* * *
The days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into a month…and before we knew it, we were graduated from high school. The decision had been finalized. Parker was leaving for Basic Training in the next few days, and we had barely spoken since he broke the news to me. Not that he hadn’t tried to get a hold of me, calling and texting nonstop, even showing up at my house, only to be lied to by my mother who told him I wasn’t home.
I was avoiding him. I was avoiding the person I loved most in the world, because I couldn’t bear the thought that he was going to be leaving me for two and a half months. Not that he was leaving me forever, just that I honestly didn’t know how I was going to get through that time without him. With everything going on between my parents, he was my escape. And I was losing that, without even getting a say. I was devastated. I had spent the good part of the past two weeks hiding under my covers, crying my eyes out, not being able to get out of bed. I was depressed, and I was ashamed.
I knew eventually I would have to face Parker and I would have a decision to make. One I never in a million years thought I would be faced with—stand by Parker and cherish every moment we had together, deployment or not—or let him go, because the thought of losing him like I lost Mason literally tore my insides apart. But I had been avoiding that decision for fear I already knew what I was going to decide.
Today, I told myself, would be different. It was the first day I had been able to get out of bed, shower, and actually take a step outside. My eyes were still swollen from crying, but I was making progress; one step at a time.
Leaving the house, I had no idea where I was going, I just began walking. Within ten minutes, it became obvious to me just where I was headed. In the process of walking nowhere, my subconscious had taken over and I was headed to Bush Park. That is where I would always go when I needed to get away from reality. It was my own special spot of which not too many people had knowledge. I sat myself against a tree and closed my eyes, just feeling nature. With no more than five minutes of silence under my belt, I heard footsteps crunching the leaves around me.
“Hey…I thought I’d find you here,” I heard Parker’s voice over the ruffle of the trees.
“Why were you looking for me?” I asked, trying to hide just how much it hurt to see him. That hair which I once used to run my fingers through, those lips which once used to graze my mouth…
“Hey, just because I’m joining the army does not mean we are over…It does not mean I want to leave you. It is the last thing I want.” Parker approached me hesitantly at first, before beginning to caress my face with the back of his hand. I closed my eyes, enjoying what I could from his soft caress, leaning into it.
With my eyes still closed, I felt Parker’s finger trace my lips lightly. I quivered from his touch, which must have excited him because I felt his lips press against mine, almost immediately. Without being able to stop myself I found myself kissing him back, remembering just how long I had loved him. Just how hard I had worked to reel him in and keep him.
His mouth had traveled to my ear lobe, my neck, my shoulders, he was kissing me all over, and I was gasping for breath, attempting to gather my thoughts. I didn’t want to stop him, it felt so good, but so right and wrong at the same time; I felt conflicted. But as much as I loved him, I couldn’t let him continue, so, I pushed him away.
“Parker…please.” I couldn’t finish, but I hoped he understood.
“Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away? Two and a half months is going to fly by, and then I am going to be home for three months before AIT. I want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me. Why are you making this so difficult?” he demanded.
“Parker, it was hard enough to hear that you are leaving me for two and a half months. But then what? I get to have you back again for three months, just to have you ripped away again for God knows how long for AIT? And then, what if you get deployed? You know how I feel about that! Those last anywhere from six months to a year sometimes. I need you. And you are leaving me.” I couldn’t hold back any longer as I let familiar tears stream down my cheeks. “You know what losing Bo did to us; losing Mason, hell even my parent’s drama…I don’t know if we can survive this…” I was able to get out between sobs.
Parker’s face softened at the sight of me crying. And he quickly began wiping the tears away. “But love, it’s not forever. Can’t you cherish the time we have together, instead of pushing me away? Wouldn’t you rather have me a little less, than not have me at all?”
He made a point. But I was too stubborn, being a Taurus, if I couldn’t have all of him, I didn’t know if I could handle only having some of him. “Parker, just go with me on this, please. You never know what could happen in two months, three months, six months, even a year. Time apart can change everything. I just don’t think that staying together while you go to training is the right thing to do. Let’s take some time apart, and we will reevaluate when you return, okay?”
Parker scowled at me. “Fine! If I have to wait years to be with you again, I will!” And with that he marched off loudly. I hated to see him upset, more than anything in the world. But I was hoping I was making the best decision, for the both of us.
Twenty Three – Fighting for What Matters
Parker
It had been weeks since my parents had given me the ultimatum; weeks since I broke the news to Madalynne; and weeks since she had even allowed me to see her, much less speak to her. I had spent the better part of the two weeks holed up in my room, in sweats, eating junk food, playing video games, and being downright miserable. I had probably showered twice in that two week period. The only thing, or should I say person, who really kept me going and showed me a light was Jacqueline. Talking to her was the only bright thing in those dark weeks.
Eventually though, even she couldn’t stand to talk to me, and even begged me to talk to Madalynne. After much prodding, she convinced me that I couldn’t let this go on any longer. So, after too much time, I climbed in the shower, shaved the gnarly beard and mustache I had begun growing, and brushed my teeth. I even sprayed myself with her favorite cologne of mine, hoping she wouldn’t be able to resist me, before calling her mother and finding out she had left without word as to where she was headed. Maddy thought she could outsmart everyone, but she had forgotten about me.
When I had finally arrived to the familiar spot at Bush Park, I breathed a sigh of relief when I caught a glimpse of Madalynne propped against a tree, eyes closed. I didn’t want to disturb her, but I had to see her before I left; the shortness in her voice cutting me deep with every syllable she threw at me. I winced at the anger in her voice, approaching her slowly at first, before beginning to stroke her face softly with the back of my hand. I watched as she closed her eyes, a smile forming at the sides of her lips, pressing into it.
Not wanting to waste a moment, I traced Madalynne’s lips lightly with my thumb. I felt her twitch from my touch which only excited me more. I lowered my lips to hers, not being able to resist her, sure that I was going to regret it…but she did something that surprised me in that moment, she actually kissed me back. I couldn’t contain my longing for her any longer. Every inch of me was aching for her, my mouth traveling to every inch of skin she had exposed; I had her gasping for breath, while I smiled on the inside.
I never denied the attraction I had for Madalynne and her for me. It was this insane connection and undeniable bond. I was half way convinced we weren’t going to be able to stop, and we were going to go all the way, out here, in public. The adrenaline turned me on even more, but before my fantasy could even begin, I felt Madalynne push me away.
“Parker…please,” she began, without finishing, barely being able to look me in the eyes.
I didn’t understand; I asked her why she was doing this, my anger taking over, in the heat of the moment. I asked her why she was making such a big deal over a couple of months when we both knew full well we had survived four long years together.
Time was everything to her. I was her pillar of support and in her eyes if I left she would be crippled. I understood why she was sad; I understood her reason for crying; but it didn’t mean it made it any easier. My heart broke a little more with every tear that rolled down her cheek.
Her suggestion was time apart, and although that was the furthest thing from what I wanted, there was no changing her mind on the subject. We agreed that after I returned from Basic we would reconvene about our relationship.
My abrupt departure had not been intended. But it was difficult to know she was willing to walk away from everything we had built; our foundation so easily ignored. It tore my heart right out of my chest.
* * *
It was the day after everything had gone down with Madalynne. I was still reeling from the fact that I was going to be leaving for Basic for a couple of months with no contact to the outside world other than snail mail; not only was I going to be losing Madalynne, I was also going to be losing Jacqueline. Talk about cosmic synergy.
I knew I couldn’t just leave without saying a real goodbye to the person who had been there for me through everything in my life, from the very beginning. But I didn’t know how I was going to be able to get that through to Madalynne.
I had resorted to asking Jacqueline for help. I had mended our relationship to the best of my ability a few months ago. Usually I didn’t like to talk about Madalynne when I was in conversations with Jacqueline, but I never lied to Jacqueline. And although I never lied to Madalynne, I kept things from her, specifically my reconnection with one blond-haired, blue-eyed, angel. Unlike Madalynne, Jacqueline knew everything about me, more than any other living soul.
I was chatting with Jacqueline on the Skype instant messenger service, asking for advice on the Maddy situation.
“Look Parker, just know, if she really loves you then the distance and the time, even the history, those things, they just don’t matter,” Jacqueline wrote in response to my novel of an explanation.
“If it were you…if it were just you and me…would you?” I typed, timidly.
“Would I what?” she prodded. “Would I wait?”
“Yeah,” I replied, anxiously awaiting her answer.
“Of course Parker, I’d always wait for you.”
I caught myself smiling in response to her answer. “Thanks for always being there for me Jacqueline,” I typed before signing off.
I grabbed my dark grey hoodie off my bed and slipped it over my head, before heading out of my room and down the stairs. I thought I would be lucky enough to slip out unnoticed, but the sound of my mother’s voice told me otherwise.
“Parker, just where are you running off to at this time of night?” My mother’s face wrinkled with worry.
I brushed past her. “Just off to hang out with Dylan for the last time,” I hollered over my shoulder, without looking back.
“Well be careful and don’t be reckless like you two are when you two get together,” she warned me just before I slammed the door on my way out.
* * *
I had awoken with one hell of a hangover and a surprising message from Madalynne asking me to stop by. I had managed to change and brush my teeth, but if it wasn’t already apparent, I felt like shit.
I rang her doorbell, and then winced when the shrill bell rang. I caught Madalynne peeking out from behind the curtains and realized how she must have taken that terrible look on my face. My heart dropped as I stepped inside her doorway.
“Hey, thanks for coming over.” I sat down on the couch, and watched as she sat beside me.
“What did you call for?” I asked, fully aware it came off as irritated. I felt instantly terrible as I saw her wrench back with pain from my tone.
“I have done a lot of thinking over the past few days and I have decided that I am going to stay with my aunt and uncle in Hawaii while you’re gone. They offered to fly me out there, given all the stuff going on at home. And plus, it will help clear my head and help me decide if we are going to work out when you come back or not.”
This news was all so out of left field for me, but suddenly I didn’t care. I had the hangover from hell but all I could think in that moment was that I couldn’t stand to lose Madalynne. Whether she was pushing me away or not, we had been there before. We had been through the toughest hurdles and made it out together. She was what had made my world turn for as long as I could remember; and besides my online tryst with Jacqueline, I had never had eyes for anyone else. It was always Madalynne; I hoped, prayed, and wished my story would end with her.
“No matter what…I want to be with you.” I reached my hand up to her face and then began kissing her ever so aggressively, barely giving her a moment to catch her breath. I felt her reach up her hand to push me away, but I knew I had won her over.
I couldn’t help myself when it came to Madalynne, the way her name rolled off my tongue turned me on, the perfect but not so perfect birth mark on her shoulder, and she had curves in all the right places. She was my kryptonite; I was powerless when it came to her.
I was trailing the base of her neck, up and down, first with my lips, then with my tongue. I felt her body shake and stir against my touch. The passion was off the charts, the connection was undeniable, just like the first time.
She was running her fingers up and down my chest and kissing and licking and tugging at my ear, I could hardly bare it. I ripped her top off, exposing her small, but beautiful chest. Sex with Madalynne hadn’t been this exciting since the beginning. But every intimate moment with her was beautiful and I let myself enjoy this one fully.
I noticed Madalynne hurriedly pull her shirt back on after we finished. “I love you baby. I knew it would work out.” I grinned back at her.
“Parker.” She sighed. “This doesn’t change anything. You are still going to training, and I am still going to Hawaii. I think this time will be good for us.” She turned around to face me.
I shook my head lightly. “I love you Madalynne, and I always will. I will prove it to you. I promise you. We will be together. No matter the distance or time apart. I need to go, but before I do, please say it back.”
“Parker…”
“Please, I need to hear it, now more than ever,” I begged.
“I love you butter bean. You are the peanut butter to my jelly; the yin to my yang; my other half. You are my soul mate,” she recited the words that we had been saying to each other for more than a few years.
“Thank you. Don’t give up on us. Promise me, you still have hope.” I took her hand in mine, squeezing it lightly.
She smiled then replied softly, “I still have hope.”
I grabbed her face in my hands and pressed my lips against hers, feeling the electricity between us. “I have to go baby.” And with that, I turned on my heel and headed out the door.
I couldn’t help looking back as I was backing up, only to notice Madalynne standing on the porch, watching me drive away, head held low. I just wished she had more faith in our relationship like I did.
Twenty Four – Conflicted
Madalynne
It had been two days since Parker and I had last talked, and I knew I couldn’t let him leave me, leave us, with all this unfinished business. He was leaving to Basic Training in a couple of hours, so I had asked him to stop by before he left.
The meeting had been bittersweet for me. To begin with, Parker came waltzing through my door angrily. His words felt like venom as he spit them at me.
But I had to let him know my decision. Parker still meant the world to me…but I wanted to be happy too. He took the news better than expected, and it was the first time I saw him soften since he walked through my door.
Then, when I wasn’t expecting it, Parker was kissing me hard, again and again. I reached up my hand to stop him, but then surrendered, getting sucked into the sweet kiss.
Before I knew it, his mouth had made way to my neck, my sweet spot, where he was kissing it ever so hungrily. I knew I shouldn’t, but I
couldn’t resist him. As much as he wanted me, I wanted him. It was like the first time, all over again. Like we had never tasted or explored each other…and it felt exciting. I was exploring his body, and he was exploring mine. As we ripped each other’s clothes off, we became one, like my necklace said. And even though I was stubborn, I knew that he would always be in my heart.