Narcissus jerked me those last few inches closer, so that he snarled in my face. "It's not your lion I've come to see."
I felt Dino loom up above the bed, before Narcissus's gaze rolled upward. "Be very careful what you do next, rat." His voice was low, growling, but very calm, each word enunciated carefully. I knew why he was controlling his voice so tightly, because if he lost control of even that much he wasn't sure what else he'd lose control of. I'd had moments like that, usually when I had a gun pointed at someone.
"Back off, Dino," I said, keeping my voice low and even. I stared into Narcissus's eyes from inches away, bathing in the heat of his beast, his grip almost painful on my arm. He wanted to lash out at someone, so badly.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Anita."
"I didn't ask your opinion; I gave you an order," I said, looking only at Narcissus. My hyena was awake and looked at him but didn't try to come closer. She was much more cautious than most of my beasts when they smelled a potential mate.
"Anita . . ."
"Get out, Dino. Send someone in here who won't make things worse."
Narcissus looked at the big man. "You heard your mistress, and she does sign your paycheck." His words were calmer, some of the horrible tension easing.
In my head I thought, well technically I didn't sign the paychecks, but I decided not to quibble since things were improving. Dino did what we told him to do, and we were suddenly alone just inches from each other, naked, with his power spreading over me like a warm bath that was just this side of too hot.
"Thank you for helping to heal me," I said, voice still low and calm, as if I were afraid of spooking him.
He frowned, his eyes losing some of that angry edge. "You're welcome, but aren't you going to ask why Jean-Claude sent me in to sleep with you?" His voice was growing calmer, and his energy was easing down, more like a bath you'd enjoy relaxing in, and not one that would boil your flesh from your bones. He had so much power to offer, which was why he was Oba of the clan, and why the other leaders tolerated his ultimatums. They all respected power.
"To help heal me," I said, almost whispering.
"I am tired of games, Anita. Do you know what has happened, or don't you?"
"Do you mean the dickwad stupidity that Asher pulled with Kane?"
He gave the tiniest smile. "Dickwad, I haven't heard that since junior high."
"Would you prefer jackass, idiot, fucking bastard, asshole? Stop me when I get to an insult you like, I've got a million of them."
He smiled a little more. "Well, I do like assholes."
That made me smile. "So I'm told."
The energy eased down a little bit more, and he stopped squeezing my arm so tight. "I have called Asher every name I can think of today."
"How'd he take that?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen him yet."
"You mean you've cursed him in absentia?" I asked.
He smiled. "I like that, yes, I've cursed him in absentia. I was afraid of what I'd do to him if I saw him." He let go of my arm and just lay down on his side of the bed. I did the same so we lay on our sides, facing each other, but not touching.
"I told Kane you'd want to kill them both."
"I heard you spoke with him." He laughed, but it left his eyes bleak and starting to fill with anger again. "I heard you fed on him and left him on the floor to twitch, after threatening to make him your hyena to call and break his tie with Asher forever."
"I was pretty angry myself when he told me what they'd done."
"Would you really tie yourself to Kane for all eternity?"
"Nah, I don't do stupid, and he had to be stupid to not understand what it could mean for him to be Asher's animal to call."
"I am within my rights to kill him." His face was calm when he said it, his eyes looking down the bed as if he were thinking.
"If you'd seen him, or Asher, when you first found out, you might have."
He looked at me then, the anger flaring back. "His life is mine if I so will it."
"It is, but part of the reason you're in here with me is that you didn't kill him, or Asher."
He laughed then, a real laugh, and hugged me. "He is so stupid; how can I love someone who is this fucking stupid?"
I hugged him back and answered with my face in the bend of his neck. "I don't know, but Jean-Claude loves him, too, and so do I, or so did I."
He drew back enough to look into my face. "You don't love Asher anymore?"
"I don't think I do anymore."
"Teach me how to stop loving him."
"He's teaching you, just like he taught me, and Nathaniel. We love how he tops us in the bedroom and dungeon, but . . ."
Narcissus shivered happily. "He does have a talent for sex and pain." His eyes were a little unfocused when he said it, and that reaction was one of the reasons he put up with Asher.
"But," I said, "he's also teaching all of us that he values other people more than us, and after a while if you have any self-respect you finally get tired of the shit and start to move on."
"You have more people to move on with," he said.
"You slept with, or topped, almost all your werehyenas--once. You had built yourself a harem of hundreds."
"That was before Chimera took us over and I learned the difference between muscle men and real fighters. I fixed it by finding other men who were the real deal so that no one could ever hurt us like that again." His eyes looked haunted, and angry, and things I couldn't understand. He'd been captured and used as a hostage to get the rest of the werehyenas to do what Chimera wanted. I still remembered the torture room where he'd hung some of the werehyenas after he cut limbs off them, because they'd grow a new one eventually, so he'd made a forest of them to hang from the ceiling of the room. I'd hidden in the dark among the bleeding and the few that hadn't survived the torture.
Narcissus touched my face, brought me out of my memories and looking at him again. "I don't think I ever thanked you for killing him and saving my hyenas from that evil piece of shit."
I smiled, but I knew my eyes were still as haunted as his. I took his hand from my face and held it over the covers like we were five and one of us had had a bad dream. "It was my pleasure to put him out of his misery."
"You know that I enjoyed what he did to me at first."
"I know you are a serious pain slut."
He grinned. "Yes, yes I am." His eyes went bleak again. "He didn't like how much pain I could enjoy, because that meant he wasn't really hurting me. He wanted to hurt me, wanted to find things that even I didn't enjoy. He was an almost pure sadist; causing pain was his aphrodisiac. Until Chimera I thought I enjoyed causing pain, but I have limits that I don't want to cross outside of fantasy. I don't want to destroy my lovers until they are useless and broken, but that was exactly what Chimera wanted."
I squeezed his hand. "But he didn't break you; you're still here, still Oba of the clan, and he's dead."
He smiled, but his eyes stayed sad. "He didn't break me, but he put a few new cracks in where I thought I was safe."
"I'm sorry, Narcissus."
"What are you sorry about?"
"That I didn't kill him sooner."
He smiled. "I am grateful, but not grateful enough to let this insult go."
"You can't let it go; it makes you look weak in front of your hyenas."
"You understand," he said, studying my face.
"Hyenas and lions are both very much about the strongest, most powerful wins, more even than most wereanimal groups."
"Yes," he said, softly, but not like it made him happy.
I looked at this delicate-seeming man and knew there was more to him physically than I had ever seen, because he had fought his way to the top of one of the most violent animal groups. Hyena society wasn't for sissies, but that was exactly what Narcissus was; he was as likely to wear a nice evening dress to his club as a well-tailored suit. He usually wore more eye makeup than I did, and he was cheerfully gay, but he was still Oba,
still king. It had hurt my head a little the first time I'd met him.
"I demanded Asher's head, and when Jean-Claude said no, I said I'd kill Kane and if the death of Asher's animal to call killed him, too, so be it."
"Jean-Claude talked you out of it."
"He did, now ask me how, or rather what he said to me that made me willing to spare the two idiots."
"I think I can ballpark it. He offered you a closer connection to the throne."
"Yes." He looked surprised. "I didn't expect you to be this calm about it."
I frowned a little. "Okay, I thought you sleeping in here was part of it, I mean literally closer to me, to him, but now I think you should just tell me. I feel like I'm missing something."
"You have no hyena to call, yet. There is no more fitting match for a queen than a king."
I frowned harder. "Last I talked to you, you told me to stay away from your hyenas because I'm a girl and hyenas are instinctively matriarchal. You were worried I'd take over your clan."
"I've had to let women in just to keep all the new straights happy." He rolled his eyes.
"So you've got women in the clan now, but you're still king."
"I'm not just king, I'm truly queen, and apparently I'm girl enough for everyone's inner beast."
Narcissus looked like a man, but apparently he had girl parts, too. In fact, both functioned well enough that he'd gotten pregnant from Chimera raping him. He'd lost the baby and I couldn't say I was sorry for that; Chimera did not need to breed more monsters like him, and Narcissus hadn't seemed the most stable cookie in the box, but I knew that Narcissus had wanted the baby.
"So, since you're woman enough, you've decided I'm not such a threat?"
"That, and Seamus's mistress Jane."
"You described her as a siren to Seamus just now."
"She seeks to possess my clan and add to her power base, Anita. She claims that she wishes to give Jean-Claude a hyena vampire that is truly loyal to him and the power structure, unlike Asher, who uses us like a threat. Do what I want, or I'll take the werehyenas to another territory and leave you with too few guards to protect your territory."
I watched his face as I asked the next thing. "I heard you were encouraging Asher to use your clan to overthrow Jean-Claude and take over."
He gave a little shrug. "I thought about it, but Asher is too weak to take Jean-Claude's place, even with me at his side."
"You can't fix stupid," I said.
He looked startled, like he didn't understand what I meant.
"I mean Asher. You can't fix how stupid he is about politics and power. He lets his heart overrule everything else, like this bonehead move with Kane."
"It's not his heart that overrules his head, Anita, it's his dick."
"You don't think he loves Kane?"
"I don't know if he truly loves anyone, except Jean-Claude, and since he can't have him he tries to find other people to fill that hole in his heart."
"He and Jean-Claude are lovers," I said.
"But Jean-Claude still loves you more than he loves Asher, and that's one thing our golden-haired vampire can't abide, to be second."
"He's not that ambitious," I said.
"Oh, he doesn't have to be first place in anything that matters, but he's like some women I've known who had to be the prettiest girl in any room, or men who have to be the best man at any party, or meeting. It's the same deal, except Asher wants to be first in everyone's libido and heart, but his heart belongs to only one man."
I squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry he's such a turkey."
"But such a beautiful turkey," Narcissus said.
I sighed. "He is, unfortunately. We wouldn't put up with half this shit if he wasn't so pretty."
"And so good in bed," he said.
"And in the dungeon," I said.
We sighed together.
"Can't live with him, can't live without him," I said.
"And can't kill him," Narcissus said.
We sighed again.
"I was so mad this morning that I was going to come in here and demand shit from you, but you've been too nice and I know Asher has hurt you, too." He held my hand in both of his, looked me in the face, so sincerely, and said, "Would you consider me for your hyena to call, Anita?"
He made it sound like a proposal, so I treated it as seriously. "Well, one little problem: You don't like girls, and I am one."
"If you weren't part of Belle Morte's line of vampires and all sexy-pants, that wouldn't be an issue, you know. Most vampires choose their animal to call for power, not sexual compatibility."
"I know, but no matter how hard I try, things just go all lust, love, and domestic bliss, so you not liking girls is a problem for both of us."
"If it's a deal breaker I'd be willing to try."
I must have looked shocked, because he laughed and patted my hand. "Oh, the look on your face." He lay back and just laughed.
I lay there and let him, because I wasn't sure what to say.
He finally slowed down enough to say, "If you were a man, we could have such fun."
"But I'm not a man," I said.
He looked at me, face still shining with the laughing fit. "I hear your pussy is almost as tight as an asshole; it might work."
I gave him a very unfriendly look and sat up, the sheet held in front of my breasts, though since he didn't care about breasts, I guess it was really for my benefit. "Jean-Claude did not say that."
"No, he didn't." He was serious again.
"If Asher . . ."
"As amusing as it would be to let you be that angry at his vampire ass, no, it wasn't him either."
I frowned. "There aren't that many people who would know and would comment; in fact, none of them would talk to you like that about me."
"One of them did, I swear. I talked to him after Jean-Claude offered the idea of being your hyena to call, so I wouldn't kill Asher, or start a war over the insult."
"Did you actually threaten to go to war with the rest of the wereanimals and vampires in St. Louis over this?"
He actually looked embarrassed, which wasn't something I ever thought to see from him. "I might have said that."
"So you called someone who likes boys, but has been with me, so you could ask what? Pointers? Opinions?"
"Something like that, yes."
I frowned. Who the hell had it been? "This is going to bug me until you tell me who it was."
"I'll tell you under one condition."
I frowned at him. "What?"
"That you don't hurt him for it. I wanted someone who's primarily into men to give as honest an opinion of you as possible, because you're right, I'm not a fan of women. I honestly think girl parts are just unappealing."
"I like boy stuff better, too, so I can't really fault you, but I also don't know how to be with a man who finds my genitalia unappealing."
"Fair," he said.
"So who talked?" I asked.
"Byron."
I frowned. Byron had been fifteen when he died, so he was caught forever in that first blush of high school when the guys fill out and muscles seem to happen. He was forever unfinished, never to find out what he'd look like at twenty. "Byron? We only had sex once. It was an emergency feed for the ardeur."
"Yes, but he actually came inside you, and he's only done that with three women, ever, counting you."
"Hmm . . . I didn't know that."
"It's a huge compliment, Anita."
I frowned harder; I had a headache starting right between my eyes. "Okay, I guess I can see that as a compliment."
"The ardeur is the other thing that might make us work together. You unleash it on me and I think even I will find you irresistible."
"Unappealing lady parts and all?" I asked, giving him a look and raising an eyebrow.
"Don't give me that look; I think we need to be absolutely honest with each other, or this will not work."
"I don't think it'll work now."
"I understand that, but if w
e aren't honest it will surely fail."
I looked down at him, so serious in the bed, with his eyeliner decoratively smeared, and his hair looking almost artful in its messiness. He was one of those people who wake up looking good; I was so not one of those people.
"One other thing that you need to know before you give your answer," he said.
"What?" I asked.
"You know, they used to call intersexed people like me a hermaphrodite."
I nodded.
"I have functioning boy parts and girl parts."
"Yes."
"Knowing is one thing, actually seeing and touching is another. I've had people be intrigued and then get grossed out, or scared, so you should see everything before you decide."
I looked down at his body where it was covered with the sheet. I hadn't felt nervous about it until he announced the possibilities; now suddenly I wasn't sure I wanted to see the whole show. "You know, I wasn't weirded out by the idea of seeing you nude until you said that."
He studied my face, his own expression cynical. "Really, I find that hard to believe; most people are either intrigued or horrified by my . . . uniqueness."
"I honestly hadn't spent a whole lot of time thinking about what your plumbing might look like, sorry."
"I thought that was part of your issue with me."
I shook my head. "My issue with you was that when I met you, you managed to let my words and your club rules hurt people I loved and cared about."
"I am sorry for that, by the way. I honestly didn't understand what they were doing to them, especially Nathaniel. I would never have let them leave the swords in long enough for his body to heal around them."
I could still remember that moment when I'd finally gotten a good look at what Chimera's men had done to Nathaniel. The anger came back to me, so that my hands made fists before I could stop them. "It was your club, your rules, Narcissus, and you had a werehyena in the room, reporting to you."
"Your eyes are almost black with anger, just remembering that moment."
I gave him the full weight of that darkened gaze. My hyena rose in the dark center of me and looked up with golden brown eyes; again she wasn't behaving like most of my beasts around another of her kind. She seemed reluctant to approach him, but why?
"I thought my man was reporting accurately to me that night, Anita, but I swear to you, he was not."
"I believe you taunted me with comments about it being my fault for ordering you to order them to stop what they were doing and wait for me."
"I did not know what they had done. I would swear on my honor, but my reputation says I have none."