‘Seventy-six points,’ she said, hitting her clock. Then she cackled loudly. ‘Try beating that, midget.’
OK. She was nothing like Nana Ruth.
I looked at my tiles, and that’s when I started to panic: ‘EIOIXKM’. All I could come up with were dinky words, like ‘HEM’ from her ‘H’, or ‘MIME’ from her ‘M’. My clock was ticking. I knew there must be other words, but I couldn’t see them. Across from me, Betsy was clicking her false teeth and making funny noises with her throat, and I was pretty sure she was doing it on purpose. I could feel my stomach lurch again and I felt like I needed another poo and this was only one minute into the first game.
Then I remembered what Amanda had taught me, about breathing and positive imaging. I figured it was worth a shot. I started breathing in slowly and exhaling slowly. In my mind I pictured a babbling brook, but that was too hokey, so I tried to picture Amanda without her top on, which I know was kind of sinful (especially since Cosmo liked her), but it made me feel much better and kind of warm all over, and I didn’t even hear Betsy’s teeth anymore. After what felt like three minutes, but was really only thirty seconds, I opened my eyes and looked at my letters. The answer was right there in front of me. Calmly I picked up my ‘E’ and my ‘X’ and placed them in front of ‘ANTHEMS’, with the ‘E’ on the triple word score to create ‘EXANTHEMS’.
‘Sixty-three,’ I said, and hit the button on the clock.
She snorted. ‘I challenge.’
So we walked over to the nearest ‘Word Judge’ computer and she punched in the word. I was feeling pretty pleased because I knew it was good, and it was. It was the plural for ‘a skin eruption.’
Betsy lost her turn, and boy, was she miffed. She was miffed when, later in the game, I got the ‘Q’ tile and played ‘QUIT’ and ‘QI’ in one turn, getting the points for the ‘Q’ on a double letter score twice. She was miffed when I played ‘ORACH’ and she challenged again and lost another turn. Meanwhile, she placed a lot of good words, too: bingoing again with ‘OPOSSUMS’ and ‘URETHANE’ and building ‘AA’ and ‘SH’ when she laid down ‘POTASH.’
But I won – 348 to 322.
Betsy wasn’t happy. I reached across the table to shake her hand, but she ignored that and said, ‘Since when do they let smartass kids into these tournaments anyway?’ Then she stormed away as fast as her walker would let her, which wasn’t very fast.
Across the room, Cosmo, who’d just finished his first game, gave me an inquiring look. I gave him the thumbs-up. He gave me the thumbs-down, but as usual, he didn’t seem upset that he’d lost his first game. I noticed that a lot of the players spent any time left over after a game to analyze it, discussing words they’d played and words they should have played. Aside from the odd person like Betsy, it was a pretty friendly atmosphere.
Game Two I played against a tall wiry guy with bad skin, whose name was Kamal. A fedora was perched on his head. He played really well, but he took a long time, so even though his score was higher than mine at the end, he had forty points taken off for going four minutes over. I won by six points. Game Three I played against a friendly, chatty lady about my mom’s age, with beautiful dark skin and thick black hair. She laughed a lot and banged her forehead with the palm of her hand whenever she made a bad play, which was kind of often. I beat her easily, 318 to 251. Game Four I played against a shy man who couldn’t even make eye contact, and, to be honest, he had really bad breath. He was from Seattle, Washington, and he wore a faded, rumpled two-piece gray suit. He crushed me 357 to 275.
Still, it had been a great morning. I’d won three out of my four games. When Cosmo heard the news, he thumped me so hard on the back, I almost fell over. He’d won one of his four, but he didn’t seem to care. In fact, he was in a great mood because Amanda had agreed to have lunch with us.
It was a beautiful day. Cosmo had packed us a big picnic lunch – cold fried chicken, dolmades (that he confessed his mom had made), a baguette, cheese, and some huge homemade cookies (also made by Mrs E). A lot of players had questions for Amanda, so I took the picnic basket from Cosmo, who was waiting patiently for her.
‘I’ll find us a spot in the shade,’ I said. Because I burn easily, I put up the hood on my red sweatshirt as I walked away. On the playing fields, games were breaking up and new teams were arriving.
I found us a perfect spot under a big maple tree. Just as I was about to put the basket down, I heard, ‘Look, it’s Little Red Riding Hood on her way to Granny’s house.’
I knew that voice. And that voice made me freeze.
Sure enough, when I mustered up the courage to unfreeze and turn around, I saw Troy jogging toward me. Mike and Josh weren’t far behind. They were all in their soccer uniforms and, from the large sweat stains on their shirts, I knew they’d just finished a game.
‘Guys. Long time no see.’
‘Look at him,’ said Troy, talking about me in the third person. ‘He’s still a total fag, prancing around with a picnic basket.’
‘It’s almost as bad as his hot pink fanny pack,’ Mike added.
‘It’s not my picnic basket. It’s a friend’s.’
‘Ooh, a friend’s. Is he another homo like you?’ Josh said, and they all cracked up.
‘I’m not gay. Although I have nothing against people who are—’
This time, Josh shoved me first.
‘OK, listen,’ I said, trying to reason with them. ‘I never should have pretended you guys were my friends. It was stupid. But you did try to kill me, so why don’t we say we’re even and call it quits—’
Mike shoved me next and I almost fell over the picnic basket.
‘Don’t,’ I said.
‘Hey, Josh, open the picnic basket,’ said Troy. ‘Let’s see what Hambrose and his faggot friend are having for lunch.’
‘Yeah, I’m starving,’ Mike said.
Josh made a grab for the picnic basket, and suddenly one of the moves Cosmo taught me flashed before my eyes. I blocked Josh’s arm with my own.
‘Leave it alone,’ I said. ‘My friend put a lot of work into that.’
‘Screw you,’ Josh said, and he tried to grab the basket with his other hand, but I blocked that one, too.
Then Mike and Troy made a move for the basket. I blocked it with my body and went into what I hoped looked like some kind of karate pose. I tried to make a convincing sound effect to go with it, like ‘Heee-yaaaa!’ Then I picked up the closest weapon I could find, which was the baguette.
Troy made a grab for the bread, but I just started swinging it like I was some kind of ninja, complete with a whole pile of sounds, like ‘Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’, and ‘Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.’ They covered their heads and I jabbed them with the loaf. The most amazing part of it was, I wasn’t scared. Cosmo’s self-defense lessons had actually helped. I just had to believe in myself.
Then Troy shouted, ‘You’re crazy,’ and he grabbed the baguette out of my hand and snapped it neatly in two. He threw the bread onto the ground and then he punched me in the stomach, hard.
OK, so believing in myself isn’t enough, I thought, as he came at me again. But this time another one of Cosmo’s moves popped into my head and before Troy could punch me, I brought my arm back, just like Cosmo had taught me. With all the force and energy I could muster, I swung my fist forward.
And my fist connected.
With Troy’s nose.
It made quite a satisfying sound.
‘You turd!’ Troy shouted, as he grabbed his nose in pain. I saw that it was bleeding.
I won’t lie. It felt pretty good – no, it felt awesome – to see him standing there with a bloody nose, after all the grief he’d caused me. But it only felt good for a moment because it was still three against one. I figured I was officially a dead man.
But I must’ve really messed up Troy, because the next thing I knew, he started backing away. Mike and Josh followed him. I couldn’t believe it. I’d single-handedly scared the Three Stooges into backing down. I
couldn’t resist shouting after them, ‘And from now on, leave me the hell alone!’
I picked up the two baguette halves and brushed them off, then I started to laugh.
‘What’s so funny?’ I turned to see Cosmo, walking toward me.
‘You’ll never guess what happened,’ I said. ‘I scared off the Three Stooges with a baguette and a punch in the nose.’
Cosmo smiled. ‘Good for you, buddy. And three against one.’
‘Your self-defense lessons really worked, Cosmo. I blocked some of their moves, and my swing, when I hit him – I wish you could’ve seen it.’
Then Amanda joined us. I guess she could see I was walking on a cloud because she asked, ‘What’s all the excitement?’
‘Our lunch was in peril and I saved it,’ I told her, then I repeated the entire play-by-play action for them both. Amanda wasn’t happy that I’d punched a guy in the nose, but that was OK. I didn’t really expect a woman, especially a woman who didn’t know the Three Stooges, to understand.
But Cosmo understood, I could tell. He kept getting me to show him my swing during lunch.
Which was delicious. The mental exertion of the tournament, combined with the physical exertion of the fight, had made me ravenous. Four pieces of chicken, two cartons of milk, five pieces of bread with cheese, and three cookies later, I lay back on the grass and belched.
It wasn’t until we were heading back inside that it dawned on me why Troy and his friends had really run away.
They’d seen Cosmo coming. It was him they were afraid of, not me or my baguette or my right hook. I suddenly wondered if Cosmo had been watching the whole time, waiting to see if I needed him to step in and save me.
But even if he had been, it was OK. Because I’d stood up to the Three Stooges. I hadn’t been scared.
And best of all, I’d thrown a pretty good punch.
The afternoon went really well. I won my first two games, lost my third, and won my fourth (against Joan, but since we shared food issues, she didn’t seem to mind).
I’d won six out of eight games. Cosmo had won two out of eight, but he was grinning and laughing and having a ball. I felt absolutely wiped, like I would pass out right there and then on the cool gym floor. But we couldn’t leave yet; Amanda still had to give out the prizes.
There were four divisions. The top three players in each division won cash prizes. The biggest cash prize was five hundred dollars, given to the winner in division one – Freddy Wong, a Scrabble legend from San Francisco. Larry Schell, from our very own West Side Scrabble Club, wearing the same stained sweatpants and sandals without socks, came in second and won three hundred bucks.
Amanda also gave out some funny awards, like the ‘Hardest Day’ award to the player who’d lost the most, and the ‘Highest Scoring Non-Bingo Word’ award.
When I thought she was finished, I stood up to stretch my legs. But she wasn’t.
‘I also have a couple of special prizes to give out,’ she said. ‘The first one is for the “Most Promising Newcomer.” And I think everyone in the West Side Scrabble Club will agree when I say that this award goes most deservedly to Ambrose Bukowski, age twelve and three-quarters.’
The West Side Scrabble Club members all started to clap loudly. Me, I didn’t do anything; I stood frozen to the spot. Joan, who was sitting beside me, gave me a friendly nudge, and Cosmo whistled through his fingers from across the gym.
I barely remember the long walk up to Amanda at the front. It felt like I was trudging through molasses, or mud, and my legs were numb and there was a ringing in my ears. She handed me a trophy. It had a wooden base, on which sat a little silver cup. A brass plaque read MOST PROMISING NEWCOMER, VANCOUVER SCRABBLE TOURNAMENT, AMBROSE BUKOWSKI. The print was small so they could fit it all onto the plaque.
I had never won anything in my entire life. It felt like a great big rubber ball was rising up in my throat.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered. Then I ran from the gym, my legs working just fine again. I dashed into the men’s washroom and locked myself into a stall and burst into tears.
23
SWEDCRE
crews, weds, creed, sewed, weeds, drew, dew
SCREWED
‘THIS WAS THE best day of my life,’ I blubbered, as Amanda, Cosmo, and I left the community center just after six.
‘Well, you sure have a funny way of showing it,’ Cosmo laughed. But he put his arm around me and patted my shoulder.
We arrived at Cosmo’s car. ‘Can I offer you a lift?’ he asked Amanda.
‘Actually, some of us are going to Milestone’s,’ she said.
I could tell Cosmo was trying not to look disappointed. ‘Oh. OK.’
‘But we could all go,’ she continued.
Cosmo’s frown turned upside down. ‘I’d like that,’ he replied.
I glanced at my watch. Mom’s cooking course ended at six and it was already five minutes to. ‘I think I’ll take a pass,’ I said. ‘I’m pretty tired.’
They drove me home. ‘Want us to come in?’ asked Amanda. ‘I’d like to meet your mom. It’s a shame she couldn’t make it to the tournament today.’
‘You can’t meet her,’ I said. ‘She isn’t home yet.’ Which wasn’t a lie.
Cosmo let me out of the backseat. ‘You did amazing today, buddy. You should be very proud.’
‘You’re going to wind up with a rating of close to four hundred,’ Amanda said. ‘It may not sound like much, compared to the experts, but for your first one-day tournament, it’s pretty darn good.’
I hopped out of the car clutching my trophy and waved as they drove away, feeling a twinge of sadness that I couldn’t join them to celebrate.
And that’s when another miracle happened, the second one in less than two weeks. My cell phone rang.
‘Hello?’
‘Ambrose?’ It was my mom. ‘I tried the house, but you weren’t there.’
‘No, I’m just out front. I went for a little walk.’
‘You didn’t talk to any strangers, I hope.’
‘No, Mom.’
‘Listen … we’ve finished the cooking course, but Bob was wondering if I’d like to go out for a quick bite to eat. Italian, of course, ha-ha. But I said I’d have to check with you first. If you’d rather I didn’t—’
‘Go. Of course you should go,’ I said, and I really meant it for her too, not just for me. ‘When will you be home?’
‘By ten at the latest. I promise.’
‘OK,’ I said, and I was already running down the street.
‘You’re sure you’re fine with this?’
‘Positive.’
‘Why do you sound out of breath all of a sudden?’
‘I’m doing jumping jacks,’ I said, because it was the first thing that came into my mind.
I heard her laugh on the other end of the line. ‘OK, sweetheart. Love you.’
‘Love you, too.’
I hung up and ran like the wind in my Ikes, all the way down to Milestone’s at Bayswater and 4th Avenue, thinking that this was the second time in two weeks that a Higher Power had been watching over me.
I ran so fast that Cosmo and Amanda were just walking through the front door when I arrived.
The best day of my life turned into the best night of my life. There were about twelve of us in all. Mohammed and Joan and Larry were there from our club. Freddy Wong, the champion, showed up. A bunch of the other out-of-towners came, too. We got the waiters to put a bunch of tables together, and I sat in between Cosmo and Mohammed and right across from Freddy, which was a real honor. Freddy told us all a bunch of stories about being at the World Scrabble Championships two years earlier, where he’d placed fifteenth out of about a hundred top players. He also gave me tips on word study techniques, which I thought was pretty cool of him. He seemed like a great down-to-earth guy, and he even signed my napkin when I asked.
When our waitress approached, I couldn’t help but notice that she had even bigger boobs than Amanda. ‘F
or the young gentleman?’ she said, when it was my turn to order.
‘I’ll just have water,’ I replied.
Cosmo turned to me. ‘Aren’t you hungry?’
‘I don’t have any money,’ I whispered to him.
‘No worries. Buy whatever you want. It’s on me.’
‘But you can’t afford—’
‘I forgot to tell you. I got called into the foreman’s office yesterday,’ he said. ‘Starting Monday, I have full-time work.’
‘That’s awesome!’ I said, then I grabbed a menu and gave it a quick scan. After I gave our waitress the lowdown about my peanut allergy, I ordered a huge plate of fettuccine Alfredo and a Roy Rogers – some kind of fancy cocktail minus the booze.
Around me everyone was laughing and talking and analyzing the plays they’d made that day, and not just with each other, but with me too. It was the strangest yet best feeling in the world to realize that I was a part of this. And as I sat there sipping my second Roy Rogers, it dawned on me that this was what it was like to have friends. People who liked you for you. People you didn’t have to try to impress. And even though they were all older than me and some of them were much older than me, it didn’t matter. Suddenly I felt kind of emotional again. I guess Cosmo noticed because he leaned in and asked if I was OK, and I told him, with total honesty, ‘I’m fantastic.’
Then I went to the bathroom because I really needed to pee after my second Roy Rogers. When I returned, one of the out-of-town players was sitting in my seat, so I sat in hers, which put me beside Larry Schell. I had never sat close to Larry before since he was in the expert division, so it was the first time I noticed that he smelled, like a mix of old socks and rancid butter. I guess he was really enjoying his food because he made a mmmmm sound while he chewed.
I decided I should try to make small talk, so I said, ‘When did you start playing Scrabble, Larry?’
‘I played with Mother, growing up.’ It was hard to hear Larry because he kind of mumbled, but fortunately my hearing was twenty-twenty.