I sat up and blinked. “Wait, spawned?”
Conall shook himself and focused on my face rather than the middle distance. “I am sorry. I forgot you do not know the history of such things. Rae, we all came from one Source.” He cupped his hands together. “At the beginning of all things there were fairies. From them the species diversified. Over the year’s genetic quirks and mutations created whole other species to walk the earth. We loved and guided them, loved them despite the differences, and their lines flourished.”
“That’s why the Priestess guards the balance. Fairies were the first beings.”
Conall nodded. “We are honor and magic bound to take care of this world. It is why we feel so connected to it. To nature.”
I slumped. “Ana told me Sorcha broke the balance. I had hoped she was overreacting.”
Conall bowed his head. “Our family is … we are the only purebloods left from our line. We must fix this.”
He sounded so tired when he said that I crawled forward and placed a hand on his knee. “Must? It’s our choice. We can choose to leave this region. Find a new home.”
He gave me a small smile. “If we do not make our stand here where in the world could we hide? This is our purpose and we shall meet it with pride and courage.”
I leaned back on my heels, plucked at the shorter grass by my sides. “It’s not fair you’re dumping all this responsibility on me. I understand that by blood this Priestess thing was unavoidable, but why can’t I pass my title on to someone more worthy. More … responsible and suitable. Like, abdicate, or something.”
“It does not work that way,” Breandan said. He stared at his hands as if they held answers to all questions. “We are chosen, and we do the best we can with what we are given.”
“I don’t want this,” I said firmly. Biting my lip, I fisted my hands on my knees. Screw it. “What I’m asking is for you both to leave the region with me. We can find a new home.”
I did not look at either of them. Yes, I was ashamed, but I was more afraid of not asking. The power and strength I had felt that morning when I had used the amulet of power that morning was gone. And though I knew what my purpose was, I was terrified of it. How could I do this? I barely knew how I was feeling half the time. I did not think five minutes past my own nose, and more often than not concluded running away was the best way to resolve my problems. Okay, yes, I was getting better at standing and fighting, no doubt if Breandan or Conall was in danger I would give everything I was to save them. It was everything else that worried me. Could I stand and fight on behalf of a race I had yet to come to love?
A finger tapped my chin up. I tried not to cry, and looked away from Breandan’s knowing gaze. I did not want to feel comforted.
“We will be with you,” he said softly.
“To the end,” Conall added.
Their words held so much love yet they gave little comfort.
“Tell me what to do. Please. Point me on the right direction because I’m lost, Conall. I’m sinking and I can’t pull myself out. Something inside me is dead, festering. I can’t reach that place where everything is okay. I see darkness and it kills me.” I closed my eyes. “Lex is dead; she is dead because of me. Maeve nearly died because of me. Breandan nearly died because of me. Why aren’t you seeing a pattern yet?” My voice became angry at the end. “I’m no good at this. I’ll fail.”
Breandan said something in a low voice to my brother. He replied curtly and stood, patted me twice on the head lightly. The gesture was so joyous you would think I’d told him a storm was blowing in.
“All will be well,” he said. He seemed to consider something for a long time then his muscled chest heaved with a sigh. “Rae, the trail has gone cold.”
The abrupt switch in conversation topic had me scrambling around for a moment before my anger bubbled and churned. “You’re lying.” Even as I said the words I flushed, but kept my stare defiant.
Fairies could not lie – except for me, and I had been told eventually even I would be bound to speak nothing but the truth. A fairy’s word once given was law. So my previous statement had been churlish at best.
Conall ignored the comment, flicking his hand through the air as if brushing his hurt aside. “Give me time.” He speared Breandan with a warning glare. “She needs sleep.” Then he was gone.
Chapter Two
I stared after Conall and pressed my lips together.
“He will find the trail if it is to be found,” Breandan said after a terse pause. “We have had so little time to talk and to be together … will you not look at me?”
I exhaled through my nose and fisted my hands on my knees. Turning so I faced him I nodded once. This was true. We had had no time to get to know one another, and surely it would do no harm to forget about Devlin and focus solely on the boy in front of me.
With a hot flush creeping up my neck, and a too hard thump of my heart, I realized this might be harder than I first thought. I was … shy. He was intimidating, and though I should feel comfortable with him when I tried to meet his gaze my eyes fell to his lap. I got uncomfortable because I stared at his crotch, but then I started to think about staring at him so blatantly, and it made me curious as to what his reaction would be, so then I did stare on purpose.
Breandan said and did nothing. He watched me quietly, and was seemingly content to just sit with me.
I could not fathom why I wanted to rub myself all over him. The urge was starkly primitive and astounded me even as I acknowledged how absurd such a thought was. Wasn’t I supposed to want him to kiss and caress me tenderly? What I wanted could in no way be considered tender.
I was not brave enough to stroke him so boldly – yet – still gripped in the vice of my own embarrassment. Scooting close, jerkily, I placed my fisted my hands on his shoulders and waited for him to take the lead.
He noted my silence and hesitation with the briefest of smiles. He trailed his fingers over the base of my wing pinion making me gasp and arch into him. I trembled. My face hovered in front of his, so close his eyelashes brushed the curve of my cheek. I trembled again.
He blinked and asked, “Are you frightened?”
I gulped and found myself unable to hold his gaze, liquid silver and shimmering with amusement. I was a whole lot of things, but frightened was not one of them.
“You’re going to have to work for me,” I said breathless, and backed up until I was half crouched. My lungs filled properly and I felt light headed. I lifted my chin. “You want me? Come get me.”
There was a beat where he withdrew from me completely. My awareness of him winked into nothing and his face clouded over. I felt a split second of panic that swiftly became wariness. Breandan stood, uncoiling from his seat oh so slowly, and paced forward. His nature exploded in a gush of heat and fierce possession to suffocate my own into obedience. Still not willing to bend, panting, I stepped back and held up a hand in warning. He took another measured step and grabbed my hand.
“Are you sure you want to play this game?” he asked in a rough voice that had my eyes widening and my stomach clenching tight.
He had a feral way about him I’d not seen before and I felt his nature caress mine in such a way it would have been indecent if he decided to mirror in the touch as a physical manifestation. He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed each of my fingertips before bringing my baby finger into his mouth and biting it gently.
“You are most beautiful to me Rae,” he murmured and did it again, harder this time.
Dazed, I tried to catch his eye. “Say-say?” The high chime of my voice had taken on a new quality. It was throaty, husky even.
His expression was intense and he cupped my face in his hands like I was delicate, but he did not repeat himself, and I was more interested in touching than taking. I moved forward, pushed him back down so I could straddle his lap. My face felt hot but I was determined to see this through. Leaning into him, I rubbed my cheek against his and made a soft hum at the back of my throat.
The sensation of his firmer skin stroking against mine felt good. I shuddered and leaned forward further to rub my entire torso against him, aware of the soft curves of my body as they glided against the rigidity of his. He pushed back and I made a noise – my thigh muscles tightening around his – and acting purely on instinct, enthralled by the sight of his skin pulsing faintly the tip of my tongue flicked out to slide over his earlobe.
His body froze and he choked on his own air mid breath. And I swear even his heart skipped a beat under my palm.
Pulling back slightly so I could look down on his rigid profile, I waited; worried I had pushed it too far.
With maddening slowness, he placed a hand on my waist and another on the nape of my neck. He pulled my head down and my lips met his. I moaned, a sound that reflected the ache I had heard about – but never felt before – spreading across my hips. We kissed softly – lips barely touching – almost as if he was sampling. Then it changed and Breandan pushed me down on the yellowed grass and grazed his teeth along my neck, shoulders, running his hands all over me. I arched into him, loving his weight over me. He was hot, skin ablaze, and when he touched me the fire licked from his fingertips. I pulled him closer, wanting not the slightest space between us. It was natural for my legs to lock around his back by the ankles, hands tugging at the waistband of his trousers. Breandan’s hand pushed my dress up and he stroked my navel, lower. I made a noise and bit his lip. It was inexperienced and my caresses were more of an enthusiastic fumble, but I did not care. Gods, I did not care.
Then he was gone and I was groping the air, legs cocked skyward. I must have looked like an upturned beetle. He was sitting up face a dull shade of red and body strung tight like a bowstring.
“I apologize,” he said quietly. “I should not have let things get so out of hand.”
Annoyed, I rolled onto my stomach and snatched up a twig. I scratched sharp, jagged shapes into the dirt. Stabbing and prodding the earth in front of me with my hand balled into a fist.
“Rae….”
“Just don’t, Breandan.”
The ache was still there. Was there an off switch? Why did I still feel all squirmy and warm?
Sighing, I threw the twig away and twisted into my back so I could see the sky. A few birds zipped past and I saw something small and furry clambering its way up a tree trunk. I closed my eyes and rubbed my face on the grass, wishing it were something else … rather someone else. The grass prickled my skin making me itchy and released a nutty fragrance as they did so. I stretched, enjoying the feeling of the muscles in my lower back and arms popping. I had been scrunched up so tight against him, locked in a bubble of breathy moans and hushed whispers, that lying there felt ungainly.
Already the niggle I felt whenever he was not touching me became uncomfortable. Ana the white witch had warned what could happen if we were separated for too long. I was not sure I was ready to put her words to the test. That and the story of the couple that had bonded before us had scared the crap out of me. The last time the nexus had opened between Breandan and I, there had been intense light. We had only been apart a matter of minutes. Only the gods knew what would happen if it was to open when we had been apart for hours. Surely we needed to practice being apart to gain some kind of control over this connection between us.
I inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. I remained still and focused on being calm. This was a new feeling – the want – but I had spent years controlling my nature without knowing what I was doing – that I was repressing the fairy in me. This was just another urge to control.
Breandan touched my ankle lightly. The ache lessened and the annoying niggles telling me to seek him out faded. Gritting my teeth I ignored him.
It was true what Conall said. I did feel stronger, healthier when I was near woods. Here was my natural habitat. Here, I could let my senses roam and relax the constant hold on my fairy nature. I could be as feral and strange as I wanted.
I blinked slowly and my lids took a long time to lift back up. The second time my lids closed and stayed closed. I blinked them open slowly. I was tired and with this admission, I felt disgruntled. Breandan did not look tired at all and I was sure he’d been up much longer than I had. And he’d expended more energy. My eyes felt heavy and I pinched my leg but it did nothing but to leave a pain dulled by sleepiness. Then I noticed that the sun was winking out of sight, and that my sudden sleepiness may not be entirely natural. Was the dark was calling to me? I shot up and swayed when my body fought for me to lie my heavy head back down. I did not want to sleep. I wanted to stay awake, but the dark called, I was certain of it. With a small sense of shock, I realized I was frightened. I immediately reached to place my hands on Breandan’s shoulders and held on tightly, my past resolve to not touch him forgotten.
With a soft sigh of relief, he pulled me onto his lap and held me close. “Let your body rest,” he murmured.
“I don’t want to. The last time I slept I dreamed of,” I paused briefly, “I dreamed of Tomas then when I woke he was there.” I was not afraid of my vampire, but of what happened to me whenever he was near. He confused me, spun me about, and it was easier if he was elsewhere.
“That will not happen again. I have you, rest.”
Pressing a kiss to my temple Breandan gathered me closer in his arms, happy to openly show his affection now we were alone. I noticed that he did not like to be all over me in the company of others. I wondered if that was a fairy thing or a Breandan thing.
Resting my head of his warm, bare shoulder my eyes fluttered closed. I listened to his steady breathing, felt the solid pounding of his heart under my palm. Weariness wrapped round my limbs and tugged. The tentacles of sleep slithered into my mind and a wave of fatigued pulled me under, tumbling, tumbling into the inky depths of darkness.
Then I raced through the forest. I did not the wind on my face or the earth beneath my feet. That was the trouble with being dead; you could not feel anything anymore. How had she managed to warm my heart when it had been cold for over a century?
My stomach clenched painfully. I was hungry, starving. My throat burned and my mouth was dry as ash. Without thinking, I honed in on a heartbeat, strong, pumping thick hot blood through veins.
I breathed in deeply and scented the trail.
Then I saw her, picking some berries. I laughed darkly to myself. One so young and pretty should not be left to gather food by herself.
I quickly and quietly tread closer, so careful. She was not human and would be able to hear or smell me if I made too sudden a movement.
Closer still, I moved.
Her heartbeat sounded like thunder.
She smelled delicious and my mouth watered. My stomach cramped, squeezing tighter. The hunger was so acute I thought it would drive me mad.
My fangs ran out and I licked the sharp points. I hummed with anticipation of burying my teeth into her neck and ripping away the flesh. Drinking, slurping, and licking until the burning ache was satisfied. My hands shook.
I needed to feed.
Hand poised to pick another berry she paused, stiffened.
I stood still and silent. She would not hear me, I did not breathe, nor did I sweat. I carried no scent apart from an earthy-mineral fragrance she would attribute to a plant in the forest.
She sniffed deeply then shrugged, and went back to her gathering.
Slinking forward, I made no sound. I clasped a hand over her mouth to cover her scream and spun her round. I held her terrified gaze with my own. She stilled. I felt her relax under my grip and I let her go. “You are safe,” I thought into her head. Her body trembled and her mind shifted, fought to break from my hold. I controlled it and pushed away her free will. “You are safe,” I thought again and pulled her closer. I did not waste time in lulling her into a deeper calm. Fairies were strong and compulsion never held their minds for long.
She went willingly into my arms and sighed as I bit into her.
The blood was wet, thick and tasted ri
ch with earthy undertones. I drank it greedily, already feeling warmth spread through my entire body. I fed from her and gently moved down with her as her body went limp. Her heartbeat stared to fail. I held on, wanting to savor every drop.
She was pure-blooded fairy.
Delicious.
Lost in the peace of the moment, I felt something, someone. A familiar presence I would know for the rest of my days. Rae? Was she here, with me? No. I pushed the feeling away. She had left me, gone with the fairy male. I did not want her, and I did not care if I would die. Just being with her had nearly cost me my life.
She was supposed to be salvation.
And that was what made my heart bleed. So pure a girl would turn her back on everything to save me. A murderer, a true demon bound to his bloodlust, a slave to pain and desire. How could she want a thing like me was not something I understood … yet I did understand the incomprehensible need to have her near me, as I was sure she felt it too. I needed to see her, feel her beneath me. I wanted to own her, to take her, and reveal the beauty of the darkness we could share.
I would go to her. I would take her away and make her mine. I could still make it work; it need not be the end of her if she came with me.
The girl went still beneath my hands.
Her heart stopped beating.
*
My eyes opened, and I stared into Breandan’s face. From my position, I could see his jaw, clenched, his lips pressed together in concentration. He shifted and looked down at me, aware I was now awake.
“You left your body,” he said, voice strained. “I tried to wake you, but you would not return. Where did you go?”