“Your father left home so long ago. I have seen him, of course, and we talked and we flew together. But he followed his heart into Summer, and I could not go there—Summer is not my realm, and I had no desire to cross over. His mother died long ago. Some might say her heart was broken when her son turned his back on the Winter, but I know better.”
Wrapped in his words as though they were a cloak, I could only ask, “How did she die?”
“Your grandmother died of disappointment. She died because I could not love her like she needed. I’m a hunter, Cicely. I carry my emotions in check. I’m a hunter, and I cannot allow myself to feel too deeply about anything or I will disrupt the objectivity I need in order to carry forth my duties. I could not love her enough, and it destroyed her, in the end. She stayed in owl form one day, and by sundown, she swept too close to a wolf, and he caught her. She engineered her death, but she did so on her own terms.”
He sounded sad, as if recounting a ballad from a lifetime back. But when I glanced at his face, there were no tears, no wincing grimace. Just a calm, serene nature that might be mistaken for coldness.
“What was her name?” I needed to know. I needed to understand her better. She’d loved him too much, and she’d paid the price.
“Her name? When she was born, the seers took one look at her and whispered her name to her parents. They didn’t need time to confer. They didn’t need a consultation. Instantly, they knew that her name was Loss.” Hunter let out a slow sigh. “I will try to have more information for you about the Shadow Hunters by tomorrow. I cannot promise, but we are doing what we can.” And then, before I could say another word, he turned back into an owl and flew away, and I was standing alone.
Or at least, I thought I was alone. As I hugged myself, watching my grandfather vanish into the air, a low, sensuous voice slithered over me.
“Oh, sweet Cicely. You have too much pain in your life.”
I whirled around to find myself staring at Lannan. He was watching me, his hair a nimbus that fell softly around his shoulders. I caught my breath, not wanting to look at him. Not wanting to react the way my body reacted. But my blood quickened despite myself, and my hunger for his touch grew.
“I have no more pain than many others . . . and less than some.” I stayed where I was, not trusting myself to be within arm’s reach. Lannan wouldn’t drink me down, and now that I was Queen, he wouldn’t humiliate me either—not without my permission. But he could make me want him. He could brush my cheek with his fingers, and I’d be a quivering mess.
“Kaylin is with the others, finishing up. What do you think their reactions will be, Cicely? What do you think they’ll do now that they know you’ve ordered their minds raped so violently? And how will they react to the night-veil? You gave them no choice.” He lingered over the words, and I could hear the pleasure he felt in saying them. “You are beginning to understand the nature of power, and you revel in it.”
And then he was next to me, leaning down, staring at me with those deep, obsidian eyes that glistened like dark diamonds in the night. There was no life in him, no pulse racing through his body. His heart did not beat, nor did he take breath. And yet . . . and yet . . . Lannan was perhaps more alive than anyone I knew. He glorified his hedonistic lust; he exulted in it, bathed in the pleasure and pain that he caused others. There was no quarter with Lannan. I knew exactly where I stood with him, and that knowledge both thrilled and terrified me.
“I am not your toy.” I wanted to step away, but that would be giving him power, and I wasn’t willing to acknowledge that he could make me flinch. I’d done too much flinching at his feet.
He grabbed my wrist. “Queen you may be. But I know you, Cicely. You belong in my world—vampire or not. You’re one of a kind with Regina and me. You just haven’t acknowledged the depths to which you’re willing to dive. You teeter on the edge, playing with fire, coaxing the flames and then running from them. But you forget, I’ve seen you wanton. I’ve seen you abandon yourself in my arms, in my bed. I’ve seen your dark side, and I answered the call. You can never shut the door on me again.”
I stared at his hand. I’d thought myself free from him. I’d thought that once I’d let him fuck me, I could walk away unmoved. And I had, for a few weeks. But now, tonight, under the snow, with him so near, I felt the pull of his intoxication. I felt the drive to abandon everything and throw myself into his arms. To drag him down on the ground until the world with all its cares vanished in a puff of mist and smoke.
“You can’t resist me, and you know it. Run with me, let me bring you into my world. It doesn’t have to be like Geoffrey and Myst. I’m not asking you to rule the world by my side—I have no interest in so much responsibility. We can blaze through the nights. Regina would welcome you into our relationship. She likes you.” Lannan’s words coiled around me, all too tempting. Even the thought of Regina—she was luscious, with her perfect ruby lips and long, curvy legs. She had kissed me before, unnerving me with desire.
But . . . but . . .
“I can’t do this, Lannan. I can’t let you keep creeping in. I am married to Grieve, and while he understands our connection, he hates it. We both owe you a favor, given you saved my life. But I’m not leaving my post. I’m not turning my back on my people. They need me. And Myst—she’s out there, waiting. She’s coming for me. I can’t just run away and leave New Forest to her. I can’t run away and leave my world behind.”
My heart ached. I loved Grieve; he was my passion and joy, but Lannan called to my shadow self, and right now, here in the snow, I wanted him. So help me, I wanted him even without the Blood Fever driving me, and that scared me more than anything.
“You think this now. But when you are facing the mad Queen, then tell me that you’re still willing to sacrifice yourself for your people. Wait till she has her hands around your throat, and her horrible jaw unhinges as she begins to eat you, gristle and bone, while you still live. You were her daughter, Cherish. You were her betrayer. She will never let you die easily. Enjoy what life you can now, for the end will be painful and racking.”
I struggled to get out of his grasp, starting to panic. Lannan was good at painting a terrifying view of the future, and the feeling that Myst was watching us and laughing raced through my thoughts. Was Lannan her spy? Was she using him to get to me? He seemed to tower over, looming like a dark shadow against the snow.
“Let me go! Let me go, please!” I managed to break free and, panting, stared at him as I backed away into the snow. “Are you her spy? Are you her eyes and ears? Somebody is, and until I find out who, I can’t trust anyone. I won’t let her win. Do you hear me? If you are her mouthpiece, you turn around and tell her just that. I’ll fight till the end. I’ll destroy her.”
And then I fell to my knees in the snow and began to cry, overwhelmed with everything.
Lannan pulled back. He stared at me, an odd mixture of emotions crossing his face. Another moment, and he knelt beside me, pulling me into his arms.
“Hush, hush, Cicely. I am not in Myst’s pocket. No one owns me, no one controls me. I answer to the Crimson Queen, but only as much as I must. I am neither Myst’s shadow nor her puppet. Come to me, feed me your pain. Feed me your anger and your fear.”
As he spoke, he pressed his lips against mine, and then, his tongue playing over mine, his death chill met my own cold, and I kissed him, deep and dark, falling into the icy fire that sparked between us, letting him drag me under as I gave up my fear to him.
Chapter 7
The kiss went on and on, drawing me in. Lannan’s hands slid around my waist. I should have pulled away right there, but I couldn’t. He was comforting in his strength. I didn’t have to worry about hurting him—about loving him. He pulled me closer, his hair draping down to tickle my cheek. A slow heat began to rise, from my belly, snaking up through my breasts so that I could barely catch my breath. I throbbed, wanting him. Slick n
ow, wet and moist, I shifted, spreading my legs slightly. My jeans chafed against me, suddenly feeling too tight.
“We could sneak away to my room.” His words were gravelly, low in my ear.
“I can’t. I can’t do this, Lannan.” I tried to pull myself out of the mesmerizing hold he had on me, but his grip grew more insistent and he slid one leg between my thighs, prying them open. As I rode his knee, rubbing my crotch against his pants, hearing the faint squeak of denim on leather, I prayed Grieve wouldn’t come out here. He had to feel what was going on—we were too bound for him not to. How could he not know I was ready to spread my legs, to fuck Lannan again?
Lannan tried to slide his hands under my corset but it was laced too tight. He tugged at the strings. “Take this off. I want to feel your breasts. I want to—”
“Kaylin is done.” Regina’s voice cut through the haze that had risen between us.
Glassy-eyed, feeling wanton and slutty, I gazed over Lannan’s shoulder, into her eyes. She moved forward, circling around behind me, and slid her hands around my back to reach around and cup my breasts. Beneath the leather of my corset, my nipples stiffened and I let out a gasp.
“If you still feel up to playing later, I would happily join you.” Regina’s voice tickled my ear, and I let out a soft moan as she snaked one hand down to grab my crotch, holding it tight, her fingers pressing through the denim against my clit.
Lannan laughed, then. “We could have ourselves quite the party, couldn’t we?”
“Is it a private party, or can anyone join?” Grieve strode up, pulling Lannan off me. He glared at the vampire, then stared at me. The stars glistening in the depths of his eyes glittered harsh and cold.
Stammering, I disentangled myself from both vampires. “Grieve—I . . . I . . .” What could I say? This isn’t what it looks like wasn’t going to cut it.
“Never mind. Kaylin is done. The others are returning.” Grieve turned to go. I shrugged away from Regina and Lannan, hurrying to catch up with him. Behind us, the vampires laughed, and once again, I felt dirty and tainted. I tugged on Grieve’s arm, and he gave me a cursory glance. “You weren’t in the throes of Blood Fever this time, and you’re no longer under contract to the bloodsucker.”
“No . . . no . . .” I didn’t know what else to say. There was no real way to defend myself. The Fae weren’t normally monogamous, but Grieve had a special hatred for Lannan.
“We’ll discuss it later. You are the Queen. You are free to do as you choose, even though I am your consort.” And with that Grieve slammed through the French doors.
I wanted to grab him, make him stop and talk to me, but I could see Kaylin and the others through the window. It would be bad enough facing them, let alone Grieve.
“Cicely—he will come around.” Regina had caught up to me, and now she leisurely draped an arm around my shoulders. “And if not, you always have a place here. Right between Lannan and me.” And with that she entered the office, and I followed.
As I tentatively entered the room, I didn’t know what to expect. I knew they wouldn’t be happy with me, but had I just lost every friend I had?
There was an uncomfortable silence, and then Luna stood. Flushed, her lip trembled as she held on to the back of the chair for support. I waited, not wanting to defend myself. What I’d had Kaylin do was both necessary and yet—indefensible. I wouldn’t apologize, but I wouldn’t try to force them to understand why I’d done what I’d done. I’d explain what was going on, but if they couldn’t see where I was coming from, that was the best I could do.
“Myst has planted a spy in my Court—somewhere among those closest to me. We have no idea who it is . . . yet.” I glanced at Kaylin, who shook his head, giving me the all-clear sign.
Peyton let out a long sigh and crossed her right leg over her left. “In other words, you need to know if anybody close is betraying you.”
“Essentially.” I tried to stand tall—which wasn’t easy at five four. After a moment, I gave up, dropping into a nearby chair. “Don’t you see how dangerous it could be if—”
“If one of us had turned on you.” Luna’s words were soft.
Ysandra dusted her hands, sitting as prim as a librarian on Saturday afternoon around a bunch of screaming kids. Looks were deceiving, though. She was actually a powerful witch, one of the magic-born, and a prime member of the Consortium. “You did what was necessary, but you have so much to learn about how to approach matters like this. Cicely, you might have lost us all.”
“She might still have. At least me.” Luna glared. It was hard to meet her accusatory stare. I was as guilty as she thought I was. “I can’t believe you . . .” And then her voice dropped away. “If you would have told us, and one of us was the spy, we would have alerted Myst.”
Nodding, I gave a helpless shrug. “I was between a rock and a hard place. I had to do what I felt best. For the Barrow. For me. For this war. My people are being tested as well. My guards, the Court advisors, everybody. Rhiannon’s, too. Myst is dangerous, and she’s on the way back in with fresh Shadow Hunters.”
I didn’t want to ask their forgiveness, but I did need to know one thing. “Are you still with me? I’m not going to ask you to like me or like what I did. But are you still with us?”
Peyton scuffed her boot on the floor. “Yeah, I’m in. But I’m pissed, Cicely, and it will take me some time to get over it.”
Ysandra shrugged. “As what you need—I’m here. And I’ll do what I can to make certain the Consortium stands with us.”
I turned to Luna. She blushed again, glancing at Kaylin, who studiously ignored her. Something had gone down between them, but I knew better than to ask in public.
After a moment, she gave me a “whatever” shrug. “Yeah, I’m in. But don’t think we’re friends. Allies, yes. But friends? If you can do that to me, then we never were.”
I wanted to yell at her, to tell her to stop being so stubborn, but the truth was, she had every right to feel the way she did, and I wouldn’t take that away from her. I did what I had to, but I couldn’t allow myself to invalidate her feelings about it.
“I just hope you can someday understand my position. I’ll settle for allies, right now. But I still consider you a friend, and I’ve hurt you.” That was as far as I could go, at least in public.
At that moment, a servant entered and handed a message to Regina. She read it, her lips pursed, then she motioned for the maid to leave. As the door closed behind the girl, she turned to me. “The Shadow Hunters have swarmed the police station. Two or three officers escaped, but except for those who were out patrolling the streets, Myst’s people have turned the law enforcement of New Forest into supper. We have to get in there, and rout them.”
I slammed my hand on the table. If we alerted the guards at home, then the spy would know we were onto them. But then the absurdity of that statement hit me. “It doesn’t matter now if the spy is among my guards. We’re going out after them. Check, how do we get word back to the Barrows without going there ourselves? We need everyone who’s been tested on board, and we don’t have the time it would take to get back there.”
He looked at me. “Your Wind Elemental can take word to the shamans who can contact Strict. They can also contact the shamans at the Marburry Barrow. But Your Majesty, we can’t make it common knowledge. Dispatching the unit? Will have to be done privately.”
Ulean could go. That meant I had to leave the confines of the estate to contact her. I whirled to face Regina. “You hate Elementals, but surely you can make an exception and lower your defenses this time?”
She shook her head. “No, I can’t. The barrier is built into the estate. She couldn’t make it through even if we gave her leave. I will drive you to the gates, and from there you can contact her.”
“Let’s go.” I motioned for the others to stay and begin discussing strategies, while following Regina on a
dead run to the front door. Check came running behind me. “We’re going in the car—you can’t ride in it or you’ll feel sick. Wrath did once, and he swore he never again would voluntarily enter one.”
“I will deal with the consequences, Your Highness. I would not allow you to go alone—even with a vampire.” He cast a dark eye at Regina, who ignored the slight.
“I’ll go with her.” Kaylin motioned him aside. “I’ll protect her, and you know I’m safe.”
Check glanced at me, and I nodded, so he gave way. Kaylin followed Regina and me, and we climbed in her limousine. Moments later, we were at the front gate, and the car eased out, guarded by the patrols watching over the estate. I didn’t have to get out. Once we were beyond the barrier, I was able to focus on Ulean and call to her.
Ulean, I need you now. Are you here?
Yes, I’m here. What do you need, Cicely? The slipstream is rocky with energy and emotion. There is danger on the wind, and violence and bloodshed from so many quarters. She came rushing in, swirling the snowflakes in her wake.
I need you to go back to the Eldburry Barrow and talk to the shamans. They can hear you. Tell them we have to marshal our efforts and send troops into town—the Shadow Hunters are feeding. They’ve taken over the police station, and any officer not out on patrol has either been turned or killed by now. My guess is killed. Yummanii aren’t as much use to the Vampiric Fae as are magic-born.
I can do that, Cicely. Anything else? It will take me only minutes to reach the Barrow.
Yes, you must instruct the shamans to contact their counterparts in the Court of Rivers and Rushes and tell them the same. This must be done secretly—with only the guards who are tested through for loyalty being dispatched, and they must tell no one where they are going. We need all the help we can get. Tell them where we are at, but that we don’t have an estimate for when we’re coming back, nor are we sure of our plans at this point. And even if we were, we still can’t take chances that spies wouldn’t report back to Myst. It’s one thing for the Shadow Hunters to know that we are striking back. Quite another for them to know where the Fae Queens are. I paused, then hung my head.