James quietly came into the room, set down the newspaper he had brought in for her.
Rae looked up, smiled. “How’s Patricia doing?”
James took a seat, grateful to get off his feet. “Contractions are now every four minutes.”
Rae set aside the pad of paper and glanced at the clock. “Six hours. But she’s having a wonderful time.”
“She kicked me out of the room,” James replied, ruefully.
Rae laughed. “Poor boy.”
“Emily and Tom are pleading for a chance to see you. Care to take a stroll downstairs?”
“Sure.”
She looked at him, helpless. “Can you do my shoes?” With the brace, shoes were still impossible to do on her own.
James found the tennis shoes, knelt down, smiled at her as he tweaked her socks. “I think I kind of like you just a little bit helpless.”
She swatted his shoulder. “Don’t get used to it. It’s temporary.” She giggled as he tickled her left foot, tried to pull it back. “Behave, James.”
He put on her shoes, tied the laces. He got up, braced his arms on her chair, leaned forward and kissed her. He loved her blush. “Come on, lady. Time to go get smothered by the family.”
Emily and Tom had drawn pictures for her of Justin so that she could see they were taking good care of her dog. Rae gratefully sat down on the sofa James led her to, then turned her attention to the children. Excited about a new baby, they gave Rae a blow-by-blow account of how their mom had gone into labor while making breakfast.
His new niece was born at seven-thirty that evening. James stood beside Rae at the glass to the nursery, his arm around her waist, looking with her at the sleeping infant.
“She’s beautiful.”
James turned and leaned around the brace, softly kissed Rae’s forehead, comforted by the fact she was with him. “Yes.” They would have children of their own someday. He looked back at the sleeping infant. He wanted to be a dad. He wanted to be Rae’s husband.
Rae settled carefully down on the couch, her muscles trembling at the expense of energy it had cost her to reach this point. Dave had a careful grip on her arm to make sure she didn’t stumble.
She was home.
They had decorated. There were streamers, a cake, a big Welcome Home sign stretched across her entertainment center. Rae had never felt more cherished.
“Okay?”
Rae nodded in reply to the concerned query from James. She was exhausted, but that was to be expected. It was her first substantial trip since the accident. She was still trying to relax muscles that had tensed at the experience of riding in a car again.
James helped Rae off with her jacket. It caught on the neck collar she now wore and he carefully eased her forward, sliding his hands around to free the jacket.
Rae wanted to bury her face against his chest and just be held for a very long time. She missed being in his arms. It was the fatigue as well as the reality that she was finally home that was bringing the tears.
“Hey, what’s wrong, honey?” The soft endearment made her catch back a sob. His hands gently gripped hers.
“I’m okay.”
“Sure you are,” Dave said lightly, tucking a handkerchief in her hands. “We’re glad to have you home.”
She sniffed back the tears. “I’m so glad to be here.”
Lace was the practical one. “Here, this should help. One homemade, chocolate fudge shake.”
Rae laughed and accepted the tall shake Lace had prepared. “Thank you, Lace.”
“Dave, make yourself useful, go rescue the luggage,” Lace told him.
Dave tweaked her hair, but did as she asked.
James settled down on the sofa beside Rae, very conscious of the fact he didn’t want her trying to turn her head and strain her neck. “Come here,” he urged softly, guiding her down to rest against his side. His ribs ached at the pressure and he didn’t care. She was home and she was mobile and he loved her. The limitations they both faced were going to be overcome, somehow, someway.
“James?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m going to fall asleep on you.”
His smile was gentle. “Go right ahead, Rae. I’ll just drink your shake.”
He felt her laughter.
“Rae, what was it like when your parents died?” James asked.
The question surprised Rae and she turned slightly. They were sitting on the couch in her living room watching the credits of a movie go by. She was almost asleep, resting comfortably against his shoulder, his arm around her waist, an afghan thrown across her legs. “Scary. Why do you want to know?”
“Curious, I guess. You never talk about them.”
Rae let her eyes close again, too tired to fight the pull of sleep. “I remember my mom’s friend Gloria came and got me from school. I remember wanting to go to my bedroom and find my doll, the one Mom had made for me. It’s kind of a blur.”
“What do you remember about them?”
“I remember them as being nice, loving, fun. When I got home from school, Mom would take a break from working on her book to join me in the kitchen and share a snack, normally cookies she had baked that morning. She wore perfume I really liked and used to braid my hair for me. Dad I remember as this big guy who used to pick me up and make me laugh. He liked to play checkers and read me stories.”
James squeezed her hand. “Thanks.”
She reluctantly pushed herself up, her hand going to protect her ribs.
“I’m sorry the ribs still hurt so bad,” James said, his hands helping support her movements.
“So am I. I miss getting a hug,” Rae said ruefully.
Justin was asleep on the floor in front of the couch. Rae eased over so she could get up without disturbing him. “Thanks for coming over tonight.”
She sensed rather than saw James disappointment with her remark. He didn’t say anything. She knew her decision to keep some distance between them was bothering him. She didn’t have the luxury right now of giving him the commitment he wanted.
“Lace said she was bringing you over dinner tomorrow night?”
Rae nodded.
“Then I guess I’ll see you Thursday to give you a ride to the hospital. Noon okay?”
“I can call a cab, James.”
“Physical therapy is tough enough without worrying about transportation, too. I can work at a table there just as well as I can at home.”
There was no way she was going to win the discussion. Rae nodded. “Noon will be fine. Thank you.”
He kissed her at the door, a lingering kiss that was touched with regret. “Sleep well tonight, Rae.”
“You too,” she said softly.
She turned off the porch light after his car pulled out of the driveway, walked carefully upstairs. Her muscles still quivered when the fatigue was bad, threatening her balance.
God, please help James understand. I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m too beat up to be able to handle a marriage. I don’t know what I’m going to do about work. Please, help James understand. I can’t be what he wants, not right now. I regret that, but it is the reality.
“Rae, you’re keeping your distance and you really don’t need to. James isn’t looking for a hostess, housekeeper and cook.”
Lace was over, helping Rae clean house.
Rae could do some of the picking up, load the dishwasher, but doing the laundry, mopping the floor, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming—they were all still beyond her stamina.
They were working together on the kitchen, having finished the upstairs earlier. Rae lifted the corner of a Tupper-wear lid, suspicious of what might be lurking inside. She was cleaning out the refrigerator. “Lace, I know that. But just the logistics of planning a wedding, setting up house together, creating a workable routine are beyond me right now.”
“So have a long engagement. Rae, he’s miserable.”
Rae set yet another container of spoiled food to discard in the sink. She had to lean he
avily against the counter to wait for the pain in her back to subside. The accident had left her with a whole new appreciation for how much she had taken her body for granted. “He wants me at his place so he can take care of me.” She breathed out in relief as the pain subsided, carefully reached for the next item on the refrigerator shelf.
“Is that so bad?”
Rae wrinkled her nose at something that was now green. “Yeah.”
Kevin hesitated, holding the sledgehammer. “James, are you sure you want to do this?”
James closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, thought about it, reconsidered for about the ninth time. He nodded. “I’m sure.”
Rae was going to need a walk-in closet. It was a minor detail, but it was important. He wanted her to feel at home here…if, no, when they had a future together.
He had to keep that hope alive.
He was incredibly worried that she was going to continue to keep her distance, not allow the relationship to go forward. She was not willing to let him get close while she was less than fully recovered. She fought the muscles that refused to do her bidding. She fought a body that ached with pain. How well he understood her motivations—a misplaced belief that love would not knowingly place her burden on him. It was the same thing he had done to her.
They were both wrong.
He just had to convince her of that.
Somehow he had to find a way to get her to trust him again, risk a relationship, despite her limitations, despite his.
It took all the faith he had to hold on to that hope.
Kevin knocked out the wall.
“Rae, can I come in?”
James saw her move to rise from where she lay on the couch. “No, don’t get up.”
He joined her in her living room, took a seat across from her, lowered his cane to the floor. Rae did not look pleased to see him. James chose to ignore it. Justin came over to greet him. He reached down to gently tug the puppy’s ears. “Hard day?”
She ran her hand through her hair. “Lace and I went grocery shopping. I don’t think I’ll do that again soon.”
James could see the tremor in her hand from the fatigue. “Some days you will have more energy than others. It will improve with time.”
“I called it quits before we got to the ice cream. Now I wish we had started at the frozen foods and worked toward the vegetables, rather than the other way around.”
James understood exactly what she meant. “I was going to see if you wanted to go out this evening, but I’ll ask that another night. I’ll fix us dinner here.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
Interesting tone. He hadn’t heard this one before. “I’m going to anyway,” he replied, his voice neutral but determined. “Would it help to nap for a couple hours, shake the fatigue?”
“Probably. I don’t want to.”
James grinned, he couldn’t help it. “Rebellion. This is good.”
Rae laughed against her will.
James walked into her kitchen only to find it was a mess. It made him stop, rather stunned; he turned and looked back to the other room, frowning heavily. She was hurting a lot more than she was willing to let on. The rebellion must have begun earlier in the day. Lace would have instinctively moved to clean the kitchen for her. It was not like Rae to toss her best friend out of the house and it would have taken that to get Lace to leave.
James poured her a glass of juice and brought it to her. “Want me to dial Lace so you can apologize?”
She looked rather mutinous as she took the glass. “It’s a private fight.”
He didn’t move from his position standing beside the couch. She felt miserable, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that; miserable and close to tears, and angry at the entire world. “Her work, home or cell phone number?”
“Home,” Rae finally said softly.
James found the cordless phone on the third step of the staircase, and also brought her a box of tissues.
“Lace? It’s James. Rae would like to talk to you.”
Lace sounded as if she had been crying, a fact that made James all the more troubled. James handed Rae the phone, set the tissue box within her reach, and left the room to give her some privacy.
It took about twenty minutes to get the kitchen back in shape. After an inspection of the refrigerator contents, he settled on broiled fish for dinner.
He heard her come to the doorway and quietly set the phone down on the counter. He gave her a moment before he looked up from the asparagus he was cutting. She looked awful after she had been crying. “Everything okay now?” he asked softly, hurting for her.
She nodded. Sniffed. “What did you find?” Her voice was husky.
“Broiled trout, baked potato, asparagus. Sound okay?”
“Yes.”
She sounded so incredibly…sad. Everything wasn’t okay, she was just stuffing the pain. He set down the knife and dried his hands. She was resting against the doorjamb, her hand cradling her ribs, her energy spent. He tipped her chin up, studied her face, saw so much pain in her eyes. He put his arms around her and pulled her gently against him, taking her weight, easing her head down against his chest. He held her stiff frame and gently rubbed her back. Her body finally softened against him.
He felt the first sob ripple through her. “You must hate me!”
The emotion coming from her made him flinch even though he had known it was likely. “I don’t hate you. I love you,” he said calmly. “You’re just tired, honey, that’s all,” he reassured quietly, threading his fingers through her hair. She was exhausted way past the point she could function.
It took a focused effort of all his own reserves, but he leaned down and picked her up. Upstairs was out of his possibility, so he carried her into the living room. He held her through the bout of tears, until the emotion ran its course and she finally cried herself to sleep.
He made her as comfortable on the couch as he could, quietly reassured Justin, and went to fix himself a sandwich. He wasn’t going anywhere.
The phone rang. James caught it before the second ring, checking carefully to see if it had woken Rae. It was Dave. James carried the phone with him to the kitchen. “What’s up?”
“I’m at Lace’s place. How’s Rae doing, James?”
“She’ll be fine,” James assured him with a confidence he didn’t totally feel. “She just got overtired and her ribs are really hurting.”
“Lace said Rae tripped on the stairs when she was carrying in the groceries. That was what triggered the argument, apparently. I gather she’s still refusing to see the doctor?”
James’s hand tightened on the phone. “Rae didn’t mention she fell,” he replied. His voice was level, but he could feel the anger building inside him. That lovable, crazy, irresponsible lady. She could be really hurt and she hadn’t said anything.
He left the phone on the counter after saying goodbye to Dave and strode with purpose back into the living room.
“Rae, there are times I really regret you are so stubborn,” he whispered softly, tucking the afghan around her. He sighed and debated what he should do.
Let it go. It wasn’t worth a fight.
She stirred shortly after 10:00 p.m. Without being asked, he handed her two aspirin.
“Thank you.”
He sat down beside her on the couch and gently brushed her hair back from her face. “You need to eat something, Rae. Feel up to it?”
She seemed surprised when she nodded. “I’m hungry.”
He smiled. “Good.”
She moved to get up, winced.
“Ribs hurt?” he asked.
She looked up at him sharply and reluctantly nodded. She wanted to know if he knew about her fall but she wasn’t going to ask him. He slid a hand under her elbow and carefully helped her sit up.
“I’m sorry it’s so late.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been reading a good book.”
She looked over to the chair he had be
en sitting in, looked back at him. He had been reading her recently written chapters of the manuscript.
“Are they any good?”
He smiled. “Yes.”
He resumed fixing the dinner that had been interrupted hours before. He soon heard her move through the house, and then he heard water running in the bathroom.
She came back with her face washed, her hair brushed. She helped him set the table.
He broiled the trout to the point it flaked apart, found sour cream and chives for the baked potatoes. It was a quiet meal, Rae asking only a few questions about his day. James was content to sit and watch her when he finished his dinner before her. He was glad to see she had meant it when she said she was hungry, and especially glad to see she ate a decent amount.
She helped him carry dishes from the dining room back to the kitchen when they were done eating.
He was reaching for the dish soap to clean the broiler when she paused his movements, resting her hand against his forearm. “Thank you, James.”
He studied the serious expression in her eyes, then he smiled. The mood needed to be lightened around here. He ruffled her hair. “You’re welcome.”
He hummed softly as he washed the pans and she cleared the rest of the table.
“I didn’t crack a rib, I’m sure of it.”
He looked up from the pan he was rinsing off. “An X ray could tell you that for certain.” He didn’t know what he wanted to do, accept her opinion or push the matter.
She shrugged. “I’m clumsy these days, I pick up bruises.”
He understood instantly, the moment he saw that shrug.
She was embarrassed.
She was embarrassed about the fact she was not as steady on her feet as she had been before.
“I’ll buy you a cane,” he replied lightly. “What’s your favorite color?”
She wrinkled her nose at him. “Remind me not to come to you for sympathy.”
He tugged her over with one hand. “You’ll get sympathy, even empathy. Just not pity.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Deal?”
She kissed him back, her arm sliding around his waist. “Deal.”