“Am I included in the takedown?” she asked, surprised. She had thought all along that she wouldn’t be there.
“Phoenix thinks you need to observe,” Key said.
Everyone around the table nodded in agreement.
“What do you think?” she asked Key.
“You haven’t even transported off the mountain yet. No one can take you to where the gates are, because we’ll already be carrying the lost souls. I’m not sure you’re ready to pop halfway around the world, to a place you’ve never been.”
“Jax can teach me tomorrow.”
Sasha said, “I think it’s important for her to be there, Key. She needs to know what she’s up against.” She looked at Jordan. “The lost souls will mess with your head. The brothers ignore everything they say, but it’s impossible for me.”
“Do they try to talk you out of taking them?”
“No, and that’s what gets me, every time. It’s their arrogance, like they don’t believe I can do anything to them because they’re some special snowflake. I never knew what rage was until I became Mephisto. I hate them, and what they say makes me so angry, it’s seriously hard not to kill them.”
Ty said, “Why don’t we let Jax see how Jordan does tomorrow, then decide whether she should go?”
Everyone agreed, and Key gave her that hard look again. “No guarantees. Got it?”
He must have practiced that look for centuries. “Got it.”
“All right,” he said, “let’s move on to plans for Washington. I rented a town house today, and Zee will begin reconnaissance after the Red Out takedown.” He glanced at Jordan before looking at the screen, which was now a series of photos. “These are who we’ll be taking out, and Zee will give everyone a printout to memorize their faces.”
She was torn between crying and cursing. All those people her father had counted on, some of whom had been friends. Mr. McCall, the Senate majority leader, gave her a gift every year on her birthday, usually a book, but once he had given her a pearl necklace that he brought back from China. And Carla, who worked for the press secretary and had been so nice and helpful. It didn’t seem real that all those people had turned their back on God to follow a spooky guy like Eryx.
While she was mourning the loss of their souls, another series of photographs appeared.
“These are potential lost souls who may or may not pledge between now and the memorial service,” Key said. “We’ll go over the final list before the takedown, but remember these as well.”
Jordan felt short of breath, staring up at the faces. “Why is Matthew there? He’s the least likely to pledge.”
“Looking for a miracle, he might believe a Skia who tells him he can walk again.”
“What are you talking about?” She was dizzy. “Walk again?”
He looked surprised. “I thought you knew. I thought you saw the news.”
“No, you turned it off, and I haven’t watched it since.”
His gaze was direct. “The gunshot damaged his spine, Jordan. He’s paralyzed from the waist down.”
NINE
KEY KNEW HE’D NEVER FORGET THE LOOK ON JORDAN’S face in those few seconds after he told her about Matthew. It was more than shock, more than grief. She was devastated. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. She pushed back from the table, as if to stand up, then pulled close again.
He wanted to pick her up and carry her out of the war room and not stop until he’d walked a mile from the house, then set her down and let her scream. She needed that. As it was, all he could do was say, “You don’t have to be here, Jordan. It’s okay if you want to leave.”
He ignored the looks from the others. Skipping out on a takedown meeting was grounds for a council. Nobody missed meetings for any reason. So maybe he was abusing his position. At that moment, he didn’t care. Watching the play of emotions across her face, seeing the horror in her eyes, he decided he’d beat the crap out of anybody who questioned his offer to let her leave.
She shook her head. “I’m okay.”
She was so not okay, but over the next half hour, while they talked about possible plans for the Washington takedown, she was tuned in and added her own ideas to the mix. Through it all, she never lost the wounded look in her eyes, and as soon as he called an end to the meeting, before he could round the table to talk to her, she disappeared from the war room.
He was about to follow when Sasha laid a hand on his arm and said quietly, “Let her be. She’ll come to you when she’s ready to talk about it.”
He stared at the whiteboard, covered in diagrams of the Red Out compound. “She shouldn’t be alone. Maybe you should go talk to her.”
“If it was me, I’d want to be alone.” Sasha dropped her hand. “When she’s ready to talk about it, you need to be there for her.”
Jerking his gaze to hers, he didn’t try to hide his astonishment. “I wouldn’t have the first clue what to say to make this better.”
“Nothing you or I or anybody can say will make it better, Key. She’ll just need to talk about it. All you have to do is listen.” Sasha turned away and vanished.
When Jordan didn’t show up for dinner, he asked Mathilda where she was, expecting her to say Jordan was in her room, crying. Instead, she looked confused and said, “I thought she was here, at dinner.”
He laid his napkin on the table, stood, and popped out to the greenhouse, but she wasn’t there. He went to the TV room, thinking maybe she went to watch the news, but she wasn’t there, either. He looked in the library and checked her bedroom again. Finally, he went to the intercom and said, “Jordan, where are you?”
No answer.
Back in the front hall, he asked Deacon if he’d seen her. The Moor said, “No, but I’m aware she learned of her friend’s infirmity at the hands of Eryx’s minions. Were I wearing her shoes, vengeance would be mine.”
The men who’d kidnapped her were sitting in jail, without bail, awaiting trial. “Surely you don’t think she’s gone to do something to the lost souls who shot Matthew?”
“I believe she readies herself for what comes.”
The gym. He hadn’t considered that, but it made perfect sense. He went there and knew Deacon was right. The light was on in the weight room. Looking through the window in the door, he saw her on the bench press, covered in sweat, shoving the bar up and down while she cried. He watched until it hurt to look, then popped back to the house, to his bedroom.
He called Mathilda and asked her to tell him when Jordan returned from the gym, then sat down at his desk to write his journal entry for the day. Done with that, he went over the Red Out takedown plan, looking for anything they might have missed. When he’d hammered it enough, he put it away and reached for a magazine, but after he read the same article three times and still had no clue what it was about, he tossed it aside and went out to the greenhouse.
Two hours later, Mathilda finally came to tell him Jordan was back in her room. She was in the shower, and Mathilda was on her way to the kitchen to get the “puir lamb” some supper.
He thought about going up to see her but had no idea what he would say, and he hadn’t forgotten what Sasha had told him. Jordan would come to him when she was ready.
Setting aside his shears, he went to his room and got ready for bed. In the dark, he stared up at the ceiling and went over everything he needed to get done tomorrow, but her face kept intruding on his thoughts. When he fell asleep, her sad, wounded eyes were in his dreams. When he jerked awake, her face was there, just above his. “Are you okay?”
“I came to ask a question.”
She wasn’t crying. That had to be a good sign. “What time is it?”
“Almost four in the morning. Are you awake enough to answer?”
He stared up at her and had a good idea what her question would be. His answer was only going to make her sadder. “I’m awake, but couldn’t this have waited until daylight, somewhere besides my bed? I’m naked under here.”
She was so f
ocused on the reason for her visit, she blew right past what he’d said. “When I was with Eryx, I felt sick, like I was about to throw up. He put his hand on me, and I instantly felt better. And when I died, you gave me part of your humanity to bring me back. I want to know, can you heal Matthew?”
Yeah, that’s exactly what he had been afraid she’d ask. He sighed and reached up to stroke her hair. “I have the ability, Jordan, but we’re forbidden to get in the way of free will and the progression of human life. If I were to heal him, I’d be sent straight to Hell.”
“How do you know?”
He dropped his hand. “Lucifer told me. The powers we have were given to us only to fight Eryx, and using them for any other purpose means instant death and forever in Hell.”
She pushed away and stood straight. “Do I have the power to heal?”
Key sat up. “You will when you’re completely changed to Mephisto, but you have to live by the same law.”
“I thought I was guaranteed Heaven, since I’m Anabo.”
“True, but you’re also going to be Mephisto, which gives you abilities you didn’t have before. You’ll have the same limitations as the rest of us, and if you break Lucifer’s law, you’ll have the same punishment we would.”
“When will I be done changing, Key?”
“I can’t say for sure, but I think you’re close. Has your birthmark changed?”
Her eyes widened. “I thought it looked different. It’s bigger, and kind of a weird shape, instead of an A.”
“Sasha’s is a perfectly formed A entwined with an M.”
He could tell by her expression, she was considering making a sacrifice of herself for Matthew. “Do you think he’d be happy about walking again if he knew you had traded your soul to Lucifer?”
“He’d never know.”
“Would he be glad that you threw your gifts away? He’s paralyzed because of Eryx. People are suffering because of Eryx. You’ve been given the chance to work against him, but that’s all history the instant you lay your hands on Matthew and fix him.”
She turned away and walked to the painting of the house in Yorkshire. “It’s dark in here, but I can see this as well as if it were light.”
“We can see in the dark.” Which meant he could see every inch of her slender legs, and the curve of her cheeks beneath a pair of pink knickers that her T-shirt didn’t quite cover. He assumed her decision to pop into his room was impulsive. She was most likely unaware of how she was dressed, or that she was barefoot.
“What else can we do?”
“Think very hard about the lamp on my desk being on.” A few seconds ticked by, and the lamp lit up. “You can move things with your mind, but usually only when you’re in crisis. Telekinesis is tied to adrenaline.”
The lamp went off and on a couple more times, then she moved back to the bed. “I want to see him, Key. Will you take me?”
“You can’t talk to him. We’d have to go under a cloak so no one can see us.”
“Please take me.”
Beneath the covers, he drew his legs up and rested his arms across his knees. “If I do this, you have to swear to me you won’t go back.”
“Are you jealous?”
“My feelings have nothing to do with it. You’re the one I’m concerned about. It’s the same principle as not allowing the Luminas on a takedown. Seeing Matthew will only prolong your suffering, and to what purpose? He has his own journey, and you’re no longer a part of it.”
Turning around, she sat on the edge of the bed. “I feel responsible for what happened to him, Key. Wouldn’t Lucifer maybe look at it like I’ve paid something I owe, instead of that I’m interfering?”
“He might, if that were the real deal, but it’s not. I get that you think because you’re the president’s daughter this terrible thing happened, and if your dad was just an ordinary man, with an ordinary job, Matthew wouldn’t have been shot, but that’s like saying if it hadn’t rained, our picnic wouldn’t have been ruined. You have as much control over what others do as you have over the weather. If your dad was an accountant, or a butcher, and you and Matthew were going out, you might have been mugged and Matthew shot. This isn’t your fault, Jordan.”
Her spine relaxed slightly, and after several long moments, she said, “Can I tell you something that’s eating me up? Something completely inappropriate?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I just don’t want you to take this the wrong way.”
“People usually say that just before they tell you something that can only be taken one way.” He reached over, lifted a lock of her dark hair, and let it slip through his fingers. It was silky soft and had a gentle curl, like it had a life of its own. “Go ahead.”
“He’s paralyzed from the waist down. That probably means he can’t … he hadn’t ever, because he was waiting on me, and now, he won’t ever … and …” She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “If he’d gone out with Tori Kingman instead of me, he’d have had a chance. Lots of chances, actually, because Tori spreads it around.”
Her guilt over something like this was unexpected, and as much as the cause of it made him feel ridiculously possessive—she wasn’t his, after all—he appreciated the sentiment. Maybe because he was a guy. Maybe because he had a strong suspicion about what it’d been like for Matthew Whittaker.
He reached for her and hauled her backward, until her shoulders were against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t know Matthew at all, but I think he stuck with you because you’re what he wanted, and it was worth it to him to wait. If getting laid was his primary goal, trust me, he’d have ditched you and gone out with Tori.”
“He’ll spend the rest of his life never knowing.”
“You had a reason for saying no, and it’s still valid. There’s no mandate that says you were responsible for Matthew’s virginity.”
“You’re just not going to let me feel guilty, are you?”
“No, because it’s unjust and unfair. You can spend days, weeks, even years feeling guilty, but it doesn’t change anything. Look at Phoenix. Guilt over what happened to Jane defines who he is, so instead of living his life, he’s given up everything he loved as some kind of sacrifice. But it changes nothing. Jane is still dead, and no amount of guilt is going to bring her back. Don’t let that be you, Jordan.”
She sighed, and he felt the tension ease out of her body. “When can we go?”
“Tomorrow at midnight, when we’ll be sure of the fewest number of people in his room. Even if they can’t see us, we still take up space, and I have no clue how big the room is.”
“Can’t we go now?”
“You need to get some sleep before tomorrow. Jax has all kinds of things planned, and none of them will be good without sleep.”
Surprising him, she didn’t argue. Shocking him completely, she turned in his arms and kissed him. “Good night,” she said, just before she disappeared.
Lying back down, he thought, yet again, that she wasn’t what he had expected.
Jordan figured the following day would be a repeat of the day before, but she was way wrong, starting with how she dressed. Mathilda told her to wear workout clothes instead of leather, which made sense when Jax told her to warm up in the weight room. When she went in, she saw Sasha on the elliptical. From the corners, Bose speakers were blasting a Pink song.
Jordan stepped on the treadmill and smiled back at Sasha while she started the machine.
“Are you okay?” Sasha asked, her ponytail swinging back and forth.
“It’s better this morning, but not by much.” Jordan increased her speed slowly. “I was so happy when I found out he didn’t die. I had no clue he’s paralyzed.”
“It’s a travesty.” Sasha’s voice was angry. “Another reason to hate Eryx, as if we didn’t have enough.”
Jordan had run a quarter of a mile when Sasha said, “It’ll get better.”
Jordan knew Sasha wasn’t talking about Matthew
. “I still feel like I’m dreaming, it’s all so surreal.”
“When you don’t feel like you’re dreaming, it’ll be bad. Just fair warning. When reality sets in, you’ll feel like a stranger here, like you don’t fit, but that’ll pass, and it gets better.”
“Did you agree to become Mephisto because of Jax?”
“I didn’t want it to be for him, because this is all so much bigger than any one of us, and what they do seemed so much more important.” Sasha moved up and down on the elliptical for another minute before she looked at Jordan with a wry smile. “That’s all true, but in the end, yeah, it was mostly about Jax.” She reached for a towel and swiped it across her face. Tossing it back, she looked again at Jordan. “It may sound funny, but I also did it for his brothers.”
Jordan’s surprise must have shown.
Sasha nodded and faced forward as she spoke. “It’s true. The brothers are … well, they’re sons of Hell. They mean well, mostly, and they can be extremely affectionate, but sometimes, for no apparent reason, they’ll go off.”
“Like how?”
“Like Denys will pick a fight with Zee, and it’ll turn into a death match. It’s horrible. And the things they say to one another turn my blood cold. I remember the first time it happened, I kept shouting for them to stop, even tried to get in the middle of them. Jax finally took me away from the mountain. Ty seems like the gentlest of them, but he has anger in him that runs so deep, it’s scary. We were on a takedown in São Paulo a couple of months ago, standing outside the hotel we were about to go in, and Ty saw a guy kicking a dog.” She looked at Jordan. “If Jax hadn’t saved the man, he’d be dead. If he hadn’t healed him, he’d be without a couple of fingers and an eye. Jax called a council, and Ty had to spend a month in exile on Kyanos.”
“I thought it was forbidden to heal humans.”
“Not if their injuries are caused by the Mephisto. Or if the human is Anabo. Not long after I met Jax, I broke my leg skiing.” She smiled. “Totally wigged me out when he fixed it, and that’s when I knew he wasn’t just a guy.”