The universe had a cruel sense of humor.
“There is only one bedroom set up and the crib is in there.” She said and tossed his underwear and pants to him. “You can’t stay.”
“Come with me to New York,” he said as he stepped back into both, never taking his eyes off of her. “Not tonight, tomorrow. You and Colby can stay with me at my place until we figure this out.”
Tempting as it was, that wasn’t a life that Lil wanted for herself and her child. “I can’t do that, Jake. I know it doesn’t look like I am–but I’m really trying to make better decisions. For me, for Colby, for our future. Moving in with you is not a good decision.”
He bent to pick his rumpled dress shirt off the floor, donned it and began to button it absently. “I can take care of you–both of you. You’ll never want for anything.”
He offered so much and so little at the same time.
“You don’t understand yet, Jake. What I want can’t be bought for me. I want to look at myself in the mirror and respect who I see. I want to be a strong, independent woman so that Colby will grow up knowing what really matters in life.” She turned away from him. “And so far I’m not doing very well. What kind of example am I for Colby? I barely know you and look at us.”
He went to stand behind her. Touching her lower back with one warm hand. “Whatever is between us, Lil, it doesn’t change that you are a wonderful mother.”
Don’t be nice, Jake. I don’t want to like you.
“I wish I could believe that,” Lil mumbled.
Jake wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her gently back against him, talking softly into her ear. “I envy your daughter. She has a mother who loves her fiercely and unconditionally. That’s the gift you will give her. Wanting me doesn’t make you weak or dependent. And I’m not a little boy, Lil. You can’t drive me away with your sarcasm or change my mind about what I want. I don’t know what we have and I don’t know if it will last, but it’s not cheap, Lil.”
She looked back at him. “Then what is it?”
He was quiet for a moment, then said, “Do we need to label it for you to be comfortable with it? Call me a boyfriend. Call me a lover. I don’t care.”
Lil turned away again, removed his hands from her stomach and stepped out of his embrace. “I care. And I’m not looking for an empty label, either.”
He took one of her arms in his hand and turned her to face him. “What do you want, Lil?”
She shook her head and refused to look up at him. I want the stupid fairytale, but who could admit that? She wanted to be loved, needed, cherished–all the cornball stuff she vehemently denied. The best response she could give him was the truth. “More than this.”
“Do you want me to lie? Say something we both don’t mean yet?” His hand tightened on her arm.
Lil pulled her arm free. “Been there, done that.”
She stepped away, but he followed her, putting a hand beneath her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. “I’m not your ex, Lil.”
Feeling cornered, she snapped, “No, you’re not. You’re not even my present. We’re nothing to each other except a bad decision. I’d like you to go now.”
“Lil–”
Like removing a band aide, Lil wanted the pain to come in one swift rip at a time of her choosing. She pushed against him with her words. “I mean it, Jake. We’re not good for each other. We’re too different. This…this attraction between us is something that is better just denied.”
“That’s what you really want?” He sounded almost sad.
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
“I’m not sorry I came back up here.”
Don’t be so damned sweet, Jake! It would be too easy to accept what little he was offering her and confuse his kindness with what she really craved from him. “I’m not either, but from now on we have to keep a distance from each other.”
He looked down at her like he wanted to kiss her again, but instead, he said, “This isn’t over.”
A question leapt out of her, as unplanned as it was quickly regretted. “Will you be at Abby and Dominic’s party this weekend?”
“Yes,” he said simply.
She bit her bottom lip to stop herself from saying more. She didn’t want to be happy to hear that they would see each other again.
I’m such an idiot.
She walked to the door and opened it.
He followed her, but stopped in front of her. He leaned in and gave her a deep kiss, the kind that made her want to retract everything she’d just said and find a babysitter for the night. She sagged against him.
He put her back gently. “I’ll see you at the party.”
“Yes,” she croaked.
“Call me if you change your mind,” he said and she hated that she wasn’t able to hide her surge of attraction from him.
“I won’t,” she said with determination.
After one final, light kiss to her cheek, he smiled, walked through the door and said, “You might.”
She closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment, just holding the handle to steady herself.
I can’t.
Chapter Nine
In the middle of the night, Lil’s fitful sleep was interrupted by her cell phone vibrating on the bed stand. She groaned and rolled over, pulling a pillow over her head. Midnight had once been a time for late night discussions and a cue to order the last round of drinks for her and her friends, but motherhood had a way of changing a person’s inner clock. Five of midnight might as well be called five of this-had-better-be-important-because-if-Colby-wakes-up-I’m-going-to-kill-you.
Her phone vibrated again, Lil pushed back the comforter, grabbed her phone and padded to the living room to answer it. Alethea’s name showed on the caller ID. She wouldn’t call at this hour unless it was important.
Lil plopped onto the couch. “What do you need?”
“Did I wake you? Sorry, but this can’t wait,” Alethea said. “We have a problem. I’ve been looking into this party you say your sister has planned for Saturday and something isn’t right about it.”
Rubbing a tired hand over her still half-closed eyes, Lil asked, “What are you talking about?”
Alethea continued on at what felt like breakneck speed to Lil. “There is a buzz in the hacker community that something big is going down and the party is a cover.”
Lil turned onto her side on the couch with a yawn, her eyes closing even as she spoke. “You always think something suspicious is going on.”
“I’m usually right,” her friend said impatiently. “I know your sister is in love, but you two don’t really know who you are dealing with. Dominic didn’t make his fortune by playing nice and Jake hasn’t been crisscrossing the country for the past week looking for the perfect engagement present. Everything leads back to that party and anyone he has spoken to has received some form of hush money. Not enough, is my guess, since there is chatter.”
“Maybe they are planning a surprise for Abby,” Lil mumbled.
“Or maybe your sister is in danger.”
That woke Lil up. Her eyes flew open and she sat straight up.
Alethea continued, “What if Dominic is using your sister as a cover for something he doesn’t want people to know about? Their whole engagement could be a sham. And worse, what if your sister stumbles onto what is going on? She’d be a danger to them.”
Hugging her knees to her on the couch, Lil said, “That’s a lot of ifs. Do you have any proof?”
“Jeremy does.”
“Jeremy Kater? I haven’t heard from him in years.”
“No one has. I don’t think he leaves his basement. He doesn’t see anyone, either. It’s really a bit creepy.”
“But he saw you?”
“He used to have a crush on me. We’ve kept in touch. Remember how he used to play video games for 10 hours a day back in school? He’s taken it to a whole new level. It’s an obsession now. But he is the best hacker I know. It’s how he gets al
l the games before they come out. Sometimes I slide him a little cash to get the plans for a building or to check out something for me. He prefers to stay below the radar, though, so I had to promise him more than money to get him to hack other hackers.
Lil shuddered. “You didn’t…”
Her friend laughed. “No, get your mind out of the gutter. I promised him that I’d help him find a date.”
“That’s it?”
“Oh, you haven’t seen him recently. It’s not going to be easy. Anyway, Dominic and Jake are definitely hiding something. You should warn your sister.”
“And say what? That you have a bad feeling about the party?” Lil’s stomach clenched and churned. That would go over well. “She’s going to think that I’m stirring up trouble.”
“Well you can’t say nothing.”
“We have no proof. You could be wrong.” Lil stood and began to pace nervously. “I can’t get involved in this.”
“Ooooo-kay.”
Lil’s back stiffened at her friend’s tone. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re disappointed in me. Do you know how bad this could go if you’re wrong? I can’t do this.”
“When did you become so terrified of being wrong?”
When I realized that my actions don’t only affect me and my future. “Considering the consequences of your actions does not make you a coward. If we had proof, nothing could stop me from telling Abby. But, Al, we don’t know any of this for sure. I’m not going to Abby without something definite. Can Jeremy get that?”
“He might be able to remote access Jake’s personal computer and see if he left an email trail. Maybe he got sloppy and mentioned what the payoffs were about.”
“That sounds illegal,” Lil said.
Aletha’s tone turned droll. “Well, you could always go up to Jake and ask him if he and Dominic are using your sister and if they intend to dispose of her when they’re done.”
“Now you’re just trying to scare me.” Lil shuddered.
Alethea sighed impatiently. “No, I’m trying to get you to see how serious this could be. We need to know what Dominic is hiding and the only way to do that is to find out what he has Jake looking for.”
“And we can do that without Jake knowing we did it?”
“Jeremy is good. He can get in and out without being detected.”
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
This was exactly the kind of thing Lil had told herself she would never do again. But what if Abby really was in danger? She’d never forgive herself if she could have prevented it but had let her fear stop her from getting involved. “Okay, do it.”
Instantly, Alethea was all business. “Is Jake still up in the Boston area? We need to find a way to keep him off his computer for a few hours.”
“I have no idea where he is,” Lil said definitively and perhaps too quickly.
“So you haven’t from him at all?” Alethea asked slowly with growing suspicion. It’s not easy to get anything by a best friend.
Lil covered her face with a hand and reluctantly admitted, “He was here earlier tonight.”
Sounding disgustingly happy about being right again, Alethea said, “Oh, he has it bad. This will be a breeze. Call him up first thing in the morning and make a date for Thursday.”
Lil shook her head at her friend even though she knew she couldn’t see her. “I can’t. I told him it’s over.”
“Well, tell him you changed your mind”
A wave of emotion washed over Lil. “It’s not that simple.” I told myself it was over, too.
“Do you want to know if your sister is safe or not?”
“I do.”
“Then call Jake. Take him somewhere public if you’re that worried about sleeping with him again.”
She was more worried about getting her heart broken. “Fine. I’ll call him, but he might already be back in New York.”
Alethea chuckled. “I highly doubt that.”
“Goodnight.”
“Text me when you have a set time.”
“Be careful, Al.”
“Always, Lil. Always.”
Mid-morning, Lil hung up at the first ring of Jake’s phone as she continued to debate her present course of action. None of this was a good idea. Hacking someone’s computer was definitely illegal, probably prison kind of illegal.
Dominic and Jake might not be breaking any laws and that would make the only criminals in the scenario–her and her friends.
Or Alethea was right and Abby had gotten mixed up in something dangerous.
Please,Universe, please don’t let me be wrong here.
Or, if I’m wrong, please don’t let it screw everything up for Abby.
Just this once, give me an outcome I don’t regret.
She dialed Jake’s cell again.
“Lil?” Jake asked, sounding a mixture of surprised and concerned.
“Hi, Jake.” Don’t overthink this, just jump. “I was wondering if you were still in Boston.”
She heard him catch his breath.
“I’m still here.”
Just do it. Just ask. “Would you want to spend an hour…three hours tops….” Oh, hell, how long did it take to hack into someone’s computer? “Maybe the whole morning with me and Colby tomorrow? If you’re not busy. I mean, I know you’re busy, but it doesn’t have to be the whole day. Maybe we could go to breakfast or lunch or something…” She tapered off lamely. “I think we should make it a public place, though.” When he didn’t say anything at first she added, “Could we try to be…friends?” She groaned inwardly.
“How does nine sound?”
She swallowed hard. “That would be fine.”
“I’ll pick you up.”
Well, this couldn’t possibly be more awkward.
“Great. See you tomorrow, Jake.”
He said, “Lil?” with a hint of anticipation that made her clench her phone.
“Yes?”
“I’m glad you called.”
Suddenly feeling shaky, she sank into one of thickly cushioned chairs in her living room. You wouldn’t be if you knew why. “Me, too,” she said softly and hung up before she said anything stupid. God, help me. Me, too.
Jake hung up the phone and smiled.
She wants to see me.
Common sense should have told him that his best course would be to return to New York now, but common sense had pretty much deserted him days ago.
He wanted to prove something tomorrow–prove it to Lil as well as to himself. What they had didn’t have to be cheap. He was drawn to her on more than one level. No, he wasn’t looking to marry her, but that didn’t mean that his only interest in her was sexual.
He called Marie.
“Marie, I’m still in Boston.”
“Good.”
“I need your advice on something.”
“With Lil?”
There was no reason to hide anything from Marie. Where he was concerned, she had an uncanny ability to know how he felt about something before he did. She called it a mother’s intuition; something he’d always scoffed at since she didn’t have children and she certainly wasn’t his mother.
He spoke to his actual mother as little as possible. Neither of his parents were particularly affectionate people. Bi-annual phone conversations provided ample contact in his opinion and he was pretty sure they were in complete agreement.
He couldn’t imagine Lil ever having that relationship with Colby. The mere idea of it made him smile. In-law apartments were created for mothers like Lil. She’d want to be right there for all of Colby’s life milestones.
“Marie, I’m taking Lil and Colby out for the day tomorrow.” He hesitated to label it and then found that he wanted to. “It’s our first date.”
He could feel Marie’s approval through the phone. “Oh, Jake, I’m so glad.”
He took women out to dinner and to events, usually to showcase them or because a certain event requi
red a couple. It was enough for most women to simply be seen with him, but this was different. He wanted this to be special, a day she would always remember. “Where do you think they would want to go?”
“Didn’t you go to school in Cambridge?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you take her somewhere you’ve spent some time? It’s a nice way to let her get to know you better.”
He doubted she wanted to visit the financial district or the bowels of a library. Outside of work, he couldn’t think of any place that had any significance to him.
That realization struck him as a bit sad. A month ago he’d thought he had everything, now he was beginning to wonder if he had anything at all.
“Lil isn’t like the women I’m used to dating.”
“Thank God,” Marie said and chuckled. “Did I say that out loud?”
“You did.”
She was unrepentant as usual. “I don’t know what Lil likes, Jake, so I can’t tell you where to take her. Trust your instincts. You know what she cares about. Start there.”
“What would I do without you, Marie?”
“I ask myself that every day,” she teased gently. “Now, go and plan your date. Show that girl the man I know you are.”
“Marie, I…” he started to say something then stopped.
“I know,” she replied, understanding more than he did what he had difficulty saying. “Don’t forget to tell me how it went.”
“I won’t,” he answered automatically and hung up.
He smiled.
Marie was a genius.
There were two things Jake knew that Lil loved, but the question was if he could combine them. He used the search engine on his phone and reached for a notepad as he began to find exactly what he was looking for.
Who knew that planning a date could actually be fun?
Chapter Ten
The next morning, even as she readied herself and Colby, Lil wavered. She really should call a halt to this whole insanity. Maybe she should just tell Abby everything and let her decide how to move forward with it.