Well, he guessed some people were just unfailingly patriotic.
The pair made their way through the streets, her at his shoulder, his ever-present guardian. Everyone they passed was subdued; there was something in the air, some sense of anticipation that before long something was going to happen; and nothing good.
No announcement had yet been made by the street criers, but Merrick knew it was coming. Having defeated their armies at Kelbur Fenn there would be nothing to stop the Khurtas sweeping through the Free States. Rumour was rife and panic would soon follow. The best they could hope for was that the Khurtas would pillage enough to be satisfied, then piss off back where they came from. Deep down, Merrick knew the chances of that were slim, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care.
He was finished with all this now, his part over with. As soon as he’d said his goodbyes and all debts were cleared, he’d be out of this shit tip faster than coin from a gambler’s purse.
‘Where are we going now?’ Kaira asked.
Merrick hadn’t been expecting questions – she’d not asked anything of him so far – and he was almost caught off guard.
‘Sorry, is there somewhere else you need to be?’
She didn’t answer, just shook her head, which only made him feel bad.
‘If you must know, we’re off to see Palien. My part’s all done; people have been paid off, everyone’s ready to move. I can tell him the whys and wherefores and be on my merry way. Don’t worry, we won’t be long. Then I can take you to that waterfront bar, as promised.’ May as well have one last drink before I leave all this behind.
More silence. He’d tried to tempt her more than once with the promise of fine wine and finer company, but it was clear she wasn’t interested. Merrick found that most annoying.
‘Then we’re almost done?’
‘Seriously, do you have other plans? Is Palien not paying you enough? Have you got more lucrative prospects elsewhere?’
She shook her head again. ‘I’m just keen for this to be over.’
He glanced at her, but could read little on that strong face of hers. ‘If it makes you feel better, that makes two of us.’
‘You have doubts about this?’
‘Doubts? Who said anything about doubts? I just want this to be finished so I can go back to my life. You’ve got no idea how much I’m being inconvenienced.’
‘So all you care about is—’
‘What do you want to know, Kaira?’ He was beginning to prefer it when she was silent. ‘Is all I care about money? Yes, I guess it is. Do I feel guilty about …’
He stopped. It wouldn’t do to be talking about this in the street but she’d prodded him in the wrong place.
Was he proud of himself? Of course he fucking wasn’t, but what could he do? If he hadn’t done this, and to the best of his capability, he’d be rotting in a ditch somewhere. Kaira probably didn’t appreciate that, but he didn’t have to explain it to her. She was his strongarm, she wasn’t being paid to know the ins and outs, she was being paid to keep him alive long enough to see a boatload of slaves off across the deep blue.
‘Perhaps we should talk about this later,’ he found himself saying.
Did he want to talk about it later? He’d thought he didn’t want to talk about it any time. Talking about it made it real, made him actually think about what he had done, what he was condemning those poor wretches to, and that couldn’t be good. Could it?
They walked the rest of the way in silence, Merrick trying his best not to contemplate the consequences of his actions, both for him and for those whose lives he was brokering. When they got to the house where Palien was holed up, all he cared about was getting this business concluded and getting out alive.
The pair of them were ushered up three flights of stairs, to find Palien dining on a sunlit terrace.
‘I hope it’s good news, Ryder,’ Palien said as he ate. Eating, always eating. How did he manage to stay lean as a starving wolf … and twice as vicious?
‘Of course it’s good news,’ Merrick replied with a smile. It wouldn’t do to look frightened in front of this evil bastard. ‘The Harbour Tower is yours. Half the Greencoats who will be on duty are also paid off. We won’t get anywhere with the Sentinels, but that’s not really a concern, is it? We’re not taking anyone from the palace.’
Palien nodded as he ate, his lips curling up with satisfaction.
‘Excellent,’ he said through half-chewed steak. ‘And with old man Cael gone to the Lord of Crows it’ll be that much easier, now that the city is in mourning. They’ll all be too preoccupied with their own woes to notice a few missing peasants.’
‘We don’t know he’s dead,’ Kaira said. Her voice was so forceful and determined it stopped Palien mid chew.
Merrick felt the sudden tension in the air, heard Palien’s men shuffling in discomfort. It was never a good idea to speak unless spoken to in situations like this, but obviously no one had told Kaira that.
‘I guess what she means is, you need to stay on your guard, at least until this is all finished,’ Merrick said as quickly as he could. ‘You shouldn’t rely on anything until the boat’s loaded and you’re in the clear.’
Palien slowly nodded, but he didn’t take his eyes off Kaira. ‘I guess you’re right. I’m starting to see why they hired you, Ryder.’
‘It’s not just because of my winning smile.’ Best to try to make light of this, before Kaira got them both gutted. ‘So, if that’s our business concluded, I’ll be off. I assume my debts will all be—’
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ Palien was looking straight at him now.
‘Er … my part in this … is over now?’
Palien smiled, but there was no humour in it. In fact it was the most evil thing Merrick had ever seen.
‘Don’t be fucking stupid, Ryder. You still need to see the merchandise on its way and collect the payment. What made you think we were finished with you yet?’
The fact that I’ve seen this deal through from start to finish despite considerable risk to my person. ‘Well … I …’
Palien nodded to one of his men, and Merrick suddenly felt hands grasp his jerkin. He barely had time to protest, time to glance at Kaira who stood there watching as he was dragged to the edge of the roof and dangled over it, the tips of his toes seeking to find purchase.
‘You keep wriggling, don’t you, Ryder?’ Palien said, turning his attention back to his meal. ‘Like a worm on a hook. Always looking for your escape route, always looking to see if you can jump off the horse before it gets to the finish. Well you can’t!’ He screamed those last words so loud Merrick thought his ears would pop. ‘This does not end for you until we fucking say it does. Is that clear enough?’
‘Yes,’ he said, as bravely as he could. Glancing down he saw the ground three storeys below, and wondered if the mud was wet and sloppy enough to cushion the fall.
Somehow he doubted it.
‘Good. Then I trust I can leave you to make the final preparations. Will you need any more hands to help you collect the payment?’
Merrick shook his head. The fewer of Palien’s thugs that were involved with the money, the less chance they’d have of a double cross. And the chances of that were already pretty high. ‘We can handle that. Bolo’s well aware of the consequences should he decide to fuck us around.’
‘Excellent.’ Palien signalled for the thug to pull him back to safety. ‘On your way then.’ With that he went back to his meal.
Merrick wasn’t about to hang around for anyone else to show him the sights and headed for the stairs as quick as he could manage without running like a little girl from a spider.
Once they were out on the street he could hardly hold his anger.
‘What the fuck was that? “We don’t know he’s dead.” You don’t contradict Palien like that. Are you trying to get us both killed?’
‘I couldn’t stop myself. That man has—’
‘That man has the power to see
us both dead and disappeared. If he wants to pleasure himself over a painting of our poor dead queen then wipe his cock on your tunic, he can do it, and you should keep your mouth shut while he does.’
Her brow furrowed, and for a second Merrick wondered if he’d gone a bit far, until she nodded. He knew he was probably taking it out on her because he’d thought he was out, free of all this shit, and now it was damn clear he wasn’t.
‘I think I know how you feel about this. I feel the same, but we’ve got to get used to the people we’re in bed with.’
‘I’m not—’
‘It’s a turn of phrase, Kaira. It means shut the fuck up and survive another day.’ She just gave him a blank look. ‘Arlor’s Blood! This is like talking to a child.’
He walked off, too frustrated to speak, needing time to himself for once, but there was no chance he would get it. Her long stride easily matched his own and she clearly couldn’t take a hint.
Time for a drink, and no amount of whining or bullying from his blonde-haired, blue-eyed conscience was going to stop him.
As Merrick walked into the alehouse he half expected her to grab his arm and pull him clear, but she didn’t; she just followed him inside.
‘Wine,’ he ordered at the bar. As the landlord poured him a goblet Merrick told him to leave the bottle. To his surprise, Kaira asked for a second goblet.
‘What’s got into you? Think you can stomach some wine now?’
‘I’m finding in recent days I can stomach many things I thought I couldn’t.’
Was that a dig? Did she mean him?
Oh, who cared?
‘To getting through this,’ he said, raising his goblet. She just stared at him until he signalled for her to do the same. He clinked his goblet against hers and quaffed the lot down. She looked at him, then at her full cup with some trepidation before draining it in one. Merrick was already refilling the goblets as she winced at the taste. He had to admit, it wasn’t the best vintage, but he hadn’t thought it anywhere near that bad.
‘Did you mean what you said?’ she asked, after they’d drained two more cups. ‘About feeling the same?’
‘Feeling the same? About what we’re doing? I guess so. Why, how do you feel?’
She thought long and hard before answering. ‘As if I’m being used. As if I’m some kind of tool someone else is using to keep their hands clean. And the more they use me, the filthier I become.’
For a woman who didn’t say much, this Kaira certainly did plenty of thinking.
‘That’s a … very good way of putting it. But it’s best not to think like that. It’ll only lead to doubt. Doubt will lead to hesitation and that will get you killed. Or worse: it’ll get me killed.’
‘We all die, Merrick Ryder.’
‘Fuck, woman, enough with the philosophy. We’ve got a job to do. Pissing and moaning won’t get it done for us. I don’t know why you’re crying about it so much anyway. Surely you can walk away from this any time you like. Me, I’m tied to this by the balls.’
She shook her head. ‘I too am tied to this.’ But not by your balls, I hope. ‘And I must see it through to the end.’
‘Well then,’ Merrick raised his glass again, ‘here’s to happy endings.’ They clinked glasses and downed their wine once more. ‘Now, speaking of happy endings, I have to go and pee.’
He gave her his best smile, then walked out the back to drain his bladder, hoping on hope Kaira didn’t take Buttercup’s earlier advice and follow him to the privy.
THIRTY-THREE
She watched him go, and it wasn’t until he had exited the door at the rear of the alehouse that she realised she was smiling.
What was it about him she found so fascinating? It wasn’t as if she had never come into contact with men before. She knew many men – merchants who traded at the temple, soldiers who came to train with the Shieldmaidens, the poor and the old and the sick who came for succour from the Daughters.
But she had never met a man like Merrick Ryder. Yes, she had met handsome men, most of them arrogant souls who knew how good looking they were and would play on it for the rewards it could bring. Ryder was not just one of those men though; there was something troubling him within, something more to him than just an easy word and an easy smile. Every now and then there would be something in his eyes – a far-off look as though he were haunted by the past … or perhaps by his current deeds, Kaira could not tell which.
Either way, she was determined not to fall prey to his charm. Yes, he had offered regret at what he had to do, and it was likely his claims were genuine, but the day was soon coming when she might well have to end his life. Were she to concentrate too much on his more attractive qualities it might make that task so much more difficult.
She glanced around the alehouse, trying to distract her thoughts from how this might end. The place was busy, mostly with men and serving maids, a hum of conversation filling the room. She could hear much of it; mundane talk and speculation, some of it lascivious, some of it panicked speculation on the future of the city.
She desperately wanted to be back in the Temple of Autumn. They would be making their preparations even now, readying themselves for war. If indeed the king had been defeated there must be a counterattack before the Khurtas could move into the Free States. Who better than the Shieldmaidens to lead such an attack, to strike forward into the heart of the enemy and stop their advance?
Would it have been better for her if she had been allowed to go to the front when she had requested it? She might have met her end at Kelbur Fenn with the rest of the army, but surely it would have been a better fate than the one she had to look forward to now – condemned to the squalor of the city, tasked with an impossible mission.
But she had to see this through. For better or for worse, this was her fate, and she would face it as a true sister of Vorena should.
Kaira raised the goblet to her lips, tasting the bitter, vinegary concoction that passed for wine in this place. In the Temple of Autumn they would drink on ceremonial occasions or at feast times, and wine of superior vintage, not like this filth. It was yet another reminder of what she was missing, of what she had thrown away when she had made the High Abbot pay for his affront.
Still, Kaira found it difficult to admonish herself about that. Yes, she had all but ruined her future and brought shame on herself, but oh, how that man had deserved his punishment.
She sighed and stared at the goblet of wine. Despite its sour flavour it must have been strong. Kaira felt a sluggishness in the head, her sharp edge gone. What was she doing, here in this place? Mixing with these lost souls, drinking this muck?
For a terrifying moment she saw what her future might be. What if she should never satisfy the Exarch and the Matron Mother? What if she should never be allowed to reclaim her place within the Temple of Autumn? Would she be condemned to a life of squalor in this city? Forced to live alongside the feckless and wanton of Steelhaven for the rest of her days? Made to rely on the same pointless distractions of wine and lust and …
Kaira stopped herself.
Lust indeed. What was she even thinking?
‘Something on your mind?’
She looked up to see Merrick standing there, smiling at her as if he knew her thoughts.
‘No.’
‘All right, don’t worry yourself, I was only asking. I’m sure it was nothing that bad.’
If only you knew.
They had another drink. This one was easier to get down, smooth almost, and Kaira was beginning to feel comfortable for the first time since she’d left the temple. Part of that worried her, but another part simply didn’t care.
‘I think you should tell me more about yourself, Kaira. If we’re stuck in this for the duration, we should at least get to know one another.’
She thought desperately. Should she make something up? Should she just tell him the truth? No, the truth would not do. Kaira cursed herself and her luck. She hadn’t envisioned this, and Buttercup certainly
hadn’t warned her that there might be some kind of interrogation, that she might need to cover her tracks with subterfuge.
‘I’m … well … there’s nothing to tell really.’
‘Nothing to tell? You’re a woman, yet you fight like a man. The only women I’ve ever seen do that are the Shieldmaidens …’
Kaira felt panic rising within her as he trailed off. She hadn’t said a thing and yet already he had discovered her. What if he delved deeper? What if he worked out why she was using him?
‘I was disgraced,’ she said, knowing no way to speak but with the truth. ‘I struck the High Abbot and was dismissed from the order.’
Merrick smiled. ‘You struck the High Abbot? Ha! I love it. You’re a dark horse, Kaira. The more I learn, the more I like you.’
‘And what about you?’ she asked, desperate to steer the conversation away from herself.
‘Me? There’s not much to know,’ he replied. ‘But since you asked.’ He smiled at her, then glanced past her shoulder. ‘Barkeep! Another one of these!’
Kaira looked down, shocked to see they had drunk the entire bottle between them. Almost instantly both their goblets were filled anew, and Merrick was raising his to his lips. When he had quaffed down the goblet he stood theatrically, as though he were about to take to the stage.
‘I know it might surprise you to learn, since you’ve only seen me at my worst, that I was raised of noble stock. My father was a captain in the Sentinels of Skyhelm, my mother the third daughter of a Braegan earl or baron, I forget which; he was dead before I was born. Anyway, I was raised for greatness, trained in the sword and the horse, educated by the greatest of tutors and taught all the manners befitting a man of my birth.’