He paused and grasped her behind her knees, pulling both her legs over his shoulders. “More, baby, need more of you,” he groaned in her ear.
“Then take all of me.”
His breath rasped as he began to thrust, each stroke pushing farther, forcing the breath from her lungs, whimpers from her throat. “That’s it. Oh, God, Kelsey.”
She wished wildly in that moment for mirrored walls. She wanted to see it as she felt it and heard it, wanted to feast her eyes on the sight of his ass flexing as he thrust into her, wanted to see herself practically folded in half before him and taking his entire magnificent length. The thought of it alone had her teetering on the edge of climax. She reached up and grasped his face between her hands.
“Evan!”
His fingers slid over her clit, rubbing deliciously. “Are you going to come for me again?”
“Yes yes yes…”
“Jesus, you’re perfect.” He reached up and grasped the headboard, trapping her that way with her legs over his arms. Anchoring himself, he gave her everything. Hard and fast the way she wanted it. And his angle…oh God, it was hitting the right spot, wrenching a cry from her each time he brushed it. He smiled down at her in pure male triumph, adjusting his speed and depth so that he struck it again, over and over, and then she was lost in another orgasm so severe it didn’t occur to her to do anything but grasp his hair and show him every way she could just how shattered she was. No hiding.
Somewhere in the middle of it, she felt him throb inside her, heard the growl tear from his throat, imagined him filling her up. It was sweet, so sweet, too sweet. It was something she wanted every night for the rest of her life. Him inside her. Leaving a part of him with her. She wanted to tell him she loved him so badly the words were like a monster in her chest trying to claw its way out.
They came down together, muscles relaxing and falling limp. Her knees slipped from his shoulders and she cradled his weight against her, stroking his sweat-slick back as he pressed gentle kisses to her lips, her cheeks. Her closed eyes. Gently, he withdrew from her and gathered her back into his arms, still prowling her body tenderly with one hand. She loved how he did that. It was so soothing after such a firestorm.
“It only keeps getting better,” she whispered into his chest.
He smoothed his palm over the curve of her hip. “I know.”
“It’s scary to think that…it can.”
“That it can keep getting better? Why is that scary, baby?”
She paused before answering. “It just is.”
And her heart ached, not with emptiness, but with the fullness he gave her. She was so confused. He’d promised to be her friend, to be there for her…but it wasn’t enough. She’d learned long ago that as beautiful as her feelings for him were, they were nothing if he didn’t feel the same.
The last thing she needed was another humiliation in her life. Which was the very thing she would be left with, if this didn’t progress. If it went no further, if it ended. At least if it ended now, before they went home, the humiliation would be limited to their intimate circle of two. If they braved the questions from friends and family, and endured the likely outbreak of scandal they would cause back home, and then it ended… Hell, she would just have to move back to her hometown. Married the groom, had sex with the best man…what next? Thank God Todd didn’t have a brother the vicious tongue-waggers could link her with. She could hear it now.
And it would end, wouldn’t it? She was sleeping with Evan Ross. She knew the consequences, knew the likely outcome, had seen it many times in the past…and still she’d done it. Why think she was any different than all the others? He claimed she’d been a fantasy of his and it had taken him ten years to realize it, but now that he’d had her, the mystique would wear off. Bumping their status from “friends” to “friends with benefits” was unacceptable to her now, even if there was a time she would have welcomed it, welcomed anything, any change.
She really could use a dose of his optimism right now, but his breathing was deepening and she wasn’t sleepy at all. Sighing, she kissed his cheek and rolled from the bed, thinking she would walk out on the lanai and watch the waves for a while. Maybe some sudden wisdom would come from the sounds and the power of the ocean…or maybe sleep would come, at the very least. Their vacation would be over before she knew it, and she needed to get her circadian rhythms back on some semblance of a normal track.
She slipped into her robe and padded into the silence of the living room, heading toward the sliding glass doors. The sudden chirping of her cell phone lying on the coffee table made her jump mid-stride.
A call at 10:30 p.m. was usually nothing to get in an uproar over, but when she considered the fact that it was 2:30 a.m. back home, her heart skipped a beat. She scampered over to grab her phone and checked the display, shaken by the thought of Lisa or her baby having complications. The number was not one she recognized, but bore the familiar area code and prefix of Mannville, their home. She answered with a clipped, half-panicked “Hello?”
“Kelsey?”
It took her a moment to place the quivering female voice on the other end. When she did, ice flooded her veins. It was Todd’s mother. “Sandra?”
“Honey, can you come to the hospital?”
Oh, God… “I’m out of town… Why? What’s happened?”
“Todd has been in a car accident.”
“Is he all right?”
“I don’t know—” She broke into sobs for a moment while Kelsey concentrated on keeping her own heart beating, her blood flowing. She’d cursed the man, hated him for what he’d done to her, but she’d never wanted something like this to happen to him.
Though she supposed it had sounded that way when she’d screamed at him that she wished he were dead. For the past few months she’d tried to forget his face, but it was vivid in her mind then, so clear he could almost be standing in the room with her. Smiling, laughing, full of life. And he did have a beautiful smile, an infectious laugh. Those were the first things she’d noticed about him. His manner with her had always been gentle and loving until he’d turned indifferent and unconcerned. Until she’d stopped making him happy.
Oh, Todd, what’s happened to you?
Sandra sniffled one last time and seemed to regain some of her usual composure. She’d lost her husband, Todd’s stepfather, to an accident just five years ago. She must be so scared…
“He’s still in surgery. He has internal bleeding. And I just…I’m all alone here.”
She would be, Kelsey thought. Todd was an only child. Grandparents were dead. Sandra had brothers and sisters, but they were scattered across the country. She sounded like she was in shock. “Sandra, I would come in a heartbeat, but I…I’m…” Out of town. Way, way out.
“That’s right, you said you were away. I’m sorry to bother you. I know things didn’t end well with you and Todd, but honey, I know he still cares about you, and I still consider you part of this family.”
“I know that. No matter what happened with us, I still care about him, too.” She cast a glance toward the bedroom, where Evan lay sleeping. Did he share that sentiment?
It didn’t matter. She didn’t have it in her to turn down the woman who had been like another mother to her. And if Todd wasn’t okay—it didn’t bear thinking about—she had to get there. Had to tell him she was sorry for all the things she’d said, even if she told him as he lay unconscious.
“Sandra, I’ll be there. But it’ll take me… God. Hours.” Enough to get a flight, fly eight hours, drive another two to get home from the airport. She could only pray that he would pull through, that she wouldn’t be too late. “Is there no one else you can call to stay with you in the meantime? I’m worried about you. Can you call any of his friends, or”—she had to force herself to say the name—“Courtney?”
Sandra paused a moment, as if amazed Kelsey would make the suggestion. “I would, but I don’t have any of their numbers. I don’t know where Todd’s cell phone w
ould be, probably still in the wreckage.”
Kelsey chewed her bottom lip and threw a glance at Evan’s BlackBerry, resting on the bar that separated the kitchenette from the living room. Would he…? “Maybe I can get Courtney’s. And she can call everyone else for you. Hold on.”
She’d deleted all of Todd’s contact numbers from her phone in a rush of fury long ago, even though she still had them in her head. Maybe Evan hadn’t been so impulsive. She picked up his phone and went directly to the C’s in his contact list, finding, sure enough, a slew of numbers for her. Boutique, home, cell, cabin… It was hard not to feel a twinge even as the information helped her at the moment. She recited Courtney’s cell and home numbers through gritted teeth to Sandra, who thanked her profusely. But she had one more request, one that made Kelsey put a palm to her forehead.
“Do you think you can get hold of Evan for me? I really want to talk to him. The man who hit Todd was drunk. The police told me he’s already on felony probation for drunk driving. He’s in jail, and I want to make sure he stays there.”
Kelsey glanced toward the bedroom again. “Yes, I think I know how to reach him.”
“Good, good. You’re still coming too?” she asked, fresh tears in her voice. “Please, Kelsey, if you can, I need you here. If he…”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. He has to be.” What a happy reunion this would be. “I’ll be at least twelve hours, but I’m coming.”
They said their good-byes and well wishes. Still trying to squelch her tremors, she walked into the bedroom and rubbed Evan’s bare arm where he lay on his stomach in bed. It was dark except for the dim light from the living room, but he must have sensed her distress somehow, either through her trembling hand or her rapid breathing. Or simply through being totally attuned to her, as he usually was. He lifted his head and squinted at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to go home.”
Evan managed to get them on a red-eye out of Honolulu. Kelsey, her hair up and her face scrubbed of makeup, took her seat and watched as he stowed their carry-on bags overhead. He hadn’t had much to say since she woke him, and even now his face was grim, his jaw set. Not that she expected him to be overjoyed about this. She certainly wasn’t.
“I’m sorry,” she said, probably for the thousandth time, as he finished the chore and settled beside her.
“I told you, it’s fine. You need to be there.”
She sighed and pushed back in her seat, stretching her legs. They’d been sitting at the airport for what felt like hours, though it hadn’t been that long. He’d told her again and again that he understood. But she knew if the situation were reversed—if it were Courtney’s bedside he was rushing to—she could only imagine how it would feel. “I need to say it for the rest of my life, though. I’ve ruined your trip.”
“It wasn’t ruined, just cut short a couple of days. We’ll make up for it someday.”
Someday. It sounded too vague. Too distant, too undecided. She had a helpless feeling, like she’d touched heaven and was now watching it slowly recede from her sight. Fantasy had become her home for several days, and only upon leaving it was she realizing how safe and warm it had been. This plane would touch down in Reality. Cold and hard.
Kelsey took his hand, desperate for some reassurance, some comfort. He linked his fingers through hers. She’d been hoping for that response, but still it felt empty.
“He’ll be okay,” he said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
She hoped so with all her heart, but that hadn’t been the assurance she was looking for from him. “I think so, too.” She nodded, watching other passengers file in. It didn’t look to be a full flight. “I mean, it’s a pretty good sign they didn’t have to airlift him, right? But I could tell Sandra is really scared. How was she when you talked to her?”
“Pretty much the same. And angry, too. But of course she would be, given what she’s been through. She was practically like another mom to me growing up. It’ll be good to see her again, just not under these circumstances.”
Kelsey tore her absent gaze away from the vomit bag in the pocket in front of her—she hoped she wouldn’t need it at some point—and looked at him. “You’re going to the hospital with me?”
“Unless you don’t want me there.”
“Of course I do, I just…”
“Just…thought I didn’t care?”
“No.” Kelsey sighed miserably. “Courtney will probably be there, you know.”
“I can deal with Courtney. Can you?”
“I suppose to avoid getting an assault charge in the hospital waiting room, I’ll have to deal with her. Can’t have you prosecuting me,” she added in a lame attempt to lighten the mood.
He chuckled, then let go of her hand to pull his white cap low over his eyes and tilt his seat back. “Try to get some sleep.”
“Yeah.”
But she couldn’t. She watched the lights slip by their window as they taxied. She breathed through the force pressing her back in her seat as they took off—she secretly hated to fly. Evan had kept her well entertained on the journey over, but now she was on her own. The ground fell away. The twinkling lights of Honolulu dropped from under them, growing more and more distant until there was nothing but the endless black void of the ocean below. How had things gone so horridly wrong over the space of a couple of hours? One minute Evan was making love to her, the next they were on a plane headed home and acting little better than strangers. Surely it was a bad dream, all of this. She would wake up in his arms any minute. Any minute now…
Her vision blurred and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself until a flight attendant noticed and brought her a blanket.
It didn’t help.
“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Kelsey asked as Evan opened the glass door to Mannville Memorial’s lobby for her. Even before they stepped over the threshold, that sterile hospital scent rushed out on a blast of air-conditioned air to swamp her. She didn’t mind the smell so much when the visit was a happy one, like for the birth of a baby—and it looked as if she would get to visit Lisa in the hospital after all—but when a life hung in limbo, it was all the more stagnant and depressing.
“No, I think I am,” he said. “God, this is going to be hard.” They walked over to the elevator and he punched the button. Then he jammed his hands in his jeans pockets and stared at the floor.
They hadn’t stopped since leaving the Houston airport, driving two hours straight to the hospital. She was dying for a shower and sleep. She’d been wide awake all through the flight. She’d watched the colors of dawn streak the sky, she’d watched the blessed ground finally rush up to meet them. The drive home had been spent mostly on the phone. She looked like hell and she was ready to drop. Last she’d heard, Todd had made it through surgery but wasn’t out of the woods yet.
“Evan…”
“Yeah?”
Won’t there be questions? Won’t they see we came together and we both look like hell? What do we say? What is it that we have here?
She shook her head to clear out the thoughts and reached to put her arms around his waist. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and drew her to him, so she could feel him breathe. His chin rested on the top of her head. As close as they were standing, there seemed to be a gulf between them. It was…a friend’s hug. Not the intimate comfort between lovers who drew strength just from one another’s embrace. But a pat-on-the-back, it’ll-be-okay hug. Please, God, let that all be in my head. “Crazy as we might be, I am glad you’re with me,” she told him, trying to narrow the gap.
“Good,” he said. “Because I feel like I really don’t have a place here.”
“Hey, I feel that way, too,” she said gently. “But Sandra asked me to be here, that’s all that matters. And I know she’ll love to see you.” She looked up at his face. The denim-blue shirt he was wearing dulled the intensity of his green eyes, making them appear almost murky. Or maybe it was just exhaustion. Her fault, all of it.
The elevator doors finally slid open, and she wasn’t encouraged when he released her and stepped on, maintaining his distance once they were both shut inside.
It was then that she began to fume.
This was no picnic for her, either. She didn’t want to be here, she wanted to be lying on the beach, or in bed with him, or stuffing her face with seafood. He lounged against the wall, watching the digital floor numbers tick by. She crossed her arms and stared at her feet. If this was the way it was going to be, she would play right along. For the last ten years of her life, she’d felt like she was chasing after love. First Evan’s. Then Todd’s when she realized something was wrong in their marriage. Now Evan’s again. Damn him, he wasn’t going to do this to her.
She bit her lip on a curse minutes later as they entered the fourth floor waiting area. Sandra was in the corner on the phone. A few of Todd’s aunts and uncles and cousins were there, but Kelsey had never known them well—they were all from out of state.
Courtney’s blonde head was bent over a magazine. That hair… God, she would recognize it anywhere, without even seeing the face it framed. The strands twinkled as if tiny lights were embedded in them. She’d always envied that hair.
For a moment, she wanted to turn and bolt from the room. Or at least grab on to Evan. But he wasn’t touching her, for support or otherwise.
Courtney’s gaze flickered upward and tangled with hers. Kelsey saw her shoulders inflate with her breath, and slowly, she set her magazine aside. When her eyes moved to Evan, her expression flattened. Shattered.
Awkward.
“Kelsey!” Sandra had hung up the phone and was crossing the room, her arms outstretched. She caught Kelsey in a firm hug that belied her frail build. “I’m so glad you’re here. It’s so good to see you. Who’s the handsome stranger you’ve brought with you?”