“I asked the order taker at the restaurant.”
He considered that as he used the chopsticks that came with the food to serve up a couple of pot stickers to each of them. “Guess that’s not exactly confidential information. Still feels like some kind of violation.”
“If it helps, I bribed her with a twenty.”
“That’s all it took? Shit.”
She watched him use his chopsticks like a pro and wanted to sigh in envy. “I’ve never been able to wield chopsticks,” she admitted, using a fork to scoop some noodles onto her plate before handing them to Keith. “They completely baffle me.”
“Another thing you don’t know, Slick?” he said, using the nickname he had given her after their first meeting. “Color me shocked.”
She grinned and kicked him under the table. He stuffed the rest of his pot sticker in his mouth and put down his chopsticks, then opened the second pair of chopsticks and snapped them apart. He reached for her right hand, prompting her to put down her fork.
“You hold this one between your forefinger and your thumb like this,” he demonstrated, wrapping her fingers in the correct position. “Then this one lays against your ring finger on this side and your thumb on the other.”
She paid attention to how the first chopstick looked like she was holding a pen and the second chopstick rested in the cradle of her thumb. It was rather challenging to think clearly with him deliberately touching her. She loved the way his touch made her feel.
Lord, she was hopeless.
“Hold the bottom one steady as a base,” he instructed, “and wiggle the top one with just your thumb and forefinger to grab the food.”
Her brow wrinkled in concentration as she attempted to lift a pot sticker. She found it surprisingly easy after his brief lesson. When she lifted it, she smiled at him.
“Thanks,” she started to say, only to have the pot sticker plop back down onto her plate.
Keith’s eyebrow lifted. “It takes practice.”
She tried again and didn’t drop it this time. She was positively delighted and decided to try and eat more of the food with the chopsticks.
They ate without speaking for a few minutes. Sydney focused on trying to master her new skill and still get enough to eat. It was far easier to scoop food with a fork, but the chopsticks were both more elegant and more fun.
She noticed Keith studying her as she wielded the tricky utensils. “How was your visit with Lex?” she asked as she lifted some more of the delicious Pad Thai noodles to her mouth.
He shrugged. “Good. She mentioned that you visited with her the other day.”
There was something more he wasn’t saying, she was sure of it. She just didn’t know what.
“Yeah,” she said. “I had promised her I’d visit as soon as I got back to L.A. We’d been planning it since before the tour started. I hope you don’t mind.”
His expression didn’t reveal anything as he dumped some fried rice onto his plate. “I did mind.”
“Oh.” Deflated, she poked at her noodles. The words I’m sorry sprang to mind but she knew he didn’t want to hear them, nor did she feel they were truly warranted.
“But I’ve now decided that I’d mind more if you had made that promise and not kept it,” he continued before taking another bite of his food.
“I’d never do that.”
He swallowed before saying, “I know.”
She ate a few more scoops of noodles as she considered what she knew of Keith. He tended to like things on his terms and his terms only. He wasn’t completely inflexible though.
“Would you prefer that I tell you the next time I’m going to see Lex?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’m visiting with her the day after tomorrow. I was going to take her to the zoo.”
She saw his jaw work and knew he was annoyed. Maybe he didn’t appreciate her taking all of Lex’s time while he was in town. She hadn’t thought that he might already have plans with her. She saw now that it probably would have been more polite to ask before making the plans with Lex and Megan. But she’d learned enough now to let him process things before she launched into apologies or explanations.
“I’ll come.”
He wasn’t asking. She didn’t care.
“Okay.”
They continued eating in companionable silence. She started to mentally review the lesson she had planned for that evening as she debated whether or not to have another pot sticker. Keith took the decision out of her hands by dropping another one onto her plate.
“I’m a lot closer to Lex’s and the zoo than you are,” he said.
“Sure,” she agreed, assuming he was concerned about her inconveniencing them. “I can meet you two there if it’s easier.”
“It makes more sense for you to stay here tomorrow night after the concert and we can leave together the following morning to pick up Lex.”
She started choking on her sip of Diet Coke. He didn’t stop chewing as he casually reached over and slapped her on the back. It had hardly been a proposition, but it may as well have been. Her heart was racing.
“I suppose that does make sense,” she said when she could breathe again. “I’ll have to figure out what to tell Aria.”
“You never sleep elsewhere?”
She snorted as she used her chopsticks to pick up the pot sticker and take a bite. “No.”
“What about with family?” he asked after a brief pause.
She made a face. “I’d rather not lie. Do you think it would be a big deal if I tell Aria that I made plans to take Lex to the zoo and I asked you if I could bunk on your couch so I don’t have to drive across town?”
“She’ll probably think it would make more sense for you to ask Lily and Archer to stay at Archer’s place.”
“Not if I don’t want to intrude on their together-time.”
He looked at her as he swallowed his last bite of curry. “I guess.”
She smiled. “Okay.” Her smile faded as another thought occurred to her. “Oh, wait. Nikki isn’t going to like that.”
He shrugged abruptly. “Don’t worry about it.”
She again poked at her food as she worried about Nikki discovering that she was staying overnight. It would surely help ease Nikki’s ire to inform her about it beforehand. Keith didn’t seem so inclined though. Was it worth trying to convince him?
“Christ,” he grumbled, picking up his empty plate and cramming it into the empty food bag. “We’re not together anymore, all right?”
She blinked, wondering how he knew what she was thinking. “All right,” she said automatically, not complaining when he took her plate and tossed it into the bag, too. “When did that happen?”
“Earlier today,” he said, getting to his feet with the garbage.
She collected the remaining leftovers to put in the fridge, following him into the kitchen. “Oh. Is that why you seemed unhappy when I got here?”
“No. I was pissed off because you didn’t tell me about your visit with Lex.”
She almost said Oh again but managed to restrain herself. Her mind whirled as it tried to process this huge news.
Oddly, her first thought was that she had to remember to text Lily the first chance she got. She knew her friend would want to be prepared to address the breakup on social media.
Her other reactions were shamefully selfish. First came a giddying sense of elation. Now her secret lust for Keith wouldn’t be quite so sinful.
Then it occurred to her that just having that thought was sinful because she was taking pleasure in what had to be a painful experience for Nikki. Basically, she was just one huge sinner.
That didn’t keep her heart from doing a dance of delight in her chest.
She tried to keep herself under control. It wasn’t like anything was going to happen, she reminded herself. She and Keith had nothing in common. He wasn’t even attracted to her. He begrudged her for being the single person who knew his deepest secret. Her family
would disown her.
Get a hold of yourself, Sydney, she scolded herself.
Keith placed the leftovers on an empty shelf in the fridge and pulled out another couple of sodas while he was in there. He handed her the Diet Coke before shutting the fridge door with enough force to rattle the contents inside.
“Why did you give her the T-shirt for Lex?” he asked.
Her eyes widened. “Nikki told you?”
“No, she didn’t fucking tell me. Believe it or not, I’m smart enough to have reasoned it out myself.”
She watched him snap open the can of soda in an irritated gesture and suspected he wished it was her neck. “I was just trying to help.”
“Help with what?”
Feeling foolish with his penetrating gaze on her, she focused on the top of her soda can as she fiddled with the tab opener. “She was upset. She said she felt like she was trying to learn ASL for nothing because you would never introduce her to Lex. I just thought...”
“You thought you would help her manipulate me?”
Sydney was baffled that he sounded more stunned than angry. “Of course not,” she said. “I just thought it might help Nikki get closer to you if she had the gift for Lex.”
Something wavered in his gaze before it went wintry. “That’s what normal people consider manipulation, Sydney. I wouldn’t have guessed you were capable of it.”
Her heart wrenched in her chest over what she sensed Keith was hiding beneath the layer of frost in his eyes. She had actually hurt him.
How had a favor turned into this?
In looking at it from his perspective, she could see why he felt this way. She had given Nikki a powerful tool to try and change things between her and Keith. It was like a brisk slap. She couldn’t ever remember feeling so low.
“I wouldn’t have either,” she said quietly, setting the unopened can on his counter. “I should have thought of how you’d feel when I made the suggestion to Nikki. I can’t blame you for being angry. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m sorry, Keith. Really.”
She turned and headed to the dining table, collecting her things with the sensation of Keith’s gaze boring into the back of her skull. It just about killed her to know she had managed to hurt him. It wasn’t something she thought she could do to someone with his thick skin. She had come to appreciate his friendship, too. She couldn’t believe she had screwed up so badly.
She hefted her bag onto her shoulder and headed to the door.
“Where the hell are you going?”
She glanced at Keith and saw he was frowning again. He had his Coke and her unopened soda can in his hands.
“I thought...you still want to study?”
“I said I was pissed, you apologized. Why the hell wouldn’t we study?”
It really was that simple with him, she realized. Her family could turn every nuance of conversation into a perceived slight or sin and bear a grudge over it for all eternity. Keith’s rapid turnabout threw her completely for a loop.
“Okay,” she said, walking back and once again setting her things on the table. “Then I’ll tell you what. Since I overstepped and upset you, you can ask me three questions today and I’ll answer them, no matter what they are.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Do you really want to walk through that door?”
“Probably not, but as you like to say, fair’s fair,” she said as she took a seat. “Make ‘em count, Mr. Connors.”
Chapter Fourteen
Keith took a seat across the table from Sydney. He studied her over his can of Coke as he took a sip and debated what to ask her. She looked so earnest in her light pink sundress and matching cardigan with her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She was making this almost too easy. After what she had pulled with Nikki, though, he figured she deserved to be put in the hot seat.
Seriously, encouraging Nikki to use Lex to get to him? What the hell had she been thinking?
As she had said, fair was fair.
“All right,” he said. “When did you get your first kiss?”
She rolled her eyes. “How did I know you’d decide to go down this path?” she asked with a grin. “I was eight. His name was Jimmy Voegle and we were playing Truth or Dare. He dared.”
“Really?” he said dryly. “That’s how you’re going to play this?”
She shrugged. “It’s the truth. But if you’re going to whine about it, I got my first real kiss when I was twenty-one. I was a late bloomer.”
That wasn’t big news. Sydney had told him enough about her childhood to know she’d had a sheltered upbringing by two rather tyrannical-sounding parents.
“Details,” he said.
“I don’t recall saying there would be details.”
“Do you recall when you manipulated—”
“Okay, okay,” she said. “Talk about manipulation. Sheesh.”
He just leveled a stare at her. She sighed.
“My first kiss was from my first boyfriend,” she said. “It happened on our third date.”
“And...”
“And what?”
“Did you enjoy it?”
She paused as though to reflect on the experience. He could have told her that he had his answer just by her hesitation but he was curious what she’d say.
“It wasn’t what I expected,” she said at last. “I think my expectations were off from all of the romance books I read. I expected this magical moment and it really...wasn’t.”
While he’d never expected or experienced what he’d call a magical moment himself, he understood what she meant about something falling short of expectations. Part of him was thrilled by her answer. He refused to look at that part of himself too closely as he took another swallow of Coke and debated what to ask her next.
“Tell me about the first time you had sex,” he said.
Her cheeks instantly flamed pink. He was big enough to admit that it was the response he’d been shooting for. There was something twisted inside him that enjoyed trying to tarnish her halo.
“That isn’t a question,” she hedged.
He gave her a bland look. “When did it happen and did you enjoy it?”
“That’s two questions.”
“And you’re evading them.”
Her forehead furrowed. He knew she was weighing her embarrassment over her promise to answer his questions. He fully expected her to keep her promise.
She didn’t disappoint him.
“It was on my twenty-second birthday with the same guy,” she said. “And I don’t really remember the experience, so I can’t say that I enjoyed it.”
His amusement died. “What?”
She ran her fingertip around the rim of her soda can, her gaze focused on the movement. “I’d had some champagne with dinner and...well, it must have gone to my head.”
Ice formed in his gut. “Are you sure you had sex?”
“Yes. There was...yes.”
He didn’t think he’d ever been so shocked in his entire jaded life. “Sydney, you were—” The word raped danced on the tip of his tongue, but when she looked at him with her guileless blue eyes, he found himself unwilling to shred the last veil of innocence he saw there. “Ah...you were twenty-two, huh?” he finished lamely.
“Yeah. Like I said, late bloomer.”
He had no idea what to say. Eventually he managed, “Did it, uh, get better after that?”
Christ.
“There was no ‘after that.’ He broke up with me the next day. Seems it was just as disappointing for him.” She gave him an awkward smile. “Now that I say it out loud, it occurs to me that I should have had this story at the top of my humiliations list.”
He didn’t respond. What could he say?
She pushed to her feet and made a production of smoothing out the front of her skirt, looking down rather than at him. “You’ve exceeded your question limit,” she said. “We’ll get started on today’s lesson when I get back from the bathroom.”
Keith watched h
er go, her youthful ponytail swinging as she walked. And he knew if Sydney’s ex-boyfriend had been standing there right then, he’d cheerfully slaughter the son of a bitch with his own two hands.
Did Sydney know what really happened that night? Did she know the guy she’d considered her boyfriend had in all likelihood drugged her just so he could take her virginity? Then—Jesus—he’d had the balls to dump her the next day?
Happy fucking birthday.
Feeling mildly ill, he rose and dumped the remainder of his soda down the kitchen sink. He grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with ice and water from the fridge door. His gaze shifted to the hallway leading to his bedroom and bathroom.
He didn’t believe in regret. It was a wasted emotion. But he did wish he could go back in time and stop himself from asking Sydney such personal questions.
He had told himself she deserved it because she had plotted to manipulate him. In reality, he knew Sydney didn’t operate that way. She had wanted to help Nikki and that was it.
In short, he’d just put her through reliving what had to be the worst night of her life for no reason other than she did someone else a favor.
He was halfway through his glass of water before Sydney returned. There was no mistaking the telltale signs of recent weeping he saw on her face. Despite that, she offered him a small smile as she took her seat.
“Okay,” she said, reaching for her teaching materials. “Fact of the day...I’m allergic to bees.”
Her attempt to act like nothing was wrong was harder to watch than if she’d broken down and wailed. She could have refused to tell him what her first sexual experience had been like. She could have lied. She could have spewed it all out and called him an asshole for bringing it up in the first place. All would have been justifiable in his mind.
Instead, she had told him the facts in spite of how much they wounded her and then had cried in private. Until then, he’d never thought of her as particularly strong.
He did now.
“Sydney,” he said, catching her attention by touching her hand. When she gave him a quizzical look, he continued, “I was twelve when I got my first kiss. Her name was Gretchen Raddy and she was two years older than me. I went in so hard that I cut her lip open with her braces and got her blood in my mouth, which made me throw up on her shoes. To this day I can’t eat rare meat.”