Alec skipped up beside me and I slanted him a pleased look under my lashes. “Shut up,” I mumbled, but could not help the smile that tugged up the corner of my mouth.
Both palms shot up in innocence. “I knew he’d let you know somehow.” At my puzzled look he said, “I see now that your culture is different to ours. Conall guards your honor, and Breandan cannot openly speak for you. Why is the riddle though?”
Alec led the way out of the shifters camp and into the tall grass. As I walked, I let my palms brush over the prickly tips.
“He has before,” I murmured to myself.
“Conall seems to like him, but won’t give his blessing on your mating. Why?”
My mouth opened to deny this then snapped closed. Breandan had openly defended me when Lochlann had considered trading me over to Devlin for a month of peace. And he’d…. It was like a mental slap. That was the only time he had openly spoken for me, and the result of that had been his oath breaking. Did that remove the fear of having to choose between his brother and me? The trust and devotion in the action was mind-boggling. Was there more to it than I had initially understood? Gods, I had not thought much about anything because stuff happened so fast, but Breandan had turned his back on everything he had known to protect me. What did it mean? Fairies were tradition conscious and had a high concept of honor. If Breandan had broken away from his family did that mean he was no longer able to lay a claim on me? Unguh. That made no sense. He believed that we were destined to be, that he was born for me, so why would he throw his life away on a distant threat from a beloved family member. By rights, Lochlann should be the one courting me. He needed me, and my power, to help bring back the balance, and keep the favor of the people. Could he have ordered Breandan to step aside? He had plainly said he expected us to mate.
No. Oath sworn or not, Lochlann retains the right to claim me over Breandan if he becomes High Lord. So that couldn’t be it … not entirely. Breandan had been upset that he had seen me first and that the bond sparked between us. He’d known a month before we met what was going to happen, so he was not surprised, if anything subdued and resigned. Was he still fighting against the bond? Was that the real reason why he stopped himself getting closer to me? Did he expect it to be broken so Lochlann could claim me as fairy law required?
I stopped dead and Alec walked out of sight before he came crashing back, looking panicked. Seeing me frozen with thunderstruck expression he did not speak.
Is that what Lochlann and Conall thought too? That the bond could be broken? Was this why he asked me to be discreet, and why Conall was so hell bent on ensuring we were? My tie with Tomas made it clear Breandan and I could still be separated, though I got the impression it would be emotional and physical torture. No. That could not be it. Breandan wouldn’t let that happen! He’d broken his oath so he could have me. It was his only choice. He could not stay sworn to his brother and mate me when it was his Elder’s right to have me.
Conall thinking this way, I could understand to some degree. He was Lochlann’s right hand man, and loyal to a fault. Despite my love for Breandan, he would try to save me for his chosen lord. Were Breandan and my Elder doing some secret power play behind my back? On one hand was Breandan trying to strengthen our bond, and get to know me, whilst on the other hand keeping to the rules giving Conall no option but to accept our time together as he’s not actually overstepping any lines? Uh, I was confusing myself. I thought about what Breandan had told me at the lake. Of course, in public he could not stake his claim. I could show him favor, but he could not show it to me. Oh. Perhaps Conall didn’t voice his disapproval before because he was unsure of what he felt between Breandan and I. When we first met, he’d told me he sensed something odd around me, but he did not know what it was. When he had found out, Devlin opening his big stupid mouth trying to trade me for a month of peace, he had said nothing to oppose our bond. Then again, I guess it wasn’t really the time for him to talk to me about such things. When he had tried to broach the subject yesterday I’d refused to listen, too wrapped up in Breandan. And my fairy was more than happy to get in the way of such a conversation, after all, I could still turn my back on him, and leave him with nothing.
How did I not see this? The tension between the two boys made perfect sense now. So did Conall’s magic appearing act every time Breandan came more than two feet near me. He thought he was protecting me.
But what was Breandan’s plan to make this okay? He had been honest in the beginning, and on Lochlann’s return he had told me his brother was not happy. But he had been sure he could make him understand, make him accept us.
That did not seem to be happening, in fact, the opposite.
The idea of being with Lochlann was horrifying. He didn’t care for me at all. He had openly admitted my heart belonged to Breandan. Would he really condemn himself to an unhappy mating for the sake of the High Lordship? Would he hurt his younger brother that way? I knew him to be stuffy, and cold, but even he could not be that cruel.
I waved Alec on, not wanting to share my revelations until I had worked it through a few more times.
We’d reached the edge of the grasslands and were lightheartedly jumping over the low grown shrubs and bushes that unexpectedly shot up to become young trees at the edge of the forest. Alec seemed to be following a specific trail since he took us in a curving, zigzagging path that went deeper into the forest then back out again into the grass.
“You going to Change?” I asked absentmindedly.
“I’ll stay human for a while. My senses aren’t as good, but I want to enjoy what’s on show for a while longer.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
I did not get it. “Can’t you see as a cat?”
“Can’t see colour and you are extraordinarily colorful.”
He leered at me and I snorted. It was relaxing to muck around with someone.
“Where are we going?” I asked grumpily.
He pointed across the grass in no particular direction I could see; only that we would be entering the forest again, and that was good enough for me. I breathed in deeply, enjoying the rich smell of soil and green things.
Alec himself smelt nice too, sort of like sweet grass and warm animal. With his dark hair and green eyes he was not ugly either, by the way the shifter-females reacted quite the opposite. He had a pleasantly square head and was unshaven. His body hair was raven black, like his cat form, and he was long of torso and short of leg. Byron said he was the Pack Omega, second-in-command, and I understood why. Despite his youth he had a commanding air about him. An innate calm. He was pleasant to be around, and I was glad I was here, even if my body was already beginning to miss Breandan’s touch.
So far the bond had not become annoying, but I wondered if one day always needing my fairy close would upset me.
“You and the fairy are so strange. I’ve never seen your like,” Alee said.
I huffed a sigh even as I felt a pang of hurt. “Being different is not so bad.”
“Your love is cold, awkward. So odd. I would say The Claim between you two is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt, and I am not of your species.”
“I’ve never heard of this before.” My brows furrowed. “The Claim?”
“It is what we call the urge to mark our mate. A sign to others that you are mated to another.” He shook his head as he walked, muttering to himself. “A cold love.”
“Because we don’t cuddle and sigh in each other’s ear – in front of others – makes us cold? The connection between us goes deeper than words or touch. I am bound to him, and he belongs to me.”
I straightened and looked down, incredulous at myself. Did I really say that out loud?
“I never meant to offend you,” Alec said. “I didn’t understand. As cats we’re open in our affection. We see no shame in nudity or excessive displays of courting or passion.” He blushed. “If I felt half as passionate to any female as you seem to feel for him I would not be able to take my hands off her. His gaze rarely lea
ves you, but I thought it was more to do with protection than passion.” He took my hand in his and held it solemnly. “I didn’t understand it was that complicated.”
I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. Neither did I until a few moments before. “Breandan is exercising control. It’s not that he doesn’t want to touch me; he mustn’t to make sure that Conall … his brother needs me to be … uh, it’s messed up. He’s different when we are alone.” From the dubious expression on Alec’s face I was not explaining myself well. “We’re bonded. A rare connection and–” I hesitated, remembering the warning from both Ana and Conall about speaking of the bond freely. That and the fact I had told Lochlann I would be discreet about my relationship with his brother. If Alec ever spoke openly about this to my Elder…. “You can’t tell anyone about this. If you do–”
He tightened his grip on my hand. “I swear.”
I breathed out and with it came a torrent of words. “It’s magic. Pure power. When we don’t touch it starts to build, and we do touch it explodes between us.” I could hear the excitement in my voice. “It’s not so bad when he’s close, a few paces away, but any further and my skin starts to itch, and my mind can’t focus on anything for more than a few moments before it seeks him out. It’s frustrating and exhilarating all at the same time.” I felt a rush of relief. It was good to talk to someone.
Alec chuckled. “Had we met in any other circumstance I fear I would fallen quite in love with you.”
His eyes became distant, wistful.
“Who is she?” I asked. His eyes became hooded, expression clouded. I scowled at him, crossed my hands over my stomach. “I bared my soul to you, time to exercise some faith.” When he said nothing, I rolled my eyes. “I swear I won’t tell.” A ripple of wind passed over me, I shivered. So creepy. “Happy now. You have an iron clad promise sealed by magic. Spill.”
“She is….” He seemed at a loss for words. “She is the sun, the light of my heart. When I run the forest I feel closer to her.”
Well, I was confused. “She’s not Pack?”
He avoided my eyes. “No.”
“Is there any reason other than this why you can’t be with her?”
“She’s never seen me, I’ve never let her,” he said in a low confession. “She will reject me.”
I held up my palm. “Please tell me you’re not stalking some poor shifter-girl as a panther.” His silence told me everything I needed to know. “Gods, Alec! Stalking is not sexy. Breandan tried that crap with me, and I ended up taking a tumble down a cliff, and getting lost, and–” I was getting myself angry. I took a deep breath. “Stop tormenting the girl and man up.”
Avoiding my eyes he mumbled, “I’ve never actually, well, seen her.”
I stared at him. “What are you talking about? How can you be in love with someone but never laid eyes on them?”
“Her scent is everywhere,” he blurted. “In my head and my heart. But you see, I cannot simply look at her. I would not survive it. I would want to Claim her and she would reject me.”
“Surely you can mate with a shifter from another Pack?”
He sighed and looked away. “It doesn’t matter. No one will understand.”
I shut up. He did not want to talk about it and I was in no mood to push him. He inhaled deeply, chest rising and expanding. Not liking the silence I blurted, “I wish I could see the world you do.”
Alec’s eyes bulged, and he shook his head at me, baffled. “You are fairy, Rae. Other demons cannot experience the world as your kind can. You are connected to everything.”
I burrowed my toe into the undergrowth. “No I’m not,” I confessed in a whisper. “I feel better in the forest or when I am near green things, yes, but I don’t feel them. I know that Conall and Breandan do, they almost speak to the land. It sings to them not me.” I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m this Priestess they claim I am. I keep trying to make them see that I bring nothing but trouble. But they laugh and smile as they throw themselves in mortal peril for me.” I thumped my chest. “I’m going to get everybody killed. And y’know what, I will say I told you so. They have made a mistake and they are so stubborn they can’t see it.”
“Horseshit.” Alec gripped both my shoulders as I wrinkled my nose at his language. The visual it brought to mind was not pleasant. “I know you. The first time we met, you didn’t run, hide, or snarl. You stood and faced me, a big stalking cat even when your entire body was trembling. You touched me; you petted me for gods’ sake. Why did you do that?”
I beamed at him. “You were cute.”
His lip curled in disgust. “I choose to forget you said that. You touched me because you knew I meant you no harm. I know this because when you did it was like a flash across my skin, a wave of ... of ... knowing. A crisp clarity that allowed me to be certain I would be safe with you.” He shrugged. “I have never felt such a kinship with anyone but my Alpha, and probably never will again until I Claim my mate. And I’m not the only one. I spoke to Byron last night and he said if you’d not of been present there was no way he would’ve agreed to align himself with the fairies. I, we, the whole Pack feel like we need to protect you. And as much as I would love to say it was all down to your sparkling personality and likeability.” I scowled and he laughed. “I think it’s a chemical reaction. Your brother is right. You are their missing Priestess; our reaction alone would suggest there is more to you than a girl with wings and a tail.”
I harrumphed. “I still wish I could see the world better. Sense things better.”
“It’s only a lack of focus, Rae. You are a bit of a scatterbrain. Flaky.”
My mouth dropped. “I am not flaky.”
“Close your eyes.”
I did as he asked. “What next?”
“Quiet yourself and be still.”
Okay, I could do that. Be quiet and still. It is not like it was hard to stand and be. I made a small noise of annoyance. They treated me like a baby. I was not dumb. I rubbed my hands on my legs where the slash of my jeans used to be, anxiously. How long was I supposed to stand still for? My tail thumped my shoulder, and I flexed my wings, enjoying the light stretch. I peeked an eye open and flushed.
“How the hell was that quiet or still, Rae?” Alec rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Your tail and wings were everywhere. Your hands could not stay in one place. And whilst I’m sure Breandan gets a kick out of watching you rub your own body I would suggest not doing that in front of other males. You made odd humming noises and you ... well ... twitched. A lot.” He pursed his lips, shook his head incredulously. “No wonder you have trouble controlling your magic. Isn’t it all about focus and patience? If you cannot stand totally still and quiet for less than a minute, how do you plan to cast spells? Or be still enough to track a mouse through the undergrowth in a storm.”
I was bright red and flustered. He was right, of course, but still it was embarrassing.
“Twitchy seems a bit harsh.” He prodded me in the side, in the shoulder, laughing. I slapped his hands away, giggling. “Okay fine, maybe I’m twitchy. Stop making fun of me and help me.”
“I already have,” he said proudly. “When you can learn to be still in your mind and body you will learn how to control your body.”
“Gods you demons suck. You never give me anything decent. Always I have to go away and work on control, or patience, or awareness.” I yanked at my hair. “I think I may scream if I don’t learn something I can use soon.”
Alec stopped laughing and eyed me in disappointment. “Have you considered you aren’t improving as fast as you could because you’re resisting what you’re being told? What if you stopped and listened? If you tried what you had been taught you’d learn more and faster.” He nodded at his own words. “Fairies learn fast.”
“Unguh, whatever,” I grumped bad naturedly and stomped off.
Yes, he was right, but it was galling he felt the need to say that to me. Did I not listen to what I was told?
My boots fared well in the forest, and I was able to move with surprising ease. Hearing Alec behind me, I moved into a jog, which in a flash became a run. Hearing him pull behind, I slowed, knowing he would not be as fast in human form.
It was easy to forget that shifters were essentially humans who had evolved differently, like witches.
“You like to run,” Alec panted at my elbow, bent over with his hands to his knees. “That was a flat out sprint, impressive, and as much as I want to give you time to cool down, my head would get torn off if anything happened to you.” His hand landed on my shoulder and spun me round. He looked deadly serious even with the colour high on his cheeks making him look boyish. “So don’t do that again, okay?”
Opening my mouth to lash him with words, I took a moment to think on it. I gritted my teeth because he was right. Damn it to hell. I nodded sharply.
Alec returned the nod, went to speak but his mouth opened, and stayed there, his whole body locked up tight. His fingers dug painfully into my shoulder and he closed his eyes. His head snapped round and he wrapped his hand around my upper arm to hold me still. I shifted, crunching leaves under foot and he snarled at me quietly, eyes glowing, the pupils becoming slitted. His canines lengthened as I watched. His nose flattened even as his chin lengthened and his ears pulled back, smoothly curving to triangles. He snarled again, crouching.
He did not need to tell me trouble was close because I heard a sharp intake of breath on the wind and dropped to the ground myself. Instinctively I reached to the Source, a sun of brilliant light and heat that seemed nowhere and everywhere, a power that was mine to grasp despite how foolishly I had used it in the past.
Alec sniffed deeply, tasting the air and shuddered. “How did they get so close? Sentries are posted across the Pride border.”
A hoof fall was within normal human hearing distance, and the warm smell of hay and horse curled into my nostrils. I listened carefully and heard the steady clomp, clomp, clomp of horse hooves.