“I…I’m so sorry,” she uttered against the lid. “I forgot. I forgot.”
Voicing the unforgivable sin only increased her sorrow, her guilt. It was her fear come to life—that she’d forget Jared, even if only for a second. It had been longer than that…and she’d forgotten he was out there. He was out there, the storm nearly on them, and she was asleep, warm, comfortable….She’d forgotten she’d left him in the boathouse. How could she have forgotten?
Kennedy curled around the urn, protecting it from the wind, but also protecting herself from the horrible thoughts passing through her busy mind. She wanted so badly for someone to talk to her, and a feeling of betrayal ran through her, followed by the ever-returning guilt whenever she thought of Jared in a negative light. But he’d left her, and while she found ways to talk to him, she longed for someone to talk back.
“It’s not fair,” she sobbed against the urn for probably the thousandth time since the relentless disease stole him away. It wasn’t fair, there was nothing she could do to change it, and it felt impossible for her to move on. She wanted a reprieve, if only for a day, for a night…something to take her away from her mind, from her heart, from her guilt, from this grief.
The wind rushed over her back, tossing her hood from her head. She made no movement to fix it, her tired and achy arms locked around the urn. She could stay out there all through the storm, clinging to Jared not only physically, but emotionally as well. That was the problem—she wanted to let go, but she couldn’t find it in her to do so.
She sat for an eternity, so long that her legs cramped underneath her, her nose went numb from the cold, and her throat was sore from the aching sobs she couldn’t control. She felt no sense of comfort, not that she deserved it. There was only the wind, the waves on the lake, and the distant thunder to keep her company.
A chill ran up her spine as she felt the weight of her hood distinctly lift off her back. Goosebumps prickled along her arms as it was gently placed back atop her head.
A rush of heat ignited in her chest and made her lift her eyes. She blinked against the blurry wave of tears and looked straight into a honey-colored gaze, so full of concern and…empathy.
Aaron crouched, tentative as he took a spot next to her. He was careful in his actions, as if Kennedy were a terrified stray and he was only there to provide food and shelter for a night. He kept his eyes on hers, watching them with a fiery intensity that warmed her chilled body from the inside out. His arm slowly wrapped around her shoulder, and the moment it settled, she turned, burrowing into his sweet comfort.
His other arm came around her, and in his strong, warm arms, Kennedy lost all control, equally grief-stricken and grateful.
“I left him out here,” she said into the fabric of his overshirt, a button pressing against her lips. “I thought I could try to…” She drifted off, and she noticed one of her hands clinging to Aaron, and not to the urn. Her heart sank into the deepest, darkest pit, but she didn’t want to move her hand. She wanted it there, curling into his collar, keeping him locked around her while she cried through one of her many weak moments. She shook her head, ashamed of what her body wanted.
“I don’t know what I thought,” she finished. Aaron’s hand rubbed up her back, encouraging her to slide in closer, bury deeper into the comfort he was offering. She went easily, her mind telling her that she shouldn’t want this, but her body too vulnerable to understand or listen to any sort of logic.
“You wanted to try,” he said, and the vibrations of his deep voice ricocheted against her heart, widened her eyes, stole her breath. She froze in his arms, taken aback by just how wonderful it was to finally, finally hear a voice on the other end of her conversations. It was a reminder that her imagination paled in comparison to the real thing—and she was absolutely appalled that she even thought that anyone could compare to Jared, that anyone could even come close.
She shook her head, angry with herself for enjoying another voice, wanting another body, and needing it so very much.
Aaron lifted a hand off her back and cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes, relishing the sensation of such a strong and caring touch. It had been so long, and she wanted it so badly, so while she was guilt-ridden for feeling so strongly in a different man’s arms, it was too good, too comforting, to stop.
Her other hand let go of the urn and touched Aaron’s hand on her face, her fingers curling in between his. She felt his breath quicken, heard the hesitation in his voice when he said, “It’s gonna be all right.”
She lifted her head and met his gaze, both uncertain and reassuring. His hand twitched against her neck, and his thumb ran over her cheek as it wiped away a tear. She wanted to believe him, but she wasn’t sure if he believed it himself.
“Is it?” she asked in a small voice that could only have been heard in their tight cocoon.
His lips parted, and Kennedy held her breath as he contemplated his answer. He finally shook his head, one shoulder lifting.
“I don’t know.” His fingers trailed back into her hair, sending trembles through her spine. “But I’ll try to make it all right.”
The tiniest of smiles pushed at the corners of her mouth, and her hand slid down the length of his muscular, safe arm. Her mind was drifting, the scale weighing in Aaron’s favor, and a sense of calm ran from her crown and trickled down her entire body.
“It’s working,” she answered, and an equally small smile appeared on his lips as he coaxed her forehead to meet his. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, like he needed her comfort just as much as she needed his. She wasn’t sure how much comfort she could provide, as she herself was crumbling into tiny pieces in his hands, but she held on to him nonetheless, hoping that she could in some way give him what he was so aptly giving her.
Her eyelids fell closed, and she soaked in the simple quiet for a moment before she felt her heart beating so hard that she could barely contain it. His touch was so warm, so real and genuine, that she told herself that this was where she could easily ride out the storm. A much better alternative than being curled up in utter sorrow and loneliness.
A single raindrop plinked against the urn in her lap, and she shifted so that it was protected by the canopy of their bodies. Aaron must have thought she was untangling herself, because he began to move away, but Kennedy’s hold on his collar tightened and reeled him back in. She wasn’t ready to feel so cold and alone, and with his breath an inch away, his chest moving up and down, and his hands rubbing comforting circles against her, she felt so whole. He was not the ghost of a touch that she was trying to remember; he was alive and breathing and tangible. It was horrible that she felt the way she did, but while those thoughts niggled at her, there was something much stronger quieting them, holding her in place.
She breathed in, stomach twirling at the familiar scent of nutmeg that she’d linked with Aaron just in the short time she’d known him. Her hand slid from his collar to the beating pulse in his neck, the coarse five o’clock shadow along his chin tickling the pads of her fingers. She felt him swallow hard, and his breathing quickened as her hand couldn’t help but revel in the feel of his skin. She opened her eyes, terrified, knowing that the need to get even closer was slowly overpowering every part of her body she still had control over.
The gorgeous fire in his eyes looked just as fearful, just as hesitant, just as needy as she was. His fingers dug into her hair, pulling at the hood barely covering her head. A raindrop fell onto her shoulder, another on her knee. She saw several hit Aaron’s clothing and soak into the fabric. It was the perfect cue to pull back, to head in for shelter, but neither made a move away from each other. They were two silent rocks in a raging sea of emotions.
Kennedy inched closer just as Aaron did the same, their shared breath making her skin flush with a blazing heat. She closed her eyes and waited, too afraid to be the one to close the gap. Aaron let out a short, hesitant breath before he gently pressed his soft lips against hers in a slow, tentative kiss that made her hea
rt fly straight from her chest and into the clouded sky…where it would stay, protected and safe, while her body indulged in a sweet comfort she didn’t know was possible. She met his slow movements, unsure of what was right, what was wrong, only knowing that this was what she needed, what she felt he needed, and she was more than willing to give it to him in that moment.
Heat bubbled in her lower abdomen, and she pulled him closer, drinking in the press of his lips and the bristle of his close-cut scruff. Her thoughts stumbled over one another as his touch grew more urgent, her body reacting in a way that it hadn’t in a long time. The rain pattered down around them, the only thing cooling her body from the fire that Aaron created in her. She clutched him, a shiver running up her spine at the contrasting sensations. His strong hands held just as frantically, pressing her chest into his.
She wanted him to deepen the kiss, even tested the waters by tapping the crease in his lips with her tongue, but there was still a sense of trepidation in his actions. In her muddled thoughts she realized it was probably better that way. There was so much uncertainty surrounding her, surrounding the both of them, and she knew without a doubt that once they parted, she’d be tormented with regret and guilt.
So she held on to him for as long as she could, even as the rain started beating over them, because she knew that when they stopped, her heart might sink back down, into a worse spot than it had been in before.
Chapter 11
Aaron
She was more aggressive than Aaron expected; it took everything in him to keep his touch as innocent as possible. He’d told himself he’d be nothing but a shoulder to cry on when he’d spotted her on the docks. Obviously even his strongest willpower could do nothing against the hypnotizing look in Kennedy’s eyes.
Her tongue sneaked out for a second time, prodding at his bottom lip, and Aaron internally cursed. He was falling apart in her arms, and as much as he longed to give in, he knew that if he touched her more, there was a good chance it wouldn’t stop there.
He brought both his hands to her face, gently caressing the wetness on her cheeks. The rain had picked up, mixing in with whatever tears she’d cried. They couldn’t stay out there much longer, he knew that, but he wanted to take advantage of the moment because he also knew that there wouldn’t be another like it. There couldn’t be.
He felt his heart crack like the lightning in the sky above them, and he gripped her to him, matching her aggression for a final moment before forcing himself to break away. Kennedy’s breath flooded out, warm and labored against his bottom lip; it was almost enough to make Aaron want to reel her right back in, but the shivers that took over her body immediately after he’d broken the kiss grabbed his attention.
“We should get inside,” he said a little louder than he normally would have, now that the storm was starting to catch up to them. Kennedy nodded against his forehead, their wet skin sliding against each other. He caressed her cheek one last time before getting to his feet and helping her to hers. The thunder rolled across the sky, vibrating through his chest. He turned his eyes to the angry lake just behind Kennedy, grabbed her hand, and pulled her behind him as he ran up the dock and into the long, muddy grass. They’d been out too long, damn it. It was a miracle they hadn’t been swallowed up.
Kennedy struggled to keep pace, the rain coming down harder and from the side. Aaron pulled her up next to him, shielding her from the windy onslaught. Her pink hoodie was soaked all the way through, and the urn tucked closely to her body seemed to be the only thing staying at least somewhat dry.
“Aaron?” she called out as he pulled her closer to the B&B. “I can’t…can you stay…?”
He whipped his head around, lightning crackling so near that it lit up the entire field around them. “What?”
Her gorgeous brown eyes widened as she looked up at him. “I can’t be alone in this,” she called out. “Please, will you stay with me?”
There was no time for it, but Aaron felt the wind being knocked right out of him. He stood momentarily speechless, knowing he shouldn’t stay with her, but unable to refuse, either. Quickly shaking himself out of his indecision, he nodded and started leading her to his truck instead. He could feel her confusion, but she followed without argument.
His fingers slid over the red handle on the passenger door as he opened it wide for her. She scrambled inside, and he ran around to the driver’s side. As soon as they were both sheltered from the rain, he turned to her and put the key in the ignition.
“Charlie,” he said, trying not to become too distracted by the way the raindrops fell from her hair and painted her chest. “I can’t leave him alone in this, either.”
There was a small smile that floated over her trembling lips, and she grabbed the seat belt and buckled in. “Okay.”
Aaron swallowed hard. “Okay.”
He put the truck in gear and pulled out, feeling his pulse throb in his neck. As the rain thundered on the roof, making conversation difficult—on top of the heated tension pulsing between them—he felt the soft touch of her fingers as Kennedy stretched them out to his hand. Worried about driving in the storm, Aaron kept his eyes focused on the road in front of him, but he was dying to see the look on her face as she laced her fingers with his over the gearshift and held on for the rest of the drive.
—
Charlie jumped up on Aaron the moment he opened the door and shed the only light into the dark of his house.
“It’s all right, boy,” he assured his dog, searching along the wall for the light switch. Kennedy shook next to him, and he went immediately into protective mode. He needed to get her a towel, dry clothes, offer her food, a bed, a book, anything and everything he had to make her feel comfortable here. It’d been years since a woman crossed this threshold, Aaron preferring to have his conquests elsewhere—Austin preferring that as well—and since he’d only been back a month, Natalie had been the only woman in that time. He wanted to make sure he provided the necessary comfort Kennedy seemed so desperate to keep when they ran through the rain.
He shut the door behind her, his chest bumping against her back and igniting a flame that had been dormant ever since she’d let go of his hand at the car. The back of his neck flushed as he watched her chattering teeth sneak out and bite her trembling bottom lip, her eyes flicking over her shoulder to catch his.
He couldn’t think. How could he with those wide, doe-like eyes taking in his every breath? He cursed at the devil on his shoulder who prodded him to warm her up in a way that would solidify his place in the deepest parts of hell. Knowing how her soft, luscious lips tasted, how they felt under his, only had his mind wandering to how the rest of her skin would taste, how it would feel. He breathed out a long, shaky sigh, ripping his attention away from her mind-numbing gaze and to the dark upstairs.
“Austin?” he called out, and Kennedy jumped at the sudden outburst. He shouldn’t have felt so good about how she was reacting to him, but he did. He felt incredible, and that was putting it lightly.
When he received no answer from his brother, Aaron pulled out his phone, praying it wasn’t completely wrecked from the rain.
Luckily, it was still working, a message light blinking near the top. He grinned a half smile at Kennedy and held up a finger as he brought the phone to his ear. She nodded and took a cautious step into the living room, reaching down to scratch Charlie’s head as she looked around at the furniture and pictures hanging on the walls. Aaron saw the drops of rain fall from her clothing and patter across the floor, and he quickly strode down the hall to the linen closet to take the call.
“Hey,” Austin said over the fuzzy line. “I’m stuck at the garage.”
“You need me to come get you?” Aaron asked, half-hoping that his brother would take him up on the offer. Another night alone with Kennedy would test his self-restraint more than he’d like, and he predicted that he would fail, especially considering the moment they’d just shared on the docks.
“I…bunk here,” Austin answe
red, his voice cutting out. “Stay…side. I’m all right…omise.”
As much as he wanted to disagree, Aaron couldn’t. With the next round of thunder and lightning that crashed just outside, it was safer for all of them to stay put until the worst of the storm passed.
“Stay safe,” Aaron said, but he doubted Austin heard any of it. The line cut out, and he traded his phone for a towel.
He would’ve been lying if he said his nervous system wasn’t an absolute wreck. He prayed to a deity that he wasn’t sure he believed in that he could stay in control, that his primal urges wouldn’t take over there in the dark with this beautiful and interesting woman who was off-limits. He’d already gone too far, and the evidence of that moment of weakness still tingled through his lips as he moved back into the living room, where Kennedy stood, tilting her head at a picture of Austin and Aaron on the lake as kids. There was a smile on her wet lips, and Aaron steeled himself with every ounce of courage he had before he crossed the room and settled the towel over her delicate shoulders.
She turned at his presence; her deep chocolate eyes would most definitely be haunting his dreams tonight.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice trembling from the cold. Her gaze fell to the couch briefly before returning to him, and Aaron noticed that she’d propped Jared’s ashes up against one of the cushions. Aaron cleared his throat and filled his mind with the sole purpose of getting her warm.
He nodded to her wet clothing, which clung to her petite, feminine body. “Let’s get you dry.”
Something about that statement amused her, and he watched as her lovely lips tilted up into a smile. “You, too.”
He’d hardly noticed his own soaked clothing, but as her eyes drifted to the floor, he followed her gaze and let out a laugh at the puddle beneath his feet, which Charlie had taken it upon himself to clean up.
“Come on,” he said through a chuckle, reaching for the edge of the towel. There was the quietest intake of breath from her as he tugged her behind him toward the laundry room. “Watch your step,” he warned, not only because of the trail of water they were spreading around the place, but because Aaron hadn’t exactly been expecting company, and there were baskets of overflowing, unfolded laundry neither Austin nor Aaron had gotten around to yet.