“Casey…” The last syllable of his name sounded like the air being let out of a tire, only the tire was my lungs, and I was completely breathless. My heart raced, punching at my already-constricted chest like it wanted desperately to break free and run into his arms.
Casey’s left cheek lifted with the corner of his mouth for a lopsided grin, which he topped off with a wink that made my breath catch. “Where you been all my life, darlin’?”
Jesus, there was something about Casey Michaels that always made me go weak in the knees and get all girly. It was an involuntary reaction no other man had ever been able to evoke from me. I didn’t hate it, but I couldn’t say I liked it, either. It was fine, maybe even cute when we were kids, but as a grown woman, I preferred to feel like I had at least a modicum of control over my own body’s reaction to a person’s presence.
If the way my feet sent me flying across the room and into his arms before my thoughts could fully process what was happening was any indication, it was clear that control was something I lacked.
Casey caught me – because he always would – and I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in. That familiar aroma of salty air, motor oil, and hard work was a combination that couldn’t be bottled, but would always be home. I was safe, though I was confused as to why knowing that was such a relief. What did I need safety from?
The question I asked him was muffled thanks to the tight hold I still had on him and my refusal to let go for fear he’d disappear if I did.
Casey laughed and nudged me back a little. “I have no idea what you just said, but my answer is yes, darlin’. It’ll always be yes.”
“You will? You’ll have my babies?” My voice was laced with a fake hopefulness that Casey would undoubtedly understand, because he got me like no one else ever would.
My oldest and dearest friend, who just happened to also be the man of my dreams whom I’d chosen to leave behind in favor of a career, looked away with a wince. “Damn, it’s gonna hurt when I try to push them out,” he said, almost contemplatively, before he turned back to me, his mind made up. “But you’re worth it.”
We both laughed, as did Ma and Da.
“Seeing you two together and still acting silly is making me feel so much better already,” Ma said, sitting up.
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. “Nice try, old woman.”
Ma gasped. “Casey, don’t let her be so mean to her mother,” she said, pouting.
Casey threw his hands up into the air as he crossed the room to her. “You know she’s just going to do the opposite of what I say, Anna. I figured that out our freshman year when I tried to talk her out of trying out for the football team. She was too hardheaded to listen.”
Leaning down, he kissed Ma on the cheek as she said, “Not hardheaded enough. She got knocked unconscious during the first practice. Served her right for not acting like a lady. I blame you, Duff,” she said, pointing at her husband. “Always roughhousing her and treating her like the son you never had.”
“What did you want me to do about it, woman? She liked football better than dolls and tea parties. And that was just fine by me. Look at her now. My girl is representing the best of the best, and can get me any autograph I want.” Da gave me a nod of his head as if to say he was proud of me. I knew he was. Neither of my parents ever missed an opportunity to tell me so.
I groaned, tired of being in the spotlight. “Enough about that. What are you doing here, Casey?”
“You’re my favorite girl, Cass. Where else would I be?”
Every girl in town wanted Casey Michaels, and I was his favorite. That kind of untouchable status tended to make a girl feel special. But we were no longer together, so I didn’t want to send mixed signals.
“Ah, that’s sweet, but you could’ve seen me in town when they release Ma in a couple of days.” Because of that whole “not wanting to send mixed signals” thing, I couldn’t tell him that I was glad he was there then and now. There was something to be said for knowing your safe harbor was within reach when a chaotic ocean was tossing around your insides like a boat headed for a rocky shore. Thank you very much, Shaw Matthews.
Da jumped in, pulling me back to the business at hand. “You’re not staying here another night. The boy’s here to take you home.”
“To San Diego?” I was confused, and pretty sure I hadn’t purchased a round-trip ticket. I’d been prepared for the worst case, so had everyone else, but Ma was a tough cookie. Still, she’d be out of commission for quite some time and I’d need to stick around to help out for a while.
“You can only have one home, and San Diego ain’t it, kiddo.” Da strained to get up, the chair creaking right along with his own aging bones. “Stonington is. Always has been, always will be.
“I’m perfectly capable of staying here and taking care of my wife, but my patience is too thin to be waiting on a bunch of strangers hand and foot and cleaning up after them. So you go do that, and I’ll bring her home when she’s able. Or when they kick us out because she’s nagging too much.”
“Duff Whalen!” Ma scolded him.
“See? It’s already started,” he said.
I didn’t feel right about leaving Ma in such a vulnerable state, but I knew Abby would need the relief. It was my duty as the daughter to step in and take control until Ma was back on her feet, and I wouldn’t let them down. Besides, it wouldn’t do a bit of good to argue with the old man. Truthfully, I was too exhausted to anyway.
Casey took my chin between his fingers and stooped to eye level. “You look tired,” he said, still able to read my mind as if our brains had been connected by cables. And then he gave me a conspiratorial smile that said he knew I was in need of rescue even though I’d been back only a short time. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”
I returned his smile. Because he was my knight in shining armor. Because he always put others before himself. Because he was my Casey. Because he wasn’t Shaw Matthews.
The short forty-minute drive to Stonington seemed like twice that. Maybe it was because with each mile that brought us closer, the further we seemed to warp back in time. For me anyway. Stonington was my past. Casey Michaels was my past. Yet there he sat to my left, a vacant distance between us, like someone else was occupying the space and keeping us apart. My own emotions started to warp through time as well, those timeworn but familiar feelings and habits threatening to resurface. The old Cassidy would’ve reached across the space that separated us to take his hand. She probably would’ve even scooted across the seat to snuggle into his side and drape his arm across her shoulders. It would’ve been easy to do. As easy as breathing and just as natural. Sort of like slipping back into a favorite pair of faded jeans and an oversized sweatshirt after a long and stressful day. And God was I ever tempted to do it.
But I wasn’t that Cassidy anymore. The Cassidy I’d become felt the tension in the air, and it was so uncomfortable that it was almost claustrophobic, as if I was sharing a confined space with a stranger. How was that possible when this stranger knew me better than anyone else ever would?
Casey and I had grown up with each other. Our parents were the best of friends. They had done everything together. We had done everything together. From childhood playmates that laughed, cried, and fought – not only for but also because of each other – to teenage lovers who explored everything else together. He knew my most intimate secrets and I knew his darkest fears. Our lives were more intertwined than the knotted roots of a century-old oak tree, and the bond every bit as strong.
A prickling of awareness danced across my skin. I knew he was staring at me, but for some reason I was paralyzed at the neck, unable to do anything but look straight ahead. Maybe it was a defense mechanism, a trick of the brain for my own good; one meant to keep me grounded and looking forward instead of back. After all, Casey was Stonington’s secret weapon.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or do I need to tickle it out of you?” Casey reached across the space I’d
been unable to breach to lightly poke me in the ribs.
I flinched with a playful giggle, more for his benefit than mine. It was just like my childhood boyfriend to use silly antics to lighten the mood and defuse what was quickly shaping up to be an awkward situation.
“Stop.” I smiled and batted his hand away. “What do you mean what’s wrong? Isn’t it obvious? Ma’s in the hospital.”
“And?”
“And I’m worried about her.”
“Bullshit,” was his simple response.
“What, bullshit?”
“You saw for yourself that she’s fine.”
“She hasn’t been taking her medicine. It bothers me that they haven’t had the money for it and didn’t ask me for help.”
“Cass, have you really been gone so long that you’ve forgotten how proud islanders can be? Come on, darlin’, you’re one of us, and probably the most stubborn. What would you have done if you were your ma?”
While it was true he had a point, it didn’t mean I had to like it. “I would’ve tried to figure it out on my own, too, I guess.”
“Oh, I know you would have,” he said with a confident grin, and then the grin fell as his brows furrowed and he looked at me, then the road, and back to me again. “Something else is wrong. What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
For some reason, the question immediately brought back the memory of Shaw’s face the last time I’d seen him. Which was in an empty apartment he’d kept for pretenses only. I’d confronted him on his secret life, a life I’d made it my business to expose only to end up feeling terrible for having reopened a wound he’d tried to keep closed. For all his posturing, he had been nothing more than a fraud. He’d made everyone believe he was something he wasn’t: a self-made man with enough money to show off, unprecedented influence, and a celebrity list of friends and clients that made him nearly as famous as they were.
In reality, Shaw Matthews was an underprivileged kid who’d been forced to survive the unsympathetic streets of Seven Mile in the heart of Motor City, USA. And he’d never known the love of a parent. It was sad and pathetic, through no fault of his own. And I’d passed judgment on him, assuming things I’d had no right to assume. I didn’t know anything about the man I had shared my body with – repeatedly – but never my heart. And while I was busy fucking him on almost every available surface, my parents had been enduring a financial struggle I’d known nothing about.
Oh, how the self-righteous will fall.
“Stop being so hard on yourself,” Casey said, again reading my thoughts. Which had me wondering how much he could see. If he knew about all the things I’d done to Shaw, all the things I’d let Shaw do to me, it would break his heart.
I tilted my head and looked at him, trying to see if I could get a read on whether or not he was involved with anyone. But Casey was a master of disguise, quick with a distraction if he thought someone was trying to figure out something about him that he wasn’t ready to let him or her know. His go-to diversion for me was yet another one of his famous winks, the one that made all the island girls swoon. That and his sexy smile were a lethal combination to any human with a vagina. Maybe it wasn’t just humans.
“Is that the smile you use to make all those she-lobsters throw themselves into your traps?” It had been a running theory among the locals that Casey’s success at lobstering was due to his flirtatious nature with crustaceans of the female variety.
Casey’s head fell back with a hearty laugh. “You’re back in town for all of a day, and you’re already making jokes, huh? What’s the matter? You jealous?”
“Not in the least. You might want to watch out for that crusher claw, though. Pretty sure it would be murder on the genitals. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.”
We both got a good chuckle out of that, and it felt damn good. Normal. For the first time since I’d landed, I was carefree again. That was my Casey. He was the only person who’d ever been able to successfully pull off the “simmer down, miss” with me. And he made it look so easy when even I knew it wasn’t.
“Maybe you should take one back to California, sneak into your boy’s, Shaw’s, place when he’s sleeping, and slip it under the covers with him. With any luck, he sleeps in the nude. That’ll teach him to mess with you, huh?”
And just like that, my happy bubble burst – right in my face – leaving me feeling sticky and uncomfortable. No matter how I tried to block that man from my thoughts, I couldn’t escape. Even Casey, whom I considered my safe haven, was speaking his name and causing all sorts of doubts to rise to the surface. What was he doing in my absence? Who was he doing? Probably a couple of beach babes with collagen-filled lips, hot pink fingernails, and bleach-blond hair on a yacht he spent a year’s salary on just so he’d look good to anyone who might be watching. The pompous, superficial bastard.
“Damn, darlin’. What did he do to you?”
I turned back around to find Casey staring at my white-knuckled fists balled up in my lap. Embarrassed by my reaction, I released the hold and placed my palms down on the seat instead.
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing.”
“That didn’t look like nothing to me.”
“Shaw got the partnership,” I admitted. It wasn’t the full truth, but close enough for me not to feel guilty. “I guess I’m a little resentful of it.”
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry to hear that. I know how much you wanted it.”
Yeah, I’d wanted it pretty bad. According to Shaw, I’d wanted it bad enough to sleep my way to the top. Though that wasn’t at all what had happened, nor was it ever my intention to do so. I had done something much worse. I’d slept with Shaw. Multiple times. And whether I wanted to admit it or not, I’d started to care about him. Maybe a little too much.
God, how could I be so stupid?
I must have said that last part out loud because Casey reached over and took my hand, sending jolts of warmth to my very core. “You’re the smartest person I know, Cass. Whatever happened, I’m sure it wasn’t anything you could see coming or you would’ve cut it off at the pass. You’re crafty like that.”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth, that Denver Rockford had chosen me to be his agent and that I’d won the partnership, but couldn’t accept the win because of the call for me to come back to Stonington. Even though it wasn’t something within Casey’s control, I knew he would still count it as a failure on his part. He always had and always would feel responsible for me.
I rested my head against the cold glass of the window. God, I was tired.
“There’s more. Talk to me, babe.”
My head bobbed back and forth with the bumps in the road. “It’s just… It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I hate to break it to you, darlin’, but it sure sounds like it does.”
We started the descent into downtown Stonington and nostalgia took over. Nostalgia and claustrophobia. “No, it doesn’t. Shaw Matthews is no longer an issue in my life. I have more important things to worry about, like getting Ma better so I can just go home.”
“Same ol’ Cassidy. Always running away.” Casey gave a lighthearted laugh, but I felt the weight of his comment.
“I didn’t run away,” I mumbled, because I really didn’t want to have the same conversation we’d already had, like, a million times.
Sensing my mood, Casey suddenly changed the subject. Thank God. “So we have a celebrity in town,” he told me with a giant starstruck grin. I’d never pegged Casey Thomas for a fan girl.
A snort of “yeah right” escaped me. “Funny. Celebrities vacation in places like Aspen or Bora Bora, not Maine.”
“They do when they’re an author looking to get away to finish a book that just happens to revolve around a sexy lobster fisherman looking for love,” he said with a waggle of his eyebrows.
“Oh, yeah? Well, she’s definitely in the wrong place for that,” I said, and laughed.
 
; “Hey!” Casey chastised, only slightly offended. “I can be sexy.” He flexed his pecs Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson style, and all I could do was shake my head and laugh again.
That was my Casey. God, I’d missed him.
CHAPTER 3
Shaw
Sleepapalooza had been one of those events during which I was so out of it that I’d never recall the time I’d lost. Though I was sure my very long trip cross-country had been the true culprit, the amazingly comfortable bed I’d found myself in when I awoke surely hadn’t helped matters. Neither had the soft sounds of boat whistles, waves, and bird cries from just outside the picture window in my room. A room I hadn’t even had the chance to check out before I’d fallen face-first into bed… how many hours ago?