“I seem what?”
His gaze caught hers again. “Frail, timid, shy. I’m not at all sure you are up to the challenge.”
Bessie pressed her lips together. Appearances could be deceiving. Would a frail, timid woman even have come this far? She thought not. “Why are you saying this now? Why didn’t you mention it in your letters?”
“The Bessie I thought I knew would have relished the challenge. I wanted to surprise her.”
Bessie’s temper flared at the condescension in his tone. “I’m not the frail bird you seem to think I am,” she said hotly. “I may be small and plain, but I have grit and determination. I can see you’re disappointed, but you’re not what I expected, either. Your letters seemed to reveal a man with humor and good nature.”
Jasper flushed and raised an eyebrow. “I never deceived you, I mean, Lenore. I never pretended to be someone I was not.”
“I didn’t either,” she said. “The deed was done by the time I found out about it. What do you intend? Divorce?”
The ugly word hung in the air between them. “It might be an annulment,” he said slowly. “When we reach Arizona Territory, I’ll consult an attorney and see where we stand. We can then make a decision on what to do.” He smiled. “If you’re with me, at least I’ll have someone to talk to when the wolves are howling outside the door and the scorpions are trying to get in.”
The blood drained from her face at the word picture he drew. Then she saw the mirth in his eyes and realized he was teasing. She sent him a feeble grin. “I shall just invite them in for supper. That will frighten them away.”
A look of surprise raced across his face, and he grinned. “Is your cooking that bad?”
“Well, let me put it this way. Indigestion would be the least of your worries.”
He laughed, and Bessie liked the sound of his deep chuckle.
“We’ll get along somehow,” he said. “I’m a pretty fair cook myself.” His smile faded, and he turned toward the door. “Be ready to leave at six.”
She nodded and watched him leave. This was her first glimpse of the humor and wit she had seen in his letters. But what did it matter if he intended to find a way out of their marriage? She went to the kitchen to find some breakfast.
Jessica smiled in welcome. “Are you hungry? There’s hot coffee and bread with jam.”
“I’d love some. I’m famished.” Bessie sat at the table and took the cup of coffee Jessica handed her. She was already beginning to feel Jessica could be a friend. She spread some blackberry jam on a slice of warm bread and bit into it, but her hands trembled.
Jessica sat beside her. “What’s wrong? You seem distressed.”
Bessie forced a smile. “Everything is so new and strange.”
Jessica smiled. “I felt the same way!” She hesitated and her gaze probed Bessie’s face. “But I feel you’re upset about something more. Do you want to talk about it?”
Tears burned Bessie’s eyes. She longed to pour her heart out to this woman, but she was Jasper’s sister; her loyalties would lie with her brother. Bessie bit her lip and shook her head. “I’ll be fine in a few days,” she whispered. “I thank you for caring, though.”
Jessica smiled. “I want to help, if I can. I’ve so recently found Jasper, I want to do all in my power to ensure his happiness. And yours, too, of course.”
Bessie looked up curiously. “What do you mean, you recently found Jasper? The two of you seem so close.”
Jessica smiled. “Our mother died when we were small, and we were adopted by different families. Neither of us knew what had happened to the other. Clay knew I had a brother and decided he would find him and surprise me. Clay’s mother supported an orphanage in Texas and had some connections with the one in Ohio where Jasper and I were taken when Mama died. Clay’s mother made some inquiries for him and found out Jasper’s new name. Clay then tracked him down. He was stationed at Fort Laramie when Clay contacted him. At our wedding he was waiting at the altar as Clay’s best man. It was the most wonderful surprise of my life.” Her eyes were misty with remembered emotion.
Tears filled Bessie’s eyes. Perhaps that was why Jasper was willing to take a mail-order bride: He had been deprived of a loving home when he was small, and now he craved a family and stability. She would do her best to fill that need. Lenore wouldn’t have been capable of the selfless love Jasper needed—but Bessie was. She knew she could fill the void in his heart, if he would only let her in.
three
The horses and wagons kicked up so much dust, Jasper could barely see. He glanced back and saw his new wife peering from the back of the covered ambulance wagon. Her small, pinched face was pale with fright, and she clung to the side of the ambulance with white fingers. His lips tightened. Her terror did not bode well for the rest of the trip. He should have sent her back to Boston. Let her family untangle this mess. If the noise and commotion frightened her now, what would she be like in the wilderness of Arizona Territory? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.
But she had shown more grit than he had expected. He had thought she would insist on staying with Jessica or going back to Boston. Jessica seemed quite taken with her; she had even sent her precious seed packets along for Bessie. Jasper decided he would withhold judgment until he got to know Bessie better. And he had to admit he wanted to get to know her.
She was no beauty, but she was attractive in a quiet sort of way. And something about her spirit drew him. Some indefinable integrity and honesty was in her eyes—which was strange, considering how she had come to be his wife. But he didn’t want to think of that. It hurt to know the woman he had thought he loved had duped him like that.
He dug his heels into his mare’s flank and cantered back to the ambulance. Bessie smiled when he stopped beside the ambulance, and his spirits lifted.
“You doing okay?” he shouted above the commotion.
She nodded. “Are we leaving soon?”
“Any minute.”
A wave of pity for her washed over him. What was he doing dragging a frail woman like Bessie to the deprivation they faced? “You can stay here with Jessica, if you want,” he told her. “At least until I see what Arizona Territory is like. I can decide what to do and let you know later.”
Alarm raced over her features, and she shook her head. “I shall go with you,” she said.
He nodded. “As you wish.” He looked to the front of the column as the band struck up the familiar departure tune of “The Girl I Left Behind Me.” He tipped his hat to her and wheeled his horse to fall in line with the rest of the officers. The die was cast now. It was too late to change anything. Bessie would just have to make the best of it.
§
Bessie clung to the side of the wagon ambulance as the conveyance lurched its way across the trail. She hadn’t seen much of Jasper since they had started. She was the only woman traveling with the column, and the commander had graciously allowed her to make the ambulance her home for the trip. She shared it with an occasional soldier sent over for ointment for his feet or some such minor complaint, but for the most part, she was alone. Doctor Richter rode his horse and only stopped in if his services were needed.
She was thankful to not have to sleep on the ground. At night the wagons were put into a protective circle and tents were quickly erected. She had shuddered when she heard that several rattlesnakes were killed every night.
The spring sunshine brightened her spirits, and when the detachment stopped for a break, she decided she would get out of the ambulance and walk a bit. She could use the exercise since they had been on the trail a week now. Besides, she was lonely. She climbed down from the back of the wagon and tied her bonnet firmly under her chin. The band started its familiar tune, and the column began to move forward. She walked briskly along, but she soon began to cough from the dust.
She was about to give in and get back in the ambulance when Jasper saw her and cantered up to her side. “Tired of the wagon?” he asked.
“The
re are no springs in that thing. And there is no one with whom to talk,” she told him.
His green eyes looked her over; then he sighed. “You want to ride with me for awhile? I can look for a spare horse.”
His sigh stung, but she was determined not to go back to the wagon yet. Besides, how could they ever hope to make something of their marriage if they never spent any time together?
“I’d like that,” she said. She had never ridden a horse in her life, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. It would just reinforce his opinion that she was a frail, useless female. And how hard could it be to ride a horse, anyway? It looked easy enough.
He nodded and left her. A few minutes later he returned with a golden-colored horse with black markings. She thought it was called it a buckskin, but she wasn’t sure.
“Hop on,” he told her. “We don’t have a side saddle, but I think your skirt is full enough to allow you to straddle modestly.”
She eyed the stirrups. Hop on? How exactly did one do that? The horse was so big. Her head barely came to the top of the horse’s back. Tentatively, she grasped the pommel and forced her boot into the stirrup. She heaved her weight up with her hands while pushing with her foot and found herself standing in the stirrup. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the least idea how to get into the saddle from there. She glanced at Jasper, and the corners of his mouth twitched.
“Wrong foot,” he said gently. “You’ve never ridden before, have you?”
She felt the tide of heat on her cheeks and averted her gaze. She wasn’t about to admit anything to a man who would laugh at her predicament. “I think I’ll go back to the wagon after all,” she muttered. She eased down, feeling for solid ground with the toe of her boot.
“I don’t think so,” Jasper said. “I got this horse for you, and now you’re going to ride her. Put your other foot in the stirrup and try again.” He slid to the ground and tied his reins to the side of the ambulance wagon. “I’ll help you.”
Bessie bit her lip and put her right foot into the stirrup. She pulled up again, and Jasper grasped her around the waist and helped her slide her left leg across the saddle. He seemed to touch her so matter-of-factly, but the warmth of his fingers brought heat to her cheeks.
He rearranged her skirt to make sure her legs were covered. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He handed her the reins. “Think you can handle it from here?”
“Of course,” she said loftily. What should she do with the reins? She would not ask Jasper. He already thought she was useless. Suddenly dizzy at the height, she clutched the reins in her hands and swallowed hard. She hadn’t realized a horse was so tall. What if she fell off? But if Lenore could ride, she could, too. She tried to remember how she had seen her sister handle the reins and moved them experimentally.
Jasper jogged ahead and caught the wagon. He untied his horse and swung into the saddle. “Follow me, and we’ll go to the head to get out of this dust!” he shouted above the racket of wagons and horses. He wheeled his horse and started toward the front of the column.
Bessie tried to follow, but her horse didn’t want to go in that direction. The mare tossed her head and jerked the reins from her hands, then took off at a dead run toward a grove of trees to the left of the wagons. Clinging to the pommel with both hands, she was jarred and jerked on the back of the mare. She knew she was going to go flying off at any moment. Would death be painful? She would find out soon enough. Frightened, all she could pray was a whispered, “Jesus, help me.”
She thought she heard Jasper shout behind her, but she wasn’t sure. She was going to die; she knew it. The trees closed in on her, and she shut her eyes. Before the tree limbs could crash into her, she heard Jasper shout.
“I’ve got you! Kick your feet free of the stirrups!”
She opened her eyes and hunched farther down onto the neck of her mare. She managed to work her boots free of the stirrups, then turned to look at Jasper. Leaning out of the saddle toward her, his hand grasped for the reins and missed. Then his arm snaked around her waist, and he dragged her from the saddle and across his lap.
In the ignominious position of lying face down across his saddle, she clutched his leg with both hands. The sweaty horse hair under her cheek made her wrinkle her nose in disgust, but she was too thankful to be alive to complain about the odor or her position.
“Whoa.” Jasper pulled his horse to a stop.
Bessie took a deep breath and struggled to sit up, but she was trapped with the pommel digging into her stomach. Firm hands grasped her shoulders, flipped her over, and sat her up. There was little room for both of them in the saddle, and she was forced to hang onto him as he stared into her face.
“You could have been killed!” Dust streaked his face, and red spots of color marked his cheeks. His green eyes sparked with temper.
She coughed dust from her lungs. She had lost her bonnet somewhere, and her hair hung down her back and in her face. With trembling hands, she pushed strands of hair out of her eyes. She looked around and saw her mare drinking from the river under the trees. She looked back up at Jasper. He glowered at her. She hated for anyone to be angry with her. Perhaps a little humor would diffuse him. She tried a tentative smile. “Chirk up,” she said. “I was just taking my horse for a drink. She got a little eager, but there was no need to overreact.”
He stared at her, and his lips twitched. She smiled again, and his grin broadened. He pulled her against his chest and rested his chin on her head. She could hear the thud of his heart under her ear and breathed in the musky male scent of him. When he pulled her away, she felt suddenly bereft.
He shook her gently. “I’m sorry I got so angry. It was really my fault. I should have led your horse. You look a little peaked. Are you sure you’re all right?”
She smiled. “I will be if I can just lean against your chest again.”
He laughed aloud then. “I think you got knocked on the head. You’re behaving a bit strangely.”
She had to admit to herself that she had never imagined she could be so bold. Maybe she had been hit on the head. She smiled up at him again. Maybe they could just stay like this forever.
He cupped her cheek with his hand, and she thought he was going to kiss her. But he jerked his hand away at a shout from the column.
“Lieutenant! Indians ahead!” A private waved to him from near the trees.
“Get the horse!” Jasper shouted at the private.
Bessie cowered against his chest. Indians! Her mouth dry with dread, she clutched his shirt in her fists and buried her face against him. He clutched her to his chest and urged his horse to a run.
She raised her head as they reached the wagons. The commander had already ordered the troops to get the wagons into a protective circle. They stopped at the ambulance, and Jasper handed her down to another soldier.
“Get her to safety,” he told the sergeant.
He looked for a long moment into her eyes, then wheeled his horse and dashed away. Bessie watched until he was lost from sight in the milling horses and men. Sergeant Crandall hurried her under the ambulance and covered her with a blanket. He lay on his belly beside her with his gun ready. Within moments, unnerving shrieks rent the air, and Bessie cowered and tried to look invisible. She had heard of the cries Indians made in battle, but she had never thought she would hear them herself.
She buried her head in her arms and prayed. Keep him safe, Lord. Don’t take him when we’re just now starting to get to know one another. The battle seemed to rage forever, then suddenly the shrieks died away until the only sounds were the shouts of the soldiers and the sharp reports of the cavalry rifles.
She got to her knees and began to crawl from under the blanket.
“Wait, Missus Mendenhall,” the sergeant said. “I’m not sure it’s safe yet.”
“I’ve got to see if my husband is all right.” Bessie crawled from under the blanket and the wagon. She just wanted to look into Jasper’s green eyes again.
Pandemonium r
eigned in the camp. Doctor Richter saw her and motioned her over. “I have wounded and need your help.”
She tried to protest; she had to find Jasper. But the doctor requested her assistance again, and she had no choice but to follow him inside the ambulance. It seemed like hours that she held compresses to bleeding wounds and soothed pain-wracked soldiers. They all seemed to still at her ministrations, and Doctor Richter told her she had a healing touch.
When the last one had been tended to, she washed the blood from her hands and climbed out of the ambulance. Where was Jasper? At least he hadn’t been among the wounded. But was he among the dead? She had asked about him, but no one seemed to know.
Her hair still hung down her back, and she knew she was a dreadful sight, but she didn’t care. She had to find Jasper. Everywhere she looked she saw overturned wagons and crowds of soldiers standing around discussing the battle. When she asked several soldiers if they had seen Lieutenant Jasper Mendenhall, no one seemed to know where he was. She was beginning to panic when she caught sight of his familiar red hair.
He stood talking to a group of officers. His hat was missing, and he was dirty, but he seemed to be in one piece. Bessie paused, uncertain about disturbing him when he seemed to be busy. Then one of the soldiers nodded in her direction, and he turned and saw her. Their gazes locked, and she saw the same concern she felt mirrored in his green eyes.
He smiled then and hurried toward her. “I heard you were helping the doctor with the wounded. It was good of you to help.” He took her hands.
She clung to his fingers. The touch of his warm hands calmed her, and a sense of belonging swept over her. She wanted to be his wife, and she was fast on her way to learning to love him. The thought frightened her. What if he didn’t feel the same about her? But she pushed the thought away. This felt right; it felt as though God had put His hand of blessing on them.
“You’re shivering.” He took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. Guiding her in the direction of the ambulance, he took her hand and walked with her. When they reached the ambulance, he peered inside. “I’m not sure where you’ll be able to sleep tonight.” He paused and looked down at her. “You could stay in my tent.”