Dec chuckled. “You aren’t kidding.”
She glanced at Cacy. “Is he okay?”
Cacy nodded. “He just needs to attend to something urgent, and he’s put it off for the past few hours, which made him not feel so good. But he’ll be fine now. It’s part of being a Ker.”
“Ready to go?” Dec asked.
Galena forced a smile onto her face. “Ready.” So very not ready. She kept her head down as she slid off the table. Dec stepped forward and steadied her with a hand on her elbow. The bandage over her back rubbed against the fabric of her dress. “It doesn’t hurt that much.”
“We put some numbing cream on it,” said Dec.
Aislin stepped in front of Galena and offered her the flat wooden box she’d been holding. “This is the Scope, the Window to the Veil, to the Afterlife. It’s your responsibility to safeguard it and keep it on your person at all times.” She arched an eyebrow and looked over at Cacy, who scowled. “When there is a soul to be guided, you’ll feel it. Dec will show you how it’s done.”
She opened the box to reveal a pendant exactly like the one Dec and the rest of them wore, a thick platinum disk perhaps an inch or so across with a raven etched into its surface. It was attached to a setting and a shimmery platinum chain. Dec reached around her and took it from the box. “May I?”
Galena nodded and lifted her hair. His fingers were warm against the nape of her neck as he fastened the catch, and the heavy Scope nestled in the hollow at the base of her throat.
Aislin turned to Dec. “We’ll be making the announcement in the morning, once you have finished the Claiming.”
Dec tensed. “All right. We’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He took Galena’s hand and led her out of the room.
The ride back to his apartment was silent. Dec seemed distracted as he stared out the window at the amphibious vehicles and boats that zoomed by in the canal. In the distance, a siren screamed, and Dec frowned, leaning to try to see where it came from. Galena felt a pang of guilt. She knew he was a dedicated paramedic; Eli had told her as much. Did he resent being kept from his job?
As the amphibious limousine roared up the canal ramp and onto dry streets, Galena peered at the dark skyscraper in front of them, the apartment complex owned by the Ferrys. Her new home. It was farther from Harvard than she would have liked . . . but then again, was there anything left for her there? Everything felt so out of control.
And when the limousine came to a stop in front of the building, Galena’s heart kicked into a frantic rhythm. This was it. After tonight, she’d be able to return to her research. Assuming Dr. Cassidy and the Immunology Department welcomed her back. But how could they not? They’d already invested so much in her, and she planned to deliver. She would consult with the university as her lab was rebuilt and get the vaccine trials back on schedule, perhaps in just a few months. It was possible. Especially because she’d only need one hour of sleep per day! When Cacy had told her that before the ceremony, Galena had been thrilled. Maybe the nightmares would disappear, too. It would be worth it.
She just had to get through the next few hours.
As they walked through the lobby toward the elevator, she glanced at Dec from the corner of her eye. His head was bowed, and his eyes were focused on a spot on the floor about six feet ahead. Very soon, she’d be closer to him than she’d been to anyone in years. A horrified thought occurred to her—that meant he’d see the scars. He’d see what they’d done, how damaged she was. She imagined a look of disgust on his handsome face. Now it felt like her heart was in her throat.
Dec took her hand as they stepped from the elevator onto his floor. He led her into his apartment and kicked his shoes off at the door, then cringed and placed them neatly next to a pile of boots. “We’ll . . . uh . . . I’ll clean it up a bit.”
Her brow furrowed. His place wasn’t that messy. In fact, it looked like no one lived here at all. It reminded her of her and Eli’s apartment in Cambridge, actually, merely a stopping point for essentials—sleeping, bathing, eating—while the rest of life was lived somewhere else. “It’s fine,” she said. “I don’t need much.”
Dec looked at her with a half smile on his face. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
She tilted her head at his bemused expression. “Why? Did you expect me to whine that you don’t have fancy rugs or chandeliers or something? Do you know where I come from?”
He took a step closer to her. “I think I want to. Tell me about when you were a kid.”
“Let’s see. I went to Allderdice High School, and it was this massive crumbling old building at the top of a hill of cracked dirt. There used to be over a thousand students, but at that point, most kids didn’t bother—it was more about surviving each day than planning for the future. There were maybe twenty people in my graduating class. And I remember there was this group of squatters that had taken over the whole rear wing of the building. We had to walk to class in packs, because we were afraid of being mugged.”
“In the halls of your school? Why did you go, if it was so dangerous?”
“My dad said it would be a waste if we didn’t.” She smiled at a memory. “He walked us there every day and was waiting outside to walk us home when we got out of class. He was a big, gruff guy. A veteran of the Texan Secession War. No one wanted to mess with him.”
Dec’s ice-blue eyes scanned her face. “Sounds like he recognized your potential.”
Galena’s heart ached at the memory of him. “He used to say that I owed the world something great.”
“That’s a lot of pressure.”
She looked down at her hands. “It didn’t feel that way, though. He had so much confidence in me that it was easy to believe he was right. It was also easy to believe I could do it.”
“And you have,” Dec said softly.
“Not yet.”
“But you will.”
She raised her head. The look in his eyes took her breath away. It was so solid, so steady, so certain. Just as confident as her dad had ever been. She smiled. “I think I will.” Assuming I can get through tonight.
He must have seen the shadow of doubt flicker across her face, because he gave her a playful grin. “So do you prefer Mrs. Dr. Margolis-Ferry, or Dr. Mrs. Margolis-Ferry? Or just Dr.? Because your name is going to be on all the gossip sites. I’ve heard that I’m an ‘inveterate bachelor.’”
“So they’ll all want to know who snagged you?”
“Oh, yes.” His black hair fell across his forehead. “I’m quite the catch.”
Yes, you are. The thought came like a reflex, an easy, indisputable truth. “So they’ll all be shocked when they find out you didn’t marry a society beauty?”
His face became utterly somber. “No, I don’t think they’ll be shocked at all.”
“But when they find out you’ve married a dry hard-core academic?”
His crooked smile returned. “They’ll wonder why on earth you chose me.”
Not really. They’d probably think she married him for his money. Is marrying him for immortality any better? “Dr. Mrs.,” she said quickly.
“Dr. Mrs. it is,” he murmured. He knew the score. He was too smart and too aware not to. But would he ever feel anything real for her? Was that possible?
“Dec . . .”
“Yeah?”
“I just . . . I just want you to know . . . I’m so glad it’s you.” She reached for his hand.
He laced his fingers with hers. “I wouldn’t do this with just anyone,” he said. “I hope you know that.”
A breath shuddered from her as he caressed her face with the backs of his fingers. The touch made her heart skip and her body tighten.
But Dec frowned, looking at her with concern. “Do you want a drink?” he asked. “Whiskey, or a beer? It might help.”
“Help?” She found herself staring at his mouth as he talked. He was the perfect height, so that his mouth was right at the level of her eyes. It had a nice shape: full bottom lip, a delicate curv
e in his upper lip, a hint of softness in his angular face.
“To relax you?” His thumb slid along her jawline, but there was uncertainty in his eyes.
She closed hers so she didn’t have to see it. “No, thank you. Maybe . . . maybe we should just get it over with. Where should we do it?”
“Um. Okay.” His hand fell away. “Where would you be most comfortable?”
“A bed, I guess.”
She followed Dec into his bedroom. It was as plain as the rest of the apartment, just a wide mattress on a low platform, a bedside table, a videowall, and a set of floor-to-ceiling windows like the ones in Cacy’s guest room. The view of the city was breathtaking.
This was it. This was the room where it would happen. Move, Galena. Keep moving. You can do this.
She turned, folding herself into Dec’s side and feeling his body against hers. Within her mind, the memories shook the bars of their cages, a warning. But she shoved them back—tonight they needed to stay where they were. “It’s been awhile since I’ve done this,” she whispered, shifting so that her breasts were pressed to his chest, only thin layers of fabric between them. Conflicting signals cascaded through her, a subtle tightening, a craving, as well as a raw, instinctual fear.
“It’s been a while for me too, actually,” he said, taking her face in his hands. “And I know we don’t know each other well. That’ll have to come later. But I will tell you now—you are so beautiful, Galena.”
His forehead touched hers. His nose skimmed her cheek. Galena’s fingers curled into the sleeves of his shirt, feeling the rock-hard curves of his biceps. His scent was in her nose, his herbal cologne and a hint of sweat: masculine, hot, and dangerous. Dangerous.
No. She lifted her chin and her lips touched his. Dec tensed, maybe in surprise, but then he drew her closer, melding his mouth to hers. His lips were soft. The kiss was an act of pure sensuality, slow and restrained. He cupped her face as he slipped his tongue between her lips, not invading her but teasing and pulling back. Her hands slid up his shoulders to his neck. She wanted to laugh. This was okay.
It was better than okay.
It felt good.
She teased him back. The next time he touched her lip with the tip of his tongue, she met it with her own. Dec groaned softly and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along hers in one long delicious stroke. She weaved her fingers into his hair, over the spot where he’d been so badly injured protecting her. She was lucky to be here with him. How had she gotten so lucky?
Dec’s breath rasped from his throat as their kiss grew more intense. A shiver of delight coursed down her spine—he liked kissing her, she could tell, and it gave her more confidence. Her hand skimmed down to his chest, smooth beneath his shirt. His heart was pounding just like hers. Between her legs, Galena felt a surprising warm slickness, and it felt like victory. Who knew this would be so easy? She arched, rubbing her chest against his.
Dec’s hands fell to her hips, and he pulled her close.
Against her abdomen, she felt the long, hard jut of him.
“Grab her arms, fucker!” shouted the blond one as he slammed his pelvis against hers, ripping another scream from her throat. “She’s scratching the fuck out of me!”
“I’m sorry,” Dec said, panting.
Galena blinked. She was shivering, and she realized Dec was standing three feet away from her, watching her warily. His shaft stood out against the front of his pants, and she stared. “Why are you sorry?” she asked in a tremulous voice. Oh God, what did I just do?
Dec ran a hand through his hair. “Obviously, I did something wrong.”
Her fingers flexed at her sides, buzzing with cold, tingling numbness. “N-no,” she said. “You’re fine.”
His brows rose. “Are you joking? You just shoved me away.”
Frustration sliced through her. “I didn’t mean to,” she said, trying to keep her tone soft and calm. “You just . . . startled me.”
He looked down at the erection tenting his pants and chuckled. “Again . . . sorry?”
“Don’t be.” Just push through this. He’s ready, and so are you. She walked forward and drew him near again, and he melted as her lips touched his, though the kiss was more cautious this time. She pulled up his shirt, untucking it, and slid her palm along the rigid muscles at his waist. God, this man was made of muscle. Her fingernails scraped lightly along his side, and he shuddered, deepening their kiss again.
Galena’s mind was a stormy sea of confusion. Low in her belly she felt a hunger, a compulsion to touch him. She couldn’t recall being this attracted to anyone in her whole life. But her memories were trying to break free, and it was taking more and more effort to keep them caged. She forced her mind into blankness once again and started to unbutton Dec’s shirt.
When her knuckles slipped over the taut ridges of his abs, Dec’s hands dropped to her hips again. He slowly started to tug at her dress, inching it up her thighs. His hands had begun to tremble. Was he scared? Angry? Holding back?
Galena didn’t want him to hold back. She wanted to get this done, because—
The black-haired one pulled her hair as he crushed her with his body.
Galena let out a choked whimper, and Dec stepped away from her again. “This is not okay,” he said, turning his back and adjusting his pants.
“I’m fine,” she said, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat and mashed her hands against her sides, imagining grinding those memories to dust. Get out of my head, she wanted to scream. But she knew they would just laugh. It was their territory, after all. They’d made it their home.
She wouldn’t let them take this from her, though. She walked over to Dec and placed her unsteady hands on his broad back. But the memories had broken loose, and now they were stabbing at her, strikes of agony in her mind. “Hold her down,” they sneered. “Hold her down, hold her down.” Tears burned Galena’s eyes. “Hold her down.”
Dec turned around, his blue eyes piercing. She stared up at him, waiting for him to kiss her again, bracing herself for it. She’d been enjoying it, and now those memories had turned it around, made her feel shaky and sick and desperate to hide. But she couldn’t. She needed this to get her life back on track. With a desperate lunge, she reached for Dec, trying to bring him close again, but he caught her wrists and held them away from his body. “I’m sorry, Galena,” he said, his voice heavy and low. “But I can’t do this.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
What?” Galena’s green eyes were huge and filled with tears, but those had been there before he’d put a stop to this disaster. In fact, they were one of the reasons why he’d had to.
Dec held her wrists gently but firmly. “I don’t think I can stand it.”
She yanked her arms from his grip. “I’m sorry the task is so repulsive to you.”
Dec laughed bitterly. His cock was throbbing with need, and his heart was still pounding. His entire body was alight with hunger, with the desire to bury himself inside her. “You’re the scientist. I think you’ve got plenty of hard evidence that I don’t find you repulsive at all.”
She looked away. “Then why can’t we keep going?”
He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “What was going on for you just now? You were remembering your attack, weren’t you?”
Her eyes squeezed shut. “I was trying not to. I was doing my best!”
“But you were thinking of that while you were kissing me.”
“Look, I can’t help that, all right?”
“Galena, have you ever talked about what happened with anyone?” he said. “I mean, really talked?”
She recoiled. “Why the hell would I want to do that? I want to forget what happened, Dec, not spend more time remembering it!” Her voice had risen, shrill and breaking.
He held up his hands in surrender. “Fine. Do what you do. But I’m telling you now, I can’t go through with this, not . . . not the way things are now.” He didn’t know how to say it without sounding like he was bl
aming her. “I don’t think you’re ready for this, Galena.”
Her mouth was tight, every inch of her trembling with tension. “This is my choice,” she said. “Don’t patronize me. I get to decide when I’m ready.”
“You get to decide, huh? Only you? And what am I, just a dick for hire?”
She blinked at him. “N-no . . .”
“Then what is this bullshit about it being your choice alone? ‘No’ is your choice, Galena. But it takes both of us to get to ‘yes.’”
Her nostrils flared, and she waved a hand in the direction of his pants, where his cock was finally getting the message from his brain that this whole thing was a no-go. “You seemed pretty willing.”
He rolled his eyes. “Has it occurred to you that I don’t let my cock make my decisions for me?” He raked both hands through his hair, mad at her—and himself. He’d signed up for this, and he’d known full well that it wasn’t exactly a love match.
“You’re confusing me,” she said. “You said you’d do this. You knew—”
“I didn’t know how shitty it would feel.”
“Shitty? That’s how it felt to you?” She angrily swiped her hands over her eyes.
Dec let out an exasperated sigh. “Not all of it. Not most of it. But I felt you tense up when you remembered the attack. Do you have any idea how you look when that happens? How you sound?” Lost. Terrified. In agonizing pain.
“I can’t help it!”
“I know. It was obvious.”
“But you’re holding it against me. And now you’re refusing to do the one thing that would allow me to be safer.”
“Because it would make me feel like a goddamn rapist!” he shouted. “What do you want me to do—ignore the fact that you’re crying, that you’re obviously terrified, and just fuck you anyway?” He shook his head. “You must think I’m a helluva guy.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I didn’t think of it like that.”
His frustration cooled, but only slightly. “I know. You were too busy trying to push yourself through it. But there’s something I don’t think you understand, Galena.” He waited until her eyes met his. “It’s not only that I want this to be good and wanted. It’s that it won’t work the way it is right now. For our connection to be complete, you can’t just endure it. You have to enjoy it.” He moved closer to her, his gaze on the fluttering pulse in the hollow of her throat, just above where her Scope lay against her skin. “You have to come.”