"No, Highness," she gently interrupted. "I do not mean fly in a vessel. I wanted ..." And the half smile blossomed into a full-blown, genuine thing of beauty. It reminded me of how it was when I first met her. I admit it. Even I was stunned by her beauty. I did not know then, of course, the darkness that the beauty hid. But who am I to condemn others for hiding darkness?
"I wanted to fly on my own," she continued. "I wanted to be able to leap high, wave my arms, and soar like a bird." She laughed in a gentle, self-mocking way. "Foolish of me, I know. I'm sure that's what you're thinking..."
"Why would I consider it foolish?"
"Because such a thing isn't possible."
"Mariel," I said, "I am the emperor. If you had asked anyone who knew me-or, for that matter, if you had asked me directly-what the likelihood was of such a thing coming to pass, I would have thought it to be exactly as possible as your fantasy. Who knows, Mariel? Perhaps you will indeed learn to fly."
"And you, Highness? Did you indeed dream of becoming emperor?"
"Me? No."
"What did you dream of, then?"
Unbidden, the image came to my mind. The dream that I had not had until well into my adulthood. But it's a funny thing about certain dreams: they assume such a state of importance in your mind that you start to believe, retroactively, that they were always a part of your life.
Those powerful hands, that face twisted in grim anger. The face of G'Kar, with but one eye burning its gaze into the black and shredded thing I call my soul, and his hands at my throat. This dream had shaped, defined, and haunted my life for, it seemed, as far back as I could remember.
"What did I dream of?" I echoed. "Survival."
"Truly?" She shrugged those slim shoulders. "That doesn't seem such a lofty goal."
"I had always thought," I said, "that it was the only one that mattered. I would have placed it above the needs of my loved ones, above the needs of Centauri Prime itself. Now..." I shrugged." It does not seem to be such an important thing. Survival is not all that it is reputed to be."
There was a long silence then. It was very odd. This woman had been my enemy, my nemesis, yet now it seemed as though she were another person entirely. Considering what I had faced, considering those who desired to bring me down... the machinations of one young Centauri female didn't seem worth the slightest bit of concern.
Not so young, actually.
I found myself looking at Mariel, really looking at her for the first time in a long time. She was not decrepit by any means, but her age was beginning to show. I wasn't entirely sure why. She was older, certainly, but not that much older. She seemed... careworn somehow. She looked older than her years.
"Strange," she said slowly, "that we are talking this way. With all that has passed between us, Lond- Highness-"
"Londo," I told her firmly.
"Londo," she said after a moment's hesitation. "With all that we have been through... how odd that we would be talking here, now. Like old friends."
" 'Like,' perhaps, Mariel. But not actually old friends. For I shall never forget who I am... and who you are... and what you did to me."
I wondered if she would try to deny that she had endeavored to kill me fifteen years earlier. If she would bleat her innocence in the matter. Instead, all she did was shrug, and without rancor in her voice say, "It was no worse than what you did to me."
"Next thing, you will tell me that you miss me."
" It is impossible to miss what you never had."
"That is very true." I looked at her with even more curiosity. "You have not told me why you were crying. That is, after all, the reason I came in here. Was it indeed because you miss 'yourself'?"
She looked down at her hands with great interest. "No. Someone else."
"Who?"
She shook her head. "It does not matter..."
"I wish to know, nevertheless."
She seemed to consider her answer a long time. Then she looked over at me with such melancholy, I cannot even find words for it. "I appreciate the time you've taken here, Londo... more than you can know. But it really, truly, does not matter. What is done is done, and I have no regrets."
"Whereas I have almost nothing but regrets. Very well, Mariel." I rose and walked toward the door." If, in the future, you decide that there are matters you wish to discuss... feel free to bring them to my attention."
"Londo..."
"Yes?"
"My dream is childhood foolishness... but I hope that you get yours."
I laughed, but there was no trace of mirth in my voice. "Trust me, Mariel... if there is one thing in this world I am certain of, it is that, sooner or later, I will get mine. And sooner, I think, rather than later."
- chapter 1 -
Luddig wasn't a particularly happy Drazi.
He did not like the building to which he had been sent. He did not like the office within the building. And he most certainly did not like that he was being kept waiting in the office within the building.
Luddig was a first-tier ambassador in the Drazi diplomatic corps, and he had fought long and hard to get to where he was. As he drummed his fingers impatiently on the expansive desk he was sitting beside, he couldn't help but wonder why it was that things never quite seemed to work out the way that he wanted them to.
Seated next to Luddig was his immediate aide, Vidkun. They provided quite a contrast to one another, Luddig being somewhat heavyset and jowly while Vidkun was small and slim. Not that Vidkun was a weakling by any means. He was whipcord thin and had a certain air of quiet strength about him. Luddig, on the other hand, was like a perpetually seething volcano that tended to overwhelm any who stood before him with belligerence and bombast. As diplomats went, he wasn't particularly genteel. Then again, he'd never had to be. His activities were confined mostly to his office and occasional back-door maneuvers.
It was one of those activities that had brought him here, to Centauri Prime, to the place called the "Tower of Power." It was an impressive and elegantly simple structure that, when viewed from the ground, seemed to stretch forever to the sky.
Luddig had not come here on his own, of course. It had been set up meticulously and scrupulously in advance. No one on the Drazi Homeworld had been aware that he was corning to Centauri Prime ... well, not "officially" aware. He had brought Vidkun along primarily to have someone to complain to.
"This is how they treat Luddig of the Drazi!" Luddig said in disgust. He was one of those who chose to affect the popular Drazi habit of referring to himself in the third person. "An hour and a half we wait," he continued. "Waiting and waiting in this stupid room for this stupid minister." He cuffed Vidkun abruptly on the shoulder. Vidkun barely reacted. By this point in his career, he scarcely seemed to notice. "We had a deal!"
"Perhaps you should remind him of that, sir," Vidkun said with exaggerated politeness.
"Remind him! Of course Luddig will remind him! Drazi do not have to, should not have to, tolerate such poor attention to Drazi interests!"
"Of course not, sir."
"Stop agreeing!" Luddig said in annoyance, striking Vidkun once more on the shoulder. Since it was the exact same place, it left Vidkun a bit sore, but stoutly he said nothing. "You keep agreeing. It shows you are trying to mock Luddig!"
Vidkun tried to figure out if there was any conceivable way in which he could respond to the accusation. If he said it wasn't true, then he'd be disagreeing and thereby disproving the contention. Except he'd be calling Luddig a liar. If he agreed that was what he was doing, Luddig would shout at him that he was doing it again. Vidkun wisely chose to say nothing at all, instead inclining his head slightly in acknowledgment without actually providing any admission one way or the other.
Clearly Luddig was about to press the matter when, with miraculously good timing, Minister Castig Lione entered.
Lione was a tall man whose build and general look bordered on the cadaverous. He had such gravity about him that he could have used it to maintain a satellite
in orbit, Vidkun mused. Then he noticed several of the black-clad youths known as the Prime Candidates following Lione, dropping back and away from the minister as he walked into his office. Vidkun came to the conclusion that Lione already did have satellites. They were the youth of Centauri Prime, and as near as Vidkun could tell, the best and the brightest. Their loyalty to Castig Lione was reputedly unyielding and unwavering. If Lione had told them to break every bone in their bodies, they would do so and do it willingly.
Vidkun did not, as a rule, like fanatics. If nothing else, they tended to be a bit too loud for his taste.
"Ambassador Luddig," said Lione, bowing deeply in respect. For a man of his height, bowing was no easy thing. Luddig should have appreciated the gesture. Instead he scowled even more fiercely. Vidkun rose and returned the bow, and got another quick physical rebuke from his superior. "To what," continued Lione, "do I owe this honor?"
"This honor." Luddig made an incredulous noise that conveyed contempt. "This honor. This treatment is more like."
"Treatment?" His eyebrows puckered in confusion. "Was there a problem with your arrival? My Prime Candidates were given specific instructions to provide you full protection in escorting you from the port. I cannot, of course, account for the reactions your presence might engender among our populace."
"It has nothing to do with that-"
Lione continued as if Luddig had not spoken. "In case you are unaware, all foreigners have been banned from the surface of Centauri Prime. That is how highly charged sentiments have been running. Fortunately, as a minister, I have certain ... latitude. So I was able to arrange for your visit to our fair-"
"It has nothing to do with that!"
Lione blinked owlishly. "Then I am not quite sure what you are referring to."
"We had an arrangement!"
"Did we?"
"About Mipas!"
"Ah." Lione did an exceptional job of acting as if he had been unaware of what was getting Luddig so agitated. "You're speaking about the unfortunate, but necessary, attack on Mipas."
"Unfortunate but necessary how! Unfortunate, yes! Necessary ... Drazi do not see that! Has Centauri Prime totally taken leave of senses? Or has Centauri Prime forgotten that Mipas is under Drazi jurisdiction!"
"Jurisdiction, yes. Curious how that happened, isn't it." Lione's calm, even lazy tone suddenly shifted. "Curious that the Drazi government paid so little attention to Mipas . . . until valuable minerals were found on it. Suddenly a world that was just beyond the outermost edge of the Drazi borders became Drazi property ... when your government reconfigured the borders to allow for..." Lione actually chuckled, and it was not the most pleasant of sounds. "... to allow for the expanding universe theory. 'If the universe is expanding, Drazi territory must expand with it to keep up with natural law.' That was priceless, I have to admit. No one in the Alliance gainsayed you, simply because they were stunned by the sheer gall your people displayed."
"If Centauri Prime has issue with expansion of-"
Lione held up a hand, stilling the new torrent of words. "The Centaurum has no such issues. Expand territories all you wish. Reconfigure your borders and decide that you're entitled to take possession of the Vorlon Homeworld, for all we care. But Mipas, well. .." and he shook his head sadly. "The fact is that our intelligence informed us that Mipas was acting in concert with, and providing aid to, certain insurrectionist factions here on Centauri Prime."
"Is lie!"
"Is not," Lione responded coolly. "The information we have received is quite definitive. Mipas was aiding those who would overthrow our beloved emperor and drive our prime minister out of office. Naturally, out of a sense of self-preservation, we had to take action."
Between gritted teeth, Luddig said, "We had an understanding."
"Did we?"
"Do not play games with Drazi!" Luddig warned. "Centauri Prime is as interested in mineral deposits on Mipas as Drazi! I know that! You know that! Everyone know that! We had arrangements!"
"And how much you must have enjoyed those arrangements, Luddig," said Lione. "Under-the-table payments made to you by certain Mipas officials. And you, in turn, pass those payments along to us. A token of respect; a tithe, if you will, to purchase our goodwill. And you succeeded for quite some time, Luddig. I commend you for your industry. And I commend you for the deftness with which you managed to cut yourself in to those payments. How much did you manage to keep for yourself? Ten percent? Twenty?"
"Do you think Drazi not take risks!" Luddig said hotly. "Luddig of Drazi has his own expenses, own concerns. Certain officials turn their own blind eye to 'under-the-table payments,' as you say. Money has to cover their eyes, too. It was beneficial arrangement for all."
"Yes, yes, I daresay it was. Just as this little arrangement exists with other governments, other 'officials' such as yourselves. Others who envelop themselves in cloaks of self-righteousness, more than happy to complain publicly about the Centauri, while you have no difficulty in private backroom dealings. I can smell the corruption in all the governments of your pathetic Alliance. The odor of hypocrisy permeates even the vacuum of space, Ambassador Luddig."
Vidkun watched in fascination as Luddig became so angry that the skin flaps under his throat stood out and turned pale red. "Luddig does not have to sit here and listen to this!"
"Stand if you prefer, then," Lione said lazily. "It does not matter to me." Then once again, his attitude shifted, from torpor to quiet intensity. "Understand this, Ambassador. We stand by the results of our investigation. And since we know that the Mipasians were acting with the insurrectionists, we can only assume that the Drazi were aware of this connection and approved of it. That, Ambassador, would mean that you are-rather than our silent partners-our enemies. We do not advise that you become enemies of the Centauri Republic. That would be most unfortunate for all concerned."
Vidkun had the distinct feeling that Lione was assuming Luddig would wilt under the implied threat. To Vidkun's surprise -and, if he had to guess, to Lione's surprise as well -Luddig did not come remotely close to wilting. Instead he was on his feet, breathing so hard that it was rasping in his chest. "You threaten Drazi?" he demanded.
"I threaten no one," Lione said.
But Luddig wasn't buying it. "You are! You violate Drazi interests! You renege on deal!"
"The deal, such as it was, was entirely unofficial, Luddig," Lione pointed out. "You said so yourself. If you wish to complain about it to the Interstellar Alliance-if you wish to try to roust your fellows from their stupor and bring them into full war with us-then you will have to go public with the terms of our little arrangement. That will not go over particularly well, I assure you, because it will bring not only your own government under scrutiny, but others as well. No one is going to want that."
"Maybe Drazi do not care about scrutiny or deals," Luddig shot back. "Maybe Drazi care about Centauri thinking they can do whatever they wish, whenever they wish, to whomever they wish. Maybe Drazi believe that Alliance is willing to overlook 'deals' or treat them as stopgap measures to full war that can no longer be avoided because of Centauri stupidity and arrogance!"
Lione did not answer immediately. Instead he contemplated what Luddig had said. He leaned back in his chair, the furniture creaking under his weight, and he interlaced his fingers while studying Luddig very, very carefully.
Then he smiled.
Vidkun felt his spine seize up.
"It seems, Ambassador, that we may have underestimated the ... vehemence with which you will be pursuing your claim. Very well."
"Very well what?" Luddig's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"I shall take your concerns to the prime minister and we shall see if restitution cannot somehow be arranged."
Luddig puffed out his chest with sudden confidence. "Yes! That is attitude Drazi want to see!"
"Excuse me a moment, won't you? No, no, don't get up. I have a small room designed for ... private communications. Will not take but a minute." He did not rise
from his seat so much as he seemed to uncoil.
The moment he walked out of the room, Vidkun turned to Luddig, and said, "We are dead."
"What!" Luddig scoffed at the very idea. "You saw! He spoke of restitution! He spoke of-"
"Ambassador, with all respect, what he spoke of doesn't matter. In these sorts of things, what is not said is often more important than what is. I am telling you, we are-"
"We are Drazi! And you are coward!" Luddig said angrily, stabbing a finger at Vidkun.
"Sir, I am no coward," Vidkun said, bristling.
"Yes! Your own cowardice stops you from seeing that Centauri do not wish to anger Drazi! You are not worthy of being aide to Luddig! A new aide will be required upon our return!"
Vidkun was about to argue the point further, protesting the accusations of cowardice, when the door opened and Lione entered again, stooping slightly to avoid the top of the door frame. "The prime minister wishes to see you, but his schedule simply will not allow for it today. Tomorrow, however, bright and early, he would be more than happy to discuss the matter. In the meantime, deluxe accommodations have been arranged for you at a facility nearby. We certainly hope that will suffice."
"For now," Luddig said noncommittally. "We reserve judgment until we actually see accommodations."
"Very prudent," Lione said agreeably.
As they headed down to street level, Vidkun's head was spinning. Every early warning system in his makeup was screaming at him that they were in mortal danger. But Luddig was so overwhelmingly confident, and Lione seemed so eager to please, that he was finding it harder and harder to believe that there was, in fact, any jeopardy. It might be, he thought bleakly, that Luddig was correct. Perhaps he was indeed a coward, and simply didn't have the proper mental strength to pursue a career in the diplomatic corps.
They walked out into the street, a pleasant sun beaming down at them, and a glorious day on Centauri Prime apparently lying ahead of them. There were passersby, casting glances in their direction, but there did not appear to be any problem. There were Prime Candidates forming a protective circle around them, but Luddig -chatting animatedly with Lione -didn't pay them any mind. He was calm, cool, and confidently secure that he had a complete handle on the situation.