The wedding.
She was in Hard Luck for Lanni and Charles’s wedding. She should never have agreed to serve as Lanni’s maid of honor. That had been her first mistake. The divorce had been final for more than eighteen months. Karen had thought, no, hoped that any lingering emotion she carried for Matt was long dead. Her reaction to the valentine card should have told her otherwise. If she’d had any common sense at all, she would’ve phoned Lanni and begged off. Instead, she’d set out to prove she was over Matt.
She’d proved that, all right—by spending the night with him. Mortified, Karen closed her eyes and forced back a sob. She’d had more to drink than usual, but she hadn’t been even close to drunk.
She wanted to blame Matt for this. In fact, she’d feel a whole lot better if she could accuse him of seducing her, of luring her into his bedroom. But bless his black heart, he’d made sure she knew exactly what she was doing before they’d gone to bed.
The lovemaking had been incredible. It had always been good between them, but she’d forgotten just how good. They’d been so hungry for each other, so needy.
Afterward, Matt had held her in his arms and she’d wept. Not because she felt any regrets—she hadn’t, not then. But because she had to admit how miserable she’d been without him. It wasn’t fair; she loved him so much, yet she realized how wrong they were for each other. Just as her own mother must have realized at some point how wrong her own marriage had gone, how mismatched she and Karen’s father were. Yet she’d steadfastly hung on for reasons Karen had never understood.
She and Matt had such contradictory expectations and needs. She had to have some predictability in her life, some certainty. He preferred just to drift along, following his whims. Of course, she hadn’t known, when she first met him, that he’d have trouble staying in a job. It wasn’t until after they were married that he’d started his pattern of changing from one occupation to the next. Karen had felt blindsided.
Every time Matt quit a job, Karen faced an unhappy memory from her childhood. Her father had shared the same lack of ambition. Her mother’s meager paycheck had supported the family. It wasn’t that Eric Rocklin was lazy; far from it. His garden had been the neighborhood showpiece, and his model airplanes won contests. He was a good father, an attentive husband, a decent person.
His one failing was his inability to keep a job.
Her family had declared bankruptcy when Karen and her brother were in high school. One of her most humiliating memories was of the time her friends were visiting and two men came to repossess the family car. Later they were turned out of their rental house.
From the moment she introduced them, Matt and her father had gotten along famously. Now Karen knew why. As the saying goes, they were two peas in a pod.
Wearily she closed her eyes. She refused to make the same mistakes her mother had, refused to allow her husband’s weakness to destroy her future. Painful though it was, she’d taken the necessary steps to correct the problem and get on with her life.
One small lapse wasn’t the end of the world. It was only natural, she decided, to still have feelings for Matt. He was a gracious, compassionate person. And she was undeniably attracted to him. But he wasn’t right for her. She resolved to put their night together behind her and go back to California, her lesson learned. The farther away she was from Matt, the safer she’d be.
As carefully as she could, Karen folded back the covers and slipped one leg over the edge of the mattress. She eased herself out from under Matt’s arm and glanced around for something to cover herself. She caught sight of her dress, carelessly discarded in last night’s haste; it lay crumpled on the floor across the room. She blushed, remembering how eager they’d been for each other. They hadn’t been able to remove their clothes fast enough.
“Mornin’,” Matt rolled onto his back, stretched his arms high above his head and yawned.
Karen rolled back into bed, covered herself with the sheet and ground her teeth in frustration. She’d hoped to be gone by the time Matt awoke.
Her ex-husband slid over to her side and propped up his head with one hand. “Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look in the morning?”
“No.” She wanted to groan aloud. It would have saved them both a lot of embarrassment if she could’ve silently slunk away.
“Then let me correct that error.” Brushing the hair from her face, he bent forward to kiss her. “You’re beautiful in the morning. You brighten my life, Karen. Without you—”
“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.”
“Don’t say it?”
“Last night was a mistake,” she said coldly.
Matt looked stunned. “That’s not what you said when—”
“I was drunk,” she interrupted him, offering the first excuse that came to mind, although she’d already rejected it earlier.
He laughed harshly. “And pigs fly. Neither of us had that much to drink.”
“But enough—”
“Yes,” he said, “enough to loosen our inhibitions. It was a good thing, too, because we belong together, Karen. I never did understand why you left me.”
His words reminded her of the decision she’d already made—the decision to leave again. And why. “That says it all, don’t you think?”
He ignored her question, something he’d done often. “Sure, you were upset about me quitting my job, but I hated it. Would you really want me to continue working someplace that made me miserable?”
“Yes!” she cried. It was too late for this, but he’d provoked her the way he always had. “If it was the first time I wouldn’t have cared, although you might’ve talked it over with me, but it wasn’t the first time. It was the fourth time in as many years, and now you’re running a lodge. You’ll never find the perfect job. Twenty years from now you’ll still be searching for a career that suits you. Nothing’s going to change.”
“Come off it, Karen. I’m only thirty-one.”
“I don’t have the time or energy to argue with you.” There was no other option, so she tossed the sheets aside and hurried across the room to retrieve her dress. With the zipper in the back, she had two choices—to either ask him to close it for her, or scurry to her room with the dress gaping open. She chose the latter.
“All right, all right,” he muttered, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to argue with you, either.”
As fast as she could, Karen collected the rest of her things, stuffing them in her arms.
“You aren’t leaving, are you?” He sounded shocked.
“Yes.” The sooner she retreated to her room, the better. Then she’d change clothes and get out of here.
“What about last night?”
Karen didn’t know what to tell him. “Let’s say it was for old times’ sake.”
He frowned. “Do you do this sort of thing often?”
It would have hurt less if he’d punched her in the stomach. “That was a cheap shot, Matt, and unworthy of you. You’ve been my only lover and you know it.” Then, with as much dignity as she could marshal, she marched barefoot out of his bedroom. Halfway up the stairs she met Matt’s parents. They stared at her, mouths open.
“Good morning.” She greeted them as if she were dressed for a church meeting, ignoring the panty hose and underthings bunched in her arms.
“Karen.” Matt’s father nodded; his mother managed a belated “Good morning.”
As she continued up the stairs, Karen heard Kate call out to her son. “Matt, is everything all right with you and Karen?”
Matt didn’t respond right away. “Nothing’s changed.”
His father’s warm chuckle followed Karen into her room. “You could’ve fooled me.”
Two hours later, Karen was sitting in the Midnight Sons mobile office, waiting for a pilot to fly her out of Hard Luck. She studied the worn floor, impatient to be gone and fully aware of why.
Matt made her weak when she believed she was strong.
Pressi
ng her hands to her face, Karen closed her eyes and drew several deep breaths. It was better for them both that she lived in California now. The temptation to be with him would be too great if she stayed in Alaska. Even Anchorage, hundreds of miles from Hard Luck, was too close.
Sick at heart, Karen willed herself to forget the night with Matt. Before she knew it, she’d be back in Oakland where she belonged.
Paragon, Inc., the engineering company she worked for, had been more than generous in giving her time off to attend Lanni’s wedding, but now she had to prove to her boss, Mr. Sullivan, that he’d invested the company’s money wisely when he promoted her. She’d throw herself into the job, and she’d forget Matt once and for all.
Her heart ached at the thought of him. She did wish him well. Contrary to what he might believe, she wanted him to succeed. She just didn’t think he would. If Matt was anything like her father, and he was, he’d find some way to sabotage himself. Only she refused to be like her mother, refused to stick around and pick up the pieces. She’d gotten out while she could and was determined to make a better life for herself.
To be on the safe side, Karen decided to curtail any contact with his family. It would be difficult, though. Karen loved Matt’s parents as much as she did her own. They were wonderful, caring, loving people, and Lanni was like the sister she’d never had.
If this wedding had taught Karen anything, it was that she’d never get Matt out of her life if she clung to his family.
That decision made, she swallowed her disappointment and resolved to make more of an effort to meet new people once she got back to California.
Matthew Caldwell wasn’t the only attractive man in the world.
“You’re looking a little down in the dumps,” Ben Hamilton, owner of the Hard Luck Café, said as he automatically filled Matt’s coffee mug.
“What do you expect the day after a wedding?” Matt returned, fending off Ben’s inquisitiveness. Matt hadn’t come to socialize, but to escape.
His parents had been full of questions after seeing Karen parade barefoot up the stairs in the dress she’d worn to the wedding. Where she’d spent the night was all too obvious.
“I must say your sister made a mighty pretty bride,” Ben said casually.
Matt cupped the thick ceramic mug with both hands. “Thanks.”
“Two weddings in Hard Luck within a year. Now that’s something.”
Matt merely grunted in reply.
“Mitch and Bethany set their wedding date for this summer,” Ben added conversationally.
Mitch Harris, the public safety officer—usually described as “the law around here”—and teacher Bethany Ross had announced their engagement earlier in the winter. Leave it to Matt to settle in a community where Cupid had run amuck. While he was divorced and miserable, everyone around him was stumbling all over themselves, falling in love. Not Matt. Once was enough for him, and the worst of it was, he still loved Karen.
“Bethany and Mitch’s wedding’s going to be in San Francisco, but we’re throwing a big reception for them when they come back from their honeymoon.”
San Francisco was across the bay from Oakland. Karen lived in Oakland.
Karen. Karen. Karen.
No matter what he said or did, everything seemed to point back to Karen. At this rate he’d never be free of her.
Was that what he wanted, though?
Ben wiped the perfectly clean counter with slow, methodical strokes, patiently waiting for Matt to confide in him. Matt was well aware that a lot of the men in Hard Luck used Ben Hamilton as a sounding board. He was the kind of guy who made it easy to talk about one’s troubles, but Matt wasn’t interested. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. About anything.
He was half tempted to take his coffee and move to one of the tables. He might have, if Duke Porter hadn’t chosen that moment to walk into the café. The bush pilot sidled up to the stool next to his and sat down.
Matt glared at the other man.
Duke glared back. “What’s your problem?”
It was unreasonable and irrational to take his frustration out on Duke just because he’d had the gall to dance with Karen. “I’ve got woman troubles.”
Duke snorted. “Me, too.”
“You?” Ben poured a cup of coffee for the pilot and set it on the counter. “What’re you talking about?”
“Well, not me personally. It’s that attorney again. Tracy Santiago.” His eyes narrowed as he mentioned the lawyer Mariah Douglas’s family had hired to investigate Hard Luck after the town started advertising for women. Their daughter, Mariah, was the Midnight Sons secretary. “She’s trying to stir up trouble. Mariah got a phone call from her on Friday. Christian told me the Santiago woman’s threatening to fly up here again in a couple of months to check things out.”
“That’s Christian and Sawyer’s problem, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Duke agreed, “but it makes me mad, you know? The way that woman keeps butting into everyone’s business. Here the O’Halloran brothers’ve done everything on the up and up—giving women jobs and housing—and what do those poor guys get in return? Hassles from some troublemaker who’s accusing them of exploiting women and…and…”
“She’s not your worry,” Ben reminded him.
Duke didn’t respond. “What’s eating you?” he asked Matt, instead.
Matt didn’t feel like discussing his ex-wife, especially with Duke.
Duke didn’t wait for Matt to answer him. “I’ll bet it’s got something to do with Karen. What’s with you two, anyway? The whole time she was dancing with me, she was asking about you.”
“Me?” From the way she’d behaved, Matt had assumed he was the farthest thing from her mind.
“Oh, she tried to be subtle about it, but I could see through her questions. She wanted to know about the lodge and what I thought of your plan. I told her it was a damn good one.”
Matt was grateful. “I appreciate that.”
“So, what’s going on with you and your ex?” Duke asked again.
Matt frowned. He wasn’t accustomed to discussing his personal business with anyone, not even his family. He certainly had no intention of confiding in a casual acquaintance. “We’re divorced. What else do you need to know?”
“It’s pretty obvious that you’re still in love. I don’t know what it is with couples these days,” Duke complained to Ben. “Can anyone tell me why people who care about each other decide to call it quits? It just doesn’t make sense.”
Matt would’ve liked to argue the point, but he couldn’t come up with a single, solitary thing to say. There was only one thought in his mind—what happened last night had proved beyond a doubt that he wasn’t over Karen and never would be.
He leapt off the stool. Duke was right; instead of sitting here bemoaning his fate, he should confront Karen. She loved him. She must. Otherwise she’d never have gone to bed with him.
All she needed was a little reassurance. Okay, he’d made a few errors in judgment, but that was behind them now. The lodge was their future, and if she’d give him another chance he’d prove he could make a success of it.
Matt was going after her. When he found her, he’d convince her they’d both be fools to throw away the love they shared.
He was tired of pretending he didn’t care, tired of pretending he didn’t miss her. His life was on course now, and once she was back everything would be perfect.
All he had to do now was explain that to Karen.
“Has she left yet?” he demanded of Duke.
“Karen?”
“Who else do you think I’m asking about?”
Duke checked his watch. “My guess is John’s about to take off. You’d better hurry if you want to catch her.”
Matt didn’t need any further incentive. He slapped some money on the counter, grabbed his coat and ran out the door. The mobile unit that housed the Midnight Sons office was close by, and he sprinted the distance.
He saw John Henderson
heading in the same direction and noticed the Baron 55 sitting on the gravel runway, ready to depart for the flight to Fairbanks.
Both men reached the door to the office at the same time. “I need a few minutes alone with Karen,” Matt said. He blocked John’s way.
The pilot began to complain bitterly that this was messing up his schedule, but Matt didn’t care. “Listen.” Matt pulled a five-dollar bill out of his pocket. “Go have a cup of Ben’s coffee and give me ten minutes with Karen. That’s all I’m asking.”
John stared at the money, then scratched his head. “All right, all right, but make it fast, will you? I’m on a schedule.” He turned away mumbling, waving away Matt’s profuse thanks. “Ten minutes,” he called over his shoulder. “Not a second more.”
Matt waited until he’d composed his thoughts before walking inside to confront his ex-wife. Karen sat on a worn vinyl couch, staring at the floor. She glanced up when he stepped into the waiting area, and her eyes widened when she saw who it was.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, jerking herself upright. She shrank back from him, almost as if she was afraid.
“We need to talk,” he said gently.
“No, we don’t. Everything’s already been said. It’s over. It was over a long time ago.”
“Last night says otherwise.”
She shook her head. “Last night was a big mistake. Please, Matt, just let me go. I don’t want to talk about what happened. It didn’t change anything.”
“I think it did.” He eased his way toward her. Grabbing a chair, he turned it around and straddled it. “I’d been thinking about buying the lodge for a while. I saw it shortly after the fire, and I’d forgotten about it till Lanni came up here. I finally made a deal with the O’Halloran brothers. I’ve spent nine months now, working fifteen-hour days, doing everything I can to get it ready for the summer tourist trade.”
“Matt, listen—”
“Let me finish,” he pleaded. “I’m telling you about the lodge because I consider it our future.”
Karen squeezed her eyes shut.
“I realize you’ve heard those words before, but this time it’s true. This isn’t just another one of my ideas. I sank the entire trust fund my grandmother left me into this venture. I’m so far out on a limb I could pick fruit. I’m giving this my best shot, Karen. I’m risking everything for us.”