“I don’t know. Cassidy just called and said we need to get there, and quick.”
In my gut, I felt it had something to do with the Mr. Beta contest. It took the five of us about twenty minutes to get to the chapter room. As soon as we walked through the door, Sam snatched me.
She said, “What the heck is going on, Hailey? I mean, are you monitoring what’s going on in your committee?”
“Yeah,” I said, thinking I had charged everyone with a task. I thought I’d had a good hold on everything. What could be the problem? I gave her a look like Okay, what’s up?
Then she handed me a flier with our symbols on a guy’s chest. “This is absolutely unacceptable! This guy is practically wearing nothing here! He is not a soror.”
“I don’t know who did that,” I said to her, totally stunned.
“Yeah, we didn’t do that,” Quisa said, just as thrown off as I was.
All of a sudden, Connie entered the door, ranting. “Why did you summon me here?”
Sam said, “Somebody saw you putting up these posters, Connie. You didn’t get this approved. You can’t put this up.”
“I’m with promotions. People love the ad. Plus, the chair is cool with it,” she said, pointing to me.
“Connie, I never saw it! Nor did the committee,” I said, being clear she never showed me the sheet. “When did I approve this?”
“No, no, no,” she said, getting defensive. “I told you I could get the people here, and you told me to go make it happen. So I got fliers, and I’m making it happen. Everybody’s been stopping me asking me about the flier—that’s why the word is out. This show is going to be hot. And don’t trip on protocol. So what—I didn’t show it to you all. I’m getting results. This ad is selling tickets,” Connie said as she snatched the poster from Sam’s hand.
Sam snatched it back. “Don’t take anything out of my hand. This guy is not a member of Beta Gamma Pi, and he’s sporting our symbols on his chest like he is.”
Connie defended, “No, it says ‘Sponsored by Beta Gamma Pi.’ Don’t you see ‘sponsored by’ over here on the right?”
“No, all I can see is the guy’s chest. We’re supposed to be about the business of BGP, not about ‘come and sex me up.’” Sam turned to me. “I mean, what are you advertising here, Hailey? How come you didn’t see this? Everything is supposed to come to me before it’s put out there.”
“Me, me, me, me, me,” Connie taunted Sam. “It’s our chapter, or has the power diluted your already power-hungry brain?”
“Whatever, Connie, don’t show you’re jealous. I’m the President, and I know you don’t like it, but that’s the way it is. And all these need to be removed now,” Sam forcefully said as she moved closer to Connie’s face.
“Then nobody will be in the audience, because these neophytes sure don’t know how to make it happen,” Connie said, stepping into Sam’s space as well.
The two of them got closer to each other—everything I was trying to avoid. They were so big, trying to out-talk each other—so loud, so boisterous. It was just unsisterly. It wasn’t about what the President was saying, it was how she was saying it. Connie had great intentions, but she was wrong with how she was trying to convey them. Because it couldn’t go one hundred percent her way, she didn’t want help at all. Maybe this was all a little too much for me.
Out of frustration, I said, “You know what? Forget this. I tried as chair, and I can’t do this anymore. I quit.”
“Whatever. Let her go!” Connie called out as I walked toward the door to exit our sorority room.
I hadn’t said I was quitting to bluff. I wasn’t thinking they’d come and beg me to stay. Nobody did that anyway. Obviously, I wasn’t being an effective leader, and sometimes that was the problem, in my opinion, when it came to people leading anything. They never knew how to step aside and do what was best, not just for themselves, but for the group. Sometimes fresh blood made it easier to get the job done.
When I got outside, the rain hit my face. Though I wasn’t having a pity party, I didn’t feel happy. The majority of the time I insisted on an umbrella to keep dry. No, not this time. Now I needed the rain to cleanse me, free me from this stress and drama. The more wet I became, the fewer worries I was supposed to feel—but then things seemed worse.
“Hailey, wait up! I gotta get my umbrella up, girl!” Teddi called from somewhere behind me, but I wasn’t stopping. I was going home to get in some studying before our midterms. “Okay, see, you’re gonna catch the flu. You don’t have on a coat, it’s raining, and you’re walking in the rain like it ain’t wintertime. You live with me, girl, and I’m not getting sick. Get under this umbrella, Miss Stubborn.”
“I just wanna be alone for a minute, Teddi, seriously.”
“Listen,” she said as she stopped me from walking. “When this school term started back in the fall, I really wanted to be SGA President. I thought I could give the students here what we were missing—integrity, character, someone they could believe in and trust who would never give up on them and never let them down. Problem was I didn’t have a plan, and then this guy came along, and he did have one. Now he has proven to be in it for the long haul. So I’m admitting I wasn’t the best candidate.” I looked at her like Where are you going with this? “We joined a sorority to make a difference. And I guess I’m learning I can be a good leader if I learn how to be a good follower. And I wouldn’t be a good follower if I just let you walk off the job. This is your vision. You are supposed to see it through. So there have been a few bumps along this road—we need them to make us stronger. We need you.”
“Whatever. You heard them back there. If they need this, they certainly don’t need me. Oh, no, I’m through,” I said, hoping Teddi would get the point.
“Come on, I’m kidnapping you.”
“Where are we going?”
“For a little drive.”
Disgusted with the thought of getting more soaked, I walked back with Teddi to her car. Whether I admitted it or not, I really wanted to see where she was taking me. I guess after asking her numerous times Teddi began to ignore my question. Playing it smart, I just sat back, let Teddi drive, and prayed inwardly I could get myself together. Feeling like a failure had me really down.
Riding toward the projects, I had no clue where we were going. We were at a trailer park that needed to be condemned. The place looked unlivable. Yet kids were playing in the yard, so I knew someone lived there.
“You put me in charge of finances,” she said, “and so I came out to see this family because I wanted to present to the sorority what we could do with the money we raised and how we could best help them.”
“Where are we?”
“We’re at Ms. King’s place.”
“I thought she stayed somewhere else,” I said, remembering the decent place I had visited her at during the Thanksgiving holiday.
“She got kicked out of that place, and now she lives here.”
“But half the windows are boarded up.”
“Exactly, but they’re in there. Girl, it’s so sad.”
When we went inside, Ms. King was happy to see Teddi. It felt good she remembered me when we’d had only the one visit. Teddi said she forgot something and headed back to the car.
Ms. King said, “So, girl, I don’t just remember your pretty face. I also remember you were a little down. You better?”
I so wanted to crawl into her arms and yell, “No!” However, I knew looking at her tough situation that she didn’t need to be weighed down with anyone else’s bad news. So I assured her I was better.
“Good,” she said as she extended her arms. “Come on, let Ms. King give you some love. Everybody needs a hug now and then to keep ’em feeling special.”
When Teddi came back in, she had the kids trailing behind her. They were yelling for joy. Teddi had given each of them stuffed animals. I thought that was so sweet.
Teddi mumbled under her breath, “Don’t tell anybody I’m doing this. How hil
arious! Teddi giving out teddy bears. You better not say anything, Hailey!”
“But it’s so nice, girl.”
Ms. King’s eyed watered, and she sank to her couch that had half a cushion. “Oh, Teddi, girl, this is so nice. Now them kids will stop asking for stuff for a bit. I’m just so glad y’all stopped by to help me. Don’t nobody care. They always say there’s a whole bunch of paperwork to file, and I can qualify for this and get approved for that. I don’t know how to do that stuff! All I know is I got these children, and if it ain’t one thing they need, it’s another. I got more bills than I got money. I already lost one house and a daughter, and if I don’t get it together, DFCS will come and take these kids from me. I don’t know if they can survive losing me on top of losing they mama. Shoot, I don’t know if I can survive it either.”
By the time she finished speaking, water was all over my face, and it wasn’t from the rain I had just come out of. We stayed there another hour. Teddi and I helped the two older children with their reading and math, and then we helped Ms. King clean up a little bit and assured her we could get her funds that could fix her holed floors and her broken window. We also knew she needed a refrigerator and, if we could swing it, a washer and drier. I couldn’t imagine going to the wash house, as she called it. Before we left, we took pictures. Teddi and I knew the chapter needed to see the devastation.
As soon as we got in the car, Teddi just looked at me. She didn’t have to say anything. She didn’t have to make a big speech about me staying to make a difference. I just nodded and I knew, no matter how tough or uncomfortable it may feel, that what we were doing was much bigger than me. But what we were doing needed me to help get it done, and just like that I was back on board ready to chair the committee again.
Later that night, my line sisters showed up to the dorm Teddi and I shared.
“So, tell us you’re not quitting,” Evan said, obviously hoping the rumor wasn’t true.
“I know we’re all a hot mess to lead,” Quisa said as she took my hand, “but we need you.”
“And we’re not letting you quit,” Millie said, unusually strong. “So now what?”
“No use, you guys. She said she’s never gonna participate as a collegiate Beta again,” Teddi said, making me pick the pillow off the bed and toss it at her.
But it was cute to hear the other three moaning, groaning, and pleading for what they’d heard not to be the case. I tried to speak, but Teddi kept blocking me. Their faces did look truly sad. Finally, I shoved my silly friend out of the way.
“She’s pulling y’all’s leg. I did need to think, but Teddi made me see that together we can do this. Together we can do anything. I’m in. Check out these pictures, and you’ll see why,” I told them, pointing to the photos of the place Ms. King and the kids now called home.
We were all in tears as we took them through the pictures. The thought of any human living in an inhuman space sickened me. For about twenty minutes we just sat there hating all that Ms. King’s family was going through. I actually thought we’d never smile again.
Then Evan lightened the mood when she said, “Well, let’s go out and party.”
“Party? Girl, you hear that storm outside? It’s raining bad,” I said, remembering I’d already been wet enough for one day.
“So what? We’re alive. We’re Betas. We just got our letters. The stitching is still tight on our jackets. We need to get out and let them see the latest line of Alpha chapter. Hailey, when we crossed we didn’t go out as a line. Let’s do it now,” Evan said.
Teddi said, “I know you wanna go anyway. SGA is throwing a canned-food-drive party. You don’t have to bring money, just food to help out the families who have been displaced by the tornado.”
Quisa said, “I can’t believe the food bank was destroyed.”
“Yep, they’re operating out of some warehouse, and food is extremely low,” Teddi said, knowing more than me about the community I was supposed to be really in tune with.
I should’ve known something was up when the three of them came in looking cute for some reason. Though I knew I still had issues to deal with concerning the Chapter President and the prophytes, I couldn’t hide out. And they would probably be at the party representing. Plus, the idea of seeing Covin ... well, it excited me, too.
When the five of us got through the door fashionably late, the place was packed! The party was in the gym, and from freshmen to graduate students, there was barely room to move around. But there was a makeshift stage, and my uncle was standing up there with Covin.
President Webb said, “I’ve been the President of this school for five years. I’ve seen a lot of SGAs do great things. I’ve even seen some disappointments. But this year you guys are rallied behind this guy right here,” he said as he raised Covin’s hand. “And Mr. Randall is making a difference. Tomorrow the mayor of the city and a fire marshal will pick up the cans we collect tonight and take them to the remote food bank. Our donations will be distributed to needy families everywhere. I am all for college students completely enjoying their collegiate experience, and getting an education is first and foremost here. But tonight you deserve to have a good time. Not only has our graduation rate gone up the last two years, but what we’ve done to change the community will have an impact that will bless many. And for that you should be proud.”
When my uncle finished his speech, everyone shouted and chanted Covin’s name. He was looking so good! Jeans fitting him in all the right places. A button-down shirt that was neatly pressed yet open enough at the top to be sexy as I don’t know what. I was missing him so much. We were in public, and I had to keep my feelings intact. I could only wish I was back in his place—this time with a different outcome.
Then my uncle called our homecoming queen to join Covin onstage. Covin took her hand and said, “This whole idea about the canned-food drive to help out the food bank—I couldn’t have done it without this lady.” He reached over to hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek.
I didn’t notice my eyes watering up, but Teddi sure did. “You wanna be with the guy. You can’t let someone else take your man, because if you’re seeing what I’m seeing, she’s all into him.”
I tried so hard not to want him, but seeing him there with somebody else, what had I done? I did want him to be mine, but I had ended it. He was a guy going somewhere, and I could never hold him back, but I could also never hold back my extreme sadness.
Just as he began holding hands with our beautiful homecoming queen, I tried to get by without him seeing me. This was his moment, and I didn’t need to ruin it, but I couldn’t take him being with another and getting all the accolades without me being by his side to share it with him. The crowd was all on his jock, and I had to get away from all that pomp.
13
BE
I just couldn’t be around him, but I wanted him so badly and was drawn to him more when I saw him in the arms of another. I had to get away from this awful scene and quickly erase it from my memory.
Teddi held my arm and said, “Where are you going? It’s storming out there.” I just shook my head in confusion and dashed away from the unbearable sight.
As soon as I was alone in the dark night, I looked to the sky and said, “Lord, I’ve been trying to go about my business and not think about Covin. Just as I feel I’m strong enough, You have me witness him being happy with someone else. You have to make her a gorgeous homecoming queen at that! That was a huge slap to my face. Why, when I had a good guy, could I not be smart? Why did I waste a good thing on an idiot? Help me, Lord, move past this and not trip.”
Searching unsuccessfully in the crowded parking lot for my car, I suddenly remembered I hadn’t driven. I turned back around to go inside to tell Teddi to take me home. Unfortunately, the steps to my path were cut short when I bumped into Covin himself.
“Why are you out here in the rain, Hailey? You’re gonna catch pneumonia or something,” he said, getting wet, too.
“You didn’t have
to come out here to check on me. I can clearly see you’re with someone else now,” I said, salty as chips.
“Are you crying?” he asked me as he lifted my chin. I just pulled away. “What’s going on with you, Hailey? I know you’re not upset that I’m with another girl.”
“I know, I know, I know,” I said, completely losing it. “I was the one who wanted to date other people.”
“And from what I heard, you are already doing that.”
I turned away, thinking, And it didn’t go as well as I planned. He studied my face, and knew I’d made a terrible mistake. But he stood there with deep concern and didn’t rub anything in my face.
But how could I have ever wanted another? I didn’t know what to do next. I couldn’t look back at him. I couldn’t face him. The care he was showing, I didn’t deserve. When we’d started months back, we’d barely had time to mess up our good thing. However, I’d just treated us like a used piece of paper on the floor—picked it up and thrown it in the trash. But now I wanted it to be fresh and new again. I just wasn’t sure if it was right or fair of me to ask him.
“What is it you want?” he asked as he came closer and wrapped me in his arms. “Tell me what you want from me, Hailey.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. I messed up, okay? You were a great guy, and I guess because I hadn’t had a boyfriend in a long time, I didn’t know how to treat one when I had a gift.”
“Well,” he said as he held me tighter and tried to stop me from shivering, “I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”
Then someone yelled out his name from the gymnasium door. “Covin! Covin, are you out here?”
We ran like two elementary school kids trying to hide from their principal after school. Being silly and giddy, I fell into his lap. I wasn’t bothered by the cold, wet rain, because the connection we had warmed me all over.
“You need to go tell her something,” I whispered to him.
Being coy and mannish, he said, “There’s so much going on inside, she’ll turn around and look for me in there.”