She looked down and then shook her head. “There’s just…so much going on right now. I don’t know, maybe he’s getting tired of me.”
Raphael chuckled. “No. That is not ever going to happen. My brother’s life seems to revolve around your happiness.” He gave Tory a sincere look. “He’s angry about something but he will get over it Tory, okay?”
She chewed on her lower lip but then nodded her head. “Okay.”
He stood back giving her space to drive away. “You drive safe. Go home and get some rest.”
She managed a slight smile and then she pulled off and drove back to her home.
~***~
The most difficult thing about being in love with a blind man is remembering that his being blind is the least of it all. Being in love with a person with their own individual thoughts, feelings and reactions was just as important of a consideration.
Tory rolled onto her side in her lonely bed and tried to sleep. She tossed and turned before falling into a restless sleep well after midnight.
The ringing of the telephone woke her up and she checked the time, 9 am. She reached for her cell phone and saw that it was Lee. Her heart beat spiked but right before she was going to answer she put the phone back onto her bedside table. Yeah, I’m chickening out. But it was more than that, she was actually a little angry. His rejection last night had been devastating. She wasn’t ready for an angry confrontation—not until she at least had gone to the bathroom.
She used the bathroom, brushed her teeth and then lifted up her night shirt and stared at her stomach. Today she would make an appointment for a prenatal doctor. She had to be healthy because her life was no longer just her own. Too many people depended on her, including the man that she was currently pissed at.
With a sigh she returned to the bedroom and picked up the phone. It blinked that there was one message waiting. She accessed the voicemail and listened with her heart pounding in her chest.
“Tory…I’m sorry. I should never have yelled at you. You’re sick and I’m acting like…I’m happy that my brother Ralph went after you but I’m sorry that it wasn’t me. I want to come over. You need me to take care of you and I need to be with. I’m on my way.”
She jumped up and looked around quickly. Shit! She needed to pick up around the room and to take a quick shower. She hurried around the room picking up clothes and shoes and tossing them into her closet. She thought about how Rosalind had called her house dirty--and it wasn’t but it was untidy. She did a quick walk through of the small apartment, making sure that her parents hadn’t moved anything. She made a few adjustments and then hurried to the shower. She was just finishing up when she heard Lee call her name.
“I’ll be right out!” Tory grabbed her robe and quickly hurried into the living room where Lee was standing anxiously holding a paper sack.
“Uh…hi.” She said.
“Hi.” He held up the sack. “I brought donuts.”
She took them from him and carried them to the kitchen. He followed. “How are you?”
“Uh..fine.”
“Did you get my message?”
“Yeah.” She placed the donuts on the kitchen counter and opened the refrigerator for the coffee. “Do you want coffee?”
“Why don’t you get back into bed and I’ll make the coffee. That’s what I’m here for.” She was prepared to object but decided not to. Walking past him to go back to the bedroom she noticed that he was carrying a pack. Was he moving in? He took it off and placed it in the corner and busied himself with the coffee preparation.
She climbed into bed and picked up the incentive spirometer and sucked on the mouth piece watching the little ball move upward. She suddenly had a fit of coughing and spit into a tissue. Ugh.
“Are you okay?” Lee called from the next room.
“Yeah. Just doing this lung exercise.”
“Good. I’ll be there in a minute.” She rolled her eyes and then resumed her exercise. By the time he appeared carrying a tray with coffee and donuts she was finished and tired and a bit nauseous. She didn’t really want the coffee or donuts. He carefully placed the tray on the bed and she picked it up and put it on her lap while he sat down on the bed facing her. She handed him his coffee and he thanked her and took a sip.
She politely handed him a donut which he munched. And as she watched him she knew that it would be a lie to pretend that she wanted the coffee or donut.
“I’m not hungry.”
He tilted his head. “Are you sure? You can have it later if you like.”
“Okay.”
He took the tray and carefully returned it to the kitchen. When he returned he just stood in the doorway quietly. “I am sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She sighed.
“But I can’t lie. I’m still angry.”
She watched him. “Okay. I guess…maybe I am too.”
Lee took a moment and then nodded. “I told you why I’m angry. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you angry.”
His calm voice was maddening.
“I’m not sure why I’m mad.” She spoke in an equally calm voice.
He moved to the bed and sat down. “Tory, I need to know something and I need to know it right now.”
She blew out a loud breath. “What?”
“Are you going to keep secrets from me?”
She shook her head. “Secrets?”
“Yes. If you’re my extra set of eyes then I need to see what is real, not what you want me to see.”
“God, I get that Lee. I’m sorry, okay! I didn’t tell you about this stupid spirometer and it wasn’t because I was trying to…conceal something from you. I just thought it was a stupid device that I didn’t like using. God it wasn’t a fucking conspiracy!” She climbed out of bed and slammed the covers down. She faced him again. “Look, I’m sorry. If you’re asking me if I’ll candy coat the bad shit then…no. I won’t. But…did you have to call me a liar?”
He sighed. “I’m sorry. Yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t make you a liar. We just have to…understand each other.”
“Well…you didn’t have to just dismiss me in front of your family. That embarrassed me and I have to face them knowing that they saw me get ‘put in my place’.” She snapped. “Don’t ever do that again, do you hear me? Don’t ever talk to me like that in front of your family!”
He nodded and stood. “I’m so sorry. I was being childish and lashing out because…” he ran his hand through his hair in distress.
“Because you can’t control the world? Earth to Lee; Even us sighted people can’t.” After a few moments he reached out and she gave him her hand. He pulled her towards him and hugged her.
“Tory…you deserve so much more than this. You should have someone who can-”
“Take care of me?”
He nodded.
She swallowed. “Would you rather…” She stepped out of his arms. “Would you rather be with someone like Rosalind?”
“Tory!”
“Someone who can anticipate your every need and who doesn’t need to be taught how to care for you? Someone who would leave her husband so that she can be with you in the right way?”
“For the last time, I don’t want Rosalind!”
“Good. For the last time, I don’t want anyone but you. Got it?! I don’t want a guy just because he can see! I don’t want to be in love with anyone but you!”
He looked towards her quietly. His posture relaxed and then he shook his head and chuckled. “I’m nothing if I’m not tenacious in my insecurity.”
She stepped back into his arms. “You have no reason to be insecure when it comes to me. I am completely and totally in love with you—even when I’m pissed off.”
He nuzzled her temple. “So…I guess we can survive arguments.”
“Yes, thankfully.” She cleared her throat. “The question is, can we survive complete honesty?”
He stroked her hair. “It’s what I need. I need to feel like you respect me enough to allow
me to make my own decisions and I need to know that you won’t control me with the information you give me. Tory I need to trust you completely, do you understand that?”
She nodded and squeezed her eyes closed. “Lee…”
“What, honey?”
“I didn’t tell you everything about my rape.” His hand paused in mid-stroke before resuming.
“Okay.”
“I…I didn’t go to the doctor or to the police immediately. I was so scared that I just went back to my dorm and huddled in my bed. As the months went on I began getting sick; back pain, nausea until finally…it got so bad that I went to emergency. There I was diagnosed with Chlamydia.”
She felt him pause before he resumed stroking her hair.
“It had progressed so far that it caused PID, which is pelvic inflammatory disease.” Lee stopped moving and tensed. “I…I lost one of my fallopian tubes to the disease. I had to call my parents and that is the only reason that they knew about the rape.”
She heard him sigh and then he hugged her. “Did you think that I wouldn’t love you anymore or that I would think less of you, querida?”
She shook her head. “I just know that this was something that I never wanted to share with anyone. And that has nothing to do with whether or not you can see. ” She looked at him. “It was a…horrible part of my past and it wasn’t something I wanted to relive.” She felt tears in her eyes. “It doesn’t make me feel…better for telling you that I contracted an STD. It makes me feel dirty and the fact that I lost an organ due to it makes me feel stupid on top of that.” Angry frustrated tears streamed from her eyes and before she gave in fully to her tears, she tried to turn away. Only Lee’s arms held her in place.
“Tory, Shah.”
“I am not a dirty woman!”
“I know that honey.” He cradled her in his strong arms while she cried out her shame against his shirt. “I don’t think that at all. I just think that you were a scared kid that some dirty bastard took advantage of. My poor baby. You’ve been through so much.” He kissed her tearstained face. “I just want to make you happy. That’s all I want. I want to take care of you and I want to make sure that nothing ever hurts you again.”
The tears ended and she allowed herself to luxuriate in her man’s arms. “There’s one more thing to tell you, okay?”
He paused and then stroked her back. “I think I know what you’re going to say. And it’s okay honey. We can adopt. There are so many options. I love you and nothing you tell me will ever change the way I feel about you. Do you understand?”
She took a deep breath. “Uh…yes. But that’s not what I was going to tell you. You better sit down for this one.”
His face was turning pale but he moved to the bed and sat down. She took his hands.
“Lee. We are going to have a baby.”
His mouth dropped. “What?” He suddenly sounded like he was choking as he laughed out loud. But…I don’t understand. You were crying and talking about losing your fallopian tube and I thought you were going to tell me that we couldn’t have a baby!” He jumped up and grabbed her into a tight hug. “But when did you find out?”
She was all smiles when he finally deposited her to her feet. “Yesterday when they took my urine they performed a pregnancy test. They couldn’t give me an X-ray without it, I guess. Well…” She shrugged shyly. “It came back positive.”
The smile froze on his face before completing dropping away. “You mean you found out yesterday? After I walked out?”
“Well…yeah.”
He just shook his head, his expression was distressed and she frowned in confusion. “I can’t believe that I walked out on you like that, Tory. I walked out while you were sick and while you were getting the news that you were having my baby.” His voice grew thick with emotion and his eyes became suddenly bright as he stared at her. “Why in the fuck would you want me, Tory? I am a mess.”
She sat down and pulled him down on the edge of the bed next to her and placed her head on his shoulder. “I can ask you the same thing, honey. Most men that would look at me would just see an overweight, under-employed college drop out...with a pretty face.”
After a quiet moment he nudged her head with his. “Hey, stop talking about the mother of my baby like that. I happen to be very attracted to overweight, under-employed college dropouts with pretty faces.”
They sat that way for a while, quiet, holding hands and thinking about how lucky they were to have each other.
“Tory…”
“Hmm?”
“I need to show you something.”
She looked at him. He seemed worried. “What baby?”
“I need your computer.”
She led him to the computer. She had the built in voice activation turned on so that he could use it to check his emails. He sat at her desk while she watched him peck away expertly.
“Is everything okay?” She asked.
He looked up at her. “Yes. I found this and when my parents were here I showed it to them. They really loved it and…I do too.”
She watched the screen with a frown on her face. Suddenly it cleared when she saw what it was. A house. On Flores Island.
He waited tensely. “What do you think?” He finally asked. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “I take that as a yes.”
“I’ve listened to you talk about this Island paradise but I didn’t think it would be possible to live there. I mean you have the job-”
“Which I can do anywhere.”
“What about your brothers and sisters?”
“You know…they are kind of the incentive for this move. I kind of want to get away from them.”
“You are joking?!”
“I am…but not entirely.” He pulled her down into his lap. “I just want our children to have the freedom that I had. And maybe I believe in that saying; Vou morrer pra minha terra more than I thought.”
I will die in my homeland.
She smiled and snuggled against his neck. “How big is this house?”
“Big enough for all ten of our kids.”
CHAPTER 20
The next weekend dinner was held at Lee’s loft. Lee had stayed several days at Tory’s little apartment, making sure she got rest and used the spirometer--not that she needed his prompting. She had learned her lesson.
They decided that they would announce their intent to move and tell the family about the pregnancy during dinner. It wasn’t easy to keep quiet. Every time she saw Macy, Tory would have a goofy smile on her face and was bursting to tell her.
Tory announced that she didn’t need help cooking and it practically freaked everyone out. Dinner was already prepared by the time the family arrived; collard greens, smothered cabbage, roasted chicken with wild rice stuffing, macaroni and cheese, potato salad and corn pudding. Desert was a red velvet cake that she baked from scratch using her mother’s recipe.
She found it humorous that the women just stood there with looks of uncertainty plastered across their faces because they had no tasks to accomplish--which was not the case with the men. The men gathered around Troy’s computer and found something sports related to watch—chairs pulled from other areas of the loft. Soon they were happy in their own worlds.
Tory gave the kids some board games to choose from and some coloring books and crayons that she had picked up from the dollar store and once they were preoccupied she grinned at the ladies. Her grin was even broader because she had not invited Rosalind and didn’t care if she felt snubbed!
“So ladies, sit down. I’m going to get wine for us and then I need your help.” They looked at each other curiously as they sat on the couch, loveseat and some fold out chairs that Lee kept for just these occasions.
She brought out several bottles of wine, including some club soda for herself, and once everyone had glasses full she pulled out wedding catalogues. Now everyone was oohing an ahhing.
“Who needs a wedding planner when I have all of you for sister
s?” She chuckled. By the time she called everyone to dinner they were so engrossed in planning the wedding that no one wanted to stop to eat. They had already determined the wedding day—barring some unforeseen event with the church. She had selected the style of wedding dress that she wanted as well as the style of bridesmaid dresses and a maid of honor dress for Macey who proudly accepted the role. Senna was going to set up appointments for cake tastings and Francie was already preparing the menu. Kaye offered to find a reception hall and Fiona and her daughters wanted to do the decorating. The bigger children then begged to help and of course Tory couldn’t imagine not allowing them in on the fun.