Even with the metal blade, Seri isn’t making any progress. I take over removing the wood as she rearranges the logs already on the sled. It’s slow going, and Seri grows tired of standing around.
“What’s in the wooded area?” she asks.
“Trees.” I give her a half smile. “When it’s warmer, you can find all kinds of animals and edible plants. If I end up needing the meat, I can set traps for rabbits back there.”
“Poor Bugs.” Seri makes a pouty face and then smiles. “Can I go check it out?”
“I’m not going to stop you. Just be careful.”
“I will.”
I go back to digging out logs frozen in ice, but there’s just too much of it. Inside the barn, I find an axe and chop up a few of the felled trees I pulled out of the woods in the fall. Chopping wood works better than digging, and I quickly knock out a dozen more pieces of wood for the sled.
The sky darkens slightly as clouds cover the sun, but I stay focused on my mindless and repetitious task. My head goes blank as I continue to hack at the woodpile.
My arms are getting sore, but the sled is nearly full. There is room for maybe another fifteen or so pieces of wood, but I decide to head into the barn for some other supplies. Seri was tired of eating caribou, so I grab some frozen fish to add to the sled. I also add the hide from my most recent caribou kill. It would make a decent coat for Seri, and I could spend a little time in the cabin working on it. I pause for a moment to catch my breath.
Wind suddenly whips around the edge of the barn, throwing snow off the roof and into my face. I glance up at the darkening sky and take a few steps to the side to get a better view.
The sky to the southwest has gone black with heavy clouds, nearly blotting out the sun. The temperature has dropped significantly. Snow is blowing everywhere, and I can’t even make out the shape of the cabin in the distance. I’d been so immersed in my work, I hadn’t been paying attention. Before I have a chance to berate myself, I hear a high-pitched scream.
I turn around, trying to identify the direction of the sound. I know it’s Seri, but I can’t see her, and I’m not sure how far she may have walked away from the barn.
“Seri!” I look left and right, nearly frantic when I see no sign of her.
Snow begins to fall, and a giant gust of wind blows more snow around me. I shove the axe into a loop on my parka and begin walking south and east, hoping that’s the direction of her scream and that the sound hadn’t just bounced off the rock wall to the north.
“Fuck!” I can’t believe I let myself lose track of time. It’s one thing to do that when it’s just me, but I’m responsible for her now as well, and I can’t even find her. I yell for her again. “Seri!”
“Bishop!”
Her voice is closer now, though still carried by the wind. She calls out again, and I turn my head until I can home in on the sound. I walk quickly, making minor adjustments each time she yells out. At the edge of my vision, I finally see a dim outline of a flailing person.
I take a deep breath and jog over to the vague shape in the distance. The relief I feel is short-lived when I realize I can only see the top half of her. She’s dropped into a hole of some kind. I pick up my pace.
“Help me!”
“I’m here.” I grab her under her arms and haul her out of the hole. Ice cracks and splashes into water below. She’s managed to wander to the edge of the marsh, and the ice cracked under her weight.
“Shit, Seri, you’re soaking wet!”
“Cold…” Her teeth are chattering, and she can barely get the word out.
The wind picks up, blowing snow into my eyes. I look around, trying to get my bearings, but I can’t see the shape of the barn or the cabin through the blowing snow. My stomach churns as panic attempts to take hold. Pulling Seri out of the marsh has me turned around, and I don’t know which way is home.
Keep it together. Get the facts.
The sun is setting quickly, which tells me which way is west, but that doesn’t really help. I can see the dark grey shape of the rock wall to the north, and the cabin is south of the rock wall. If I make my way to the rocks, I should be close enough to the cabin to reach it but might walk right past it if I can’t see. I can’t chance walking Seri around in the blinding snow. She’s wet. Frostbite will set in quickly, and she’ll lose her toes, if not her feet, and I have no way of performing an amputation safely.
Trying to find the cabin right now means death for her and possibly me as well.
There is only one other option.
“Come on.” I haul Seri to her feet and head straight north.
She stumbles. If I hadn’t been holding her arms, she would have fallen face first into the snow. I haul her upright, but she cries out.
“I can’t walk!”
“It’s okay.” I yell over the sound of the wind as calmly as I can. “We just need to make it to the rocks. I can carry you.”
I slip one arm around her shoulders and the other under her knees before I lift her. I walk tentatively at first because of the extra weight, trying to adjust my balance in the snowshoes. The rock wall is the only obstacle I can focus on in the blowing snow, and I make my way there quickly.
I set Seri back down on her feet, and she winces immediately.
“Need to get you out of those boots and pants,” I mumble.
“What?” she yells over the wind.
“Hold on!” I yell back.
I have my bearings in a general sense—the rock wall at my back juts out of the earth for about two kilometers, and my cabin is near the center of it. The problem is, I have no idea where I am in relation to the middle of the rocks. I can’t see well enough to figure it out, and I need to get Seri into shelter as soon as humanly possible.
I can’t get us back to the cabin. I have to make shelter here.
“B-B-Bishop?”
“Stay still,” I tell her. “This won’t take long.”
“So c-c-c-cold!”
“I know.” I settle Seri down on the ground close to the rocks. As I start to stand, she grabs onto my arms, her eyes wide enough that I can see them clearly through the goggles.
“Don’t leave!”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I drop down to one knee and take her face in my hands. “Relax. I’m going to make us some shelter. Just hang on a sec.”
She stares at me for a long moment, takes a long, slow breath, and nods slowly.
“All right.” Her shoulders drop slightly as she sits back, releasing my arms.
I narrow my eyes at her for a moment, but I don’t have time to consider her change of behavior—not right now. We need shelter before the storm gets any worse. I stand and look around for a suitable spot. Thankfully, there’s snow pretty much everywhere, and it’s all deep. I find the perfect snowbank up against the rock wall and, on my hands and knees, I start to dig.
Using the axe to assist in the digging, I gouge a round opening first, making sure it’s on the east side, away from the direction of the wind. I dig upward, pulling out armfuls of snow to make a depression, and then widen it. Before long, I’m halfway inside the snowbank with my feet sticking out of the hole.
I hit the rock wall at the back of the cave and hollow it out a little more on either side. Very little light is coming through the round entrance—the sun has nearly set—so I pick up the pace. I end up with an oblong room of snow about four feet long and three feet wide. It’s not tall enough inside to sit up, but I maneuver around enough to take off my parka and inner coat. I spread my inner coat on the ground, and it takes up most of the floor of the cave. It’s not much, but it’s better than outside. I crawl back out and grab a hold of Seri.
“What are you doing?” Her teeth are chattering over the wind, but her voice is calm.
“I need you inside and dry,” I tell her. “It may not sound like it, but it’s going to be a lot warmer inside the snow than outside of it. Once I get you in there, we’ll be all right.”
I hope I sound
convincing.
“I’m going to go in first,” I tell her. “Then you follow in right after me, head first. It’s cramped inside, and there isn’t a lot of light, so just feel with your hands. Don’t try to stand up; the ceiling is low.”
“Will I fit through?” she asks as she eyes the small opening.
“I did; so you will.”
“Good point.”
It takes a little work, but once I get myself completely inside, I help guide Seri inside as well. I keep my back against the rock wall, and she crawls inside in front of me. I adjust my inner coat a little to keep us off the snowy ground and let out a sigh. Now that we are away from the wind and the blowing snow, I can think straight.
“I can’t see anything.” I feel her gripping my arm, trying to get her bearings.
“I know. Just give me a minute.”
Using my hands to guide me in along the inside wall, I make a small shelf out of the snow. I fumble around for my parka and dig in the inside pocket for my emergency supplies, including two small candles and matches. Once I have a candle lit, she looks up and blinks at me.
“Is that a birthday candle?”
“Yeah, it is,” I grin, but I doubt she can make out much of my expression.
“Kind of small, isn’t it?”
“For this sized space, it’s perfect. You can see enough to get situated, but it won’t use up the oxygen. It won’t last long anyway.”
“Are we going to die?”
“Hell no.” I smile at her, hoping I’m not too obvious about staring at her, trying to figure out if she’s now Netti and no longer Seri. “We just have to wait out the storm. Then we can get back to the cabin.”
“Won’t we freeze?”
“We have body heat,” I tell her. “This is a small area, and the two of us are enough to keep it warm. We just need to get you dry first.”
In the dim light, I remove Seri’s wet boots and socks. I take off my flannel shirt and then my T-shirt, which isn’t easy in the tight space. I put the flannel back on and then use the T-shirt to carefully dry her feet and legs. With the candlelight, I examine her feet closely. They’re quite red, which is a good sign.
“You’re going to freeze just wearing one shirt,” she tells me.
“No, I won’t. It’s already warmer in here than out there. This is why I wear four layers when I go outside.”
“You are prepared for anything.”
“Maybe not anything, but enough.” I hold up my T-shirt. “Extra shirt is also a towel.”
I finish drying her off and then shove her wet boots, socks, and my outer shirt to the back of the cave.
“The storm came up so fast.” Her voice is calm and controlled again.
“Yeah.” I try to examine her face in the dim light to see if I can determine which one I’m talking to. “My fault. I wasn’t paying attention. I should have been. I shouldn’t have let you wander out of my sight.”
“I was following some rabbit tracks.”
“Well, the rabbit was probably looking for water.”
“Do we have any water?”
“Yeah.” I shove my hand back inside my parka and bring out a small bottle. “There isn’t a lot, so go easy on it.”
“We could just melt snow if we run out, couldn’t we?”
“We could,” I say, “but it’s easier said than done. Melting snow means either going outside to get some or melting our shelter. Melting snow actually takes a decent amount of effort, and we should conserve energy as long as we can.”
We both take a short drink, and she closes her eyes for a moment. Her head bobs forward slightly, and for a second, I think she’s falling asleep. Then she sits up suddenly, opens her eyes, and blinks a few times.
“What about Solo?” she cries as she knocks her head into the low ceiling.
“He’ll be all right.” I coax her back down onto the coat below us. “It’s warm enough in the cabin. The coals will burn for a long time, and he has access to water. He’ll be fine.”
“What if we never make it back?”
All right, this is obviously not calm Netti anymore. Seri is back and panicked. I can barely keep track of the transformations.
“We are going to make it back,” I say definitively. “We just have to wait for the storm to blow over so I can see where I’m going.”
“Why don’t you have a compass?”
“I’ve never needed one before.” I reach over to adjust the small candle.
“Don’t blow the candle out!”
“I won’t. It actually provides a little heat, you know.” I grip her hand. “It’s just a little one though, and it won’t last long. When it goes out, it will be dark. Lie down. I’m going to pile the parkas on top of us. We’ll just huddle up until the storm passes, and then we can reach the cabin.”
Seri goes quiet for a while. She shivers, and I slide my arm underneath her head, giving her a place to rest. She presses her shoulder against me, and I watch her watching the small candle as it burns lower.
The candle flickers and dims. We both stare at the flame as it goes out, leaving us in total darkness. Seri stiffens next to me, holding her breath for a moment.
“Bishop?” she whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I’m scared.” Her voice is barely audible, even in the enclosed space.
“It’s all right,” I say as I shift to get as close to her as I can. “Everything is going to be fine.”
“Everything is going to be fine.” She repeats the words exactly and in a cold, emotionless voice.
“Netti?” I whisper.
“Yes?”
My heart beats faster. If Netti stays a little longer, I’ll have my chance to talk to one of the others for the first time since I started figuring all this out. I’m fairly certain Netti knows about Seri, and she might very well be able to answer a lot of questions for me.
Now that I’ve established which of them I’m talking to, I have no idea where to begin with the deluge of questions I have. She came and went so quickly a few minutes ago—I have no idea how long I will have to talk to her. With so many questions crowding my brain, I don’t know where to start. Why is Netti here? Why now? Does Seri ask her to take over, or does she just show up when she feels like it? What about Iris? How does she fit in?
As it is, I can only stare into the darkness, as frozen as the cave around us.
Chapter 16
Outside, the wind is howling around the small snow shelter I’ve built against the rocks, but it barely touches us inside. Only tiny wisps of snow blow about the round entrance. Cramped and chilled, though warm enough not to die from exposure, the two of us huddle together under both of our parkas, and I try to figure out the most sensible questions to ask an elusive personality.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“I’m fine.”
All right, that was kind of a stupid question. I pause for a long moment, trying to remember everything I know about Netti and find my information fairly lacking. I should have written down a bunch of notes like I have in the past with mystery novels. Maybe then I would know what the important questions are.
“Netti?” I need the clarification.
“Yes?”
“You should pull your knees up a little closer to your chest.” I breathe in and out slowly. “Less exposure to the snow below us, and spooning will keep you the warmest.”
“All right.”
She pulls her legs up and presses her back against my chest. I wrap both arms around her and hold her close, nestling my face near her neck. I let go of her for a moment to adjust the parkas above us, trying to give us maximum warmth and also enough fresh air to breathe.
Now for the hard part.
“Can I ask you something, Netti?”
“Of course.”
“I want to ask you…I want to ask you about Seri.” My heart begins to beat a little faster as I wait for her to answer.
“That’s not a question,” she finally says.
“You know about Seri though, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She nods her head slightly.
“You know about Seri, but she doesn’t know about you.”
“That wasn’t a question, either.”
“But it’s true?” I need her to say it clearly, or I won’t believe it. I’m not entirely sure I believe what seems to be going on here, anyway.
There’s a long pause before she speaks again.
“Yes, I know about Seri. Seri doesn’t know about me.”
“What about…what about Iris?”
“Iris is aware.”
“Of both of you? I mean, Iris knows about you and Seri?”
“Yes.”
“Why doesn’t Seri know?”
“Seri must be protected.” Netti turns her head, but it’s too dark to read her expression. “She’s the important one.”
“So, she’s the…the primary person?” I have no idea if this is the right term, but it seems as good as any.
“In a sense, yes.”
“How can she be the primary person if she doesn’t know about you and Iris?”
“Seri is the important one,” she says again in her flat, toneless voice. “We only come out when she needs us. When she has this need, she sleeps.”
“And then she doesn’t remember what happened?”
“Yes.”
“Like she…she doesn’t remember that she and I…I mean, Iris and I…” Fuck. I have no idea how to put this shit into words. Even as I say it, it sounds insane. It is insane.
“She is not aware of your interactions with Iris.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “That. How can she not know?” I take a long breath and adjust my position on the rough ground. I don’t understand how Seri can wake up the next day and not realize we’ve had sex, but I don’t want to say something so blunt. I feel like I’m standing on very thin ice with a deep marsh below me. “I mean, she has to realize time has passed, right?”
“Seri…compensates.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It might be best to give you an example,” Netti says. “Iris made the decision to go to Canada. She wanted to get as far away as possible to an area where no one would look for her. She made the decision to go north of Calgary. Seri rationalized that she just wanted to get away from city life and people. She is not aware of the real reason we left.”