I wasn’t blind, nor was I insensitive. I knew he was in trouble, and that he needed me as a supporter, rallying around him. And I’d always be there for him as one, but I wouldn’t be a punching bag. We were either in this relationship together, or he was going to get only one side of me: friend Cassandra.
My phone was in my hand. I knew the perfect distraction was only a call away, and I wasn’t going to stop dialing until Hilary answered.
She picked up on the third call.
“Cassie! Hey, Caleb told me about Logan and Kurt. Are you okay?”
The tension rolled out through my limbs upon hearing her voice. “Not really. Everything turned to crap after you ran off. I need you back home.”
I heard her sigh. “I know. I would be there tonight if I could.”
“What’s stopping you—Caleb?” That ticked me off. I’d never thought of Caleb as the controlling type, but then again, how was I supposed to know how he was in a relationship?
“Yeah, he says he has some plans for us. I’m just relieved he’s still here with me, but I have no clue what’s going to happen. He won’t give me a clear answer when I ask about the baby or our future.”
“He wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want you. Enjoy the time together—you’ll miss it after the baby arrives.” I wanted Hilary to be happy more than anything. I just wished I was alone with my man, as well. “At least Caleb and you are talking. That must be nice.”
Hilary chuckled. It was muffled and short, but I heard it. “Conversation isn’t exactly Caleb’s top priority. I’m hoping that will change soon.”
“Looks like Caleb and Logan have more in common than I realized. Where is he, anyway?” I asked.
“He ran out to grab us some dinner. So has there been any word on who killed Kurt? Caleb’s pretty insistent Logan had nothing to do with it,” she said, concern crippling her voice.
“Not yet, and no, Logan didn’t do this,” I told her, my voice rising in candor.
“I know. You got a good man. I miss you, and I’m only a phone call away. Promise you’ll call if you need anything.” Her tone grew impatient.
“Yeah, I will,” I said, unsure what had changed.
“Sorry, I have to go. He’s back.” Panic riddled her voice.
“Hilary, are you all right?” I sat up straight on the couch.
“We’ll talk soon. Love you, and take care,” she finished hurriedly, and then the line disconnected before I could respond.
Seemed I wasn’t the only one with an unconventional relationship at the moment.
After convincing myself she was safe regardless of whatever was happening between her and Caleb, I finished the day with a good book and a bottle of wine. It wasn’t until late that night when my thoughts drifted to Logan once again. And he must’ve sensed it, because my phone chimed with a new message from him at the same time.
I’m coming over.
I smiled, feeling a burden of weight lift. Finally we could at least talk.
Good. We have a lot to discuss.
Not tonight. Need to touch u. Feel myself lost in every part of that perfect body.
I never thought those words coming from him could repel me in any way, but they did. I would not be his whore. I wanted to be his everything, exactly how he used to make me feel—not just a body to be used at his convenience.
Already in bed. Too sleepy.
Looking heavenward, I sent up silent pleas that he’d see the error of his ways and offer me more. I’d even settle for cuddling as a compromise.
U can just lay there and let me play ;)
My phone was nothing but an evil nemesis waiting to be destroyed for delivering such a cruel blow. I was livid, ready to reply with words I wouldn’t be able to take back. But instead, I beat the hell out of a pillow before replying with dignity.
Goodnight Logan
I didn’t wait for his reply, but when the phone hadn’t pinged again even an hour later, it took everything I had to endure my trampled emotions. He didn’t even care enough to text back. He was either busy—the norm these days—or pissed off and ignoring me. Either option hurt.
I drew the blankets up over my head and pulled my knees to my chest, curling up in a ball and closing my eyes. Tears came and went, and before I knew it the sun was illuminating the room. I hadn’t slept more than an hour or two; my brain had refused to shut down.
Still, I was out of bed with my hair pulled up in a high ponytail. I dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, threw on my icy-weather necessities, slipped into my running shoes, and was jogging down my driveway by seven a.m. The sun was bright, and the snow that had blown in overnight was already melting.
As I neared the turnaround point on my path, I felt Logan behind me. His scent—a mix of soap and masculinity—smacked me in the face before I even saw him.
The memory I held of the first morning I’d crossed the road to head back and noticed him behind me flashed through my mind. We’d come so far from that day.
I slowed, allowing him to fall in step beside me. His stare was set ahead of him, never once turning to connect with mine.
“Hey. How long have you been back there?” My smile was friendly, my voice tight.
His entire expression was impassive and his pace matched mine, giving nothing away. It was too early to fight. Plus, I missed us jogging together, so I smiled wider and nudged his arm with my elbow.
“Fine, don’t talk to—” I started, nearly falling backward when he shot in front of me and stopped abruptly.
His eyes held mine, calculating and alarmingly dark. “Why didn’t you wait for me to join you?”
“I wasn’t sure you were running this morning.” My hands flew to my hips; I was instantly on the defense. “You haven’t for a while.” I watched while the white smoke of our breaths mingled.
“Is that so?” he asked, his voice lowering. “Or were you worried I’d just want to fuck you out here?”
I recoiled at how bitter he made the words sound. He stalked toward me, and my body stayed fixed in place.
“I know you’re mad at me and I know I’ve been a shitty boyfriend lately, but I can’t do this without you.” He caught me off guard when he gripped my forearms and leaned in, whispering, “I won’t lose you.”
“Then stop pushing me away.” My whisper trembled. “Let me be here for you.”
“You’re here now.” His breath tickled across my neck.
“It’s not enough. I want you to talk to me—to trust me as much as I trust you.” My head lowered, and his finger was right there to lift it back up so our eyes met.
“I know, but right now I need you, sweetheart. Only you.” His hands dipped down the back of my sweats, grasping my ass.
Not fair. My entire body quaked as a current shot through me. It felt so right, yet so wrong.
Logan’s eyes lit up, the stubble over his jaw scorching against my cheek. “You love me? Then trust me. Give me this.”
One hand slipped around to the front of my panties, cupping my sex that was already wet and wanting.
I couldn’t stop myself when my head lifted, my mouth meeting his. He took full control, gliding his tongue across my lips before parting them and delving in.
His arms encased me in their bulk, hands freeing themselves from my pants so he could seize the backs of my thighs. He hitched up my legs, carrying me a few feet just off the road until my back hit the trunk of a stout old tree.
“Logan,” I gasped, needing oxygen—needing him.
His mouth slid over my cheek and up to my ear, his teeth capturing my lobe and biting down. “I love every single thing about you. This isn’t just sex for me, and you know it. But right now, I need to feel you.”
“Ahhh,” I moaned, unable to control it.
His chilly hands were everywhere, ravenous as they caressed under my coat, skimmed up my stomach, then stilled briefly over the bandage hiding my tattoo.
I waited for him to say something, but he continued his ascent, his deft fingers fo
ndling my breast. He obviously knew it was a tattoo, or else he would’ve been concerned I was injured.
His fingers made their way up under my sports bra, arousing me further and tossing all thoughts from my head. He unzipped my coat just enough to pull my breasts free, growling in approval before taking the peak of one into his mouth.
My hands were around his neck, pulling off my gloves so I could feel him, touch him, experience every sensation. As my nipple slid from his lips, I was all but burrowing against him.
Wet, open-mouthed kisses were placed along my neck until he reached my lips and claimed them once more. My fingers tugged at his light coat and my palms slipped underneath, taking in as much of his broad chest as possible.
Unexpectedly, he released me from the hand that’d been holding me in place and slid it into the waistband of my yoga pants, hooking my panties and drawing them down. He released me long enough to slip one leg out before I was pinned between him and the tree once more.
The hunger that fueled us both threw me deeper into a wanton haze. I shoved his black running pants down and slid my hand between our bodies, wrapping my fingers around his hard, velvety length. With his mouth on mine, he thrust into me.
“So good!” he barked out, plunging harder and faster.
My eyes rolled back, chest heaving, legs wrapped tightly around his hips. His fingers gripped my ass, the pressure divine. Spiraling, I began to shake, thrashing in his arms.
“Stay. Away. From. Jax,” he demanded with each thrust.
What? Where the hell did that come from? I could hardly process his demand, but I knew it was ridiculous. He tilted my hips, sending his cock deeper.
I cried out, unable to control my impending orgasm.
“Promise me, Cassandra!”
I couldn’t answer. It felt so good—so perfect. My hands were tugging his coat up over his back, desperate to feel his skin.
“Promise me!” he called out again, irritating me that he was using this moment to make demands.
His lips devoured mine as I finally found my word and screamed, “No!”
My nerves were on fire, tightening and ready to explode. I should’ve pushed him away and proven that I wasn’t someone he could manipulate with sex, but I’d spent too much time the past few months doing just that. I was greedy now—taking what was coiling deep in my gut, exploding over him a moment later.
“Logan!” I screamed as my body began pulsating with spasms of ecstasy.
He was continuing to thrust, not yet having reached his own climax, when I yanked my legs free. He fought to hold me close, desperate for his release, but that wasn’t happening.
“Let me go!” My words escaped through gritted teeth, and he pulled away so quickly he nearly dropped me. He held his swollen cock, pumping it in his hand.
“I can see whoever the hell I want—including Jax.”
“Fuck!” he growled, his gaze shooting toward the sky. His hand slowed, erection softening into an angry red beast. It wasn’t fair of me, but then again he was the one who’d brought Jax into the mix.
After righting my bra, I bent down to pull my pants back on. With rough breaths and my head in a fog, I watched his eyes darken. A car passed by, reminding me I hadn’t paid any attention whether others had during our incredible tryst. Odds weren’t on my side.
“I’m going home. You can either come with me and we can talk things through, or you can stand there glaring at my back. Your choice.”
“I need to go pick Oliver up from my mother’s,” he explained more calmly than he appeared. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, jaw clenched tightly.
My brows pinched together. “I thought he was staying till tomorrow night.”
“Change of plans.” His pants snapped against his taut waist when he pulled them back up. “I’ll walk you home.”
“Logan, please talk to me. I hate this.”
He gazed at me a moment longer, then took my hand, guiding us back to the road.
“Things might go bad with this case, Cassandra. If they do, I want you far away from it.”
Tears sprung to my eyes as I took in his defeated expression. He knew about the DA.
“Logan—”
“I won’t go down for something I didn’t do. That won’t happen. But it looks like it may be a hell of a fight.” He pressed my hand to his lips. “I love you—nothing will ever change that. I just need time to focus on beating this, all right?”
“Yeah.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, needing to feel fully embraced by his strength. “Is that why you came home early?”
He nodded, holding me close as I rested my head against him. “I needed to see you. I don’t know when, but they’re going to bring me in for more questions. It’s getting serious. My lawyer’s doing everything he can, and I have a couple PIs looking into other possible leads. I need to focus all my energy on finding out what really happened to Kurt.”
My sobs were unrestrained. Logan drew back and reached out to cup my cheeks, wiping away the streaming tears.
“I’m not trying to push you away—I swear it. I spend every day lately talking to lawyers, private investigators, detectives, and my family, all needing to talk. I do trust you, Cassandra—more than most of them—but only you can give me what I need. Please don’t make me have to repeat every night to you what I’ve spent hours going over with them.”
His lips pressed to my own quivering ones before he continued. “When we’re together, I want to hold you, love you, and experience the solace I only find there during those fleeting moments in time. I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. Anything you need—I’m yours.” My eyes closed, vulnerability uninhibited. “I don’t want to go to bed at night angry with you, or alone. I just need to feel like I’m not forgotten.”
He kissed me harder, resting his forehead against mine when he broke the kiss. My eyes closed, and I felt his words soothe every neglected part of me.
“Never. You’re with me every second of the day. Every night last week, when I got home, it was after two in the morning. The bar needed me there to close it down even though I had to be up at seven, and knowing I’d see your face before I went to bed every night got me through it.”
“Wait, what nights?” My eyes shot open, and I shoved back enough to fully see his growing smirk. “I never saw you. You barely even texted.”
“You really thought I wouldn’t stop over? I have my own key, you know.” He rattled his coat pocket. The sound of keys jingling caused my heart to swell and eased my soul.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked, my grin almost painful. Tears returned to my eyes, but at least they were the happy kind.
“It was your first week back at school. I didn’t want you to be tired.”
“So, what, you just peeked in on me?”
His gaze dropped to the ground. “Not exactly.”
I swallowed, unsure what else he could’ve done.
“I slept in the chair across from your bed. Set my alarm for an hour before you woke.” He sounded almost embarrassed.
“Why didn’t—”
“I just needed to be near you—refill my tank before another grueling day.”
My arms wove back around his neck. “Next time, climb in that bed with me. Promise?”
“Promise.”
I nuzzled his neck, drinking his masculine scent.
“I asked you a question last night,” he said, his voice tense.
My mouth ceased its actions, words stalling on my tongue. I was stunned he remembered. I lifted my head slowly, staring at the gentleness of his features.
“Logan, I…”
“Shhh.” His finger rested over my parted lips. “I don’t need an answer. I hadn’t planned on asking yet. But waking up to you there, knowing you believed in me, in what we have, and that I’d never hurt you with anyone—especially Natasha—was the most incredible feeling.”
He leaned forward, his finger slipping away to allow his lips to brush
across mine gently. “I’m going to ask you again after everything’s settled, and I’ll spend the rest of my life asking you until you’re completely mine in every possible way. I’ll never take no for an answer.”
I had nothing to top that—just my kiss, which I gave freely.
His smile was almost sad when I broke contact. We walked home hand in hand, no words needed. We were together, and wanted the same things. That was enough…for now.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Dare
Monday was the start of a new week that held so many unknown possibilities. I’d seen Logan early that morning; we’d passed each other in the hall as he was on his way to drop Oliver off at his class. I couldn’t help myself, subtly reaching my hand out from my side to brush it against his. He clasped it, our eyes speaking their own language before he released me and continued on as if he’d hadn’t touched a hidden piece of me accessible to only him. It was just enough to see me through the day without worrying.
By the final bell, I was eager to get out the door, feeling giddy about the surprise I had for Oliver: Scout was coming home.
I’d spoken with Luke the previous night, listening as he explained how he’d taken my advice and demanded Julia go on an official date with him. It seemed to have worked, considering he’d just dropped her off before I’d called. She’d finally given in and confessed how much she liked him, and Luke said that no matter what Logan did, he wouldn’t give up. That was all I needed to hear, and I knew Logan would smile when I relayed that little tidbit.
Luke also said Scout was a bundle of nonstop chaos, which meant he could go home anytime. I inferred that Luke preferred sooner rather than later, based on his rant about Julia’s favorite heels that Scout enjoyed playing with a little too roughly.
I cleared off the paint table in the back of my classroom and collected the items I needed from my desk into a large tote. I left the classroom and was closing the door behind me when I noticed Oliver’s teacher headed my way, frown lines over her brow.