I chuckle. She can't accept the compliment. "Would you stop? You can't admit you're good?"
"I just don't see myself like that. It's just a job… acting. Now music... That's going to be something I really want to succeed at."
"I have no doubt you're going to. It might be a little slow going at first, but I honestly don't think so. Not with Cage's backing."
She nods. "I have to find a new manager, though Cage said he would step in for the time being. I'm not sure how he can find time for that with everything he's already got going on."
"I'm sure it has a little something to do with Sera."
"Probably."
"How'd you meet Cage?"
She smiles a smile of fondness and I know Cage is someone special to her.
"Well, it wasn't long after I'd met you that Irene, my agent, had lined Sera and I up to be in a music video for Crashed. My mom hated it. I mean hated it. Anyway, when we got there, his assistant Marci greeted us just like she did yesterday and took us into the conference room. There sat Cage and a few of his people, as well as all the band members from Crashed. It was all Sera and I could do not to squeal like stupid little fangirl groupies." She shakes her head at the memory.
I chuckle. "Go on."
"I'd never worked on anything like the videos so we were essentially virgins—that's what Cage called us. I was offended at first but didn't say a word. I mean, it's Cage Nichols. At least that's what I thought back then. Anyone who isn't in the industry, I've noted, doesn't see anyone who is in the industry as just a person. They're all hyped up to be OMG Mr. Rockstar or Miss Actress."
"Kinda like you just thought of me a few minutes ago?"
"Yeah, but I know you're just a guy who loves music, who gets to do what he loves for a living. But that's not how we saw it back then, Sera and I. So we were pretty awed by everything. Then we got on set and it was so much fun. God. So much more fun than acting in a movie or television show. The music, the lights, the sound, the stories that Cage creates for the videos—but mostly it was the music. Sera and I lose ourselves in it and we weren't prepared for being in a video."
"Uh-oh. I sense something bad is going to happen."
"Not bad, just super embarrassing."
"What happened?"
She plucks at something on her pants. "Well, we got out there and Crashed started playing. Sera and I did our ass wiggling as we were supposed to but when they got into it, so did we. We were dancing around singing the lyrics at the tops of our lungs," she laughs. "It was just horrifying to do that in front of all these professional people."
"How hard of a time did they give you?"
"That's the thing. They didn't."
"No?"
She shakes her head. "They knew we were being weirdoes but they didn't stop playing. They let us get our goofy dancing and singing out of the way, they laughed a bit, and told us we were a lot of fun. Cage—he just sat there in his chair, leaning to one side, elbow bent upward so his chin was resting on his hand—you know what I mean."
I nod, knowing that posture of Cage's well.
"So quiet and stoic, I thought we were fired for sure. Then he gets up from his chair and walks over to us, just me and Sera, and pulls us both into a hug and starts laughing, telling us what a breath of fresh air we are, that everyone is always so serious. Well, that set the tone for that shoot and our relationship with Cage. We started hanging out with him a bit, I took his advice on movies and things—he's good friends with Irene, by the way."
"Of course he is."
"I know, right? Anyway, so we just became friends and whenever we can, I should say, whenever my schedule allows for it, we work on videos with him. I'm not sure how many we've been in. Five? Seven? All I know is that Cage is one of our best friends and there's something between him and Sera that they are in such denial of and I'm afraid they'll never act on."
"I've seen them together. There's no way they'll be able to hold out much longer."
She shrugs. "Maybe. I hope so. They'd be happy together but Sera's… different."
"There's a story there."
"There is but one very personal and private."
I nod. "I can respect that."
We ride in comfortable silence for a while before I ask the one question I've been wondering since I saw her on our set.
"What did you think when they told you, you were going to be doing a video with us?"
"Ha! They didn't!"
"What do you mean?" I ask, not understanding what she’s saying.
"Sneaky fuckers, all of them. Cage, Irene, Spenser, all the assistants… none of them told us who it was, just that it was some big-name band and we'd be happy. It was a 'surprise'."
"So you didn't know until you saw us?"
"Not a clue. Not until Ben strummed his guitar and you sang with me. Talk about a heart-stopping minute."
"We heard you when we walked in the building. You were singing some P!nk song and when we got halfway to you, you started in on Red. We all just kinda stopped where we were and listened. None of us said a word. Your voice," I shake my head, remembering how haunting it was. "It was an incredible thing to hear and then we started toward the sound and when I turned the corner and saw you, I couldn't believe it."
She grins shyly. "Yeah, well. I thought for sure we were going to get bitched out for touching the guitars and Sera on the drums."
"There was no way, after what we'd heard. No way. And then seeing it was you, well, who can yell at you?"
"Oh you'd be surprised," she says with a laugh.
"Bastards, every one of them," I joke—sort of. "Seriously though, I knew you were going to be there but I thought it was part of the crew fucking around." I shake my head. "To turn the corner and see you and Sera caught up in the music like we do…"
She just nods.
"Little Lucy who couldn't even speak was standing there singing her heart out six years later."
She looks at me confused and I meet her gaze.
"You're going to make it. It's going to happen fast, too. You need to prepare for that."
She nods. "I'm not sure how, but we'll try. I mean I know the fans and stuff are going to be much different than they are at movie premieres and things like that. I've been to concerts but I've never been backstage or a VIP or anything so I'm not sure how that all goes."
"It's completely different from what you're used to, Luce. There are so many fans, and they all want a piece of you. They'll reach up on stage to try to touch you and there are days you just don't want to be touched. You just want them to enjoy the music—not you—you know?"
She nods. "Well, from what I've heard you have no issues with the fangirl groupie whores."
I raise a brow. Rumors. Great. "From what you've heard?"
"Oh yeah. It's common knowledge that you're a manwhore. Jesse Kingston, the man with a new girl every couple hours." She nods. "Yep, it's not news."
I grin, amused. "Really. That's what's being said?"
She nods and twists her fingers in her lap, clearly uncomfortable.
I pull into the parking lot of the hotel instead of in front. She and I need to talk. We need to clear the air.
"What Jesse?" she snips.
I raise a brow. "Well that put a damper on your mood, didn't it?"
She shrugs.
"Look Lucy, I can't change my past, what I've done or who I am. Yeah, what they said was true for the first few years we were out on the road, but that gets old after a while."
"So it's just one girl a show then," she says with a bit of bite to her tone.
I sigh and run my hand through my hair. "You're going to find out and it may not be the same for you, but after a show, the adrenaline rush..." I shake my head. "You feel on top of the world. I mean, you just got to do what you love and rock it out in front of fifty-plus-thousand fans and they fucking loved it. It's like no other feeling I've ever experienced."
She just nods, frowning and looking out the windshield.
"
You don't want to lose that feeling. Then there are the women throwing themselves at you—"
She holds up a hand and looks at me. "Stop. I don't want to hear this. You owe me nothing, Jesse. I'm not sure why you're trying to explain yourself or your actions to me. I'm nobody to you, not really. It doesn't matter."
"That's not true—"
"It's true. Thank you for driving me home, Jesse."
It's fucking not true. She's everything to me. She just doesn't know it yet.
"What are you going to do for the rest of the night?"
"First, I'm going to take a nice long shower and rinse off the gross dried leather boobage sweat." She curls her lip. "Then I'll probably put a movie in and turn into a Tijanette for the night."
"A what?"
"A Tijanette."
"What the fuck is that?"
She laughs. "Okay, something you might not know about me. I love to read. I read every day in my spare time. If I'm not working, I generally read all day and lounge by the pool or whatever. I just—read. It's my escape."
"Okay, what does that have to do with Raisinettes?"
She laughs so hard she snorts and I grin. She's so fucking adorable. "Not Raisinettes, Tijanettes. You see one of my favorite author's names is Tijan and her fans or street team is called Tijanettes. I love her stories and there are a couple I haven't read yet, so I'll download it to my Kindle, grab a bottle of wine, and lounge on the oversized sofa with a pillow and blanket because Sera probably set the air conditioning too low and I'll freeze my ass off."
"What movie are you going to watch?"
She shrugs. "A chick flick probably."
I cringe. "Well then. Maybe when we've wrapped up everything with the video tomorrow, you'll let me take you out to dinner."
She doesn't answer but I see her thinking. She gets this little line between her eyebrows when she's concentrating hard on something. I start the car and pull around to the front of the hotel. She looks at me, really looks at me, and the look has my heartbeat racing. It's more than lust. It's more than amusement. It's exactly what I'm feeling. I let her see it, everything going on inside right now.
"All right, Jesse. Dinner it is."
I nod, relieved and really fucking happy I'm getting at least a chance with her. I know who she is. She's the good girl that all the guys like me want… only I don't want her just to fuck her. I want to keep her for as long as she'll let me.
"We'll work the details out tomorrow. We've already exchanged digits so you can call me anytime."
"And you can call me. Convenient how that worked out for you."
I chuckle. "I admit it. I wanted your number."
She smirks. "And now you have it. Do you know how many squealing fangirls would kill for this phone number?"
"Don't even think about it."
She laughs. "I wouldn't."
"Look, Lucy. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up shit that upsets you. It's just, I don't know. I feel like I need to explain."
"You don't. As I said, you owe me nothing."
"Maybe not but it feels like I do. Anyway, you're going to have guys in your band and I don't know how Sera is or if you'll get another girl, but I know for sure the guys are going to get wild for a while. Hell, you might."
She nods. "I doubt I will but I'm anticipating others will. There will be no skanks on the bus. If they want to fuck skanks either they fuck them backstage or in a motel or hotel when we're stopped long enough, but I am not going to listen to groupie giggling all fucking night."
"Wow. That was a lot of fucks and skanks. Hot button, Luce?"
"Fucking yes it is. These women are pathetic. Okay, not all of them, but a lot. See, I'll be as straight up with you as you were with me, Jesse. I would have gone backstage with you or wherever to fuck you, I admit that."
I can't hide my surprise at her admission. I never imagined she'd go that route.
"But, here's the difference between me and a lot of the others. While I would be with you, that's it for me. I wouldn't go to the next band and fuck that singer or guitarist or drummer. I wouldn't fuck anyone else from your band. You get what I'm saying? I love the entire band of Falling Down, the guys are seriously hot, but while I'm their fan, I'm mostly yours. You were inspiring to me when I was growing up and I crushed on you big time back then. So, while a lot of others aren't discriminate, they just want a band member, it doesn't matter who, because whoever they get is famous and that means they can brag to their friends or whatever they're using them for, that's not me. Now I'm not talking about the women who might be young or for whatever reason are in a rebellious stage—I'm talking about the ones who make that their life. That's pathetic. Where's their self-respect? They use you all and while you think it's okay because you get to get laid regularly and use them in return, I just can't think it's okay. Everyone has a right to their own opinion."
"I get it." Everything she's said is true and while she has her opinion, the situation worked for me all these years. I didn't want more. I didn't want a steady chick to have to deal with or take along. I didn't want to have to deal with jealousy or neediness. When I'm on the road, it's grueling and can be brutal. There are days I just want to sit alone with my ipod and ignore the world.
She nods. "Good. Now it's time for me to go wash this gross dried boob sweat off. I hate leather. Just putting that out there in case you missed it the first fifty times I mentioned it."
"Glad you reminded me. I think I forgot." I smirk, then lean over and press my lips softly to hers. Her eyes slowly close, and as much as I'd love to make the kiss more than this, I don't. I pull back.
She opens her eyes and I can't stop looking at this beautiful woman who took a piece of me all those years ago in the airport and never gave it back. I don't want it back. I want her to keep it, to want more, and to give me more of herself too.
"I know you're a good girl, Lucy. You're beautiful and classy. I think maybe you thought I had you labeled under the groupie category. But, Luce, you don’t fit into that category. I know that. Hell, you don't fit into any category but your own. Okay?"
She nods. "Okay."
I give her another quick kiss and motion to the valet, who opens her door.
"I'll see you in the morning, Jesse."
"See you then, Cupcake."
I watch her walk into her hotel, unsure of what I'm feeling. I pull out and head for home.
I want—no, I need to find out what this is between us. I want to know her favorite color, her favorite flavor of ice cream, her favorite time of day, and all the things she doesn't like. I want more than a quick lay. I want more than one time. I want more than a week. Hell, I want a whole hell of a lot where she's concerned.
When I pull in through the gate at the house, I turn the car off in the drive and reach for my phone. I can't get her off my mind and I need her to know… I don't know what, I just need.
Jesse: I'm glad you let me drive you home. I want to get to know you, Lucy.
She responds quickly.
Lucy: I'd like to get to know you too, and that's the truth. I don't know you personally, I only know things second-hand from what I've read or heard or seen, and I think first-hand would be so much better. Oh yeah, double entendre. *winks*
Jesse: I think there's a whole lot of bad girl underneath that good girl, Lucy. I hope you let her come out and play with me sometime.
Lucy: She might be around tomorrow night.
Jesse: I look forward to meeting her too, if she decides to show up. If not, then another time. Goodnight, Cupcake. xx
Lucy: Goodnight, Jesse. Sweet dreams xoxo
I'm not going to rush her to show me that bad girl hiding inside, but I am going to hold tight to the woman she does show me and I'm going to make her mine tomorrow night. I'm going to take her slowly and savor every fucking second I'm inside her. I'm going to savor every inch of her glorious body—and I just know her body's going to bring me to my knees. I also know that one night won't be enough.
Cha
pter Sixteen
Cage
Past
Watching Fee in her barely-there outfits while she used her body to entice had me aroused all damn day. There's not a part of her that I don't want to touch, lick, and kiss. Since that night in the Jacuzzi, we've kept things platonic. Hell, she's gone out with other guys and because she did, I went out and found someone to fuck on a regular basis. Carina is no Sera and she's way too clingy, but I've got needs. Sera sleeping on top of me every night doesn't help the situation either. I wake up so damn hard I nearly come when she wiggles against me. It's all I can do not to push her panties to the side and sink inside her body. But I don't. Instead I jerk off in the shower and come so damn hard my body shakes, like I hadn't just done the same thing the morning before. All because of her. My Fee.
"Where are we going?" she asks.
"To the house, if that's okay," I tell her.
She nods. "A driver today," she notes. "Does that mean things are getting worse?"
I sigh, hating that she knows about any part of this life and that it touches her personally. "Yes. They've made threats against you personally, Fee," I tell her honestly.
"Were you going to tell me?" she asks.
I nod. "Over dinner. I wanted you to have some down time before we got into things."
She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. "What do they want, Cage?"
"To be able to run their drugs in and through our territory and that's not how we work. There are others who were there before us and we have an agreement that we will not break for the Manzinis," I tell her honestly.
"What does it have to do with me?" she asks.
I hate having to give her the answer. I wrap my arm around her and pull her onto my lap, kissing the top of her head.
"The anniversary of your parents’ death is coming." She gasps and I rub her back. "They're threatening to remove you on that date or sooner, maybe later. They're being completely cryptic and we have no inside information to be able to pinpoint a date—if there even is one."
She runs her fingertip over my wrist and watch. "So, they could be bluffing."
I nod. "Or they could be telling us straight what they're planning. I won't risk you, Fee."