I spent the entire day in the hospital, watching my mom from behind glass. We weren’t allowed near her because of the risk of spreading germs, so I could only see her from a distance. It was torture, knowing that there was a chance her body was going to reject the new heart, that she would never come out of the coma, and that she was bordering on never coming back to me again.
There was only one thing that could make my heart feel less pain and that was Solo, but when I went to her house, I never expected to be greeted by a pissed off Nolly, who wouldn’t even let me back into Solo’s room.
“I want to see her,” I told Nolly, not in the mood for her antics.
“You can fucking stay in the doorway while I go ask her if she wants to see you.”
“Why the fuck would she not want to see me?” I asked, as Nolly walked away, dismissing me.
I gripped the sides of the door in frustration, not needing this right now. I needed Solo; I needed her arms and her laugh and her smile and her warm skin.
It almost seemed like hours until Solo popped out of her room, but once she did, my body went numb from the tear stained face that looked at me, but what really was gutting me was the look of total devastation that crossed her face.
“Solo,” I went up to her, but she stepped back, as if I was plagued. “Solo, what’s wrong? Are your dads okay?”
“Don’t!” she held up her hand and croaked. Her voice was raspy and her eyes could barely open from the amount of puffiness surrounding them. “Just don’t. Why are you here?”
Absolutely confused, I looked at her and said, “Because I needed to see you.”
“Because you feel guilty for what you did? Did you just have to come here and see how you fucking annihilated me?” she said, as a sob escaped her throat. “Well, here I am. Take pictures, get a good look. You destroyed me, okay?”
What the fuck was going on?
“Solo, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Stop!” she screamed, as she fell to the floor and started crying. Nolly fell to the ground as well and put her arms around Solo, while glaring up at me.
“I think you should leave,” Nolly said between clenched teeth.
“No, I’m not leaving until I find out what the hell is going on.”
“Don’t play stupid,” Nolly responded, fighting Solo’s fight.
“I don’t want to be a total dickhead here, but I don’t want to be having this conversation with you, Nolly, so if you could fucking get lost, I would appreciate it.”
My temper was getting the best of me. Everything was piling up, and I was bound to lose my shit at some point.
Nolly was about to fire back at me when Solo squeezed her hand and asked her to give us some privacy, which I was grateful for.
Nolly helped Solo up and then brushed herself off. She glared at me and said, “Biggest fucking mistake of your life,” and then walked off.
She slammed her door shut, and that left Solo and me alone. I longed to hold her, touch her, feel her, but from the look in her eyes, I knew that wasn’t an option.
Taking a calming breath, not wanting to scare her, I said, “Can you please tell me what’s going on? Because right now, I feel incredibly lost.”
Pressing her hand against her forehead, she sat on the edge of the couch and said, “Just tell me why you decided to use me.”
“Use you? What are you talking about?”
Another sob escaped Solo, right before she looked up at me and said, “I hate that you’re playing stupid right now; it makes it so much worse, as if you can play me again. Just admit it, Adam, you slept with Zia last night. Scout told me everything, okay? Just fucking own up to it.”
In an instant, my heart stopped beating and the blood in my veins turned black.
“Scout told you everything, huh? Well, did you even care to come to me? To ask me what was going on?”
“I tried calling you, multiple times, but you never answered. Ever think about trying to get in touch with me?”
I nodded my head as my lips pursed together. “Awesome, so instead of waiting to hear from me, you decided to listen to someone else and make accusations.”
“Tell me it’s not true,” she shouted at me, now becoming mad.
“I don’t even know what you think the fucking truth is, so how could I deny anything?”
She laughed and said, “Perfect. I just fucking told you, and you’re still tap dancing around the truth. Let me lay it out for you, Adam. Yesterday, Zia slipped a key card to her hotel room into your pocket. You two just so happened to disappear at the same time after the party, and Scout never saw you come back to the room, and the next morning you never showed up. Ty had a fantastic story to tell about how Zia was getting fucked up against her hotel room door all last night as well. Sound familiar?”
I backed away from her and her distrustful stare, as I held up my hands and said, “You know what? Looks like you have all the facts there, muffin, so why the fuck do you need me to clarify anything for you? Thanks for the trust, glad it lasted a couple of fucking hours.”
I started to leave when she called out, “Where are you going?”
“Where the fuck do you think I’m going? Don’t you know everything I do? Aren’t you assuming I’m going to go fuck Zia now? Why don’t you just ask Scout? I’m out. Good luck with everything, Solo.”
I slammed the door on her and went up to my room.
Fuming wasn’t even close to describing how I was feeling. Once again, she didn’t trust me. Instead of asking me about what happened, she jumped to conclusions and assumed the worst of me. Did I really treat her that terribly, that she would automatically assume that I would use her? I’m pretty sure I poured my heart and soul into everything when it came to her.
I gave her my heart, and what did she do? She stomped it until there was no more beat.
Like a robot, I packed my items in my room and made sure to grab my phone charger. I had a long stay in the hospital coming up, and I was going to need my phone.
As I walked out of my room, Scout popped out of his room and called my name. Instead of turning around, I flipped him off, and continued to walk down the stairs.
Scout followed me and said, “I told you my loyalty was with Solo.”
I froze in place and turned slowly to meet Scout’s knowing eyes.
“You know what, Scout? Good for fucking you. But next time, before you go and decide to destroy someone’s relationship, why don’t you try getting your fucking facts right? You might save someone some heartache.”
The surprised look on Scout’s face didn’t affect me at all, as he said, “Dude, what the fuck happened?”
Before I turned to walk out the door, I said, “That information is only privy to those I fucking care about, and sad to say, I could give two shits if you know about my life. You can go fuck yourself, Scout. Karma is a bitch, man; I hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.”
With that, I walked out of the house and out to my car. I had more important things to deal with, and none of them consisted of being in this house where no one cared to trust me for one second. I thought I’d made friends while I was here, but I was so fucking wrong. The only people who were true in my life were my mom and Aunt Sarah, and right now, one of them was fighting for her life.
Chapter Thirty One
Solo
The last place I wanted to be right now was work, but given the fact that Zia really didn’t care about broken hearts, since she was the one helping break them, I wasn’t about to get the day off. Plus, Nikko and Gunner both had big photo shoots for a fireman book series that I needed to help with, and to my grand luck, Nolly was off with Levi at a downtown event for underprivileged kids. If she wasn’t so invested in the event, she would have traded places with me, but I couldn’t do that to her.
Like the diligent worker I was, I prepared the studio, prepped the models, and waited for Zia to show up.
The guys walked on eggshells around me, just saying
pleasantries, but never really talking to me or joking with me like they usually did. I could see the pity looks they were giving me, and I hated it. I hated that they knew what Adam did to me. I felt like a fool.
After Adam left, I floated between being so incredibly sad that I couldn’t even move, to being mad and throwing things around in my room, which Nolly made me stop quickly. What I still didn’t get was why he would come to see me, with that sad look in his eyes, as if he was the one who was gutted.
A small part of me wondered if he really was confused about the whole situation, if he really didn’t sleep with Zia, but if he hadn’t, wouldn’t he have straight up denied it and then explained where the fuck he was? That would have made the most sense, but I didn’t get that from him. All I got was anger, and that could only mean one thing…he was caught, and he was mad that he was caught. Wasn’t that the golden rule when it came to dealing with cheaters?
Zia had yet to show up on set, which was actually causing me more stress, because I just wanted to see her and get it over with; the wait was killing me. I just wanted to rip the Band-Aid off of this fucked up relationship that I thought I had.
“Hey, Solo,” Gunner said, as he walked up to me, wearing a white robe and looking downright sexy with the robe flashing bits of his bare chest.
“What’s up?” I asked, avoiding eye contact and looking at my computer.
He sat on the edge of my desk and said, “Can we talk for a second?”
I really didn’t want to, because I was holding onto my sanity by a thread, but from his body language, I could tell he wasn’t going to let me just sulk all by myself, so I might as well let him tell me what an ass Adam was for doing what he did.
“Sure,” I looked up at him and met his eyes, which held sadness in them…for me.
“I need to talk to you about the Zia and Adam thing.”
“I really don’t want to know what you know, and you weren’t even there, so how would you know anything?”
He held up his hand and said, “I don’t think he did it.”
“Listen, Gunner, I appreciate your bro code and all that bullshit, but…”
“Just listen to me,” he cut me off. I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair, ready to hear one damn good story. “First of all, I’d never seen a guy completely obsessed with a girl until saw the way Adam worshipped the ground you walk on.”
Yeah, I didn’t want to have this conversation. It was only going to make me cry because I saw the same thing Gunner did, Adam adored me, at least I thought he did.
“He would light up every time you walked in the room, Solo.”
“Can you please get to your point?” I said, growing irritated.
“Also, Zia wouldn’t break up a relationship…”
I guffawed and tried to hold back my outburst of obscenities about the woman. “Gunner, are you mental? She broke you and Cecilia up.”
“No, she didn’t,” Gunner said matter of factly. “I broke me and Cecilia up, before Zia and I ever did anything. Cecilia just made a big deal about Zia and I hooking up, making it seem like Zia was the one who broke us up, but Cecilia and I were done way before anything ever happened with Zia. Cecilia was just mad, so she tried to get back at us.”
“Then how come Zia never said anything?” I asked, as a nagging feeling started to develop in the back of my head, telling me that I might have been wrong about Adam.
“Because she doesn’t care what people think. She knows who she is, and she doesn’t need anyone’s validation in order to move on with her life. If someone asked her about the situation, she would have set them straight, but she didn’t want to make it a bigger deal than it was, because it was nothing.”
I chipped away at my fingernails as I listened to what Gunner was telling me. I didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to consider the fact that Adam actually did nothing, because if I did actually believe that Adam was innocent, then that meant I completely threw away the best thing that had ever happened to me.
My conversation with him yesterday ran through my head, as I thought about him blaming me for not going to him first before accusing him of sleeping with Zia.
Instant nausea started to form in my mouth as my whole conversation last night with Adam was put on replay, and I kept seeing the confused and hurt look on his face from my accusations.
Right when I was about to ask Gunner a question, Zia popped through the door and took off her sunglasses, as she looked around the studio. Once she saw me, she made a beeline to my desk, intimidating me for the first time since I met her. There was a look of concern in her eyes when she came up to me.
“Solo, I’m sorry, I should have asked one of Meryl’s girls to be here today instead of you. How is everything with Adam’s mom?”
Just like that, my entire life crumbled right in front of me. Every single thing I said to him, every accusation and bit of mistrust I threw his way came to the forefront of my mind, making me feel incredibly ill.
“Adam’s m-mom?” I stuttered, as I tried to grasp what she was saying.
“Honey, it’s okay, Adam told me about you two. I’m sorry that I didn’t see it before, and I apologize for being so touchy during the party. I had no clue, and he was so sweet being concerned about your job. I told him I couldn’t survive without you, and that you were always safe with me. So, it’s okay, you can tell me, is everything okay with his mom?”
I couldn’t breathe, air was not getting into my lungs, and I started to hyperventilate as the room began to spin. Gunner must have noticed the beginning of a meltdown, so he helped me lower my head between my knees and take deep breaths, while Zia rubbed my back.
Calling Nikko over, Zia had him call one of the girls to replace me.
I could hear the concern in her voice when she turned to Gunner and said, “What’s going on?”
Gunner’s voice was terse when he replied, “Adam and Solo broke up last night, because,” he paused, but I couldn’t even think about what he was about to say, so I kept quiet and he continued, “Because given some misunderstood evidence, she thought you and Adam hooked up in Vegas.”
“Oh, my God,” Zia said, as she knelt in front of me. “Solo, please tell me you know that’s not the truth. I will admit that when I thought he was single I gave him a key to my room, and I’m so sorry about that, but the minute he said he was with you, I was actually really happy because of the chemistry I saw between you two. Please tell me you understand that.”
I nodded my head, as I tried to comprehend the news that Adam had always been faithful to me, that he believed in us and never once used me. He was perfect, like always, and I blew everything that could have ever been between us. After what I accused him of last night, there was no way he would take me back. Hell, I wouldn’t take me back. Not after that terrible display of being a jealous ass girlfriend.
“What can I do?” Zia asked, as she continued to rub my back.
I shook my head and tried to tamp down the growing knot in my throat. “There’s nothing I can do,” I replied, trying to hold back the sob that wanted to escape.
“Is he still at the hospital?” she asked Gunner.
He shrugged his shoulders and said, “None of us actually knew where he was. It wasn’t until I found out from Logan that you two hooked up in Vegas that I put two and two together. After hearing what Scout and Ty were talking about, I honestly thought that you and Adam were together.”
I sensed a bit of annoyance in Gunner’s tone of voice, but I ignored it, because I had bigger things to think about.
Zia cleared her throat and said, “Well, that dickhead, Logan, will never see me again. God, I’m so sorry Solo. I feel awful about this. We can fix this.”
“No,” I shook my head. “Even if we say it was a big mix-up, there is no way he’ll take me back. Not after I didn’t trust him.”
“That’s not true…”
“It is,” I nodded. “I know him; he won’t take me back.”
We sat in silen
ce for a bit until Nikko came up and said, “Someone is on their way to replace Solo.”
“Thank you,” Zia said. “Can you grab my phone and dial my driver? I need him to take Solo to the hospital.”
“Zia, I can’t…” I said, as my throat choked up on me.
Grabbing my face and forcing me to look her in the eyes, Zia said, “Listen to me, Solo. I know you love that man, and after hearing him talk about you, I couldn’t be surer that he will be with no one else but you, so you need to suck up your stupidity and go and fight for that man. He’s in the hospital, trying to help his mom, and even if he’s mad at you, he needs you and your strength. Suck up your pride and crawl back to him if you need to.”
Gaining my self-respect back from Zia’s words, I gave her a hug and got up from my desk. I wiped my face with some tissues off my desk and grabbed my purse.
Zia walked me out to her car and gave me a hug before pushing me in and making sure her driver would take me to the correct hospital.
The drive to the hospital was torture because the closer I got, the more nerves had a chance to rattle through my bones. By the time I reached the hospital doors, I was shaking uncontrollably, and my teeth were chattering from nerves and adrenaline running through me at the same time.
The urge to throw up played with me as I hazily talked to a nurse to find out what floor Adam was on, since his mom apparently had been moved.
Adam’s torn up face from last night kept showing up in my mind as I walked the sterile halls of the hospital. No wonder he looked so distraught; his mom wasn’t doing well and he needed me. He needed me, and what did I do? I blamed him for sleeping with someone else and said some of the ugliest words I’ve ever said to him.
Tears ran down my cheeks at the idea of me so easily destroying him last night. I was a monster, and I didn’t deserve to be with him, but right now, I had to offer my shoulder, even if he didn’t want it.