I want Seri.
I close my eyes and turn my cheek against Seri’s hair, inhaling her scent mixed with the smell of burning pine. Her grip around my neck tightens slightly, and she presses her face against my chest.
“Bishop,” she says softly. She says only my name, but when I wait for a question or a statement to follow, there is nothing.
“Seri? Do you…do you want to…?” I feel like a child without the capacity to express myself, and I’m terrified she’s going to switch to Iris, and that’s not who I want, not now.
She looks up at me with bright eyes and nods.
“I’m on birth control,” she says softly.
“I know.”
“How do you know?”
“I, uh…” Shit. “I just meant, I figured you were.”
She narrows her eyes slightly, and I press my lips to hers again as a diversion.
Moving together, we kneel on the bearskin next to the fire, and Seri reaches for the hem of my shirt. I lift my arms, allowing her to pull it over my head, and she drops it to the side. She runs her hands over my arms, my shoulders, and my chest.
Our gazes meet, and I watch Seri pull her shirt over her head. She reaches behind herself and unhooks her bra, which drops to the floor.
I let out a breath and copy her earlier movements, running my hands over her arms and shoulders first, then reaching for her breasts. I run my thumbs over her nipples, cup her flesh, and kiss her again. As I taste her, I feel her struggling with the button on my jeans. Releasing her mouth, I raise myself enough to push my jeans and boxers down my legs while Seri removes her sweatpants and panties.
Once our clothes are discarded, we kneel in front of each other again.
Seri licks her lips as she reaches down and strokes the underside of my cock. It pulses in her hand, and I tense to keep myself steady. She runs her fingers over the tip, then reaches around to grip my ass and pull me in for another brief kiss.
Shifting her weight, Seri lies back with her feet on the floor, bringing me with her until I feel my dick up against her heat. I reach down, grasp my shaft, position it, and look into Seri’s eyes. As I hover over her, I realize I was never in this position with Iris; she was always on top of me.
“Seri?” I whisper. I need to know. I need to know it’s still her.
“I’m ready.” Seri nods her encouragement.
Relieved, I slowly push forward, burying myself inside her.
We move together rhythmically. There is no rush, just the merging of our bodies as the heat of the fire warms us. I press my lips to her neck, breathing against her skin as I move, and she circles my hips with her legs, digging her heels into my glutes as she rises to meet my strokes.
I caress her skin with my fingers, trailing from her shoulder, over her breast, and down to her hip. I hold still for a moment, stroking her thigh, then bring my hand back to her stomach as I start to thrust again.
Seri runs her hands over my back and then to my shoulders. With one hand on the back of my head, she brings my mouth to hers. She arches her back, and I press down against her, rotating my hips until she gasps into my mouth. Her nails dig into my shoulders as she shudders and cries out.
It’s the most incredible sound I’ve ever heard.
“Seri…I’m going to come.” I still myself and squeeze my eyes shut. “Do you want me to…”
“It’s okay…please…” She tightens her legs around my waist, pulling me deeper inside her. I feel her muscles clenching around me, and the pressure is too much. After only a handful of strokes, I lose all control. My entire body tenses as waves of sensation flood through every nerve. Seri tightens her grip with both her arms and legs, squeezing so hard it tears the breath from my lungs.
She loosens her grip, and I press my forehead against her shoulder, trying to catch my breath. She moves one hand up to the back of my head, slowly stroking my hair.
I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at her. As we lay there on the floor in front of the fire, I want to tell her how amazing that was. I want to tell her that I’ve never felt like this before and how I want to feel that way again and again. I want to beg her to promise to stay with me even after the snows melt.
I say none of these things because when I look into her eyes, I know she feels the same way.
Chapter 18
I wake to a warm, wet mouth around my cock.
“Holy shit!” I sit halfway up, my eyes wide open, to find the wicked gaze of Iris looking up at me as she sucks my dick to the back of her throat. I reach for her, but she pushes my hand away. With her gaze locked on mine, she sucks me in again, and I moan. A moment later, she releases me with one final lick.
“Did you have a nice evening?” Iris raises her eyebrows as she crawls over me and straddles my waist. “Get a good night’s sleep, did you?”
“What?” I shake my head, still cloudy from sleep. I don’t know what she’s going on about, and I have no idea what she expects me to say.
She places her hands on either side of me, and slides her body over my cock. I suck in my breath as she positions herself and slowly guides me inside. She fucks me slowly for a moment, still staring at me with a strange half grin.
“Do you like that?” Iris raises herself up again and then slams back down on me. “You like it, don’t you, Bishop?”
I nod and grip her hips.
“Do you like it as much as you did with her?” She drops down and places her palms against my chest. “Does it feel as good? Or does your cock prefer her pussy?”
“Wha-what?”
“You think I don’t know?” She moves her hand up and grips my hair, pulling my head back as she glares down at me. “Do you think you can fuck my sister without me finding out about it?”
She releases my hair, grabs my hands from her hips, and pushes herself off of me. The cold air hits the sweat covering my body as Iris stomps over to the bed and grabs the blanket. She wraps it around herself and turns away from me.
What the fuck is happening here?
“Really, Bishop! What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I stare at her, tempted to hurtle the same words right back at her, but I’m not sure that’s wise. What the hell is she going on about?
“Don’t fucking lie to me, bitch!” My father’s fist made contact with my mother’s jaw. “Do you think you can fuck around without me finding out about it? Do you?”
I shake the memories from my head. The last thing I need right now is his voice ringing in my ears. My body reacts to the sound of Iris’s harsh voice with the release of adrenaline. I tense automatically, preparing for fight or flight.
“Are you seriously accusing me of…of cheating?” I toss my hands up in an expression of disbelief. “Is that what this is about?”
“What else would you call it?” she screams at me. “You slept with my sister! My sister!”
I feel like my brain is going to pop right out of my ears just trying to come to grips with what I’m hearing while simultaneously trying to keep memories of my father’s tirades from my head. I push myself to my feet and take a step closer to her.
“You’re the same person!” I yell.
“We are not!” she screams back at me. She closes the distance between us and shoves me, nearly dropping the blanket in the process.
I stumble backward, steady myself, and glare at her. I stand there, naked and confused, as I tear through my head, trying to come up with some kind of response to this ridiculous accusation.
“Go on,” Iris says, “tell me how you couldn’t help yourself. Tell me how it’s me you wanted, and you just didn’t know how to find me. Give me your fucking lame-ass excuses for not being able to control your cock!”
“Excuses?” I blink several times, wondering if this is all some kind of nightmare. I grab my jeans and yank them on. “Iris, I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to this!”
“Don’t bother saying you’re sorry!” She grits her teeth and glares at me.
&nbs
p; “Sorry? Sorry for what?” I have no idea what we’re even arguing about. None of this makes sense, and the yelling is turning me inside out. “You may not be the same person, but you’re still in the same body! I’m the first one to admit that this is as fucked up as it could possibly be, but you can’t blame me for that!”
“Who am I supposed to blame, huh? Seri? Do you think it’s her fault you decided to fuck both of us?”
“She doesn’t even know you exist! She thinks you’re dead!”
“I am dead!” Iris screams as she balls her hands into fists, nearly tearing the blanket as her nails dig into it. “He tried to kill me, but she’s the one who succeeded!”
Iris grits her teeth and pulls back her lips in a horrific display of frustration. Her head turns to the left, her mouth closes, and her eyes soften.
“That is not how it happened, and you know it.” The voice is calm and controlled, but it only lasts a second. Her head jerks to the right, and her voice changes tone.
“She’s the fucker who locked me away, and it’s worse than death!”
“You made your choice,” Netti’s calm voice says. “You can’t blame Seri for that, and you can’t blame Bishop, either.”
“He was mine! She didn’t have to fuck him!”
“She didn’t know. It’s not anyone’s fault, Iris. You have to be reasonable.”
“Fuck reasonable!”
Stupefied, I can do nothing but stand and watch helplessly. I want to call out to her, but I not only don’t know what to say, I have no idea which one I would be addressing. I haven’t felt this level of terror since I was a kid, and my father was still alive.
“This isn’t helping.”
“Blame it all on me then! It’s always my fault!”
“No one said it was your fault.”
“It all starts with me though, doesn’t it?” Iris tilts her head left and glares to the right. “Iris, the fuck up! Iris, the one who got us all into this mess!”
“You aren’t to blame for what he did.”
“He’s going to kill us! You know he will!”
“He does not know where we are.”
“He’ll find us. He always fucking finds us!” Iris turns her head to the ceiling and screams.
I hold my breath as every muscle in my body clenches. I feel like I’m watching a horror movie, and when I try to leave, the theatre exits are blocked. With nowhere to go, all I can do is watch, wide-eyed and immobile as she changes from Iris to Netti and back again.
Iris turns to me, and her face transforms but not into another entity. She is still Iris, just a different side of her as her anger disappears and tears stream down her face. She collapses to the floor and covers her face with her hands.
“Iris…” I drop to my knees in front of her. I reach out and take her into my arms while she sobs. My head is pounding either from trying to figure out what just happened or from all the yelling—I’m not sure which.
She shakes and sobs in my arms, no longer changing from one personality to another, and I know she is Iris—only Iris. She claws at my skin as if dangling from a cliff, and I am the only viable rock to cling to. I’m also shaking as my own terror of not knowing what to do tries to take over. I hold her as tightly as I can without crushing her and slowly rock us back and forth on the bare floor.
We stay like that until my knees ache, but I don’t move.
“I died on the river bank,” Iris finally whispers. “I died there, and she came back.”
“I don’t understand.” My knees can’t stand the pressure any longer, and I shift myself onto my ass, pulling Iris into my lap and cradling her.
“I know you don’t.” She sniffs and tilts her head up a little, tucking her face into the crook of my neck. “Don’t ask me to explain the unexplainable.”
“Maybe I’ll ask Netti.” I’m probably taking a risk with the suggestion, and my heart pounds as I wait for her to respond.
“Yeah, maybe she’ll tell you. Seri won’t. She understands less than I do, and we have to keep it that way.”
“Why?”
“Netti says so. Seri has to be protected.”
“From what?” I ask. “You and Netti have both said that, but I don’t know what you’re afraid of.”
I wait patiently for an answer, but she says nothing. For a moment, I think she has fallen asleep, but she suddenly moves to wrap her arms around my neck.
“Don’t let him kill us,” Iris whispers.
“Who?”
“Don’t let him. You can have us both if you want. Just don’t let him kill us. Please, Bishop.”
Her plea stings my heart. I need to know more, but it’s obvious I’m not going to get any straight answers from her, not now. I can only reassure her in the best way I know how.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you.” I stroke her hair and speak softly.
“Promise?”
“I’ll protect you. I swear,” I tell her. “I’ll protect all of you.”
She nods silently as she clings to my neck. Eventually, her crying subsides, and she shivers. I pull the blanket up around her shoulders and hold her close to me.
“I’m sorry I’m such a pain in the ass,” she says with a humorless laugh.
“Yeah, you’re all kinds of fun.” I take a deep breath and kiss the top of her head. “It’s all right.”
“You care about Seri.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“If you hurt her, Bishop, I swear to God I will fucking gut you!”
“Don’t start that again,” I mumble. “I’m not sure if I can take any more of this.”
“I mean it!”
“Did I hurt her?” I take Iris’s face in my hands and stare into her eyes. “Huh? You look down deep and maybe consider asking her or something. I didn’t hurt her, and you know it.”
She looks away from me, but I turn her head back until she meets my gaze again.
“I wouldn’t hurt Seri.” I lean in close so my breath is touching her face. “I wouldn’t hurt any of you.”
Iris grits her teeth and turns away from me with her eyes closed. I let out a long sigh and loosen my grip on her.
“Lie back down,” I say as I lead her back to the rug in front of the fireplace. “You’re cold.”
Iris lies down beside me and places her head on my shoulder. I pull the blanket around us, making sure it’s not too close to the fire.
“It’s still cheating,” she says with a grumble.
“No, it isn’t.” I reach over and stroke her hair. “If I can put up with all of you in there, you can deal with the fact that there is enough of me to go around.”
“I still had you first.” Iris snickers.
“Yeah, yeah.” I hug her to me, suddenly understanding how extremely fragile she is. Despite Iris’s harsh words, Seri is the strong one.
“I guess I don’t really mind sharing you,” she says quietly.
“Sharing, huh?” I swallow hard. “Do I get a say in this?”
“Do you object?”
“If history is any judge, I did a pretty bad job at handling one woman.”
“You’re doing pretty well with us so far.”
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
Iris closes her eyes and relaxes against me. She is asleep moments later, but I can’t bring myself to nod back off. I just watch her closely as I try to sort out everything she said. I can’t make sense of all of it, but it’s clear she is afraid of someone—an unnamed man who wants to kill her.
Do I take this threat at face value? Is there literally a man out there in the world who wants Iris or Seri or Netti dead? Or is there someone else, someone unknown inside of her, who wants to take control? Can someone with multiple personalities have multiple genders as well?
How am I supposed to protect her from that?
And what am I doing here? Am I now in a relationship with two women occupying the same body? Am I supposed to have one with Netti as well? Is there even any point in trying to make
sense out of any of this? I don’t have any answers, so I just hold her. I hold her, stare at the fire, and try not to think about how I’m ever going to get used to this.
But I am used to it. I’m used to her presence here with me. I’m used to her walking around the cabin, helping me with daily chores, and I’m used to her warmth when I sleep. I don’t want Seri or Iris or Netti to leave. I like having them all here.
I must be insane.
The woman in my arms stirs. She yawns and stretches, and I watch her closely as she opens her eyes. I must be getting used to this because her smiling expression tells me that she’s Seri again.
“Hi,” she says, and then blushes as she pulls the blanket close to her chest. Her smile disappears, and she winces.
“How are you feeling?” I ask her.
“A little off,” Seri says with a shrug. “My stomach is still bothering me.”
“Want something to eat? It could help.”
“Sorry.” She blushes again and shakes her head. “I think I need to just get it out of my system.”
She excuses herself to the bathroom for a while. Solo pounces on me, demanding to be fed.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say to the kitten. “Come on. Let’s get you some food.”
He’s much more interested in the caribou meat mixed with broth than he is the milk, so I let him feast on that while I get breakfast ready for me and Seri. However, when Seri finally comes out of the bathroom, she says she isn’t hungry. I hand her a cup of coffee, but she only sips a bit of it.
Seri stays quiet as she sits in the chair, ignoring her coffee and paging through a book. She seems embarrassed by the whole issue with her stomachache, so I don’t say anything about it. The turmoil from the night before has left me exhausted, so I lie down on the bed with Solo on my chest. He steps back and forth, treating me like a ball of bread dough.
“Hey!” I poke at the kitten. “Your claws are kinda sharp, you know!”