Dad grasped Mr. Pettit’s hand, avoiding eye contact with Jack.
“My wife, Margaret,” Mr. Pettit said, introducing her. Mrs. Pettit was a tall, thin woman, prematurely gray. She and Gabby carried two foil-wrapped pans of hotdish with globs of burned cream of mushroom soup clinging to the sides. My stomach growled.
Jack pulled around his dad. Sophie took one look at him, yelped, and ran up the stairs. I thought at the very least he’d say hi to Dad, who had been at the top of the cliff with him. Instead, he charged at me like a bull and jerked his head toward the back room. What could I do but follow?
He wheeled around and grabbed my arm in a too-tight grasp.
“Hey!” I said, prying his fingers loose.
“How come you never answered my texts?” he asked, shaking me.
“Texts? That was you? You’re my unknown caller?”
He tossed my arm, and I staggered back. “Who did you think it was?” he hissed through his teeth. “I figured once you saw the picture you’d know it was me.”
“What picture?”
He rolled his eyes and put his hands to his greasy hair. “The link to the photo I sent. The one of that beached bitch who tried to kill you.”
I felt sick and dropped down onto a chair. “Why would you take a picture?”
“Proof!” He slapped his hand flat against the wall to accentuate the word. “I wanted you to know she was really dead. I thought if you knew, you wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. Then you’d come back.” He lowered his voice and whispered, “I thought you’d want to help me.”
“I wasn’t afraid, Jack. And I already knew she was dead. I was there. Remember?”
“Yeah. I remember,” he said. “Apparently better than you do.” He seethed. “They tried to kill you, Lily.”
“No,” I said, as calmly as I could. “They didn’t. Only one did, and you only know half the story.”
“I know all I need to know. You’re brainwashed enough to let one of them keep hanging around. I suppose it’s him?”
“Who?”
“Don’t play me, Lily. This place reeks of incense.”
There didn’t seem to be much point in lying, so I shot back, “Why do you sound so surprised?”
“Me? Don’t you be surprised. Don’t come crying to me when your precious merman takes off for good. I warned you. That’s what they do. He’ll mess with your head. Then he’ll be gone.”
When he said it like that, it resurrected the old fears I’d had during my exile. I tried to muffle those doubts by remembering what Calder had said at the pool: I need her, I need her, I need her. Of course, that didn’t negate what Jack was saying. I supposed there could come a day when Calder didn’t need me anymore. And I couldn’t deny that his need hadn’t meant anything over the thirty-two days he’d been gone, without a word to me.
“I thought you liked the mermaids,” I said. “I thought you loved Pavati. You told me once you secretly hoped you were one of them.”
Jack laughed darkly and it raised the hair on my arms. “Funny thing happened on the way to a cliff last May. I finally grew up. I realized what a fool I’d been to think Pavati cared about me.
“Mermaids are only in it for themselves. They take, take, take. If they give us anything, it’s only a tease so we stick around long enough for them to take some more. They don’t care about us, Lily. And they’re all the same. Don’t. Trust. Mermaids.”
Dad and Mr. Pettit came into the back room as Jack’s last word dropped to the floor. Gabby followed, looking embarrassed and like she wished she’d found something better to do tonight.
Fortunately, both our moms were busy in the kitchen talking hotdish recipes, so they were oblivious when Mr. Pettit reproached Jack, saying, “Oh, for Pete’s sake, would you shut up? This is getting ridiculous.”
“What’s it to you?” snapped Jack.
“Dad, Jack, please don’t,” Gabby said.
“If you want to make a fool out of yourself,” Mr. Pettit said, “talking to news reporters, spouting your mouth off to the police, for God’s sake, that’s one thing, but when people start asking me about it, when you start embarrassing the family, pushing this nonsense on these good people, it’s gone too far.”
“I was only talking to Lily,” Jack said. “You’re the one making this a bigger thing than it needs to be. And I’ve probably got a much more receptive audience in ‘these good people’ than I’ll ever get from you.”
Dad silenced Jack with a look.
“Excuse me,” I said. I pushed around Jack and ran for the stairs. When I got to my room, the box spring and mattress had been made right. Calder was gone. The vacancy took my breath away.
Gabby followed me up. “Hey, um, I’m sorry about that.” She gestured behind her toward the stairs just as the front door slammed. “We should have left Jack at home. He is seriously messed up. Even more than before.” She tried to laugh, but failed.
“No more than usual,” I said. I opened my closet door to see if Calder was hiding inside, but it was empty save for a musty cardboard box full of vintage band T-shirts. I noticed that someone had pulled my Lady of Shalott dress off its hanger and thrown it in the wastebasket. Apparently, the dress raised too many painful memories for Calder. As much as I wanted to keep it, and as much as I didn’t like people telling me what to do, I left it where it lay. It was a small price to pay.
“It’s been coming on slowly all year,” Gabby said. “Dad was pissed enough when Jack didn’t go on to college last fall … spending all day on the lake … but the last couple of months have been bad. At first, I thought it was because all his friends had moved on while he stayed back. But that was his choice, right? That shouldn’t make him act so crazy. Then I thought it was because you left. I thought maybe he liked you even more than I thought.”
“Yeah, that’s not it,” I said. “He’s just being stupid.”
“No, I know it’s not you now,” Gabby said. “It’s this mermaid obsession. It used to be kind of quirky. Now it’s getting embarrassing. Did you hear my dad say that Jack went to the police?”
“What for?”
“He told them the town needed to set up a night-watch group.” She paused, waiting for me to catch up, but I was already two steps ahead.
“An armed patrol.” She lowered her voice. “He’s telling anyone who will listen that mermaids are killing people out on the lake.”
That’s rich, I thought. Apparently he’s forgotten that the last kill on the lake was at his hands. I got down on my knees and looked under the bed.
“Jack refused to leave the station until someone took him seriously. They had to call my dad to come down and get him. Chief Eaton is one of my dad’s best friends. Super embarrassing. What are you looking for?”
“Oh, um, I lost something,” I said. “An earring.”
“Let me help you. Was it special?”
“Very,” I said, noticing for the first time that the screen was off the window.
Later that night, rain splattered against my open windowsill. Calder was out there somewhere. I wondered if he was cold. I wondered if he’d found shelter for the night. Dad came into my darkened room and stood by the side of my bed. I pretended to be asleep, but he knew I was faking.
“Lily, we need to talk to you.”
We? I turned over quickly to find Calder standing in the dark, behind my dad’s shoulder, staring down at me with serious eyes. I pulled the blankets tight around me.
“I’m going to give this a go,” Dad said. “See if there’s any truth to what you’ve told me.”
“Yeah, Dad. Okay.”
“Tonight,” he said.
“Wait? What? Without me?”
“Lily,” Calder said, drawing closer. “Is that really something you want to watch?”
When he said it like that, when I thought about all that a transformation would require, I cringed. No. He was right. I didn’t need to see that.
“Our first step,” Calder said, “is to see
if Jason can, in fact, transform.”
So it’s Jason now?
He glanced at my dad. “If he can—and I don’t doubt that for a second—then we’ll have to start training right away. He needs to know how to scramble his thoughts if Maris and Pavati can hear him, and he needs to know how to defend himself if they can’t. Well, he should really know how to do that either way. He’s not going to be able to stay out of the water—like you are.” He looked at me hard to remind me of my promise. “So we’re going to start training immediately.”
“Train?” My voice was a whisper. “How long will you be gone?” I asked, dreading where this was going. The feeling of abandonment trickled through my chest, and I braced myself against their answer.
Dad paced back and forth at the end of my bed. “I can’t stand it any longer, not knowing. I’ve got to stretch my … I’ve got to go. For just a little while.”
“Tell me how long you’re going to be gone,” I demanded.
“It’s just for a little while,” Calder said.
“But I haven’t seen you in over a month!” I hated how hysterical I sounded, but I couldn’t help it. This was unfair, and Calder didn’t seem to care at all.
“Lil,” he said, bowing his head.
Dad stepped closer again. “I told your mom the college was sending my whole department to a conference and that I’d be home on Sunday.”
“But that’s three days!”
“Shhhh,” Dad said, tamping down my volume with his hands. “It’ll probably take me at least that long to learn what I need to know.”
Dad looked at Calder and tipped his head toward the door. Calder took the hint and said, “Good night, Lily.” He hung in my doorway for a second before slipping away like a shadow.
I watched the hall for a few more moments, in the hope that he’d come back. When he didn’t, I set my jaw and flopped back on my pillow. I turned away from Dad to hide my face. He put his hand on my shoulder and rolled me back toward him. My cheeks were already wet.
“So it’s that way? You’ll miss him that much?”
“Every minute.”
“Remember you’ll be leaving for college soon, Lily. It’s not a good time for you to get so involved.” He brushed my long bangs off my forehead.
“You know what? I wish I’d never told you about any of this. This was my secret. I shared it with you, but now you’re taking it from me.”
“Lily, I’m not taking anything from you. Frankly, I don’t want any of it.”
I wiped my face on my pillow. Dad headed for the door, then he stopped and turned at the threshold. “You’re too young to feel so strongly about someone.”
I almost smiled. “Maybe you’re too old to remember.”
He smiled, and for a second, he was just my dad again. Normal Dad. The dad I wanted to remember. “Touché, sweet girl. I’ll be as quick a study as I can. I’ll have him back soon.”
“Promise?” I asked, wondering if he was enough of a merman that I could bind him to his word. But he wouldn’t take the bait, and my door closed softly behind him, without an answer.
I flipped on my light and pulled MY SCRIBBLINGS out from under my mattress. I bit down hard on my pencil to keep from crying. Within seconds, the loneliness I felt poured out of my heart and onto the page.
I almost missed the sound of one clean dive, followed by the sound of a second body convulsing in the water.
MY SCRIBBLINGS
The Fool Hearty
You left me where you found me,
A buzzing
early summer morning with the newborn honeybee
and the hatching bird.
The wind slaps slapped my face for my impertinence
in thinking you were mine to keep.
And mushrooms
like bald-capped actors memorizing their lines
gathered ’round the spot where last you you last stood
and promised me your love, still
wet with dew.
Not yet burned by the rising sun.
—Lily Hancock (Bayfield, Wisconsin)
9
SERIOUS
I fell asleep with MY SCRIBBLINGS still in my hands. Sometime after two a.m., the rain stopped and the silence woke me. Moon shadows flickered across my walls. June bugs bounced against the window screen. Restless and lonely, I tiptoed down the stairs and out the door, closing it gently, resisting the pull of the springs that wanted to snap it shut. The porch steps creaked, but I didn’t think the noise was enough to wake Mom.
I walked halfway across the yard and peered out toward the islands, wondering where Dad and Calder were now. “Calder,” I said, under my breath.
“What are you doing, Lily? I told you to stay away from the water.” I turned and saw a dark shape sit up in the hammock under the trees.
“Calder? You’re back? Already? What are you doing in the hammock?”
He answered my questions in succession. “Yes. Clearly. For now. And trying to sleep. You’ve been tossing and turning all night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were out here?”
“Jason told me not to.”
“And you listened?”
“Of course I did. I want to stay close to you, and he wasn’t about to let me sleep in the house. How could he explain that to your mom? I’m supposed to be on Madeline, living on my parents’ sailboat. Remember?”
“Yeah, but he’s making you sleep outside?”
“I always sleep outside. Don’t be mad at him. I promised I’d behave, and I want to stay on his good side.”
“So …?” I asked. “How did it go?”
Calder smiled in the darkness. “He transformed, all right. He’s a natural.” His eyes tightened on the last word. “Better than me when I was new.”
“Where is he now?” I asked.
“In the house, hopefully sleeping. The transformation back to legs took a lot out of him. He was puking for a good half hour.”
I bit my lip and turned to look at the house. “Are you sure he’s okay? Maybe I should go check on him.”
“Relax, Lily. This went much better than either of us expected. Something about science types, they find this whole thing more fascinating than horrifying. That must be why Mother sought them out.”
I groaned in disgust.
“Hey,” Calder said. “Don’t forget this was your idea. We’re heading out again at sunrise.”
I climbed into the hammock alongside Calder. His muscular arms enveloped me, warming me against the night air. Then his fingers lifted the beach-glass pendant off my chest and turned it around in his fingers, just as he had once before.
“What is it?” I asked.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. There’s something different about you. The last couple of days, it’s like your colors are changing. I can see them even in the dark.”
I shifted uncomfortably in his arms. “Well, I have been under a little stress.”
“I know what stress looks like and, yes, I can see that, too, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“Well, do I look different good or different bad?”
“Neither. Just different. You said your parents gave this to you?” he asked, still studying the pendant.
“It was a family heirloom from my grandpa,” I said, gently taking his hands from the necklace.
“Tom Hancock?” he asked, his voice raising.
“Shush. Geez, relax.”
“You’re right. You’re right,” he said, stroking my hair. “I’m sorry. Old prejudices die hard. Still, could you take it off for a second?”
“Why?”
“Just curious.” He reached behind my neck with both hands and undid the clasp, releasing the chain around my neck. I took it from him and slipped it into the pocket of my sweatpants.
“Better,” he said. “You look more like you again. I wonder why that is.”
We lay in silence, the night pressing in on us, as I convinced myself that any kind of diffe
rent would mean different-bad to Calder. When the silence grew to an uncomfortable length, I broke it.
“It’s killing me to think about you and Dad out there when I can’t come with.” My lips brushed against his shoulder as I spoke. A strange bitterness percolated in my gut.
“I know it is. I can see that, too—probably more clearly than you’d like to let on.”
“I never thought I’d have to be jealous of my dad. Other girls, sure, but—”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, his hand slipping under my shirt, his long fingers encircling my waist.
“Did you ever think what would have happened if Dad hadn’t been there to pull me out?”
“I try not to.”
I pressed my nose to his neck, behind his ear, and breathed in the heady scent of him. I whispered, “If Dad hadn’t pulled me out of the water, I would have died.”
I felt a shiver run through him, and I cherished the confirmation that changing colors apparently didn’t change how he felt about me. “You said you would have reinvigorated me and made me a mermaid.”
“Those were desperate times. Desperate thoughts. It wouldn’t have worked. I told you before, only a mermaid can reinvigorate.”
I ignored him. “Then I’d be the one swimming with you this summer, instead of being on house arrest.”
“A part of me does wish you could come with us.”
“Then bring me,” I said, tracing the contours of his lips and then kissing them softly.
He pulled away, saying, “Please take this seriously. It’s important. You don’t want to undo everything we’ve worked for. Your dad without a target on his back. My freedom. Your safety.”
His words slowed to a deep, rhythmic pulse. Like blood through a vein. Like salmon pushing upstream against the current. I stared into his eyes and found my mind adopting the same steady pulse as his words, until my thoughts slowed to a stop, incomplete and lost. Just as a brilliant counterargument would occur to me, it would dissipate in the night.
“Go to sleep, Lily,” he said, and although I protested with my words, my mind was in complete agreement. I closed my eyes for only a second. That was my first mistake, because when I opened them again, it was morning. It was raining. And Calder was gone.