Would the April from two years ago have acted that way? What would she have done if she had to choose between two men who both set her skin on fire and made her question all the rules about love? She’d have chosen one for sure. She wouldn’t have strung them along with her insecurities and indecision eating her up alive.
How I’d let it get this far was beyond me. I was so disappointed in myself, and it dug into my chest as I helped Elijah lock all the doors and shove cabinets and sofas against them while Sarah draped the windows with dark linens and shut the blinds in every room. We closed all the interior doors and piled into the living room after we were finished, feeling the night creeping in.
Randy was wide awake now. He sat on the floor, chewing on a protein bar we’d found in a cabinet. I slid down on one of the mattresses we’d dragged over from the bedrooms. I stared at the ceiling, studying the stony imperfections, and breathed in the dusty atmosphere. Randy offered me one of the bars, but I refused. I wasn’t very hungry after what Sarah had said to me. I couldn’t get it out of my head, and I turned to watch Elijah settle on a thin rollout camping mattress. He chugged down a bottle of water and pulled off his boots. At last, he lay back onto a pile of pillows and let out a long breath.
Sarah loved him, I was sure of that. So why weren’t they an item? Maybe I wasn’t the only one who was confused. I shook my hair out of the severe pony tail I’d had it pulled into all day. My scalp hurt from the band, and I rubbed it furiously before flopping back onto the pillow. The place was comfortable, I had to admit. If Randy hadn’t been pacing the floor, I would’ve passed out in minutes. My watch was the last rotation of the night, near morning, so I had to get some rest. It wasn’t cold enough for a blanket, and it lay haphazardly crumbled at the bottom of my mattress. If it got cooler, I’d pull it over me.
I propped my head on my arm and looked up at Randy. “Why’s the daylight still messing with you?”
“Yeah. It’s weird. Like I’m still on that vampire routine. Everyone would sleep when the sun came out. It was like clockwork. Each morning they’d all flop onto the ground and just pass right out the moment the sun came up. You could feel it pushing on your bones when the dawn approached. Like the light would be so much brighter, and it felt like it sucked your life away, even if the sunrise was still an hour away. It’s like an extra sense built into you. Can’t shake it yet.”
Interesting. I just hoped it was a residual effect and didn’t mean he was still very much part feral. The latter thought gave me a shudder.
“Would you tell us if you felt… off again?”
Randy stopped pacing and flicked his eyes toward me. “Of course I’d tell you. I may still feel different, but I feel… human. If you get what I mean. Those days….” He waved off into the distance, staring as if remembering another life. “They were like nightmares I couldn’t wake from. Murky, filled with rage and feeling like I wasn’t in control. It was definitely a beast inside that took over, and I was just an unwilling participant.”
I pondered his words and got a slight chill. I reached down and yanked the threadbare blanket over me. It was horrible to think that those creatures I had killed, the ferals, could still be human inside. Their humanity might have been buried deep within, but they were still there. Would I be able to kill another now that I knew that? With the antidote, could all of them become like Randy? More human?
I closed my eyes. I knew the answer to that. I’d do what I had to do to survive. If it meant killing a feral who was attacking me or the ones I loved, I wouldn’t hesitate. Even if Randy turned back and was threatening us, ready to rip my throat out and drain my blood, there was no question about it.
Elijah was snoring softly, and Randy eventually left the room to join Sarah at a quiet game of cards. I stared at the light from the little battery-operated lamp until my eyelids grew heavy enough to close and allow me rest once more.
Chapter Twenty
Can’t Hardly Wait
“April.” Elijah’s whisper echoed in my head. First it was so far away, I thought it was a trick of my mind. Then it came louder, along with someone shaking my shoulders. “Wake up, sleepy head.”
I blinked, and the light slowly came into focus, making Elijah’s face glow in the flicker.
“I’m up.” I swiped at his hands, but he only had to lean back since he was kneeling next to me, chuckling. I stretched and scanned the room to find Sarah asleep on Elijah’s mattress and Randy nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Randy?”
“He’s been in the garage, pacing but trying to keep quiet, so he went in there, circling the Jeep.”
“Restless much?”
Elijah shrugged, looking like he couldn’t care less. “Probably. Your turn for watch. Move, lazy. I want my two hours of sleep.”
He ripped the blanket off of me, and I muttered a threat or two toward him as I grabbed my boots and headed to the bathroom. I washed up with some bottled water and tinkled in the disgusting toilet before I shoved my boots on and headed back to grab my bag. I pulled out my weapons as Elijah watched me from the mattress. As soon as I stood up, he rolled over and conked out.
Damn, I wish I could sleep so soundly on demand. That would be handy trick in a world like this.
Shaking my head, I dragged myself toward the kitchen. I peeked outside the window and saw nothing but black. I closed the dingy, thin curtains quickly. I knew if there was anything out there, we’d be hearing it soon. Ferals weren’t quiet. At least that gave their prey some advantage over them.
Grabbing one of the kitchen table chairs, I sat and leaned back, my head settling against the hard and cold clay wall. In another life, this might’ve been an energy-efficient paradise. Desert paradise. I hadn’t seen any greenery yet, and I hoped California still had some. Memories of palm trees, tall grasses, orchards and miles of soft, glittery sand made me smile. I could have used some surf and sand right about then. Jeremy would’ve loved it, too.
A thump coming from the garage had me shooting to my feet in a second, machete in hand. I listened for a moment, not sure whether it was just Randy in there or if something had joined him. It was our first night with Randy, so I wasn’t sure how it was going to end up or if the night would enhance his feral tendencies.
I heard nothing but silence, which still didn’t convince me we were safe. I had to check on Randy, and I hoped I wouldn’t be walking into a trap. Elijah hadn’t mentioned anything unusual about Randy, so I had high hopes he was just fumbling about in the garage. Slipping my fingers over the cool brass knob of the garage door, I leaned forward to listen to any noises from inside. It was a thick metal fire door, so the noises were muffled by it and made it difficult for me to identify anything.
“Dammit, Randy,” I muttered and gripped my machete tight. “I really don’t want to use this on you.” I stepped back as I turned the knob, preparing myself for the worst. Ready or not, here I come.
I yanked the door open and peered inside. A single lamp sat atop the hood of the Jeep and Randy, facing away from me, was standing still next to it, staring at the garage door.
“Randy?” I checked both sides of the garage before I stepped forward, closing the door behind me. The hairs on my neck stood up, responding to a static charge in the air. It could have been the sunrise approaching, but wouldn’t Randy be feeling it, too? The way he was standing there, like a carved statue with tattered clothes and hunched shoulders, made me nervous, and I really hoped he hadn’t turned feral once more. Still, my breaths come in short, sharp intakes, and the sweat began to form in itchy beads across my forehead.
“Randy?” I repeated his name as I stepped closer, gripping the hilt of the machete with my sweaty palm. Would it be rude if I poked him with the machete? I hoped it wouldn’t agitate him from his meditative state, but I’d rather do that than give him a hand to pull me over with. Yeah, I could see that panning out real well in my head. With that picture haunting my mind, I reached out, letting the tip of the blade tap him gently as I called out to him a
gain.
“Don’t come any closer, April.”
I froze, squeezing the blade handle while I kept it ready. “What’s going on, Randy?”
“Apparently, the antidote only works temporarily.”
I swallowed, feeling it scrape down my throat in an attempt to get past the sandpapery dryness while the sweat dripped down my temple. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head. His long, dark blond locks moved gently with the motion, but he had yet to turn around. “I wish it would’ve worked completely, but the virus is so strong, it won’t let me go.” He continued to shake his head, muttering under his breath.
“Randy, turn around and tell me what’s wrong. Maybe we can find out how to fix it.”
“You can’t fix me.” The despair in his voice took me to a place I didn’t want to go. I realized that my decision to kill Randy if he turned back might have been a bit premature. Could I really do this?
“That’s what my mother said,” I replied. “She didn’t let me help her either. What good comes of that?”
Mentioning my mother made my stomach knot up, but I did my best to ignore its choking grip. My eyes never left Randy. There was too much to lose from such a misstep.
“The fangs, they emerged a few hours ago. I thought I could fight them, but they came. The scent of everyone’s blood was driving me mad, so I came out here to walk it off, hoping to get far enough away that I could stay calm. But you know what the worst part is?” His head snapped up, and I could see his chest filling with breath as he began to huff it in and out. “The worst of it is my eyes. I checked them in a mirror when they started to started to ache and burn like they were on fire. They’re red again.”
He jerked around to drill the blood red irises into me, and I stepped back. Until that moment I thought it might have been psychological, but he was right. The antidote was wearing off.
He was feral, but not quite. His fangs dripped with saliva as he stood his ground, breathing in madly, trying to tame the beast with each struggling breath. In his eyes, I could see the shiny irises reflecting as his natural blue flashed in and out, as though it were battling against the feral red. It was a sight to behold, and the shock kept me from turning around to run. It spiked my curiosity even through my stifled terror. A ring, a bright yellow halo, circled the red with a hint of reflective gold, branding him as a hybrid now. How could that be? Was he possibly still changing? He wasn’t human but he wasn’t feral, either. What was he evolving into now?
“Randy, I’m going to step back and go back into the house. I’ll check on you when the sun is up, okay? Maybe you’ll be fine then. We can figure out what to do when the others wake up.” I stepped back and he growled, a deep guttural sound that seemed to vibrate along my arms and into my chest, rumbling like an earthquake. I backed away even more, trying not to go too fast or too slow. He was like an animal, ready to pounce, and I couldn’t make any sudden movements. Instead, I crept backward, and the growls faded into a listless hum as his breathing deepened and he closed his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, April. You should have left me in the compound. I’ll bring nothing but harm to you and your friends. I should go.”
“No, just wait, okay? Wait for the dawn.”
“You’re right, though. I can feel the sunrise coming. It makes the beast withdraw some. I feel calmer every second.” His eyes flipped open. They were now a funny reddish blue that looked almost brown, the way paint does when it mixes wrong. His fists clenched tight then loosened. He stretched his long, clawed fingers, only to curl them tight into fists again. “I really should go.”
“Please don’t. I need to know what’s happening to you. We’re so close to the city, we’ll find a cure.”
He kept his eyes closed but turned back around to face the garage door. “Okay. But only one more day. I don’t know how long I can control it. It’s writhing inside me, like it’s trying to break out. I’m not strong enough to hold it in. It’s been far too long since I was human. I don’t think I know what it feels like anymore.”
My back touched the garage door, and I reached behind me for the knob. “Maybe it’s something you just have to get used to again. The control. You’ve let the subconscious rule for too long, the wild side. You have to chain it up and take control. You can be human again, Randy. I know you can.” Turn the knob… push the door open slowly… shove it closed. I can do this.
I turned the knob, and his head jerked up at the sound. He began breathing harder as he straightened and sniffed the air. Things weren’t looking good for me. I pressed my body against the door, and it creaked open. Each squeal made me cringe as I watched him turn his head, still sniffing the air like he’d detected a tasty, bloody steak. His fists curled up once more, and his shoulder twitched in anticipation.
One final push, and he jerked around, staring at me with full on reddened eyes and a snarl carved into his face. He was no longer the gentle Randy who’d told me stories in the cell of Christian’s underground hive. No, he was now the fighting beast within, and I had to get the hell out of there. I made it into the kitchen a moment later and shoved with my entire body against the door, slamming it shut as he slammed into it from the other side, causing it to bounce open slightly and then close with a click. I fumbled to turn the lock before the door shook violently as he pummeled it again. I held my body against it, feeling my heart die even more as I heard his desperate growls on the other side.
“Let me in!” His nails screeched against the metal as he clawed at the door.
“What the hell is going on here?” Elijah was behind me, his wide palms pressed against the door to help me hold it. I peered up at him, relieved to see his groggy but familiar face. “Randy?”
I nodded and turned to grab one of the chairs around the kitchen table. I shoved it under the doorknob, and we backed away, still staring at the door. My heart was beating wildly, and I scolded myself for feeling so spooked. Had I not killed dozens of ferals? Had I not enjoyed the thrill of slashing them to bits?
I shook my head, still feeling my heart sink, and I wanted to just break down and bawl my eyes out. This was different. I had never killed anyone I’d known before the outbreak. Not like this. It was a whole new ballgame, an unknown arena where no one really won the games. I knew Randy, and knowing how much he was fighting for control made me feel even worse. I ran from the kitchen, barely making it to the bathroom to heave out the contents of my stomach, the measly snack I’d had earlier. As my stomach settled, leaving me with just the sickening dry heaves that let up after a few minutes, I spit out the disgusting mess in my mouth and closed my eyes as I shrank back to sit on the floor. Leaning against the cold, jagged stone of the natural adobe wall, I let my strangled breathing catch up. I needed to catch up.
Oh, Mom. What do I do now?
Sarah peered in on me, holding the battery-operated camping lamp while she handed me a washcloth. It had been doused with cool water, and I wiped my face and mouth with it, thanking her for being so thoughtful. Back in high school, she’d always be the one to pick me up when a guy broke my heart or some idiot from the popular crowd jabbed at me, just to pick on someone. No one had ever picked on Sarah. If they did, she’d let them have the biggest verbal smack down ever and had left them looking more embarrassed than they’d ever left me.
Nothing like the best of friends.
“Need anything?”
I shook my head. “No.” I sipped from the bottle of water she’d offered then sighed. “Is he still trying to bang the door down?”
“Nope. He stopped, and I haven’t heard anything else from him.” She stepped back to peer around the corner where Elijah was still in the kitchen, keeping watch at the door, before turning back toward me. “I think the approaching sunrise is wearing him out.”
“This is all my fault.” I rubbed my face and wiped the sweat beading across my forehead.
“Don’t blame yourself, girl.” Sarah smacked some gum as she leaned on the doorframe of the bathroom. “
How were we to know he’d turn during the night? The first few nights he was in quarantine at Blaze’s, he was fine. No issues.”
I nodded, rubbing my face, and huffed out a breath. “I know. It’s just so unfair.”
“I know.”
I got up and headed out into the living room, deciding to pack up our supplies to be ready to leave once the sun broke past the eastern mountains. No point in sleeping now. I pulled a rope from one of the supply bags and hung it on the chair barricading the door. If Randy was to survive, we’d have to tie him down from now on. It seemed barbaric, but if we were all going to make it through this, keep him alive and find a cure, we had to do it.
After gathering up the rest of the food we’d found and stuffing our gear away, we peeked out the windows and studied the landscape as it slowly transformed into morning. We decided it was about time for the wild, savage things to retreat into the shadows.
Elijah returned, his huge hunting knife gripped firmly in his hand. “Okay, who wants to check on Randy with me? I say if he tries to kill us, we put him out of his misery.”
I winced as I joined him. Not quite the plan I was thinking of. “Look, let’s just try to keep it civil,” I said. “I need him alive.”
He blew out a disappointed breath and nodded, a wicked gleam shining in his eyes as the morning light poured in through the windows, reflecting off his very human eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”
I rolled my eyes and headed to the garage door, hoping beyond hope that Randy had passed out from the sunrise and overexertion of the night. “I’ll open the door and you grab him. Got it? I’ll tie him up, just hold him as best you can or knock him the hell out.”
Elijah smirked. “Let’s get this party started.” He flipped the knife in his hand as he bent his knees and faced the door, looking like a linebacker ready to slam into the opposing team. I had to admit, he was pretty no nonsense and to the point. Plus, it was always an advantage to have a burly guy like Elijah on your side. Just what we needed right now.