Ugh. Darian wasn’t jealous. He shouldn’t be jealous. He knew it was wrong. Cayla was free to dance with whoever she wanted, to talk with any and all handsome young men, and to smile at whoever she wished. If she liked him, it wouldn’t make a difference. If Darian only knew that she liked him.
Up until a few days before, Cayla lived in a little world only the two of them inhabited. He didn’t need to worry about what she looked like or if anyone else thought she was lovely. Lovely. She was. But would they know her for the fierce, free girl who liked to climb trees and wrestle? Or would they expect her to be the odd well-mannered, well-dressed doppelganger—the beautiful girl with dark hair who looked like Cayla, who glanced at him like Cayla, but who couldn’t be her. Perhaps it was just that Darian realized he had competition and wasn’t sure if he was up to the challenge. Those were young men. Men. In comparison to Cayla’s dance partners, Darian was a scrawny boy. But she was just a girl. His friend.
Darian looked around. Sian was talking to a group of girls. He gesticulated and laughed, and the girls laughed as well. He seemed happy and at ease at the ball, but he hadn’t danced with anyone yet. The music stopped. Darian looked for Cayla, but she was neither on her throne or the dance floor. He looked around to see if she was among any of the groups, talking, but he didn’t see her. He began to fear she had gone outside with someone when a girl cleared her throat beside him.
It was Cayla, standing next to him. “Are you going to ignore me all night?”
“I wasn’t sure how to approach your majesty.”
Cayla sat beside him. “It’s me, Darian. What’s wrong with you?”
“Were you going to tell me? Or was this some kind of joke?”
She seemed surprised and hurt. “What?”
He glanced at the throne. “The kind of work your father does in the castle.”
She looked down. “I thought you knew. I asked if you knew who I am. You said you did. Are you going to be upset now?”
He crossed his arms. “I’m not upset.”
She smiled. “We could dance then.”
“I don’t know these dances and I don’t like dancing.”
“I don’t like dancing either,” she said.
“Oh, you looked like you were having a lot of fun.”
She laughed. “Are you jealous?” She then became serious. “You know we’re just friends, right? You never…” She lowered her head.
Her words stung. “No pretension here. I just noticed you were enjoying yourself.”
“I was being polite, that’s all. Do you want to dance? I can teach you. That way we can talk longer.” She looked at him. “Please.”
It was hard to say no when she asked him like that. He got up and walked with her to the center of the hall. He held her hands and squeezed them. She squeezed them back, sending a wave of energy from his hands to his entire body.
She stared at him. “You know, you look ridiculous.”
He stared back at her. “At least I don’t have beetles hanging from my ears.”
She laughed. “I know. You don’t have to say it. At least we’re even.”
“You prefer me in my nightclothes?”
“Actually, I like it when you open your door shirtless.”
He remembered that. What a blunder. His face got hot.
“There,” she said. “Now you match your outfit.”
“That was so impolite. I’m sorry.”
She whispered, “I really liked it.” There was something teasing and challenging in the way she looked at him.
He wasn’t sure how to reply. When she looked down as if embarrassed, he said, “I was joking about the beetles. You look beautiful.”
She smiled. “You look good too. Just… quite… eye-catching.” She laughed. “But you’re sounding like everyone else.”
He was confused. “What?”
She rolled her eyes. “You look beautiful. That’s what everyone says.”
“Who says that?”
She laughed. “Everyone who dances with me. I’m sure they say it to all the girls. It’s meaningless. Say something different.”
Darian laughed. “Well, then, if you want to hear the truth, I prefer you when your hair is down and you wear a simple summer dress. In fact, I love it when you have dirt and grass in your hair.”
She laughed. “Only you could say that.”
“Why? You don’t usually roll on the grass with other guys?”
“Nope. You see? They might get the boring dancing, but you get me on the ground.”
His heart beat faster. “I hope we do more of that.”
She smiled, then Darian felt her being pulled away. It was Sian. He said, “Sorry, older brothers get preference.”
Cayla seemed puzzled. Sian kissed her hand, then started stepping sideways with her.
Darian was also puzzled, but he walked back to his seat. It was true that for a moment he had forgotten everything, forgotten where he was, forgotten that they were right in front of her father.
Sian danced with Cayla, then whispered something in her ear. She glanced at Darian, seeming annoyed, and tried to walk away. Sian held her and said something else. They kept dancing. She obviously hated it.
Darian looked at the throne. The bald king’s counselor stared at Darian. There was something scary about the way he looked at him. The king’s wife looked at him as well. They had noticed something. Oh, at least he was partly fulfilling his brother’s wish and had a few eyes on him. When the music stopped, Cayla went back to her throne. She didn’t look in Darian’s direction. Sian walked around for a while, then sat beside Darian.
“What’s wrong with you?” Darian asked. “Weren’t you the one who suggested we dance?”
“Dance. Not stand in the middle of the floor staring at each other as if you wanted to do, you know, something more.”
Darian was furious, but he spoke in a calm tone. “That’s disrespectful.”
“Not at all. If you both trust each other and if you’re both into it—”
“She’s fourteen.”
“There’s a huge difference between wanting and doing. I never said you wouldn’t wait.”
Sian was out to get on his nerves, but reacting would be worse. “What did you tell her?”
Sian shrugged. “What I just told you.”
“You’re disgusting. You can’t have told her that.”
“It was the truth.”
“It isn’t. While I admit I like her, I never thought about anything other than kissing her, and I’m sure… I’m not sure she even thought of that.”
“I don’t doubt you. Appearances can be deceiving.”
To be fair, she did mention she liked to see him shirtless and they did say they wanted to roll on the grass. But Cayla was light, playful and innocent. It wasn’t… He couldn’t believe his brother had meddled like that.
“Great. Well, now you don’t have to worry about my safety. She’ll probably think I’m a pervert and won’t talk to me.”
Sian didn’t seem bothered. “As long as her father doesn’t think that, I don’t really care.”
Darian glanced at Cayla sitting on her throne. He knew that coming to the ball had been a mistake.
“I care,” Darian said. “She was my only friend here.”
“I’m not expecting thanks or anything, but I just saved your life.”
“Even if you did, you didn’t have to tell her your opinion of what our interaction looked like.”
“You didn’t have to stand there and look so obvious. Somebody has to say the hard truths.” He got up. “I’ll leave you here sulking.”
Darian got up as well. “I’m going to bed.”
“No,” Sian said. “We’ll stay here until our father says we can go.”
Darian sat back. Cayla stepped on the dance floor again with another young man. She glanced in Darian’s direction. She didn’t seem angry at him. She was probably just furious with Sian, but he didn’t blame her.
Suddenly,
Darian didn’t feel bothered by seeing her dancing with someone else. She was right. Maybe they saw beautiful, well-dressed Cayla, who gave them polite smiles. Free, wild Cayla was Darian’s only. He glanced again at her and she glanced back. It didn’t matter if he was sitting and she was standing. It didn’t matter who was holding her hand. He saw her face looking at him and his heart warmed. He liked her. He did. And he didn’t care who her father was.
6
Sian
Darian had been called to a meeting with his father. That was all they had: meetings, official dinners, no normal interactions. In a way, it was better; Darian still wasn’t sure how he felt about Keen’s command of the army and still felt somewhat ashamed of being in the castle so close to the king. He knew of some of the things he had ordered and knew his mother had fought him. Darian’s only consolation was knowing there were still some good people in the army and the faint hope that he could make a bigger difference closer to the center of power. He just hadn’t figured out how yet.
Still, Darian saw his father when he was asked—or ordered. He was never given a choice. He now understood why Leena had told him he would not have the option of returning home once he met him. So there he was. And again Darian wondered if it was not just a way to excuse himself for living in the castle and receiving his father’s favors. But what did it matter now?
He walked into the room of the meeting. Sian and Keen were already there.
Sian rolled his eyes. “Late, brother.”
“I’m right on time. If you wanted me to come early, you could have told me.” Shivers went down Darian’s spine as he remembered his mother.
He sat in an armchair by his brother, facing his father.
“My sons,” Keen said. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to have our family reunited at last.”
From the corner of his eye, Darian saw his brother grimace and glance at him.
Keen continued, “It has always been my desire to see one of you as the king of this land.”
Darian was stunned. King? Wasn’t his father already serving the king?
Keen said, “If not king, at least in a high command position in the army. For that reason, I want to make sure you two start as early as possible. I’m going to split the army command of the kingdom. Darian will take the South, Sian the North.”
Sian said, “My brother hasn’t done even half of the training. He has no experience whatsoever.”
Keen waved his hand dismissively. “He’ll learn by doing. He’ll be well guided. What I want to make sure is that our family has control over this kingdom.”
Darian didn’t like what he heard, but on the other hand, it could be his chance to make a difference.
Sian asked, “What about Siphoria?”
“What about it?”
“Two years ago you asked me to take care of the crime in the city. I think I’ve been doing a great job.”
Keen nodded. “You have, my son, you have.” He had a malicious smile. “I know what you like in that city. But wars are not won by controlling criminals.”
Sian sat back, eyebrows raised.
Keen continued, “If it makes you happy, your part will still include Siphoria. I just think you can do more. Think that you could take care of the crime in half of the Kingdom. Wouldn’t you like that?” He looked at both Darian and Sian. “You will succeed me. You need to be ready.”
Darian said, “I grew up in the North, I just think I—”
“You won’t be able to do what’s necessary,” Keen said. “You’ll need to think like a leader, not like a poor villager.”
I wasn’t poor, Darian thought, but he kept it to himself.
Sian said, “Darian can’t even control a lift. He can’t—”
“He’ll learn,” Keen said. “Get him out of the initial training. I wanted him to do it just to toughen up. Become a man.” He pointed to Sian. “Like you did. Now he can learn to be a leader. And a pilot.” He stared at both boys. “I trust you to make sure our family remains in power. As long as we have control over the army, we have control over Whyland.”
Sian sighed. “And when are we supposed to take our new positions?”
“Once Darian is ready. I imagine a month or so from now.”
“Will we have to move?” Sian asked.
“You’ll have to travel, but you can keep living here—Sian in the academy, Darian in the castle.”
Darian asked, “Why the difference?”
Keen leaned forward and looked at Darian. “I’m making up for a life without you, my son.”
His brother made a loud breathing noise. Darian understood it was a little unfair. Maybe he should ask to live in the military academy with his brother, but he wanted to remain in the castle because of Cayla, so he asked, “Can’t Sian live here as well?”
Keen winked. “Your brother likes the city.”
Sian shrugged and looked away. “True.”
Keen smiled. “That’s my son. Sian, make sure your brother’s prepared.”
“I will, father,” Sian replied.
“Very well. You are both dismissed.”
As Darian walked out, Sian said, “I want to talk to you. In private.”
They both went to Darian’s bedroom. Sian looked around. “This is huge. You sure are treated like a prince.”
“You could live here as well, couldn’t you?”
Sian gave him a half smile. “Could I? I’m not sure you noticed, but I wasn’t given a choice.”
“But you like Siphoria.”
“I was raised in the military academy. Siphoria was the only place where I could feel like a human being, a person.”
Darian looked down. “I’m sorry.”
“Save your sorry and your empty words. You have no idea, no idea what it’s been like.” Sian leaned against a wall, closed his eyes and laughed, then looked at Darian. “I’m almost sixteen. Do you want to know when I started to train? When I moved to the academy?”
“I assume eleven or twelve…”
“Five. But my father came by—oh he did—to make sure I was being properly trained.” Sian chuckled. “He wanted to make sure I developed character, that I became a man. I had to learn to endure hunger, to endure pain. I did.” He burst into laughter. “So useful.”
Darian was shocked. He wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure what. “It must have been hard.”
“No kidding. I’ll tell you more. As I was growing up, my father told me I deserved nothing and wouldn’t be his son if I didn’t show him how strong I was. I had to earn his love. No, scrap that. Love is poison, he says. It kills you slowly. I had to earn his respect.” Sian’s voice started cracking. “And then you come by. Oh, no, you don’t need any of that. Oh, you’ll live in the castle and have all the luxury I never had. And finally, without any training, any effort, you’ll get to control half the army. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Darian looked down. “I could talk to him. I could ask him to give you a larger portion. I don’t know.”
Sian shook his head. “It doesn’t change anything, mommy’s little boy. You’re pretty like your mommy and you’ll get everything handed down on a tray for you.”
“You have Siphoria, don’t you? You said you took care of the crime there. You should be proud.”
“Oh, I’ve got tons of pride. I’m a shell of it in case you haven’t noticed. And yet, I’ve ruined my reputation. People think I’m some kind of degenerate.”
“I don’t think that. I still admire you for what you did at the prison.”
“You think I was being noble? I wasn’t. I was looking for some friends.”
Darian looked at his brother, so hurt, so vulnerable, and wished he could do something. Then an image came to his mind. And a voice. His mother’s.
My son, my son, my sons. Tell him I love him.
Of course! That was why Darian had to find his father—for his brother.
“Sian, there’s something I need to tell you. Our mother, as she was dying, she asked me
to tell you she’d always loved you. She asked me to find you.”
Sian stopped leaning on the wall and stood. “She said that? Well, doesn’t that make everything all right?” Sarcasm and bitterness were clear in his voice.
“I don’t mean—”
Sian stared at Darian. “I was two. I still remember it. I know I shouldn’t remember, but I do. She ran with you. I yelled. I yelled as much as a child can yell.” Darian saw in his brother the eyes of the little sad boy within him. Sian snorted. “She never heard me. She never turned back. I was with our father. She’d run away. I was told you two died shortly after that. A few months ago I learned it wasn’t true. Not that she ever bothered asking where I was.”
“She was running from our father. I know she was. Our entire village was. Maybe she couldn’t—”
“I’m not blaming her. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t worth the trouble.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I don’t care. She’s not my mother.”
Darian looked down. He felt sad, sorry, but he didn’t know what he could do. “How can I make up for that?”
“For starters, you could stop existing. How’s that?”
Darian just stared.
Sian said, “Fine, you can’t do that. Just leave me alone. Don’t ever mention your mother.”
“I wasn’t the one who—”
Sian shook his head. “Whatever. Forget what you just heard. It was a moment of insanity.” He shrugged then smiled. “These things don’t bother me.” He turned around to leave.
“Wait,” Darian said. “Didn’t you have something to tell me? Is it about our father?”
Sian shrugged. “I lost my thought. We’ll catch up later.”
He left.
Darian stared at the closed door, the wall his brother had leaned against, and felt empty and powerless. He wished he could mend the distance between them, but had no idea how. If he already disliked his father, now he did even more. As for his mother, Darian thought she had done what she had to do to hide and protect him. She must have tried to save Sian as well, but wasn’t able to. It wasn’t as if she could just knock on General Keen’s door and ask for him to give her son back. The general would likely have tracked her and taken Darian as well. She had chosen to sacrifice one son in order to keep the other. The realization didn’t hurt any less. And it sure didn’t hurt any less for Sian.