She was the mother of his son, and she was the only woman he truly respected. That he often took a flier with another girl he didn’t see as a problem. After all, Jade had his son; she was the important one as far as he was concerned. And, in his mind, that should be enough for her. He knew she wasn’t a fool; she had to know about his extracurricular activities, so to speak – that was a fucking given. But she chose to ignore them, which suited them both.
As angry as he felt about the Gerry Murphy situation, he knew that Jade meant every word she said. That was one of the things he loved about her: what you saw was exactly what you got. She didn’t suffer fools gladly and she didn’t ever make threats unless she meant them. Her words had finally penetrated his psyche – that she was willing to fuck him off told him all he needed to know. He couldn’t live without her, which he saw as his Achilles heel. He was aware that she had given him the biggest swerve in recorded history and he should be grateful.
So why did he still feel that, between Jade and Eric Palmer, they had cunted him off? Because that was exactly how he was feeling. Right or wrong, he resented the way they had treated him, and it was not something he would forget in a hurry. But he couldn’t be without her. He went to her and hugged her to him, enjoying the smell of her skin, the feel of her body against his. He loved her, he always would. But, at this moment in time, he didn’t like her. He didn’t like her at all.
He would swallow his knob because there was nothing else he could do, but that didn’t mean he would ever forget this insult. Because an insult it was. Whatever Jade and Eric tried to tell him, they had between them treated him like a fucking no one, a fucking nothing. The humiliation burned within him. They had proven to him that he couldn’t trust the people closest to him, that he needed to be wary in the future and look out for his own ends. As much as he loved Jade Dixon, he could never truly trust her again and Eric Palmer was someone he needed to keep a close eye on. This was a learning curve for him, all right. He might be a lot of things, but he wasn’t a fucking idiot. In his mind, this was tantamount to a declaration of war. This had told him that he needed to watch his back and he would do just that in the future.
Aiden O’Hara understood that, in many respects, he was now on his own. This was how he was going to live his life, the only way he could go forward. He had no intention of walking away from Jade and his son. The thought of being without them was anathema to him. But something inside him was broken now. He knew he could never trust any of the people around him again. After this betrayal, how could he? Why would he?
Chapter Fifty-Six
Agnes was laughing with her mum when she heard her brothers arguing outside the front door. She sighed heavily and, as usual, went to try and calm the situation. This felt like her main job in life at times − being the voice of reason, talking everyone down. It was wearing because she loved them, and she hated to see them arguing and fighting. She opened the door to see Patsy and Aiden at each other’s throats. Well, Aiden was at poor Patsy’s throat. No change there.
Patsy had always been Aiden’s scapegoat − they all knew that, even if they never actually said it out loud. It wouldn’t be worth the hassle. Aiden could do no wrong, of course.
‘Calm the fuck down, Ade. Everyone on the estate can hear you shouting and hollering!’
Aiden, she could see immediately, was very drunk, and so was Patsy.
She brought them both into the house, saying sadly, ‘Really! Arguing again? You’re my brothers and I hate seeing you carry on like this.’
Normally that would bring any of her brothers to their knees. They adored Agnes and saw her as too fragile to be hurt or upset in any way, which always worked in her favour. And why she used it when necessary. She played the female card at every opportunity. Surrounded as she was by so many men, she had learned early on in life how to use her innocence to her own advantage – none of the boys had ever worked it out.
But Aiden wasn’t having any of it tonight. ‘Shut the fuck up and get yourself to bed, lady. I’m surrounded by mouthy women and I’m really not in the fucking mood tonight.’
Reeva stepped between her eldest son and his two siblings, motioning to both of them to go to bed, which they did without a word. There was something going on with her firstborn and she could see that he was up for a fight. When he was like this the best thing was to not give him reasons to start aggravation. But, by the same token, she would not take any of his shit. Tonight she was not in the mood – she’d been on the rainbow too. So, fuck him. She was not going to let him put her on a fucking downer.
‘Excuse me, Aiden. This is my house and you can’t come round here reading the fucking riot act to all and sundry.’
One thing Reeva knew was that no matter what might occur her eldest boy would never start anything of importance with her personally. His brothers were fair game but never her. He was far better than that.
Aiden came into the house tamely and she shut the door behind him. She followed him into the kitchen, wondering what the upshot would be and how best she could talk him down. She knew all about the latest aggravation, but she was not going to let on. Her son was hurting − his pride had been damaged and, being the man he was, he would not let that go lightly. Tonight he was drunk and he was wound up, she could see that straight off. But she stood her ground.
‘Your house is it, Mum? I do believe I bankroll this fucking drum and I have for years. I bankroll your fucking boyfriend and all, even though he’s a useless prick. But then, you know that better than anyone, don’t you, Mum?’
He laughed nastily. Lighting up a cigarette, Reeva watched him warily, unsure now how to deal with him. It seemed that he wasn’t just drunk or on a bit of coke. He looked to her like a demon. His eyes were like slits and his whole body was tensed ready to fight.
For the first time ever, Reeva felt frightened of her own child. There was something different about him. There was a hatred in his voice, in his stance, in everything about him, that she had never experienced before. He seemed like he was out of control. He looked at her with such venom and she didn’t know how she was supposed to react. She was seeing a man who had scores to settle, who was looking for a fight, looking to cause harm.
She was not going to fight him, no matter what. In fact, she had no intention of letting him win this fucking silent argument. That was exactly what he wanted and something in the back of her head was telling her that she must not let him get the better of her. She had to talk him down, and make sure that they didn’t have any conflict. He wanted that too badly, and he was so far gone he would fight her if she wasn’t careful.
He laughed sarcastically as he said, ‘Oh come on, Mum. What’s the matter, eh? Not like you to put your latest fuck over your own kids, is it? I mean, think about it: you put everyone and anyone over us lot. Like the fucking race relations board, ain’t we? One thing I could always say about you, Mum. You never discriminated, did you? As long as they were a piece of fucking shit you were straight in there, legs wide open, come on down, boys! Then, when they left you, we picked up the pieces. Well, actually, I picked up the fucking pieces. It was me who fucking kept this family afloat. It was me who always made sure that we were OK. It was me who always tried to look out for us all. Remember Eugene’s dad, Mum? Big black bastard. Knocked me about, as well as you. And poor Patsy! He hated Patsy more than he did me. He bullied him every chance he got. And then how about Porrick’s dad? That was a nice change for us. A vicious Irishman this time. Oh, Mum, you certainly knew how to look after your kids, didn’t you? You can’t even imagine what your fucking choices did to your family, to your kids who you always say mean more to you than anything. You think that we never sussed you out? That we never wondered why not one of our dads stayed around long enough to see us brought into the world?’
Reeva listened to her son and her heart broke because there was a lot of truth in what he said. But she didn’t deserve hearing him say all that without telling him a few home truths in return. Her anger
got the better of her now and she faced her eldest son and, forgetting her fear of him, she screeched, ‘You’re right, Aiden! I was never going to be Mother of the fucking Year, was I? But I kept you all. And, as for you, you fucking wanker, I was fourteen years old when I had you. I might not have been Snow fucking White but I’ve never pretended to be. So you can criticise me all you want if it makes you feel better about yourself, but I did the best I could for you. I made more than my fair share of mistakes, but at least I fucking kept you all! And each time it was harder and harder to hold my head up. But I did it. I never regretted any of you, Aiden. Remember that. I didn’t turn my back on you, on any of you, even when I felt like it.’
Aiden looked at his mum, who he had always defended, who he had always loved no matter what, and he saw how much he had hurt her feelings. As drunk as he was, he knew that he had been so out of order. He had deliberately set out to hurt this woman who he knew would give up her life for him, or for his siblings. Through the drink and the cocaine he had taken that night he still had the grace to feel ashamed and embarrassed that he was capable of expressing such vitriol towards the woman who had always been by his side, no matter what. Reeva had always been his biggest advocate, he knew she would lie for him if he needed it. He knew that he had brutally taken out on his mother not only his own anger, but also his own frustration. That he had achieved so much in his life and then been brought so low was something he could not come to terms with. Now he had taken his anger out on his mother, on the only person he knew he could always rely on. He was sobering up by the second.
He glanced around the room where he had grown up and into the man he now was. Seeing the fear and the uncertainty on his mum’s face he felt the shame overwhelming him. How could he have ever thought that he could denigrate her like that?
Reeva walked out to the kitchen, afraid to say anything more. If she wasn’t careful, her eldest child would say something that neither of them could ever forgive. It had gone much too far already. She poured herself a very large vodka and knocked it back in one gulp. Aiden followed her and watched as she did what she had always done since he could remember: she self-medicated. But what could he say? He pulled her round to face him and he saw the fear in her eyes, and wondered at how they had ever been reduced to this.
‘Mum, I’m sorry. Really, I didn’t mean any of it. I could fucking kick meself . . .’
Reeva pulled away from him. She wasn’t at all impressed with what he had said to her, and she wasn’t about to let him get away with it. She was so incensed with him and the way he thought he could treat everyone around him. For the first time ever, she wasn’t on his side. His words had hit her deeply. She had realised that what he had said were his real feelings. It broke her heart that he saw her as so fucking low on his radar.
‘I don’t want to hear it, Aiden. You have no right to talk to me like that. I tried to do the best that I could by you all.’
Aiden knew that he had really offended his mum, a woman who he had always thought was unable to be offended. She had always acted like everything said about her was no more than water off the proverbial duck’s back. Now he knew that his words had really got under her skin, that he had really got under her skin. He had touched a nerve and now he didn’t know how to make it right, how to tell her he didn’t mean a word of it. That he was hurting and he wanted someone else to hurt as well.
Agnes came into the kitchen then and, pushing past her brother, she said, ‘Come on, Mum. Let me take you to bed.’
Reeva smiled sadly and allowed herself to be removed from her son’s presence. She couldn’t wait to get away from him. She couldn’t argue with him tonight; his words had broken her heart.
Agnes looked over her shoulder and said quietly, ‘You’re a fucking bully, Aiden. Just go home. Don’t you think you’ve done enough tonight?’
Aiden stood in the kitchen where he had spent the majority of his life and, for the first time in years, he actually cried. He couldn’t stop himself. The anger and the frustration of the last few weeks seemed to overwhelm him. He had suffered the humiliation of Jade and Eric’s interference in a deal that he still believed would have brought them untold riches – because he could have kept everyone on board and, more to the point, he could have used the Irish contacts in his favour. He just couldn’t see the problem. He still believed that if he had been given the chance he could have run it all without any problems whatsoever. He could have worked it out in such a way no one could have ever touched them. After all, that was what he did best. That was what Eric Palmer paid him to do. That deal could have earned more money in a few months than they were now earning in a year. And they were fucking earning money hand over fist already. Instead he had been completely bypassed by Eric Palmer. That was bad enough, but knowing that his Jade had worked alongside Eric to put a stop on him was something he could not get his head around. Everything he had achieved had been wiped out overnight by the two people he had trusted the most. He sobbed like a baby.
Patsy came into the kitchen and, taking him into his arms, he said softly, ‘Let it out, bruv. Let it go, mate.’
And he did. For the first time in his life, Aiden O’Hara allowed his feelings to be shown in public. He was absolutely devastated by the disloyalty shown to him by the two people he cared about most. But he was also crying because, deep inside, he knew that he had fucked up and that they had been right to put a stop to his gallop. That was something, of course, that he would never admit. He had not admitted it to himself until now. He would always argue that he could have handled the Irish and anyone else if necessary. He could not back down.
All his brothers came to him now. Porrick and Eugene were both nearly in tears themselves, shocked at seeing their big brother brought so low; he was always the strong one. They hugged him tightly because he was like a father to them and they loved him even as they feared him. Seeing him crying and vulnerable scared them even while they marvelled that, for the first time ever in their lives, Aiden actually needed them. Until now they had always needed him.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Reeva and Agnes sat in Reeva’s bedroom, listening to the commotion going on downstairs. Reeva got up quickly but Agnes pushed her back down on to her bed.
‘No, you don’t, Mum. Let him hang as he grows. The boys are with him. He spoke to you like shit. Don’t let him get away with it. He always gets away with everything. He’s an arsehole. Who the fuck does he think he is?’
Reeva looked at her daughter and saw the determination in her eyes. She understood then that this girl of hers was much stronger than she had ever believed. And she also realised that her Agnes didn’t actually like her brother Aiden. She watched her daughter as she picked up the phone to ring Jade to tell her that Aiden was drunk. And Reeva was relieved when Jade finally arrived and took Aiden home. A little bit of Reeva was sad because she knew that Aiden adored his little sister. He would move heaven and earth for her.
Book Three
Lousy but loyal.
Anon. East End slogan, George V Jubilee, 1935
He that is not with me is against me.
Matthew 12:30
Chapter Fifty-Eight
1998
‘Fuck off, Eugene. You’re having me on, ain’t you!’
Agnes was belly laughing at her brother’s antics. And Eugene, the natural jester that he was, was playing to the gallery. He had a real knack for making people laugh, with his lust for life and sunny disposition.
Eugene, who had been such a quiet child, had developed into a young man with a big personality, liked by everyone who came into contact with him. The girls loved him and he, in turn, loved them. He was already over six feet and he was built, as his mother told anyone who listened to her worries about him all those years ago, like the proverbial brick shithouse. With his father’s dark-chocolate skin and high cheekbones, and his mother’s full lips and blue eyes, he was like catnip to every female in a five-mile radius.
‘Seriously, Aggs. I kid y
ou not. I was fucking nearly captured! But I extricated myself before her dad got anywhere near!’
Agnes was still laughing. She loved her brother Eugene; he was the closest to her really. Unlike the others, he didn’t see it as his daily mission to watch her like a hawk − he was more easy-going. As a result, they had a real connection as siblings and, more to the point, as friends, even though he spent his every waking moment trying to chat up every female in his world, and she was what their mum referred to as a Holy Joe.
Agnes still spent all her spare time at the church. She received Holy Communion every morning at the six o’clock Mass, and she also helped out there most evenings with everything from feeding the homeless to helping the kids who were getting ready to receive their first Holy Communion. She would patiently help them learn the catechism and then she would help them to understand what it actually meant. Agnes was a daughter that most parents would pray to God for. She was a genuinely good girl, who had never once given her family any reason to worry about her. She had no interest in anything except her religion.
At seventeen, she was doing very well at school and was determined to make something of herself. As Reeva complained to anyone who would listen, her only daughter was her absolute polar opposite! And, even though she bemoaned her daughter’s lifestyle, there was a small part of her that was proud that her only daughter was without any kind of stain. That her girl, her beautiful girl, could hold her head up despite her mother’s reputation, and that she had such a nice nature, such a capacity for love. Reeva had to admit defeat. Although she had wanted a best mate, a girl she could put on make-up with, a girl she could go shopping with and who she could go out with drinking and clubbing, she had finally had to accept that she had a daughter who was not the outgoing type. Agnes was not interested in having a good time, and she wasn’t going to use her good looks for her own end.