newton, 1779; last stanza by unknown author, 1829.
“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.” Words by Robert Robinson, 1735–1790.
Information on satellite technology drawn from Charles W. Bostian, “Communications Satellite,” World Book Online Americas Edition via AOL, http://www.aolsvc.worldbook.aol.com/wbol/wbPage/na/ar/
co/126820, March 19, 2002.
Words to the pastor’s benediction “And now may the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace” originates from Numbers 6:24–26.
The phrase “If any woman is going to get her feelings hurt, it’s not going to be my wife” originates with basketball star David Robinson.
The suggestion to look at the root and not the fruit comes from Gene McConnell, founder of Authentic Relationships, International, in a November 19, 2001, interview, as well as from Jim and Chris Sharp of Abba House, Atlanta, in several 2001 interviews.
Jerry Kirk’s white paper: What Pornography Is Doing to Your Family, and the Family of God, 9/95; is available through the National Coalition.
Dr. Victor Cline’s report, Pornography’s Effects on Adults and Children, copyright 2001, is published by Morality in Media, www.moralityinmedia.org.
The story about the birthday party for Agnes the prostitute is drawn from Dr. Tony Campolo’s talks (it is also shared in his book Let Me Tell You a Story), and is used by permission.
RESEARCH ASSISTANCE
First, I would like to thank the women who courageously shared their stories and became my friends. To protect their privacy, I will not mention their names, but you know who you are. Special thanks to one friend in particular, who was always willing to meet for lunch on a moment’s notice and answer dozens of very personal questions. Your life in Christ is an inspiration!
Many thanks to the dozen or more men, particularly my husband’s colleagues and friends from church, who allowed me to interview them to understand how men think. I’m also extremely grateful for those men and/or wives who were willing to talk about the negative impact of pornography in their lives, as well as for the individuals who arranged those interviews. In particular, I would like to thank Barb Steffens, formerly of the National Coalition staff, and her husband Steve, for their insights and for arranging the home meeting in Cincinnati. Thanks also to Nancy and David French for arranging another important meeting, and for hosting me on another research trip.
A core group of wonderful individuals and organizations were of immense help in providing specific, detailed information as I researched the unfamiliar issues of pornography and outreach to those trapped in the sex industry. First and foremost, I must acknowledge Jerry Kirk and the leaders and staff of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, as well as Steve Watters at Focus on the Family. I’m also very grateful to the men and women of Citizens for Community Values, especially Eli McKenzie in Atlanta and Carolyn McKenzie in Memphis, as well as to Gene McConnell, founder of Authentic Relationships International, and Jim and Chris Sharp of Abba House in Atlanta. Special thanks to Victoria Teague, founder of Victoria’s Friends, for getting me started.
Special thanks also to Sarah Parker for her willing research assistance at just the right time!
BOOK DEVELOPMENT
It helps having friends who are professional screenwriters and moviemakers when you get stuck as to plot development, editing, or just about anything else. As usual, I couldn’t have written this book without the support, friendship and expert professional help of Lisa and Eric Rice. My—and my husband’s—love and gratitude go deeper than we can express.
My sincere gratitude also goes to the many other friends who provided plot ideas or read the book for editing and feedback, including Calvin Edwards, Dave Gilmore, Nancy French, Jane Joiner, Jennifer Wheeler, Deb Goldstone, and Jenny Shea. Special thanks to Joe Proctor, the uncle of my helpful friends David and Margaret Treadwell, for his primer on satellites, his insight into covert operations, and his devious plot ideas. Thanks also to Roy Leffew and Blaine Anaya for their insight and help on technical questions, and to Susan Rodenberg and Vernadette Broyles for help on battered women’s issues.
PRAYER
The words I put on paper would be empty without the anointing of the Holy Spirit. Every moment that I am writing, I am so aware of my need of inspiration, guidance, and wisdom from the Lord. Perhaps the most important people to acknowledge with my deepest gratitude, other than my immediate family, are those dedicated individuals who have spent more than a year receiving emailed prayer requests and interceding for the book. I cannot express how much I have relied on your prayers and encouragement. My heartfelt thanks to: Elisha Barnett, Scott and Tammy Beck, Elizabeth Beinhocker, Steve Blum, Barb Bowlby, Vernadette Broyles, Kathia Campos, Martha Carter, Liliana Colgate, Christa Crawford, Gerry Crete, Alison Darrell, Mike Deagle, Betty Dunkum, Nancy French, Natt Gantt, Bob Gay, Deb and Michael Goldstone, Judy Hitson, Anne Hotchkiss, Jane Joiner, Kristen Lambert, Kathryn Lindstrom, Terri McCracken, Ruth Okediji, Sarah Parker, Linda Preston, Lisa and Eric Rice, Susan Rodenberg, Roger Scarlett, D.J. Snell, Andy Stross, Margaret Treadwell, Katherine Waitman, and Kyleen Wissell. Special thanks to Deb, Katherine, Liliana, and Lisa for their Wednesday morning prayers.
AND FINALLY …
Thanks to the team at We Care America, especially Dave Donaldson and Mike Owen, for modeling unconditional love to those in need, and for supporting my book-writing schedule. Much love and special thanks also go to my agent Calvin Edwards, and to the amazing team at Multnomah, especially Don Jacobson and Rod Morris. Your friendship means so much to me and Jeff.
To Jeff’s parents, Bill and Roberta Feldhahn, how can I thank you enough for your constant willingness to drop everything and drive twelve hours from Michigan to Atlanta, just to help out so I can meet one deadline or another. You are so special to me.
To my parents, Dick and Judy Reidinger, and my brother Rick and his family—thanks for your constant love, advice, and encouragement even from the other side of the globe. A special hug to my mom, who is a terrific editor and always tries to help my words convey the love of Christ.
To Morgen and baby Luke, thank you for teaching me how to love more than I ever thought possible, and for loving your mommy even when she was distracted and in front of the computer for too long. I love you, precious little ones.
To my dear heart, my best friend, Jeff. Thank you for your honesty, your compassion, your constant help with everything from plot to edits, your prayers and your strength. Thank you for looking out for me better than I could look out for myself, for challenging me in the many times I needed it, and for your undying love. I could not have imagined how stalwart and rich your love would be, passing all my expectations or understanding.
Finally, my love and gratitude to our Heavenly Father, who relentlessly pursues all of us with an undying love. If you, the reader, do not yet know Him, I urge you to set aside some time and come to Him with all your questions, all your cares, all your skepticism, with an open heart. He is waiting for you with outstretched arms.
YOUR ONE-STOP HANDBOOK
ON SEXUAL PURITY
For thirty years, Randy Alcorn has been encouraging people—young and old—to pursue the rewards of sexual purity. Too often we settle for a compromised Christianity that’s just a baptized version of the world’s sad existence, rather than the abundant life God calls us to. This book deals with
• raising children to embrace sexual purity,
• providing an example of purity
in the home,
• protecting purity in dating (at any age),
• and maintaining purity in marriage.
Biblical, practical, and concise, The Purity Principle is a one-stop handbook for individuals, families, and churches.
ISBN 1-59052-195-1
LUST TELLS YOU LIES.
THE TRUTH SETS YOU FREE.
I wrote this book for both men and women. Why? Because lust isn’t a male problem. It’s a human problem. Lust ruins our relationships, robs us of spiritual passion, and leaves us feeling hollow …
But the truth is that you and I don’t have to stay on that treadmill of guilt and shame. God calls us to a high standard—not even a hint of sexual impurity. And He gives us everything we need to make it a reality.
If you’re ready for a practical, grace-centered plan for defeating lust and celebrating purity, I hope you’ll join me on a most promising journey.
—Joshua Harris
ISBN 1-59052-147-1
Shaunti Feldhahn, The Lights of Tenth Street
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