When she saw Olive jerking away from Tiger and rushing down the hall with urgency, she jetted to meet her. “You okay?”
Hysterical, Olive blurted out, “No. He’s never gonna let me go. I know he put me on that list, Octavia. I did what he told me to, and then he sold me out. I just know it. I’m not able to prove it, but I know it, and he thinks I’m gonna go back to him...Never!”
“You don’t have to. It’s over.”
“It’s so easy for you to say,” Olive said. “The fool just threatened me. If I don’t get back with him, he’s made it clear he’ll force me. I don’t know what to do.”
“There’s gotta be another way,” Octavia said, throwing her arms around her upset friend. “You don’t have to give in to a jerk. If he put you on that list, he doesn’t deserve you back...ever.”
“I know that’s right,” Olive said as she lightly bumped Octavia in the arm. “Who do you think put you on the list? Have you figured it out yet? I can’t just let you stand up for me. All of us need to figure out who put us on there, and we need to let them know that they can’t get away with it!”
At that moment, Octavia felt so uneasy. She didn’t want to tell who put her on the list. She knew one hundred percent who did, but if she let it slip in any way that she was the culprit, she knew the girls she’d grown to love would leave her.
Avoiding the drama, Octavia said, “Ooh, look at the time. I better get on to the restroom and get to class. Let’s talk later.”
“Oh, okay,” Olive said, surprised that Octavia started rushing all of a sudden.
Octavia went to the sink in the restroom and splashed water all across her face.
“Why was I such an idiot and placed myself on the darn swoop list?” she said to herself in the mirror. “And why didn’t I come clean with them a long time ago? Now I can’t ever tell them. They’re gonna think I’m phony. If I could just talk to Shawn...I gotta go talk to Ms. Davis. Yup. She’s gotta help me figure this out.”
After Octavia dried off her hands, she left the restroom and went to Ms. Davis’s door. She could see Ms. Davis was in there with another student, but waved. She was so happy when Ms. Davis smiled and put up one finger like, Just give me a second. I’ll be right with you. That’s all Octavia needed. She knew Ms. Davis would help her figure this thing out. She couldn’t sit down and wait. She paced back and forth, wondering how she would even reveal to a lady she held in such high regard what a fraud she was.
About five minutes later, the other student walked out. Ms. Davis motioned for Octavia to come on in. “How’ve you been?”
“Not great.”
“Well, talk to me about it. Sit down.”
Pacing, Octavia uttered, “I can’t sit. I’m stressed. I’m losing everything.”
“What do you mean?”
“This whole swoop list thing. I mean, I almost came right out and said it, but I didn’t actually say it. I think you know that me being on the swoop list...”
“Get it out. Talk to me. And I don’t know any more than what you want me to know. Don’t make any assumptions.”
“Well, Olive asked me who put me on the swoop list. I think they’re all tryna find out who messed them over. You know, at first we were angry about being on there—well, everybody but me. And then you might say, well, ‘why are you not angry about being on there?’ My answer is a mess, Ms. Davis.”
“Okay, you’re not really making any sense. Slow down, and tell me what’s going on.”
“I put myself on the list, okay?” Octavia shouted out and popped herself in the head in shame. “I thought it was gonna make me popular. I thought it’d change my status for good in this school, and I know I’m about to graduate and I shouldn’t care, but I did. I didn’t wanna end up these last months in high school as a dork. So, I embellished. Told some lies about myself to get on the list, and while it was more than what I bargained for at first, because I didn’t like the negative attention, it’s given me four girls who are my BFFs. And for someone who lives with her dad, good girlfriends mean the world. I think we could be close for life, but they won’t desire to associate with me at all if they find out what I’ve really done.”
“You want relationships based on honesty, correct?”
“Yes.”
“And you trust the friendships that you guys are building?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what you’ve done is bothering you. And while you now realize that you probably made the wrong choice in putting yourself on this list, you had some valid reasons at the time for why you felt that was the best way to go.”
“So you think I was right to put myself on the list?”
“No. I’m not saying that at all. But I’m saying now that it’s done, and you’ve got relationships that you care about, focus on keeping them, not on what you cannot change. Your friends are hurting because someone put them on the list, and they think you’re in the same boat. Share the truth. They’ll probably understand more than you think.”
Shaking her head, Octavia said, “What if they don’t understand? What if they kick me out of the group? You know, Olive didn’t even want me in it in the first place. I don’t know. I really love these girls so much. I was excited about this relationship with Shawn. You know, one of the guys who lives in the foster home with Olive, but he’s not even talking to me right now. As bad as that bothers me, it would kill me if I lost the swoop girls forever.”
CHAPTER TEN
Stronger (Pia’s Middle)
Pia was cleaning up their two-bedroom apartment with glee. You would have thought a queen was coming. She was so excited. Today was the day her mother was coming back home from rehab. It had been two weeks. Had her mom been sober when she left, she probably would have demanded that Pia go and stay somewhere other than in their home alone. But because she was not in her right mind, Pia’s mother never asked her where she was staying while she was in rehab, and since it wasn’t brought up, Pia stayed alone.
During the whole time, she wasn’t actually by herself every minute. Stephen, a boy from school that Pia had her eye on, checked in on her, took her to get groceries twice, and kept her company. He was a gentleman. No pressure. No expectations. Just a good friend. As Pia anxiously waited for her mom to return, she reflected on her time with Stephen. Not only was he a hunk, but he was also caring. She secretly hoped to see him soon.
Her mind drifted from Stephen when one of her mother’s girlfriends, Maria, honked the horn outside the apartment. Pia looked out of the window and saw her mother waving good-bye to Maria. Pia opened the door, and her mother rushed to her and hugged her so tight.
Her mom said, “Oh my baby! I missed you. Dame un beso mi hija.”
“I missed you too,” Pia explained, giving her mom a kiss on the cheek.
Her mother was so complimentary, the opposite of what she’d been for the last couple of years. Pia was also impressed that her mother looked so refreshed and rehabilitated. They sat down together at the kitchen table, and they ate the tamales and fajitas that Pia had fixed. More importantly, Pia’s mother told her about her time in rehab.
Smiling at Pia, her mom held her hand and said, “I’m so glad I went. It was hard, but I feel renewed. Thank you for taking care of yourself while I was gone. As my mind started clearing up, I worried about you because I realized you were home alone. I knew you could handle you, but I had to fight to get better sooner than later to be home with my baby girl. What helped was that they gave me your messages. All I needed to see was that you were okay. That gave me comfort. Thinking of you gave me the will to stick with the rigorous program. I made it through. Still a long way to go, but—”
“But, you’re better, Mom,” Pia countered, desperately wanting her mom to be proud of herself.
Her mother nodded. “Yes, and they’ve got a program that helps me find a job. I already put in some applications. I’m going to interview tomorrow for a waitress job.”
Beaming with pride, Pia replied, “You’ll get
it, Mom. I know you will.”
Smiling, her mom said, “But enough talking about me, Pia. I owe you an apology.”
“No, you don’t, Mom. That alcohol was leading you. I understand that.”
“But that’s still not enough. I want to make it up to you.”
“You are. You went to rehab. You’re talking about getting a job. You look better than you ever have. To have my mom back before I graduate from high school is the best gift in the world.”
Shaking her head in despair, her mother said, “Yes, but so much has happened to you that I haven’t dealt with as a mom.”
Confused, Pia flinched and responded, “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I want to file some reports,” her mom said. “If Jim came on to you—”
Getting upset, Pia interrupted defensively, “If? Mom, he did.”
“You’re right, baby,” her mom said with compassion. “And we need to report that. There needs to be a restraining order so that he cannot come over here again. He hasn’t been here in the last couple of weeks, and I don’t want him to come over here again, ever. In addition, those guys who took your innocence, we got to file that, too.”
Standing up and scared to death, Pia said, “But Mom, it’s going to open up a whole can of worms. I’ve already been through the mud, being included on some crazy list at school. We never talked about it because it was so much other stuff going on, but I can’t take what exposing the rape will do.”
Pia’s mom stood beside her and stroked her back to calm her down. “You can’t take it by yourself. But if I’m beside you, we can make it through anything. You deserve to have your honor intact. And those boys who are still out there deserve to be punished.”
With her eyes watering up, Pia said, “Do I have to, Mom?”
Mirroring her daughter’s disdain, her mom said, “Don’t you want to?”
“If you think I should, then I will,” Pia said as she exhaled.
“That’s my girl,” her mother said to her.
As they sat back down and ate in silence, smiling at each other, Pia was proud of her mom. She was talking about dreams, hopes, and goals. She was asking Pia about graduation and prom. She was being a mom. She wanted to avenge the wrong done to her daughter. Pia felt good. If her mother could turn things around, she could find a way to not be scared to file claims against the ones who had wronged her. Now that her mother was better, she could face anything and be stronger.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Destroyer (Sanaa’s Ending)
As Sanaa sat in a counseling session with Ms. Davis and the four other swoop girls, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. As the subject “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” came up, Sanaa reflected on her friendship with Toni. Sanaa had always considered herself a great friend, but she knew she’d really let Toni down. As much as she wanted to detest Toni for the altercation the two of them got in a few weeks ago, she knew it was at least partially her fault.
“What are you thinking, Sanaa?” Ms. Davis asked.
“Yeah, girl, you’re mighty quiet,” Willow stated with a little funk in her attitude.
Nonchalantly, Sanaa uttered, “I don’t really have much to say. I’m cool listening to everybody else.”
“Ah, you got something to share,” Willow said, rolling her eyes Sanaa’s way. “We all being real. Don’t kill the party. I’m telling y’all about my parents’ separation. Olive is talking about how it feels to feel abandoned. Octavia is talking about how back when she was in middle school she used to cut herself because she felt so alone. Pia mentioned her mom just got out of rehab. And you won’t say nothing? We supposed to believe yo’ crap don’t stink? All can’t be right in your world.”
“Ease up off of her,” Pia said, lightly tapping Willow’s arm.
Ms. Davis forcefully said, “That’s right, Willow, be respectful. If she doesn’t want to share, she doesn’t have to share.”
Teasing but serious, Willow laughed and said, “Bull. Come on, Ms. Davis. I’m just sayin’. Either we all going to share and be transparent, or we all need to keep our business to ourselves.”
“Okay, okay,” Sanaa said, frustrated with the pressure. “If you must know, I ain’t saying nothing because I didn’t want to hear what y’all have to say about it.”
“No one here is going to condemn you,” Ms. Davis said with a reassuring tone.
“I know,” Sanaa replied with a smile, “but I guess I felt guilty.”
Everyone was looking at her to elaborate. And even though she still didn’t want to, she knew it might help. So she held her head down, took a deep breath, and looked straight at them.
“Spit it out, Sanaa!” Willow shouted.
“Why you always so brash with everybody?” Sanaa quickly snapped back.
“Because we’re about to graduate, and this has been a crazy year. If we going to have any kind of friendship, we need to keep it real, right?”
“Yeah, Willow, but it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it,” Sanaa told her.
Willow bluntly scoffed back, “So you some baby now? You want me to spoon-feed you the thoughts going through my mind? All of us are sharing and trusting each other with what we say. Why should I be alright with you keeping everything all bottled up?”
Sanaa let the tears well up in her eyes. She said, “Fine! You wanna know my thoughts. I feel like a traitor.”
“Yeah, we know you feel bad that you didn’t tell Toni that Miles liked you instead of her,” Olive said, wondering why that was difficult for Sanaa to share.
Sanaa breathed hard. “No, dang it, this isn’t about Miles. I feel guilty because the close friendship that we are forging, I never had this close a bond with Toni. Bottom line, I’ve let you guys in in a whole lot of ways that I never have with her. And I used to call her my best friend.”
“Well, she’s just a jealous wench anyway,” Willow said.
“Willow,” Ms. Davis added. “Be nice.”
Willow mouthed “sorry” to Ms. Davis and said, “I just want her to ease up on herself. It’s hard to give your heart to somebody you know doesn’t have your back.”
“Right, right, right,” Sanaa said. “But maybe, if I’m honest with myself, it wasn’t just about her being jealous of me. Maybe I was jealous of her too. I think the competition went both ways. We both were competing with each other. I wasn’t trying to hurt her when it came to spending time with Miles, but—” Sanaa became extra emotional.
“It’s okay,” Ms. Davis said when Sanaa couldn’t finish her sentence.
Whimpering, Sanaa said, “I just want to be a better person, ya know? And I care about each of you guys. I give all of you my all, and it’s not about a competition. I know how blessed I am to have you all. Though I truly detest that we got here from being on that crazy list, I know I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And I don’t know if I can salvage anything with Toni because I blamed her for so long for everything. I now see that so much of it was my fault too.”
“Girls, if you don’t want to repeat bad patterns in your life,” Ms. Davis began, “sometimes it’s good to look out the back door of your life, sit there for a minute, and think about your past mistakes. Not to make yourself feel bad, but to figure out how to be better than your bad choices.”
They all nodded. Sanaa really took in Ms. Davis’s wise counsel. What was done was done, but her past didn’t have to break her.
As soon as they finished their session, Willow asked Sanaa if they could hang out. The last period of the day was about to end. Sanaa was shocked that Willow was so warm and fuzzy. Willow had moved on. Sanaa loved that they could vent with each other and not hold grudges.
“Sure,” Sanaa said. “I just need to take care of something. I’ll meet you at my car, and we can grab something to eat and chat.”
“I didn’t mean to come off so mean,” Willow said. “That’s just me, ya know, a little brash. I’m working on it.”
“I got you.”
br /> Sanaa went to Toni’s classroom. When the last bell rang and Toni came out, Sanaa tried to call her over. Toni walked the other way as soon as she spotted her, so Sanaa jogged up behind her.
“I just wanted to apologize.”
“What? For scratching up the back of my neck?” Toni yelled as she pulled her hair up to show Sanaa her marked-up neck.
Sanaa frowned. “No. For not being a best friend.”
Toni stuck her finger in Sanaa’s face and shouted, “Well, how about this, I don’t want your stinky apology! Shame on me for allowing you into my world. You let me down, but I’m not going to let you do it again. I don’t want or need your pitiful friendship. Stay the heck away! You are a taker and a loser and a destroyer!”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Bigger (Willow’s Ending)
Willow watched with a broken heart as Sanaa’s ex-best friend just told her off. Willow had so much going on in her own life: problems with Dawson, the embarrassment of leaving the dance team after the swoop list came out, and now the sadness of her parents’ separation. In spite of all that, she still had a big heart for what was going on with her friend.
Willow cared deeply for Sanaa, so much that she went over to her and said, “I’m so sorry, girl.”
Sanaa tried to hide the hurt, but then she fell into Willow’s arms and cried. “It’s all my fault she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. But thank you. You and I just fussed, but yet here you are, being there for me. I don’t even deserve your friendship.”
Sanaa cried harder. Willow patted her back. She wanted to remove Sanaa’s pain. Willow was shocked that she felt that type of connection.
Willow tried to encourage. “None of us really deserve anything. I guess when I look back at my own mistakes, that’s one thing I know. We all fall short. The stuff my mom preaches is in me. We just all need to do better so we don’t fall as short continually. I wish I had a friend like you.”