Steve knew Carol wasn’t that involved in the Navy-wife activities. He figured it was up to her whether or not she joined. He hadn’t pressed her, but he had wished she would make the effort to form friendships with the wives of his close friends.
Carol’s apparent strength wasn’t the only thing that troubled Steve, but it was one thing he felt they needed to discuss. The idea of telling his ex-wife that the least she could do was shed a few tears when he sailed away from her made him feel ungrateful. But swallowing his pride would be a small price to pay to straighten matters between them.
What she’d said about wanting a baby right away made him feel soft inside every time he thought about it. He’d yearned for them to start a family long before now, but Carol had always wanted to wait. Now she appeared eager. He didn’t question her motivation. He was too damned grateful.
A knock on his door jerked his attention across the room. “Yes?”
Seaman Layle stepped forward. “The Captain would like to see you, sir.”
Steve nodded and said, “I’ll be right there.”
* * *
Carol sat at the end of the examination table, holding a thin piece of tissue over her lap. The doctor would be in any minute to give her the news she’d been waiting to hear for the past month. Okay, so her period was two weeks late. There could be any number of reasons. For one thing, she’d been under a good deal of stress lately. For another …
Her thoughts came to a grinding halt as Dr. Stewart stepped into the room. His glasses were perched on the end of his nose and his brow compressed as he read over her chart.
“Well?” she asked, unable to disguise the trembling eagerness in her voice.
“Congratulations, Carol,” he said, looking up with a grandfatherly smile. “You’re going to be a mother.”
Seven
Carol was almost afraid to believe what Dr. Stewart was telling her; her hand flew to her heart. “You mean, I’m pregnant?”
The doctor looked up at her over the edge of his bifocals. “This is a surprise?”
“Oh, no … I knew—or at least I thought I knew.” The joy that bubbled through her was unlike anything she had ever known. Ready tears blurred her vision and she bit her lower lip to hold back the tide that threatened to overwhelm her.
The doctor took her hand and gently patted it. “You’re not sure how you feel—is that it?”
“Of course I do,” she said, in a voice half an octave higher than usual. “I’m so happy I could just …”
“Cry?” he inserted.
“Dance,” she amended. “This is the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me since …”
“Your high-school prom?”
“Since I got married. I’m divorced now, but … Steve, he’s my ex-husband, will marry me again … at least, I think he will. I’m not going to tell him about this right away. I don’t want him to marry me again just because of the baby. I won’t say a word about this. Or maybe I should? I don’t know what to do, but thank you, Doctor, thank you so much.”
A fresh smile began to form at the edges of his mouth. “You do whatever you think is best. Now, before we discuss anything else I want to go over some key points with you.”
“Oh, of course, I’ll do anything you say. I’ll quit smoking and give up junk food, and take vitamins. If you really think it’s necessary, I’ll try to eat liver once a week.”
His gaze reviewed her chart. “It says here you don’t smoke.”
“No, I don’t, but I’d start just so I could quit if it would help the baby.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think that will be necessary, young lady.”
Carol reached for his hand and pumped it several times. “I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made me.”
Still chuckling, the white-haired doctor said, “Tell me the same thing when you’re in labor and I’ll believe you.”
* * *
Carol watched as Lindy entered the restaurant and paused to look around. Feeling a little self-conscious, she raised her hand. Lindy waved back and headed across the floor, weaving her way through the crowded tables.
“Hi. Sorry, I’m late.”
“No problem.” The extra time had given Carol a chance to study the menu. Her stomach had been so finicky lately that she had to be careful what she ate. This being pregnant was serious business and already the baby had made it clear “she” wasn’t keen on particular foods—especially anything with tomatoes.
“Everything has been so hectic lately,” Lindy said, picking up the menu, glancing at it and setting it aside almost immediately.
“That was quick,” Carol commented, nodding her head toward the menu.
“I’m a woman who knows my own mind.”
“Good for you,” Carol said, swallowing a laugh. “What are you having?”
“I don’t know. What are you ordering?”
“Soup and a sandwich,” Carol answered, not fooled. Lindy wasn’t interested in eating, she wanted answers. Steve’s sister had been bursting with questions from the moment they’d met in the Boeing parking lot.
“Soup and a sandwich sounds good to me,” Lindy said, obviously not wanting to waste time with idle chitchat.
Shaking her head, Carol studied Lindy. “Okay, go ahead and ask. I know you’re dying to fire away.”
Lindy unfolded the napkin and took pains spreading it over her lap. “Steve didn’t come home Christmas Eve…. Well, he did, but it was early in the morning, and ever since that night he’s been whistling ‘Dixie.’” She paused and grinned. “Yet every time I said your name, he barked at me to mind my own business.”
“We’ve seen each other since Christmas, too.”
“You have?” Lindy pinched her lips together and sadly shook her head. “That brother of mine is so tight-lipped, I can’t believe the two of us are related!”
Carol laughed. Unwittingly Lindy had pinpointed the crux of Carol and Steve’s marital problems. They were each private people who preferred to keep problems inside rather than talking things out the way they should.
“So you’ve seen Steve since Christmas,” Lindy prompted. “He must have contacted you after Rush and I moved.”
“Actually I was the one who went to him.”
“You did? Great.”
“Yes.” Carol nodded, blushing a little at the memory of how they’d spent that weekend. “It was great.”
“Well, don’t keep me in suspense here. Are you two going to get back together or what?”
“I think it’s the ‘or what.’”
“Oh.” Lindy’s gaze dropped abruptly and she frowned. “I don’t mind telling you, I’m disappointed to hear that. I’d hoped you two would be able to work things out.”
“We’re heading in that direction, so don’t despair. Steve and I are going to talk about a reconciliation when he returns.”
“Oh, Carol, that’s wonderful!”
“I think so, too.”
“You two always seemed so right together. The first time I saw Steve after you were divorced, I could hardly recognize him. He was so cynical and unhappy. He’d sit around the apartment and watch television for hours, or stare out the window.”
“Steve did?” Carol couldn’t imagine that. Steve always had so many things going—he’d never taken the time to relax when they were living together. Another problem had been that they didn’t share enough of the same interests. Carol blamed herself for that, but she was willing to compromise now that her marriage was about to have new life breathed into it.
“I wasn’t joking when I told you he’s been miserable. I don’t know what prompted you to contact him at Christmastime, but I thank God you did.”
Carol smoothed her hand across her abdomen and smiled almost shyly. “I’m glad I did, too.”
* * *
Steve’s letter to Carol was nearly fifty pages in length now. The days, as they often did aboard a submarine, blended together. It felt as if they were six months into this cruise instead of
two, but his eagerness to return to Carol explained a good deal of this interminable feeling.
Carol. His heart felt as though it would melt inside his chest every time he thought about her mentioning a baby. The first thing he was going to do after they’d talked was throw out her birth control pills. And then he was going to take her to bed and make slow, easy love to her.
Once he had her back, he wasn’t going to risk losing her again.
In the past two months, Steve had made another decision. They needed to clear the air about Todd Larson. He’d promised her that he wouldn’t mention the other man’s name again, but he had to, just once, and then it would be finished. Laid to rest forever.
Finding Todd in their shower hadn’t been the only thing that had led Steve to believe Carol and her employer were having an affair. There had been plenty of other clues. Steve just hadn’t recognized them in the beginning.
For one, she’d been working a lot of overtime, and didn’t seem to be getting paid for it. At first Steve hadn’t given it much credence, although he’d been angry that often she couldn’t see him off to sea properly. At the time, however, she’d seemed as sorry about it as he was.
His return home after a ten-week absence had been the real turning point. Until that tour, Carol had always been eager to make love after so many weeks apart. Normally they weren’t in the house ten minutes before they found themselves in the bedroom. But not that time. Carol had greeted him with open arms, but she’d seemed reluctant to hurry to bed. He had gotten what he wanted, but fifteen minutes later she’d made some silly excuse about needing groceries and had left the house.
None of these events had made much sense at the time. Steve had suspected something might be wrong, but he hadn’t known how to ask her, how to approach her without sounding like an insecure schoolboy. Soon afterward he’d flown east for a two-week communication class. It was when he’d arrived home unexpectedly early that he’d found Carol and Todd together.
The acid building up in his stomach seemed to explode with pain and Steve took in several deep breaths until the familiar ache passed. All these months he’d allowed Carol to believe he’d condemned her solely because he’d discovered another man in their home. It was more than that, much more, and it was time he freed his soul.
* * *
“Carol? Are you here?”
Carol remained sitting on the edge of the bathtub and pressed her hand over her forehead. “I’m in here.” Her voice sounded weak and sick—which was exactly how she felt. The doctor had given her a prescription to help ease these dreadful bouts of morning sickness, but it didn’t seem to be doing much good.
“Carol?” Once more Lindy’s voice vibrated down the hallway and Carol heard the sound of approaching footsteps. “Carol, what’s wrong? Should I call a doctor?”
“No … no, I’ll be fine in a minute. My stomach has been a little queasy lately, is all.”
“You look awful.”
“I can’t look any worse than I feel.” Her feeble attempt at humor apparently didn’t impress Lindy.
“I take it the sale at the Tacoma Mall doesn’t interest you?”
“I tried to call,” Carol explained, “but you’d already left. You go ahead without me.”
“I’ll do no such thing,” Lindy answered vehemently. “You need someone to take care of you. When was the last time you had a decent meal?”
Carol pressed her hand over her stomach. “Please, don’t even mention food.”
“Sorry.”
Lindy helped her back into a standing position and led her down the hallway to her bedroom. Carol was ashamed to have Steve’s sister see the house when it looked as if a cyclone had gone through it, but she’d had so little energy lately. Getting to work and home again drained her. She went to bed almost immediately after dinner and woke up exhausted the next morning.
No one had told her being pregnant could be so demanding on her health. She’d never felt more sickly in her life. Her appointment with Dr. Stewart wasn’t for another two weeks, but something had to be done. She couldn’t go on like this much longer.
* * *
The April sun seemed to smile down on Steve as he stepped off the Atlantis. He paused and breathed in the glorious warmth of afternoon in the Pacific Northwest. Carol wouldn’t be waiting for him, he knew. She had no way of knowing when he docked.
But she needn’t come to him. He was going to her. The minute he got home, showered and shaved, he was driving over to her house. He was so ready for this.
They were going to talk, make love and get married. Maybe not quite that simply, but close.
He picked up his mail and let himself into the apartment. Standing beside the phone, he listened to the messages on his answering machine. Three were from Lindy, who insisted he call first thing when he returned home.
He reached for the phone while he flipped through his assorted mail.
“You rang?” he asked cheerfully, when his sister answered.
“Steve? I’m so glad you called.”
“What’s wrong? Has Rush decided he’s made a terrible mistake and decided to give you back to your dear, older brother to straighten out?” His sister didn’t have an immediate comeback or a scathing reply, which surprised him.
“Steve, it’s Carol.”
His blood ran cold with fear. “What happened?”
“I don’t know, but I wanted to talk to you before you went to see her,” she said and hesitated. “You were planning on going there right away, weren’t you?”
“Yes. Now tell me what’s the matter with Carol.”
“She’s been sick.”
“How sick?” His heart was thundering against his chest with worry.
“I … don’t think it’s anything … serious, but I thought I should warn you before you surprise her with a visit. She’s lost weight and looks terrible, and she’ll never forgive you if you show up without warning her you’re in town.”
“Has she seen a doctor?”
“I … don’t know,” Lindy confessed. “She won’t talk about it.”
“What the hell could be wrong?”
The line seemed to vibrate with electricity. “If you want the truth, I suspect she’s pregnant.”
Eight
“Pregnant?” Steve repeated and the word boomeranged against the walls of his mind with such force that the mail he’d been sorting slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor. He said it again. “Pregnant. But … but …”
“I probably shouldn’t have said anything.” Lindy’s soft voice relayed her confusion. “But honestly, Steve, I’ve been so worried about her. She looks green around the gills and she’s much too thin to be losing so much weight. I told her she should see a doctor, but she just smiles and says there’s nothing to worry about.”
The wheels in Steve’s mind were spinning fast. “The best thing I can do is talk to her, and find out what’s happening.”
“Do that, but for heaven’s sake be gentle with her. She’s too fragile for you to come at her like Hulk Hogan.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Steve, I’m your sister. I know you!”
“Okay, okay. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up the phone but kept his hand on the receiver while he mulled over his sister’s news. Carol had said she wanted to have a baby, and she knew how he felt about the subject. He’d longed for a family since the first year they were together.
However, they weren’t married now. No problem. Getting remarried was a minor detail. All he had to do was talk to the chaplain and make the arrangements. And if what Lindy said was true, the sooner he saw the chaplain, the better.
Without forethought he jerked the receiver off the hook and jabbed out Carol’s number with his index finger. After two rings, he decided this kind of discussion was better done in person.
He showered, changed clothes and was halfway out the door when he remembered what Lindy had said about letting Carol know he was coming. Good idea.
&nbs
p; He marched back over to the phone and dialed her number one more time.
No answer.
“Damn.” He started pacing the floor, feeling restless, excited and nervous. He couldn’t stay in the apartment; the walls felt as if they were closing in on him. He’d spent the last three months buried in the belly of a nuclear submarine and hadn’t experienced a twinge of claustrophobia. Twenty minutes inside his apartment, knowing what he now did, and he was going ape.
He had to get out there even if it meant parking outside Carol’s house and waiting for her to return.
He rushed out to his car and was grateful when it started right away after sitting for three months.
He was going to be a father! His heart swelled with joy and he experienced such a sense of elation that he wanted to throw back his head and shout loud enough to bring down brick walls.
A baby. His and Carol’s baby. His throat thickened with emotion, and he had to swallow several times to keep from breaking down and weeping right there on the freeway. A new life. They were going to bring a tiny little being into this world and be accountable for every aspect of the infant’s life. The responsibility seemed awesome. His hands gripped the steering wheel and he sucked in a huge breath as he battled down his excitement and fears.
He was going to be a good father. Always loving and patient. Everything would be right for his son … or daughter. Male chauvinist that he was, he yearned for a son. They could have a daughter the second time, but the thought of Carol giving him a boy felt right in his mind.
But he had so much to learn, so much to take care of. First things first. Steve tried to marshal his disjointed thoughts. He had to see to Carol’s health. If this pregnancy was as hard on her as Lindy implied, then he wanted Carol to quit her job. He made good money; she should stay home and build up her strength.
The drive to Carol’s house took less than fifteen minutes, and when Steve pulled up and parked he noticed her car in the driveway with the passenger door opened. His heart felt like it was doing jumping jacks, he was so eager to see her.
The front door opened and Carol stepped outside and to her car, grabbing a bag of groceries.