“So, have you come to forgive me, Richard?”
His words came softly, but with great resolve.
“No, I did not come to forgive you. I can’t forgive you, Kahlan.”
She turned away. She finally found something to do with her hands; she pressed her fists against her stomach.
“I see.”
“Kahlan,” he said from behind her, “I can’t forgive you because it would be wrong of me to come here to forgive you.
“Would you have me forgive your humanity? Shall I forgive you slaking your thirst? Shall I forgive your eating when you hunger? Shall I forgive you for the feel of warm sunlight on your face?”
Kahlan wiped at her cheeks and then turned to him. “What are you talking about?”
The stem of a rose was stuck behind his belt. Richard lifted the rose and held it out to her.
“Your mother gave this to me.”
“My mother?”
Richard nodded. “She asked if I found enjoyment in it, and when I told her that I did, she asked if I would then return to you. It took a long time for me to understand what she meant.”
“And what did she mean?”
“What she meant is that we have the capacity to enjoy such things. Is it wrong for you to find pleasure at the sight of a rose, in its fragrance, if I am not the one who gave it to you? How can I forgive you that?”
“Richard, this is far different from finding pleasure in the fragrance of a rose.”
He sank to one knee. He put a fist to his abdomen. “Kahlan, I was once connected to a woman by my flesh, as you were connected to your mother. That is the only connection of flesh we have in this life.”
His fist moved to his chest. “It is here that we connect ever after that. We can be connected only in our hearts. You did not give him your heart. That was mine and mine alone.
“The winds, the spirits, took their price from you. They left you with little, and you chose to take what was left and to live. You chose to be human. You chose to live life as best you could with what you had left of yourself. You fought for life. You simply took pleasure to which you were entitled.
“I do not own you. You are not my slave. There is nothing for me to forgive. You did not betray me in your heart. It would be presumption of the worst order if I came with an offer of forgiveness when you never betrayed me with your heart.”
Kahlan could feel herself trembling as she drew a breath.
“You hurt me, Richard. I thought my heart was safe with you, always, no matter what, and you walked away from me. You promised it was. You wouldn’t even let me try to explain.”
“I know,” he whispered.
His other knee touched the floor as he bent at her feet. His head bowed.
“That is why I have returned. I have come to beg your forgiveness. I am the one who was wrong. I am the one who caused the true pain. I am the one who betrayed our hearts, not you. It is the worst sin I could commit, and I alone am guilty of it.
“I am without defense. There can be no excuse.
“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you, Kahlan. I cannot undo the wrong I have done. I have wounded your heart, and for that, I throw myself before you, and beg your forgiveness. I do not deserve it, and so cannot ask it; I can only beg it.”
The way he knelt at her feet, she towered over him.
“Will you forgive me, Richard?”
“There is no room in my heart to hold anything for you but love, even though we cannot be together. Though I am free of my oath, you are sworn to another, and I must respect that, but I cannot help that I can love no other but you. If your heart wishes it, then I forgive you.
“Please, Kahlan, all I can have in this life, if you will grant it, is your forgiveness.”
Mere moments before she had had doubts, been uncertain as to her true feelings about him. Now, absolute conviction avalanched through her.
Kahlan sank down to the floor before him. She put her hands to his shoulders and urged him to look up at her.
“I forgive you, Richard. With all my heart, I love you and I forgive you.”
He smiled a sad smile. “Thank you.”
She could feel the miracle of her heart mending, of joy flooding into the emptiness, like life itself returning.
“At the ceremony, when I was being married to Drefan, I said the words aloud that they demanded, but in my mind, in my heart, I was saying the oath of marriage to you.”
Richard wiped a tear from her chin. “I did the same.”
She squeezed his arms. “Richard, what are we going to do now?”
“There is nothing to do now. You are sworn to Drefan.”
She touched her fingers to his face. “But what about you? What about you and me?”
His smile left. He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I have what I needed—what I came for. You have returned my heart.”
“But, how can we go on like this? Not only that, but we have to do something, and fast. Drefan wants to withdraw the troops back to D’Hara and make a stand against the Order there.”
Anger flashed in Richard’s eyes. “No. You can’t let him do that, Kahlan. If you let Jagang divide the New World, he will take it one piece at a time, with D’Hara the last to fall. You can’t let Drefan do that. Promise me you won’t.”
“I don’t need to promise. You are Lord Rahl. You can stop it, now. I am the Mother Confessor. We’ll do it together.”
“You must do it, Kahlan. I can’t help you.”
“But why not? You’ve returned. Everything will work out. We’ll think of something—find a way. You are the Seeker, you always find a way.”
“I’m dying.”
Ice flashed through her. “What? What… do you mean, you’re dying? Richard, you can’t die, not now. Not after… No, Richard, no, it’s all right now. You’re back. Everything is going to be all right.”
She saw it then, the pain in his eyes, and realized, when he slumped to a hip, that he was unable to stand.
“In order for me to return, the spirits demanded a price.”
He coughed, wincing in pain. She clutched at him.
“What are you talking about? What price?”
“When I was there, at the Temple of the Winds, I gained all the knowledge there. I understood my power. I could use it. I used it to stop the plague. I somehow interrupted the flow of power from the winds that made the book of magic work in this world.”
“You mean that you no longer know how to do it? You mean the plague will come back?”
He lifted a hand to allay her fear. “No, the plague will not return. But as the price of returning to this world, I was not allowed to keep the knowledge of the winds. I had to come back as I was before.”
“But… you mean that you are simply mortal, like before.”
“No. They demanded more. They demanded that if I was to return, I had to take the magic of the stolen book into myself to keep it from the rest of the world of life.”
“What?” Kahlan breathed, wide-eyed. “You don’t mean—”
“I have the plague.”
She gripped his shoulder with one hand, and felt his forehead with the other. He was burning with fever.
“Richard, why didn’t you tell me before?”
He smiled through the pain. “Forgiveness was all I needed, all I wanted, but I had to know it was true, and not granted out of pity.”
“Richard, you can’t die. Not now. Dear spirits, you can’t die!”
“The dear spirits had nothing to do with this. It was Darken Rahl who chose Drefan to be your husband, as the price of the path into the winds, and Darken Rahl who demanded this as the price of my return.”
“Your return. Don’t tell me that you only came back to die? Oh, Richard, why would you do such a foolish thing?”
“If I had stayed at the Temple of the Winds, I would eventually have died, but without your forgiveness. I chose, instead, to return and hope that a part of you still loved me enough to forgive me, so I co
uld die with that much at least. With your love back. I couldn’t go on, knowing what I had done to you, knowing how I had hurt your heart.”
“And you don’t think this hurts my heart! Richard, there has to be something we can do. What can we do? Please, you must have known!”
Richard fell onto his side, holding his stomach. “I’m sorry, Kahlan. There is nothing. I am absorbing the magic from the book that was stolen. When I die, the magic will die with me.”
Kahlan crouched over him, clutching at him, as the tears overwhelmed her. “Richard, please don’t do this. Please don’t die.”
“I’m sorry, Kahlan. I can’t stop it. I gladly paid the price. My heart is at peace, now.” He reached up and touched the Agiel hanging from the chain at her throat. “There was never a moment’s hesitation, once I understood. Denna helped me to understand.”
Kahlan hugged him as he rolled onto his back. “Richard, there must be something. You would have known what to do, before they took the knowledge from you. Try to remember. Please, Richard, try to remember.”
His eyelids drooped. “I need… to rest. I’m sorry. I used all my strength. I need to rest a bit.”
Kahlan gripped his hand in both of hers as she wept. It was all too overwhelming to endure. To have him back, only to lose him was too crushing to endure.
She opened his limp hand, to press it to her cheek, and saw something in his palm. She pulled back his fingers, and through the tears, she saw writing in the palm of his hand.
It said, Find book, destroy it to live.
Kahlan sprawled over his unconscious form and grabbed his other hand. It, too, had writing in it. Pinch of white sorcerer’s sand on third page. One grain of black sorcerer’s sand tossed on.
There were three other words, but in her mind’s state of chaotic disorder, she couldn’t think of how pronounce them.
He knew he was going to forget, and before he did, he wrote a message to himself. He had even forgotten that he had written it.
The book. She had to have the book.
And then she was running, screaming as she went.
“Cara, Berdine! Help me! Cara! Berdine!”
Both women dashed out of the sliph’s room, out onto the walkway beside the inky pool, when they heard Kahlan screaming their names as she raced into the tower room.
Kahlan grasped at their leather as she tried to explain. They each seized one of Kahlan’s arms and pressed her up against the wall.
“Slow down,” Berdine said.
“We can’t understand you,” Cara said. “Get your breath. Stop crying and get your breath.”
“Richard—” She tried to point but they held her arms. “Richard has the plague… I need the book.”
Berdine leaned in close. “Lord Rahl… has the plague?”
Kahlan nodded frantically. “I have to get the book. The book that was stolen from the Temple of the Winds. I have to get it or he will die.” Kahlan tore her arms away from them. “Please help me. Richard has the plague.”
“What do you need us to do?” Cara asked.
“I’m going to the Old World. Protect him.”
“The Old World!” Berdine gasped. “Do you know where the book is? Did he tell you where to find it? Did he give you any hint?”
Kahlan shook her head. There wasn’t time. She had to hurry. She had to go.
“I don’t know where it is! But it’s the only chance he has. He took on the magic of the plague in order to return to this world. In order to beg my forgiveness. He wanted to tell me he was sorry for hurting me. If we don’t destroy the book, he’ll die—just so he could say he was sorry. He’ll die! I have to go!”
“But, Mother Confessor,” Berdine said, “the Old World is a big place. If Richard has the plague… how can you hope to find the book?”
In time. That was what she meant. How could she hope to find the book in time? Before Richard died.
Kahlan gripped a fistful of red leather. “I have to try! Protect Richard. Don’t let Drefan know that Richard is back. I don’t know what Drefan would do. Don’t tell him!”
Cara was shaking her head. “Don’t worry about that. We won’t tell Drefan. We’ll take care of Richard while you’re gone. We’ll hide him here in the Keep. But hurry. If you can’t find it, please come back before—”
Kahlan rushed into the room with the sliph. She raced to the sliph’s well. The sliph smiled at seeing her.
“Do you wish—”
“Travel! I need to travel! Now!”
“To where do you wish to travel?”
“The Old World!”
“Where in the Old World? There are a number of places I know there. We can go to any you wish. I will take you. You will be pleased.”
Kahlan pressed her hands to her head, growling in frustration as the sliph started naming places Kahlan had never heard of.
“The place you came to with Richard, with your Master, when he went to get me! The first time I traveled with you!”
“I know the place of which you speak.”
Kahlan hiked up her white dress and clambered up onto the wall of the well. “That place! Take me there! Hurry! Your master’s life is at stake!”
“Protect Richard,” Kahlan called out to Cara and Berdine.
“What should we tell Drefan when he wants to know where you are?” Berdine asked.
“I don’t know. You’ll have to think of something!”
“We will care for Richard until you return,” Cara said. “May the good spirits be with you.”
“Tell him I love him. If… tell him I love him!” she called out as the sliph’s silver arm swept Kahlan from the top of the wall.
Her voice was still echoing off the stone walls when Kahlan was plunged into the quicksilver froth. She gasped in the sliph, praying to the good spirits that they would help her find the book. With frantic effort, she swam into what in the past had been the silver rapture.
Now, there was only dark terror.
65
Ann leaned toward him. “This is your fault, you know.”
Zedd, sitting on the floor in the center of the room with her, glanced over. “You broke her prized mirror.”
“That was an accident,” Ann insisted. “You are the one who ruined their shrine.”
“I was simply trying to get it clean. How was I to know that it would catch fire? They shouldn’t have put all those dried flowers around it. You were the one who spilled that berry wine on her best dress.”
Ann turned her nose up. “The pitcher was too full. You’re the one who filled it. Besides, you broke his prized knife handle. He won’t ever be able to find a burled wassen root like that one again. He was understandably upset.”
Zedd harrumphed. “What do I know about sharpening knives? I’m a wizard, not a blacksmith.”
“That would explain the incident with the elder’s horse.”
“They can’t blame that on me. I didn’t leave the gate open. At least, I’m pretty sure I didn’t leave it open. Anyway, there is bound to be another horse that fast he can buy. He can afford it. What I want to know is how you managed to turn his number three wife’s hair that color green.”
Ann folded her arms. “Well, it was an accident. I thought those herbs would make her hair smell good. I wanted to surprise her. But the elder’s prized rabbit skin headdress—that was no accident; that was plain laziness. You should have checked it sooner, instead of leaving it to dry unattended over the fire. That headdress was a work of art, what with those thousands of beads. He won’t easily replace such a nice headdress.”
Zedd shrugged. “Well, we never told them that we were any good at domestic tasks. We never told them that at all.”
“Quite right. We didn’t. It’s not our fault if we didn’t work out. We could have told them, if they’d asked.”
“We certainly could have.”
Ann cleared her throat into the silence. “What do you think they are going to do with us?”
Both of them were sittin
g back to back, bound together with a coarse rope, while the meeting across the room dragged on. They still wore the wrist bands that kept them from using their magic.
Zedd glanced across the room, where a heated discussion was being conducted. The bareheaded elder, his number one wife, several influential members of the Si Doak community who had claimed rights to use the services of the captives, and the Si Doak shaman, were all complaining to one another about troubles they had had. Zedd couldn’t understand all of the words, but he could understand enough to follow the deliberations.
“They’ve decided they want to cut their losses and rid themselves of their domestic slaves,” Zedd whispered to Ann.
“What’s happening?” Ann asked, when the chattering finally came to an end. “What have they decided? Are they going to set us free?”
The eyes across the room all turned to the captives. Zedd made a warning sound to Ann.
“I think maybe we should have been a little more attentive to our chores,” Zedd whispered over his shoulder. “I think we’re in a great deal of trouble.”
“Why, what are they going to do,” Ann mocked, “return us to the Nangtong and demand their blankets back?”
Zedd shook his head as the Si Doak rose up. The shaman’s necklaces jangled together. The elder thumped his staff.
“I wish they would. They want to get back all their costs and something toward the damages. They are going to take us on a journey.
“They have just decided that they can get the best price for us by selling us to cannibals.”
Ann’s head swung around. “Cannibals?”
“That’s what they said. Cannibals.”
“Zedd, you were able to take the collar off your neck. Can’t you get these confounded bracelets off our wrists? I think that now would be the time.”
“I’m afraid we may end up in a cook pot with them still on us.”
Zedd watched an angry elder and a seething shaman stalking toward them.
“Well, it’s been fun, Ann. But I’m afraid the fun is over.”
Verna put an arm around Warren’s waist, trying to help him as he stumbled along, as she followed behind Clarissa, who was following behind Walsh and Bollesdun. Janet hurried to the other side of Warren and lifted his arm, draping it over her shoulder.