CHAPTER I.
CARL AS BUTTINSKY.
"Py shinks, aber dot's funny! Dose fellers look like dey vas birates,or some odder scalawags. Vat vas dey doing, anyvays, in a blace likedis?"
It was on the beach at Atlantic City, New Jersey. Carl Pretzel wasthere, in a bathing suit.
Those who know the Dutch boy will remember that he was fat, and thereis always something humorous about a fat person in a bathing suit.
Carl had been in the water. After swimming out as far as the end of thesteel pier, he had returned and climbed up on the beach. An Italianhappened to be passing with a pushcart loaded with "red-hots" and buns.Carl had a dime pinned in the breast of his abbreviated costume. Heunpinned the dime, bought two "red-hots" and a bun, and fell down inthe sand to rest and enjoy himself. The Italian lingered near him,staring with bulging eyes to a place on the beach a little way beyondCarl. The Dutch boy, observing the trend of the Italian's curiosity,looked in the same direction.
A girl was kneeling on the beach, tossing her arms despairingly. Shewas a pretty girl, her clothes were torn and wet, and her long, darkhair was streaming about her shoulders.
Certainly it was a curious sight, there in that densely populatedsummer resort, to see a young woman acting in that manner. Up on theboard walk above the beach a gaping throng had gathered. A littleway from the board walk a man seemed to be doing something with aphotograph instrument.
Carl, intensely wrought up, floundered to his bare feet, a "red-hot"in one hand and half a bun in the other. Any one in distress alwaysappealed to Carl--particularly a woman.
From the woman, Carl's eyes drifted toward the water. A boat waspulling in, and was close to the shore. There were three men inthe boat, two at the oars and one standing in the bow. They were afierce-looking lot, those men. All were of swarthy hue, had fierceblack mustaches, gold rings in their ears, heads covered with knottedhandkerchiefs over which were drawn stocking caps, and all wore sashesthrough which were thrust long, ancient-looking knives and pistols.
The man in the bow, whom Carl could see almost entirely, had on a pairof "galligaskins," or short, wide trousers, and immense jack boots.
The ruffians in the boat, no less than the girl on the beach, seemed tobe deaf and dumb. Not a word was said by any of them, but their facestwitched in response to their varying emotions, and they used theirhands in ceaseless gestures.
Carl was right in thinking that the men in the boat had the appearanceof pirates; and the scene was "funny," inasmuch as it showed the searovers of a past age against a twentieth century background.
"Py shinks," muttered Carl, his temper slowly rising, "I don'd likedot! Der poor girl iss at der mercy oof dem birate fellers, und derbolice, und nopody else, seems villing to lendt her a handt. Vell, Idell you somet'ing, oof dose birate fellers in der poat douch a hairoof dot girl's headt, den dey vill hear from me! I vish Modor Matt undTick vas here. Mit dem to helup, ve could clean out der whole gang.Anyhow, I do vat I can py meinseluf."
When the boat was in the surf, the two who were rowing dropped theiroars and sprang overboard. Laying hold of the boat, they dragged it upon the strand. The man in the bow jumped out, and all three made a rushfor the girl.
"Leaf dot laty alone!" bellowed Carl, starting for the girl about thesame time the three men did. "You t'ink dis vas some tesert islants dotyou can act like dot! Bolice! bolice!"
The sight of Carl, in his little red bathing suit, streaking alongthe sand, brought roars of laughter from those on the board walk. Themerriment puzzled Carl; and angered him still further, too, to thinkthat such a raft of people would give way to mirth when a young womanwas in such terrible danger.
"Get away from there!" shouted a man near the photographic instrument.
"Meppy you see me gedding avay," roared Carl as he ran, "aber I don'dt'ink. You vas a goward, und eferypody else vas a goward! I safe dergirl meinseluf!"
"You'll spoil the picture!" howled one of the pirates; "get out of thepicture!"
"I vill shpoil your face!" retorted Carl, failing to comprehend. "Gedoudt oof der picture yourseluf! Der laty iss nod to be hurted."
Carl reached the lady first. She seemed astounded and angry.
"Nefer fear, leedle vone," carolled the Dutch boy, planting himselfbetween the girl and her supposed enemies, "dose vicked mens vill hafto valk ofer me pefore dey ged ad you! Yah, so helup me! Run for derpoard valk vile I mix it mit dem und gif you der shance."
"Go 'way!" screamed the girl; "mind your own business, if you've gotany!"
"Oh, you Dutch idiot!" raved one of the buccaneers, striking at Carlwith a cutlass. "You've spoiled our work!"
The other two pirates were jumping up and down and saying things aboutCarl that were far from complimentary.
The Dutch boy tried to dodge the cutlass, but failed. It struck himsquarely across the throat, and, had it been a thing of steel, wouldhave separated his head from the rest of his body. But the cutlass wasmade of lath, covered with tinfoil, and broke as it fell.
"He's ruined the films!" howled the man at the photograph instrument.
"Sic him, Tige!" cried another, who was standing beside him.
A brindle bulldog, which Carl had not seen until that moment, gave ayip and started for the scene of the trouble.
"Vat's der madder, anyvays?" demanded Carl, convinced by the younglady's manner that she did not want to be rescued.
"Moving pictures, you Dutch idiot!" yelped the leader of the pirates."If you'd had any sense you'd have known that without being told. Nowwe've got to do it all over again! Take him, Tige!"
The bulldog was hurling himself across the sand like a thunderbolt,and he was making straight for Carl. Neither the girl nor the piratesshowed any inclination to stop the dog; on the contrary, they appearedto derive considerable satisfaction from the prospect of his gettingclose enough to use his teeth on the Dutch boy.
Carl was perfectly willing to face any number of pirates in order torescue a beautiful maiden in distress, but he drew the line at comingcompany front with a vicious bulldog. When a person wears nothing but abathing suit his means of offense and defense are naturally limited.
Since Carl could not help the girl, he made up his mind to do whathe could to help himself. Whirling about, he laid himself out in thedirection of the steel pier, the bulldog in hot pursuit and gaining onhim at every jump.
Everybody, except the moving-picture people, was laughing. Andexcepting Carl. There was nothing especially amusing in the situationfor him.
The Italian with the pushcart was haw-hawing and holding his sides.A boy, using his legs to get away from a dog, was something he couldunderstand, and it pleased him.
Carl did not have time to go around the cart, so he ducked under it.The dog ducked after him. Carl had seen how the Italian was enjoyinghimself, and he resented it. By rising up under the cart Carl couldoverturn it, thus dropping a lot of buns and "red-hots" on the dogand possibly stopping the pursuit. Carl did not stop to debate thematter--he hadn't time--but rose up, thus sending the cart over uponthe dog.
The Italian had been cooking the "red-hots" on a steel plate. Theplate, of course, was hot, and it struck the dog. There came a yelp ofpain, and the dog tore out from under the cart and hustled back towardthe photograph instrument.
The Italian had changed his tune. He was not laughing, now, but wasprancing around and howling frantically for the police.
"Sacre diabolo estrito crystal!" he shrieked. "You wreck-a da wag'--youspoil-a da bun, da red-a-hot! Polees! Me, I like-a keel-a you! Polees!polees!"
While he yelled, he started angrily toward Carl. The Dutch boy,whirling the overturned cart around, caused the Italian to stumble overit. Leaving him to writhe and sputter among the scattered buns and"wienes," Carl raced on toward the steel pier.
He was flattering himself that he would be able to regain the bathhousewithout further molestation, but in this he was mistaken. An officerjumped down from the side of the pier, as he came close to it, andgrabbed him
by the arm.
"Not so fast, there!" cried the policeman.
"Vat's der madder mit you?" wheezed Carl. "I don'd vas doing anyt'ing."
"Oh, no," was the sarcastic response, "you wasn't doing a thing! Whatdid you kick over that dago's cart for?"
"Dose fellers hat set a dog on me!" cried Carl. "Ditn't you see derdog?"
Just then the Italian, two of the pirates and one of the men with thephotographic apparatus, hurried up, all in a crowd.
"Pinch-a heem!" fumed the Italian; "he make-a plenty da troub'!"
"He's the original Buttinsky," scowled the picture man. "He pushed intothat moving picture, spoiled a lot of film and made it necessary for usto do our work all over."
"He's the prize idiot, all right!" clamored one of the pirates.
"What's the matter, here?" demanded a voice, as a youth pushed into thecrowd and ranged himself at the Dutch boy's side. "What's the matter,Carl?"
"Modor Matt!" exclaimed Carl, gripping the newcomer's arm. "You hafarrifed py der nick oof time, like alvays! Now, den," and here Carlfaced the others belligerently, "my bard has come, und you vill haf tomake some oxblanadions. Vat haf you got to say for yourselufs?"