My smile faded. I wasn’t the only girl he found unforgettable. There was another one. Another girl he couldn’t forget. I moistened my lips, deciding it was time to ask him. After everything we’d been through, after tonight, if I couldn’t say what was on my mind then I was a coward.
I finally got the words out. “Tell me about Bethan.”
His hand stilled, and I tensed in the stretch of silence, every moment that passed convincing me he wasn’t going to say anything. Or he was going to change the subject. Disappointment weighed on me.
“I—I’ve never talked about it.” He gave a brief, humorless laugh. “Not that I’ve had a slew of friends since I left Relhok. It’s only that sometimes . . . the guilt . . . well, it eats at me.”
“Guilt? Why do you feel guilty?”
He took his time before answering. His voice rumbled out of the dark. “Bethan died because of me. For weeks she wanted to run away to find the Isle of Allu. She believed in every story she ever heard of it. It was all she could talk about. She wanted to flee. She was so frightened of staying in Relhok City, but I wouldn’t listen. I thought we had time . . .”
“Why was she frightened to stay there?” In my mind, the walls surrounding Relhok had to offer some comfort. More protection than anything to be found in the Outside.
“She was afraid of my father. She knew he didn’t approve of us. And she was afraid of the lottery. Every fortnight, my father sacrificed a human to the dwellers.” His pained sigh wormed its way inside me, making me shudder. “I should have listened. She was right. My father wasn’t going to permit me to love anyone that did not benefit him. It was simple enough to rig the lottery so that her name was pulled. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t save her.”
His words echoed around us in the vastness of my room. A swell of silence rose between us before I said, “You can’t blame yourself for the actions of others. Your father is guilty. Not you.”
He sighed again. “I know that. It’s taken me a while to accept it, but I do know that. That’s not why I feel so guilty.”
“It’s not?” I pulled back slightly, not understanding.
“No.”
“Then why do you feel guilty?”
“She asked me to go and I couldn’t. I didn’t.” He took a breath, his fingers moving through my hair again, sifting through strands and making me melt against him. “But you . . . you could ask me anything and I would do it, Luna. For you, I would do anything. For that, I feel guilty.” My heart constricted at his confession. “I feel more for you than I’ve felt for anyone.”
Words abandoned me. All those jealous, selfish thoughts I’d had about this mystery girl made me feel small and shamed. She was dead. I had no right to begrudge her relationship with Fowler. Just as I had no right to feel so elated over Fowler’s admission.
Since I couldn’t say anything, I did what I could. I kissed him.
TWENTY-THREE
Fowler
NOW THAT I was permitted to leave my bed, I conducted a discreet reconnaissance of the palace over the next couple of days. Maris was my constant shadow, but that didn’t stop me from assessing, weighing options, and considering the best way for Luna and me to get to the kitchens undetected.
I was learning the layout of the palace under the guise of strolls with Maris. The number of guards, the number of servants; the patterns and routines of everyone inside these walls were becoming as known to me as the back of my hand. I had to know this place and all its comings and goings—especially as they pertained to the kitchens. We’d have only one chance. There could be no surprises.
Luna and I hadn’t had an opportunity to talk alone since I was in her room two nights before. I fought to keep my distance, not trusting myself to keep my feelings for her buried. Just as Maris was always near me, Chasan hovered close to her side.
And yet everything had changed between us. I didn’t need to say a word around her to know this. She knew it, too. She sensed whenever I was nearby. Her features would soften. The glow in her skin hinted at secrets. Her lips would fight smiles when she heard my voice or when I brushed a hand against her arm or hip. Casual touches no one would notice. But she knew, and so did I.
At night, I lay awake, my brain busy dreaming of Luna and contemplating our escape. If we left undetected, whilst everyone slept, we could have several hours’ lead.
Even when I should have been sleeping and storing my strength, I could only think. I fought the urge to sneak into her room again. Once was risky enough. I couldn’t dare it again. Instead I was left remembering what it was like to hold her, kiss her. She was my first taste of water after a long drought.
A hand waved in front of my eyes. “Hello? Are you in there, Fowler?”
I started and looked down at Maris beside me. Her hand rested snugly on my arm as I escorted her into the great hall. All a necessary subterfuge, I reminded myself. The king looked on with approval when we were together. Had it been me walking solo all over the castle, I was certain I would be viewed with suspicion.
“My apologies. You were saying?” She always said a great deal, mostly about our upcoming nuptials and our future together. It was hard to focus when her mouth was going.
“Woolgathering again,” she mused. “Is this what I should expect in our future? You daydreaming as I chatter on?” She smiled, but there was something in her eyes, an edge to her smile, that warned me she was annoyed. In that moment she reminded me of her father. She wasn’t as dim-witted as I’d first judged her. She sensed I didn’t reciprocate her level of interest, and she didn’t like it.
I forced a smile and covered her hand with my own, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. “Still feeling lethargic from my injury, I suppose. Nothing a nap wouldn’t help rectify.”
I stifled a wince at the completely inane words. I needed to keep her content. If she wasn’t happy, she could go to her father, and I didn’t need the king scrutinizing me, questioning my true commitment to Maris and Lagonia while I was still here.
She nodded in sympathy, but something lurked in her eyes. She wasn’t convinced. “Of course. Father and I were discussing when we should take our vows. Contrary to all the jests about a double wedding, I’m feeling rather selfish. I want my wedding day to myself.” She pushed out her bottom lip and shrugged with a decided lack of remorse. “I deserve that, don’t I?”
“Am I invited?” I joked.
She swatted my arm with a tinkle of laughter. “Of course, silly. I meant our wedding. How does next week sound? That should be enough time to plan a proper feast. I already have my gown. I’ve had it for some time in anticipation of this day.”
Of course she did. She’d been waiting for this day her whole life.
She fanned her fingers against my cheek, nails scraping lightly over my jaw. “You don’t have to do a thing.” She leaned across the space between us and kissed my cheek. “I cannot wait to be your bride,” she whispered.
“Next week,” I echoed, my mind working, plotting, as I stared down the table where Luna sat beside Chasan.
Maris nodded, her hand drifting.
“It won’t be soon enough. Next week sounds fine,” I agreed.
Luna and I would be gone by then.
The smell of the onions that had gone into the evening’s rich stew lingered in the air as we crept through the kitchen.
Everyone was asleep at this hour. Servants either exhausted from a long day of labor or nobles comfortable in their beds, sated from too much food and drink.
A fire crackled in the hearth. Several kitchen maids slept before its warmth, gentle snores weaving on the air. I led the way, Luna behind me, skimming her hand over the wall and surfaces until we reached the room that smelled of dry goods. I’d observed it briefly when Maris gave me a tour of the castle days ago. Lifting the latch, I eased inside, ushering Luna ahead of me. Carefully, I shut the door behind us.
Letting go of Luna, I examined the storeroom floor.
“Is this the room?” she whispered.
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“We’re about to find out.” I set to work, dragging baskets of goods and boxes of supplies to the far sides of the room. A rough straw rug covered the floor, coated with a thick layer of dust and soot. If there was a hidden door underneath, it didn’t look as though it had been used in a long time. I flung the rug to the far end of the room, sending a storm of dirt up into the air. Coughing, I waved aside the particles and stared at an iron grate. I unbolted it and lifted the heavy door, flipping it over and easing it down carefully so that it didn’t bang.
Standing, I reached for Luna’s hand, folding it in my own, the sensation of her slim, cool fingers spreading warmth through my chest. I stared down at the grate of the storeroom floor, flexing my hand around hers.
“It’s here,” I said unnecessarily, looking at the jagged hole that opened up out of the stone floor. It was dark down there, a yawning hole that brought to memory the time when dwellers had dragged me underground.
“It’s cold in there,” Luna whispered beside me, peering down into the hole as though she could see into its depths.
Tendrils of cool air reached up and brushed at my hands. I adjusted the satchel I’d packed full of food and supplies, stroking my thumb along the inside of her wrist with my free hand, as much to comfort me as her. She sent me a brave smile, adjusting the bow slung over her shoulder. A gift from Chasan, she had said when I asked where she got it. I resisted the impulse to demand she leave it behind. As a weapon it was useful. I was armed with the sword and bow they had seen fit to return to me—which meant no one suspected I would do something like this. They thought I was perfectly content to marry their princess and be their puppet.
But the fact remained—it belonged to her. I had no right to tell her what to do with it.
“It will warm up once we’re Outside.”
She nodded. “Let’s get moving.”
I released her hand. “I’ll go down first. There’s a ladder built into the side wall.” I climbed down, slipping my hands and feet into the carved handholds. I glanced up as I descended, watching her pale face shrink. I wasn’t to the bottom yet when I paused. “Go ahead and start down,” I instructed.
She slid her legs over the side. Once she found her first foothold, she began climbing down. The temperature continued to drop as we descended. The hole went deep, as though we were sliding into the very bowels of the earth. I almost expected to hear dwellers, their eerie screams bouncing off the tunnel walls. That ear-shattering scream Luna and I had heard, the one that had distracted all the other dwellers and saved our lives, could probably be heard even this far away. I wonder if Luna still heard that scream in her dreams like I did. Did she wonder what was on the other side of it?
The darkness swallowed us whole, but we kept going. After several minutes, we finally reached the bottom.
She dropped down beside me and chafed her hands up and down her arms as we stood there for a moment, acclimating to the ice-cold space.
Taking her hand, I started down the tunnel. Taking a cue from Luna, I skimmed a palm along the cold rock wall. She shivered at my back and I gave her fingers a squeeze. It was good to touch her again. If it wasn’t so cold, if urgency didn’t pound like a hammer inside me, I’d pull her into my arms and taste her again. But there wasn’t time for that now. Soon. When we were someplace safe, where I could kiss her and convince her to forget about going to Relhok.
We moved quickly. I was counting on no one discovering we’d escaped until morning. The kitchen staff woke before everyone else to start preparations for the morning meal. They would discover the open grate in the storage room and alert the soldiers, but we’d be gone by then. I started a light jog. Luna kept pace, and the run at least helped warm our blood. She stopped shivering.
“Does it feel like we’re going downhill?” she panted behind me.
“The tunnel must open up at the bottom of the mountain.” We hastened along the rocky ground, every step taking us closer. “We’ll have several hours’ head start by the time they come after us.”
The tunnel finally ended. A wall rose up in front of us. I patted the surface with both hands, spreading my arms wide, discovering a narrow space, large enough for one body to pass through at a time. It had to be the way out.
“This way.” I took her hand again and squeezed into the passageway. Luna slid behind me easily. As far as escapes went, this wasn’t too difficult, but then there probably wasn’t anyone in this castle who wanted to go Outside. Ainswind was fortified against invaders. People wanted in. Dwellers wanted in. No one wanted out except us.
My breath came faster. I disliked the sensation of walls pressing in on me. Clearly, this escape route wouldn’t work for everyone. Anyone of a certain girth or height would never manage it.
“Are you all right?” Luna asked, inching along behind, detecting my unease. I grunted in affirmation, noting the sudden increase of airflow ahead. “We’re almost there, Fowler.” Of course Luna would know that. If I sensed the change in air, so did she.
Suddenly we were free. As though we’d just plunged from a pool of water, we stumbled out into the endless stretch of Outside.
Luna sucked in a deep breath beside me. “We did it.” Her voice shook and she released a nervous chuckle.
The glow of moonlight limned her features, reminding me of the first time I saw her—armed with a bow, moments after she saved my life. She looked like some kind of dark wood nymph, and I had wondered if she was even real.
I still held her hand. It was easy enough to pull her into my arms. She fell against me, fitting into me like a long-lost puzzle piece. I dove for her lips, claiming them hard, talking against her mouth. “Not touching you, pretending like I didn’t burn for you . . .”
She lifted up on tiptoes and leaned into me, and I let myself have her for one moment.
“I’d thank you to take your hands and lips off my betrothed.”
Luna and I sprang apart. For a moment I felt like a boy again when my nurse caught me at mischief. Until I remembered that Luna and I were right. Not a mistake. I took her hand again and faced the two men waiting for us, pulling my sword free in one smooth move.
Chasan stood there in his leather doublet with his hands on his hips. Beside him stood that hulk of a soldier, Harmon, who had accompanied him the first day we arrived at Ainswind.
Luna, unsurprisingly, knew it was the prince. “Chasan! How did you know—”
“I’ve been watching the two of you for days. Amusing, really. You try to act as though you aren’t interested in each other. Try being the operative word.” He shrugged. “I thought it best to assign my man here to watch you both. Glad I did.”
I should have known. Chasan couldn’t take his eyes off Luna. If anyone would have noticed the long glances and the lingering touches, it would have been him.
Luna’s chin lifted. “We’re leaving,” she declared. “You can’t stop us.”
Chasan smiled, eyeing her up and down like she was a meal he wanted to devour. “I can. I will.”
“I’m sorry, Chasan.” Luna squeezed my hand and pressed close beside me. “I can’t marry you. And I can’t stay here.”
Harmon drew his monster of a broadsword. It could cleave a man in half. His face was impassive as stone as he lifted it, ready to engage. Chasan crossed his arms and adopted a self-satisfied grin. It was the smile of a man who knew he’d won. Only I didn’t know that. I hadn’t accepted that. I never would.
I tightened my grip around Luna’s hand and lifted my own sword, nodding at Harmon. “Is he going to kill us? Defeats the point, doesn’t it? Of bringing us back to Ainswind with you.”
Chasan cocked his head. “I don’t really care what becomes of you.” He locked in on Luna, and damn if something didn’t heat in his eyes. “It’s her I want.”
My lip curled. “Easy to make threats and declarations when you’ve got him.” I nodded at the massive hulk beside him.
Chasan’s smile slipped. “Oh, you want to finish this?”
I stared at him for a long moment, the soft sounds of the Outside a heady thing swirling around us. Each insect buzz, bat chirp, and sliding rock sat thick as syrup on the air.
In the far distance, a dweller cried, tinny and reedy on the wind.
“You and me.” I held his gaze. “It’s what I’ve longed for.” Ever since the moment I saw him interact with Luna, even out of my head with toxin fever, this had been simmering up to a boil.
Chasan settled a hand on his man’s arm, prompting him to lower his sword even while never taking his gaze off me. “Winner takes all?”
“Agreed.” I nodded at the giant. “And he doesn’t try to stop us from leaving.”
“That confident you’ll defeat me?” Chasan started to shrug out of his leather doublet, revealing a fine linen shirt beneath. He handed the garment to Harmon.
“That confident I won’t?” I rebutted.
“No weapons,” Chasan replied, rolling his cuffs to his elbows. “Only one of us walks away alive.”
Luna’s hand clenched around my bicep as I tossed my sword down. “No, Fowler! What are you doing?”
I covered her hand with mine, gave it a light squeeze, and then lifted it off my arm. Lifting my bow, I handed it to her for safekeeping. Her wide dark eyes fixed on me, her mouth parted in a small “o” of wonder as I lowered my head and pressed a hard, quick kiss to her lips. “I know what I’m doing.”
“I don’t know that you do,” she whispered back, her head chasing after my lips as I stepped back out of her range.
Turning, I faced the prince.
It was the only choice.
TWENTY-FOUR
Luna
I STOOD IN the familiar Outside, my heart a wild drum in my aching chest, actually wishing that I was back inside the castle. If it meant Fowler would be safe and not locked in a fight for his life with Prince Chasan, then yes. I wished for that.
The air filled with grunts and the brutal sound of fists slamming into skin and bone. They hit the ground, rolling, tussling. I could not distinguish who was who. There were only pained gasps and ragged breaths.